Ape Think

I swear this isn't a cat blog

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Dragon(fly) Slayer

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Just before heading to Japan, I found out that they have over 200 kinds of Kit Kat. Stores carry the basics (plain, green tea, raspberry), and the more interesting flavors (strawberry cheesecake, wasabi, red bean sandwich) are found at rest stops, because Japan.

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St. Patrick's Day tequila - aged in Irish whiskey barrels.

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DON'T TAKE A PICTURE! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! IT'S RAINING OUT HERE!

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Cat Door Update 2016

Since the last raccoon snuck in, we've kept the cat door set on "out only" almost exclusively. Our cats got used to it, and in fact, both seem much more at ease in the house now knowing that neighborhood alpha bully, Big Steve, isn't going to suddenly burst into the house to terrorize them.

We learned another bonus of the cat door being inaccessible from the outside when we travelled last fall. My wife was in Australia for two weeks and I met her in Hawaii on her way home for a couple of days of scuba diving. A few days before I left, I set the door to open both ways so the cats would get used to coming in to eat while we were both gone. Since my wife had already been gone for almost two weeks, Weeby decided some good old cat voodoo might bring her back, and while I was at work the day before leaving for Hawaii, he brought a bird in and destroyed it in front of our bedroom closet. And in the closet. And under the bed. I never found the body. The camera was out of commission, so he hopefully took it back outside. That could have happened, right?

Then, last week, we went on another dive trip to Cozumel, and this time we got the camera working. It took Big Steve four days to figure it out, and then he was in and out constantly. We reset the door to "out only" as soon as we got home.

Then, last night, with both cats sleeping on the bed with us, I woke up around 3:30 to the sound of something struggling with a bag of tortilla chips. I got up with flashlight in hand and just saw the raccoon's tail as he jumped back through the cat door. He'd dragged the bag chips off the counter and had just gotten a hole in the bag when I'd scared him off.

So, TIL that raccoons can use their nimble fingers to pull open a one-way cat door and now the door is closed altogether. And blocked. Until we go camping this summer. Stay tuned...

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All the remodels, all the rares. I win Neko Atsume. *drops mic* *picks mic back up to clarify that each of these is a compilation of screen shots, having never actually seen more than 5 rare cats at one time* *gently places mic back on floor*

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ZEN AS FUCK

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The Challenged Disaster

Thirty years ago today, I was in High School sitting in second period French class, the desk next to me empty. It belonged to the perennially tardy Amy, understood by all to be a few croissants short of a dozen. Her usual excuses for being late demonstrated her lack of acuity. One of my favorites was when she petulantly responded to the teacher's admonishment with "I was talking to my friend!" On January 28, 1986 she burst into class and excitedly shouted "The Space Shuttle blew up!" Not a single one of us believed her. Either she was making it up or her tiny mind had misinterpreted the data. Our disbelief was compounded by the fact that she didn't seem upset in the slightest, instead appearing almost giddy. We told her that she must have misunderstood something, but she was resolute and repeated that the Space Shuttle had actually exploded in the sky shortly after liftoff. We shook our heads while she took her seat, and class resumed. Within a few minutes, the P.A. crackled on and our principal delivered the very real and horrible news. All seven crew members presumed dead, including school teacher Christa McAuliffe. The P.A. clicked off, and there was about one second of silence as we all turned, jaws agape, to look at Amy. "I *TOLD* YOU!" she exclaimed, beaming with the self-satisfaction of a toddler who'd just written her misspelled name on the wall with dog shit.

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Someone got triple dog dared and now I have to call the fire department.

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My first visit from Lady Meow Meow. I showed Neko Atsume to my crazy cat lady co-worker yesterday and she rolled her eyes. At first I thought it was because I'm obsessed with an app, but then I realized its because she owns this many actual cats.

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Had kind of a big day today.

When I described Neko Atsume to my wife, she said, "They made an app based on your life?"

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Someone got bit in the face so now we're waiting for the doctor at the pusspital.

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Meanwhile, Peet's holiday cup has no less than 5 coffee cups on it. Yo dawg...

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"Hold up. Does that clock say FOUR thirty? We're still getting food, right?"

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O'lanterns 2015

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Let me ruin “The Martian” for you before Neil deGrasse Tyson does...

The air pressure on Mars is only .5% of that on Earth. A 120mph wind (which can happen there) wouldn't straighten a flag, much less carry a piece of equipment heavy enough to bowl over an astronaut. You're wëlcome.

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Four Years Gone I ran across the top photo on my ipad recently and noticed it was taken on September 28, 2011, shortly after we got Chinaco. Look how tiny he is! So, today I put on the same shirt, sat in the same room filled with the same detritus, grabbed the same cat, and reshot the same photo. Kinda.