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[aplaceonlyforme]

I had this beautiful dream. After a disturbed sleep in the night, i tried to sleep a little more in the room and it was a very real dream. In the dream I was sleeping on my bed to wake up to see Atul was lying beside me. He's come to make up and end the stalemate. I have thoughts of riding him at home on my bed. I am so giddy with happiness that he's in my home and then I softly hit is chest for hurting me . He just lays on his back. And I hug him. Rest my head on his chest and sleep. He's still at home. People know he's come to see me and I get along with the chores. He's sleeping in the room because he's tired. He's at my home. He's eating what my kappakka made and is meeting everyone.

I was surprised when I woke up. The dream seemed right and real

[aplaceonlyforme]

Talk dumb fellow. Talk. Don't ruin this for both of us. You are being too egoistic now. Talk to me.

[aplaceonlyforme]

It is worse today baby. I don't know what has this become now. We have potential though.i pray that God guides me

[assyrianjalebi]

Waheeda Rehman in Sahib Bibi Aur Ghulam (1962)

[aplaceonlyforme]

I have to wait. Wait alot. It's too soon and I risk getting blocked too. I have plan to try to establish communication and re-open a channel. I need to be silent though. Not pressed him into anything. I love you Atul and you need to text me back asap. You cannot do this to us. I am sorry.

[aplaceonlyforme]

Finally broke up on 9th may. Maybe he wanted this all along. He wanted me to tell it out. He was very sweet today and I had a long face but still managed. All he said was okay. Didn't ask anything. Nothing. I am such a big fool.

[aplaceonlyforme]

I am so done with his attitude towards me. In all of this I am the one who's going round in circles. I have been waiting since so many days. If he doesn't care he should leave me. Tomorrow I would like to talk about it. Phone or not. Because this doesn't happen on phone.

[aplaceonlyforme]

We haven't spoken after Feb 14. He had goneto RJ and then came home sick and from them we have hardly spoken.. except for when he wanted to play and have sex.

After many months I am feeling so horny and I have so much of love for him. The only thing helping me sleep is imagining I am sleeping with him. I want to kiss him. The last time he felt so vulnerable to me. I wanted to hold him so close to me. Very close.

I am so ruined.

[aplaceonlyforme]

On valentine's day, I went to temple and went early for movie. Didn't pick up his call then because I was talking to Nikitha, should have picked it up. Then he asked me to come out of the cinema...and he was pissed..

But later both of us mellowed. He gave me chocolates.❤️. I wanted to give him a blowjob but also too hesitant. I love him. We went to Paul for lunch...it was alright. We had a good time. We took a pic together and it was nice . He's very cute. 🙄😟

While leaving for home he had become very thoughtful and silent ...I asked him what happened and he gestured to come near him. He took my hand placed it on his crotch🙈. I was surprised and shocked. We were so near ..almost hugging. He then started his magic. Started touching me through my clothes . I was like a dear struck with car headlights. He didn't have to say much I agreed and all men have to puppy eyes when they want to cum I realised. I wanted to kiss him in the parking lot .. but better sense prevailed.

Went to the most shady hotel we have been to. I was stinking as usual.

He came inside me hard.. .for the first time I felt very close....his body on me ..and it felt different. He stayed on me a little extra time..we were hugging and I almost said " I love you " to him. I wanted to say .. it was on the tip of my tongue.

I am so doomed big time. All my resolve has gone out of the door . A big soft corner towards him

[aplaceonlyforme]

Watched IKKIS but before that I got ready for him and nonchalant I was. A short coffee date and when we rode the bike ...slid back ..I don't know if it was intentional or what but we were touching slightly so I moved forward and leaned even more on him..resting my chin on his shoulder -thats a first- and it was not awkward, not forced, only natural. In the cinema our arms were constantly touching. Throughout the movie we were sitting shoulder to shoulder and it didn't seem very stressed. I haven't touched him so spontaneously in our time together, forget other people. I love him but I also cannot forget that we are looking for different things in a relationship. My heart is filled with so many emotions for him....don't know when will it be so the next time .

[aplaceonlyforme]

I have been bolder with him since 2 weeks. It is clear that both of us are reluctant to let go entirely for our own selfishness. I would like to be with him but there are many conditions to it and nobody wants to adjust. We f**ked each other on Sunday and it was very hot. I sucked him without inhibitions. I may lack to physical beauty or the maturity of mind but sure can make arouse him when I try. I want more though. I am not unhygenic but come across so. He doesn't do anything to me except finger. I am the one riding him. No kissing. No tender moments beyond it. sad

[aplaceonlyforme]

Last night Atul's call woke me up in the middle of the night. I was in a deep sleep and he wanted to play . I went along with it and it was very sexy and dreamy. My walls were weak. He was nearly there so....we went for it. I was half asleep but made him cum and that's really hot. I wasn't even horny. He was the man in my dreams. The thief who robbed me in the night . Fucking is good.

[aplaceonlyforme]

It was such a carefree afternoon, he was even signing in the shower and it took a lot of courage for me to broach the topic. I was hurt that he couldn't commit entirely.

Wasn't like I forced him to marry. I had so many other things to talk about but one look at his phone and the other stuff didn't matter. I knew he would find some other girl better always, get turned on by them but to actually talk to other women...it's being disrespectful.I only ask for honesty. Can get easily fooled and that is what he's been doing. Wants all the benefits without the commitment. I have been giving whole of my salary to him and yet he wants scrape more off me. I have to take a step back to see things clearly.

There are trust issues. I assumed we would be exclusive. Thought that this was final. That we were getting married either way. No questions asked. Turns out I had imagined many stuff

[aplaceonlyforme]

Had sex with Atul on 27th. It was short but felt different in the sense that I was bolder and he came so quick. The first time he came inside me being on top of me....He gave a a little more attention to my nipples...a few secs more....he took me missionary style and it was more than anything. This time I found my rhythm in sucking him and even rode him..I went crazy on him....his hands were on my hips....for the first time I felt som sort of possessiveness in that hold. The hold was firm and just supporting me.

All of this was good until I saw the Bumble app on his phone. Even then I ignored it. When he was in the shower I stopped. And saw that he was active in the first week of Sept. Imagine how devastated I felt then. I wanted to leave the room and go home...but didn't leave..tried to keep calm...he even asked why I was moody which I didnt care. I finally asked him in a casual tone...he denied it ofc. Also wasn't clear on the divorce. So I asked him what were we even doing if divorce is uncertain. He was surprised by it and said that if not working then let's not continue.

I told him that money was an impossible dream with our finances...he asked why I was backtracking after being so positive. I told him I had to become real at some point.

I told him that it's better to stop talking altogether and his head jerked up in shock. It was momentary but did not expect that . Was taken aback and even hurt slightly.

My voice broke many times. I had tears in my eyes but nothing spilt. I told him I wanted to stay alone in the room and when he asked why I had no answer. I almost cried even then. No tears but on the verge of it.

[aplaceonlyforme]

I want to be fucked really hard. Want Atul to let go of inhibitions and let me lead the ride. I am his slut if he wants me to be. Oh yes I am horny. Sex can be so awesome. I hope we have so tender moments together.

[aplaceonlyforme]

I want him inside me. To be rocked by him ...that feeling in my stomach is real. Fuck. He needs to fuck me hard.

[aplaceonlyforme]

I have thoughts and serious ones at that. It is very terrifying just to think about the conversation itself. I do not want it to be the biggest mistake of my life, only want to do the right thing for me and us. Planning a future together should also involve understanding each other. He not really pressuring me and I need to be more mature and act like one. If his parents won't be happy with my family then I don't see how we are going to do this the long term. I do not want to stop consuming non veg and also want to spend money on my family. I have professional ambitions and if he's not earning for many years then its going to be a problem. He's never explicitly told me that he would think of my family as his own.

Then there is the matter of his divorce unless he finalizes it I cannot marry him. He has to look into it. His parents accepting me.