Apocalypse System

BPD + DID System of 20 alters | he/him , 19

[apocalypsesystem]

Apocalypsys

DID + BPD system of 20+ alters

Traumagenic

Collectively used account to talk about experiences, recovery, and the combined traits of BPD and DID.

Feel free to follow us.

[misty-opinionated]

I'm sick of the fact almost everyone who wants to get to know a system better usually likes dangerous alters the most then get offended when those alters are getting mad when provoked by them

***

rzygam już tym, że prawie wszyscy, którzy chcą poznać system najbardziej lubią niebezpieczne altery a potem się o to bulwersują, że ktoś z nich był wredny będąc prowokowanym przez nich

April

[tropicalsteppe]

dragon horse

[plurapony]

"omg you're a system!!! it just be so fun to have friends in your head!!!"

Yeah. They are my friends but you know what's really not fucking fun? Seeing how intelligent an alter is and how much they want to pursue their dream career but they can't because we share a body. Seeing how creative and talented alters are but we can't spend hours and hours drawing because we share a body and the body has to work. Seeing that an alter really wants to do something and we just don't have time, they say it's okay but we share a body and I know how they really feel.

Yeah I have friends in my head and I'm constantly letting them down because the things we all want aren't physically possible. Yeah that's really fun.

[loupgaroualejardin]

I never really hear about internal communication that isn't, like, straight up talking. So, We're going to share ours.

We primarily internally communicate through image sharing. Like, You think up a picture in your mind, and we can share these pictures between one another.

Or we get a "I know" feeling between one another. Like "I know you said [insert thing]" instead of actually hearing someone.

We can talk to eachother, but, it quickly gets drowned out and fades no matter how physically close we may be or how alone we are.

[apocalypsesystem]

The mind itself is complex and there are different ways of communication and can present itself differently besides words, which is why I really like this post.

A huge way we communicate personally is through drawing, since we express ourselves artistically and it’s easy to put our thoughts into images. Sometimes they are good ways to see ourselves, give ourselves a voice, an acknowledgement of identity through our own personas.

Other ways communication can manifest is through visual thoughts. We learned through therapy that sending visual thoughts, such as unpleasant intrusive thoughts, can be communicated from one alter to whoever is in front as a warning signal, because they may know something that the one in front doesn’t.

- 🃏

[diseasedflesh-deactivated202409]

OCEAN THEMED ASK GAME FOR SYSTEMS!

Only rules are to have fun! You don't have to answer any questions you don't want to, and you can pick and choose which parts of the question you answer. We'd also highly recommend including the question along with the emote if sending an ask to someone participating! Also, yes, you can ask us these questions as well, we'll also be participating. :]

🦈 — Do you have a collective identity? If so, what is it?

🐋 — Do you have an inner world? If so, what is it like?

🦭 — Do you have any “hot takes” on any kind of syscourse topics?

🐧 — Do you have any subsystems?

🦀 — Who are your most frequent fronters?

🐬 — Do you have any collective interests? If so, what are they?

🐟 — Do you have any hosts or cohosts? If so, who are they?

🐠 — Besides Pluralkit, Simply Plural, or Octocon, is there any way you keep track of system information? If so, explain what you use. (Some examples are fronting bracelets, a notebook, etc., just to make the question more clear.)

🐡 — What's your preferred terminology? (Such as pwOSDDID, system, plural, alters, headmates, parts, etc.)

🦐 — Would you consider your headcount to be low, medium, high, or something else? Feel free to provide a number / estimate if you're comfortable.

🦞 — Do you have any experiences with the system community that you'd like to share, or anything you wish the system community understood better?

🦑 — Do you have any comorbid disorders besides OSDDID? If so, what are they? Feel free to share how the comorbidity between them effects your OSDDID.

🐙 — Do you have any advice for newly discovered / questioning systems?

🪼 — Funniest thing an alter has ever done?

🦦 — Which alter's name is your favorite?

🪸 — How do you think singlets could accommodate systems better?

🐚 — What was it like discovering you're a system?

🌊 — Is there a certain song you associate with your system / any of your alters? If so, what is it? Feel free to explain why you associate it.

🫧 — What is the most popular source you have introject(s) from, and what is the most obscure source you have introject(s) from?

🏖️ — Do you have any characters you headcanon as being a system, or any canonically system characters that you enjoy?

🌴 — Are you nonhuman, alterhuman, therian, otherkin, or anything similar? If so, what?

⚓ — Are there any inside jokes in your system? If so, what are they?

🛟 — How open are you about being a system?

🤿 — Do you prefer singular pronouns, plural pronouns, or a mix of the two / both?

⛵ — Do you have any recovery goals, such as final fusion, functional multiplicity, etc., or are there any recovery milestones you've completed that you're proud of?

🌀 — Do you have any partner systems, family systems, or system friends? Feel free to tag them if they have Tumblr!

👒 — What's being a system personally like for you?

🩴 — Do you have any favorite content creators, (artists, writers, musicians, YouTubers, etc.,) that're openly systems?

🦪 — How are you doing today? Anything interesting happen that you wanna share?

💙 — Free space! Share whatever you'd like here!

[ Image ID: A banner with a colorful aquarium background. There's pixelated white text with a black outline overlaid on top of it. The text reads, “Do not interact if you're pro non-traumagenic, pro ship, pro harmful paraphilia, TERF / radfem, Zionist, TCC, radqueer, anti self diagnosis, or believe in "narc abuse." Besides that, have fun!” End ID. ]

[apocalypsesystem]

🦈 Yes but I don’t want to reveal that. Just apocalypse system for followers.

🐋 We do. It’s a hotel, but there’s a lot more with it.

🦭 Don’t like syscourse, I don’t involve myself in it. Most of us aren’t fans of it either.

🐧 we do!

🦀 me, Bakura, and a persecutor that doesn’t wanna be mentioned.

🐬 we collectively enjoy things like Pokémon, although some of us aren’t really gamers or are very good at using tech while most of us are. We also collectively enjoy horror for the most part? Only ones who don’t are the kids.

🐟 I host (Jay) and Bakura co-hosts.

🐠 have been using Lighthouse lately and it’s been a great help. Besides that, we also have a journal we started using too.

🐡 System + alters / parts mostly. Parts more probably, just because it feels more general and discreet if we wanted to say “oh haha yea a part of me doesn’t wanna do that” in normal conversations.

🦐 I don’t 20 is that high of a count?

🦑 BPD. HEAVILY impacts my life. I talk about it quite a bit.

🐙 do your research and trust yourself. Please trust medically trained psychological professionals who know what they’re talking about and are specialized in this field and take the shit you read on the internet with a grain of salt. People spread misinformation like wildfire and if you get too caught up in it, your symptoms are probably gonna get worse then they already are.

🪼 vague memory of a kid co-fronting with me.. and I think this is just a general thing, I’ll be having normal conversations or talking about something serious and then I start giggling out of nowhere over nothing but I know it ain’t coming from me. -♣️

Oh yeah I have one to share that someone did. One alter went on Grindr to “look for friends” and then complained when people wanted to fuck him 😭😭 BITCH UR LITERALLY ON GRINDR WHAT DID U THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN. -🦇

🦦 I dunno. Kage’s name is pretty cool.

🪸 Give us your money -🦇

🌊 Malcolm one time said he felt like he could relate to this one character from Silent Hill 2 and it kinda stuck with me. He’s not very expressive but at that moment he was having a rough time and he struggles with communicating his feelings, so in a way it helped me get to understand him better. In general, I think this could apply to multiple things. I know it’s not a song, but the question reminded me of that. For music though, we generally relate to Pink Floyd a lot.

🫧 Most of our introjects are from Yu-Gi-Oh!… and I think that’s actually. Probably the most popular source among them. Most obscure source is probably from my own fictional story I made a year ago.

🏝️ The Bakuras in Yugioh are a popular headcanon, Marik Ishtar is canonically a system. Just with like.. one alter. Lmao.

🌴 in my head I don’t see myself as human but it’s something I’ve kinda accepted that I physically am.

⚓️ we make real housewives jokes because in system arguments feels like an episode of real housewives or other tv dramas.

🛟 not open. No one in my life knows about this account. This is just a little bubble for me and everyone else.

🤿 I like to mix it up

⛵️ I’m not sure about final fusion, but I do want to work towards fusion so that symptoms become more manageable and the severity of PTSD episodes decrease. I really just… want to be better for everyone. I know I’m not perfect and I mess up sometimes and sometimes I feel guilty for their suffering. I just want them to feel safe.

🌀 a few system friends! A few irl

- ♣️🦇

[apocalypsesystem]

This community drains the fuck out of me

- 🦇

[sysboxes]

[Text: This alter will threaten you if you get too silly. (/lh).]

Like/Reblog if you save or use!

[apocalypsesystem]

It’s meeeee I’m the threat

- 🐍

[apocalypsesystem]

How we got our system name

Honestly, we really doubted the system name for the longest time and thought about changing it, but there was no other fitting name to describe the general theme and feeling of dissociation to describe our system.

The host’s main interest is existential horror, especially apocalyptic media. At first I didn’t really understand why this was his thing, but as I start to think about us, it makes sense.

We have severe trauma surrounding death or threats on our lives. For privacy, I’m not going to discuss the severity of trauma on some alters.

In general, “apocalyptic” is the perfect word to describe our bpd+did together and the feeling of dissociation and derealization. We live in our own separate worlds, and we feel so disconnected to the host’s world. Our own worlds have ended and a lot of us have lost everything, as if we’re existing in the aftermath of it all and can only survive in the aftermath through dissociation. We exist in the world but we exist in isolation. We can’t bond or connect to other people “normally”, and it sometimes feels hopeless doing so. But when we think about the world without people, but with only us and the beautiful earth for everything it has to give us… for the animals and the plants and the colors of life… we remember that life is worth living.

For some of us, bpd and dissociation makes us feel like a zombie or living corpse. In the inbetween of “nothing” and “everything”. Both dead and alive.

Besides that, it also makes sense when thinking about how many introjects come from apocalyptic fiction. Most notably Evangelion and Persona.

- 🃏

[apocalypsesystem]

Literally the evolution of how i finally realized I was a system.

> (Knows nothing about DID/OSDD. Never doubted it’s existence, just uneducated)

> (Diagnosed with PTSD at 11, BPD symptoms were really bad and I got diagnosed with it at 16 after years of persistent severe symptoms)

> “yeah I used to age regress when I was 12 but it was involuntary”

> (uses multiple different names and constantly changing names)

> (person I liked): “why did you suddenly switch up and act like a narcissist, you weren’t nice to me at all.”

Me: “I DID??? I’m sorry I don’t remember it and I don’t know why that happened”

> “Yeah guys idk I just relate so much to Yugioh and Fight Club and OKKO they make me cry a lot because of how much I relate to having another self you form a bond with and I know it’s interpreted a lot as DID but!! For me It’s in the bpd way!! 😋”

> (someone point out a comment I made) “why did you say that?”

Me: “oh my god you’re right why did I say that. I would never say something like that”.

> “do you guys ever think you’re talking or actively participating in the conversation only to realize all the conversation was happening in your head and not out loud?”

> (talking to irl friends) “guys do you ever like, work and then there’s conversations happening in the background commentating on what you do? I can’t remember what the conversations were but I know they happened”

Friend: “you might wanna look into OSDD dude”

> “guys why don’t we ever talk about the super relatable bpd experience of splitting but your splitting feels more like other selves trying to control you and one of them sounds more like your mom and the other sounds more like a child and sometimes it gets so bad that you start to get numb and get disconnected from everything?”

> (explaining OC lore at 16) So my furry OC lost someone close to him but can’t remember it at all. But then he meets the lost loved one again inside his head but doesn’t know it’s the same person he lost.

> (making a Yugioh oc) Im really having a hard time with this character because I want to project my bpd but like…. The character is super emotionally detached and apathetic but his Yami form is the opposite but kinda embodies everything I feel. but like it feels more like multiple different selves for me, like it feels like the character should have multiple Yami forms taking control and it doesn’t feel as authentic to merge it to just one since the responses are so different.

It was until someone told me to research structural dissociation that changed things for me. Big time.

> seeing a therapist consistently for a bit, heavily believing what we were dealing with was DID and wanted us to get officially evaluated. Still haven’t because we don’t have health insurance and those evaluations are literally like $3,000 god damn.

- ♣️

[apocalypsesystem]

Something I noticed regarding the comorbidity of personality disorders with DID/OSDD is that the personality disorder is so intertwined with the system.

I know it should be obvious that every system is going to be very different because every system is built around what the body needs to survive. It comes as no surprise that personality disorders are going to be prevalent in systems because of the way they’re both connected to C-PTSD.

I was professionally diagnosed with BPD before a therapist recognized DID. What I’ve noticed is how BPD is so intergraded with my system. Major triggers for alters is gonna be an FP a lot of times, and many alters hold BPD symptoms. As a result because of how easily BPD can be triggered and how intense (BPD) splitting can be, switches are more frequent, headaches are more frequent, and dissociation is also very frequent. When negative triggers are unavoidable because it’s basic things like. Someone being kind to you. It can be really debilitating sometimes.

They really do play off of each other. This is just based on my experience.

- ♣️ (host)

[apocalypsesystem]

Being a system isn’t fun

It’s reliving trauma and being stuck in time,

It’s having inner system conflicts that can induce such high dissociation and headaches,

It’s struggling to maintain healthy relationships because some alters don’t fw some people the same way you do and burning bridges if someone gets a little too close,

It’s constant time loss that’s out of your control,

It’s feeling crazy or delusional because every alter perceives situations differently and you don’t know what’s true. It’s like being in a court room with very different people in your head when reviewing a traumatic experience.

It’s holding back persecutors from fronting so much that we basically get stuck in dissociation and become unresponsive on the outside,

It’s not knowing who stole the $100 from your bank account and frantically calling your bank to cancel your cards only realize your alter was responsible 💀

It does tick me off when singlets go “being a system seems so silly and fun sometimes” or get frustrated when systemhood discusses trauma and dysfunction and not fun little alternate identities.

That being said, 100% I love the idea of being lighthearted and affectionate towards the system and having fun little jokes or memes to express ourselves and make light of what we struggle with daily.

- 🐍

[cage-of-atonement]

Do things for your system offline.

Being a system affects life more than just online. (contrary to endo beliefs) While having some amazing resources online to help organize and track things, there are a million reasons to have your physical life have resources set up as well.

you'll never know if an alter might not even know what a phone is yet, and gods forbid if for some reason a new alter is alone without help. Trust me, we had a new alter try to just up and leave our fiance on a vacation. We have also had alters who definitely needed a picture guide on how to use the system discord lol.

Here are some ideas we do to help ensure our system is safe, but also helps alters feel more grounded and present with themselves!

Fronting Kandii bracelets, it can really help when you can't use your phone for switches, but also good for systems with significant barriers between alters and memory, so you can see who was here last!

a physical notebook labeled in bold for "if confused/lost read this" and inside keep important information; (what is a system, what the body name is, what your job is, and how to open and use a phone just in case, and also what to do to contact a gatekeeper or what to do if they can't, such as how to call out of work or avoid the family/friends asking what's wrong.)

another notebook might be helpful for alters to have fun decorating an 'about page' but also having your system journal individually as alters is REALLY IMPORTANT TO HAVE IN CASE YOU WANT TO TALK TO A DOCTOR ABOUT GETTING DIAGNOSED. It can really help the doctor see a track of things. We started our first journal in 2017, even outside of doctors, it's good for a physical medium for alters to express in.

these next ones are focused on alters having their own space and grounding in the real world!

having a small box or basket or something like that to keep their favorite or 'personal' items. our system likes having our own individual space and items, and for us it helps not only keep the peace, but also help us ground when we have our own things like clothes, comforts, snacks on hand, personal notebooks, etc.

remember kids, if your system is affecting you irl, when no one is looking then you are not faking! no sys doubting here pookies <3

[system-advice]

How to make alters comfortable enough to reveal themsleves

I know systems find it hard to have communication with uncontacted or newly revealed alters, so here are some ways to find out about them

(this also helps to tell if an alter is real or if your brain is just playing around)

01﹒don't force an identity on them.

some alters might find it harder to express themselves if other alters fill out their personal information for them, they may prefer to do it themselves

(ex. don't write or say their full name - just use a letter, don't write their pronouns, don't note down their orientation or gender)

02﹒don't neglect their emotions.

focus on what makes them an individual or what they're comfortable with rather than thier identity

(ex. noting their likes and dislikes)

03﹒give them templates or examples.

they may want to communicate with others but may be confused, not know where to start, or are too anxious to do it without any help

basic things such as introduction templates or giving them a place to write down their thoughts can help them learn who they are and how they fit into the system

04﹒keep them seperated if needed.

alters may blend together when fronting so barring suspected new alters from fronting with old ones can help distinguish them

this can also help systems with higher amnesia barriers to stop alters from accidentally hiding other alters

[apocalypsesystem]

Welcome back to “did I really stop getting attached to the FP or do I just not fw them like the host does”

- 🍦

[kamydrawstuffs]

(Comic) YGO- "Simple Promise"

This is my contribution for @thieveszine!!! Thank you so much for having me! Everyone did such beautiful work! ;u;

[apocalypsesystem]

[apocalypsesystem]

The responses to this are proving why we made this meme in the first place.

We don’t care. We literally don’t. I don’t know why anyone is assuming our position on this post when it’s quite literally just “endo discourse” in general.

This whole thing feels just like a “I don’t like waffles” - “so you like pancakes?” situation.

We’re tired. We adamantly believe spending so much time and energy on what’s happening with other people is a big waste of time when more of that energy is better spent sharing resources for recovery, helping system members with issues happening, how to cope with those issues, learning to communicate effectively, learning to build healthy and happy relationships, but we hardly see any of that when our timeline clogged with “anti-endo” this or “pro-endo” that.

We don’t fucking care!

When we first learned about having DID, we were in college dealing with high stress and heavy dissociation and amnesia. We were seeing a therapist for quite a while who would help us work through our issues until we had to discontinue the sessions since we decided to drop out of that college which discontinued the insurance we had.

We turned to community to find resources to help us. We were more concerned with the things happening in our system to really care about the shit happening in somebody else’s. Well that’s really hard to find, and what we found was that the community itself online was more triggering and upsetting than helping us, which is really disheartening when your resources are super limited.

Tl;dr, please stop trying to push your polarized system politics onto us when we don’t fucking care about either side.