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man i love keeping everything to myself and bottling everything up , im sure its gonna do great for me in the long term!-EXPLODES

#bottling stuff up #and explosions #joke #totally just a joke #and not haha #a reflection of anything #or whatevr..

i hate thinking / it feels like being tazed over and over again while im lying dead on the floor / but i just have to be normal about it

#thinking #loud aggresive electrocution noises #anyway

there is a FLESH CREATURE growing inside of you and itll rip you APART when it finally leaves ,, pregnancy and birth are glamourised horrors

my mum got mandarins again for the first time in forveer and its making me sad in a way , because upon peeling one of them and getting their smell stuck in my fingers again this wave of nostalgia washed over me and i got reminded of all the times she would buy multiple kilos and bags of them and id finish them in a day ,, when she would come back home and place the bags in front of me and come back to find empty bags and a pile of mandarin peels beside me .. or when id stay by the bin at school in primary laboriously peeling them and telling you about how my cuticles would turn yellow with how many i ate ,, and even now, when she hurriedly stuffed one in my bag before i left to the city because she wanted me to have something to eat.. and im only peeling it now getting teary .. this kind of mandarin that she bought was my absolute favourite back then too ,, i havent smelt it in so long i completely forgot about mandarins .. i know my mum just bought them because they were on sale and im reading into this way too much but for some reason the only thing i can think about is my younger childhood and all the things my mother has done for me to ensure im happy ,, and from then i start to think about howmuch illmiss her one day when she cant come back home and proudly show me the bag of mandarins she got for me

i know im reading into this wayyy too much because now im crying over a single mandarin

#mandarins #and my mother #and how they are inextricably intertwined #along with an impending sense of doom #and the fear of the inevitability of death

random but its so weird last night i coudlnt eat dinner so i went to sleep being super excited for when id be able to wake up and eat it but now that ive woken up i feel like i have no will to eat anything at all ,, like the thought of its shameful and weird to me , like i feel like how i felt about food back when i never ate anything at school or home in fact lately i havent had the will to do anything at all ,,, ive been feeling exceptionally shit recently (note: EXCEPTIONALY shit. not the usual feeling of shit) like i dont want to exist or do anything or continue perserving kind of shit iykwim? id much rather get run over by a car or spontaneously hit by lightning on a walk home .than wake up tomorrow morning and run the cycle all over again,, i find myself waiting waiting waiting all the time and sitting in bed doing nothing but passing the time waiting waiting waiting maybe cook maybe eat maybe cook and leave that food in the fridge to mould and then throw away later and go back to waiting waiting and waiting maybe leave home hoping to not come back again waiting waiting waiting mayeb for someone to come along and fix all my problems or tell me to not walk so close to the road or just say theyll feel bad and miss me when i turn into roadkill and have to get hosed off the road asphalt or just say that i am worth enough regard now , right now as i rot in bed as i do when i am a gravestone . but whaha who cares yk ill probably get over it in a few hours totally anyway back to laughing and joking and being normal

#i dont need therapy #or counselling at all #maybe idk

youre literally joking.

why does eveythng feel as if it was invented through some root of misogyny

cant get anything for free around here

// brief mention of sh, suicide

sometimes i think and am flabbergasted by the fact that like 90% of people hold their own existence against themselves, like it's a problem they caused.

that they hate themselves so much and feel sorry and indebted to everyone around them 24/7 to the point of self mutilation and death for literally just existing. like for just being there. thinking their liveness is a constant bother for everybody all the time. that each inhale and exhale of breath they take is a waste of air and they are at fault even when its something everybody needs to survive. that their mere presence, the mere fact they are there and being is a burden. that their existence in itself is just a waste, something just taking up space, that their existence is anything but precious.

something they had no control over, never even asked for -- they were brought into the world and without any sin they already felt guilt.

#and then i remember im one of those people LMAO #yes that statistic is probably wrong whatever #but my point still stands #i just think about it and yeah its insane #i feel terrible and i didnt even do anything #i take a breath and it feels liek a crime #is it just catholic guilt

you'll kill me but i'll die just the same without you

im in nyc and we discuss our rapidly depleting funds and dire situation while eating this wyd (with rreeaally long cheese string + i eat it by slurping it up in one bite like its a noodle)

#idek #i saw this pic on pinterest and literally was transported to nyc and long cheese strings #like spider-man:into the spiderverse when peter b is sucking on his fingers salivating and all while he and miles discuss their circumstanc

everyone is on a journey to be ok

so be a road sign for somebody else

#being ok #mental health #morals #morality #life advice #to live by

normalise people 'copying' other people - in their habits, mannerisms, sayings, music tastes, etc. we are all an amalgamation of other people. get over yourself.

#like dude #not like fully copy catting but like just things yk #ive seen way too many people lose their shit when someone adopts their music taste or favourite movie #in the sense tht #recent ages have ben plagued with a toxic need for individuality and uniqueness guarded by the concept of 'gatekeeping'#no one is everybody else so it wont kill you to be like somebody else #there only a set amount of interests and favourite things #sharing is caring. its ok to share some #people are made by the people around them - we are all just a patchwork of what we find in other people #my favourite move is the one my friend loved and showed me.#my music taste are the songs that my friends listen to.#my fashion is a mix of styles i saw in other people #so #get over yourself #nothing you like is yours #it is everybodys #so let people copy you #let people copy people #its what humans do

can platonic relationships ever exist anymore. like please. anytime i fan over a friendship in a show and try see what the fandom has to say about them its always BOOM theyre actually fucking. NOBODY can be PLATONIC these days,,, EVERYBODY has to be MAKING OUT and ROMANTIC!!!!! AGHH

#im not even ace or aro im just a NORMAL HUMAN BEING #like can two rlly strong platonic friends stay AS FRIENDS please??#YES im getting sfrustrated #i just think the modern glamoraisation of romance in the media has worked to erase all othwise platonic dynamics in it #essay idea? 🤭

stuckinapril

hey man I found a piece of your soul stuck in the text messages of old friends you don’t speak to anymore. do you want it back

waspcup

Dear professor this assignment did not nourish my fundamentally curious soul so i did not do it No penalty full 100 points please Goodbye!

apleiphone2

like i am NOT wasting my time doing a worksheet cause its so easy just trust i know it dawg i do

stuckinapril

yes girl I think it’s incredibly sexy how indecisive you are about every single decision in your life. I also love how you haven’t let anything go since you were 12. can we make out now

birdcagesandbutterflies

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

mousidy

talking to people while holding a beverage is awesome because you don't have to know what to do with your hands and when you don't know what to do with your face you can just take a sip

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