hey, sorry

an apology blog for those whose lives i most likely fucked up. i may not know/remember/have your urls saved anymore. you probably all know me as ammy. i dont want to ever be like that again. trying to get better. its 2020 as i edit this. i just want peace in this world. id prefer to not get in contact again unless clarity is desired, thank you

[apologeticallys]

fuck it, I really am sorry to everyone I talked to when I was growing up. I know I was really shitty. I'm doing my best to be better now. it's taken YEARS but im here. i stil feel like someone out there hates me and doesnr believe i deserve to get better but i cant think abt that i just have to get better first. its probably better I never contact anyone from my past, but I truly am sorry, I dont want forgiveness, I just want everyone to understand I was fucked up back then and did shitty things to everyone. fucking broken record going here haha pitter patter, I rly hope everyones doing better. idk if any of you will see this but... life gets better and I cant believe I've actually started to believe in that? just. be good. full of love. that's all.

[apologeticallys]

hey.. iits... ammy @shhiros here...

ah... yeah... i owe the entire voltron... or rather sheith and shiro fandom an apology for faking my suicide bc of my fp. it was a shitty desperate last move to get her back. I'm still alive but not 4 fuck in long. this is an apology blog for everyone that I can remember that I fucked up. also those friends i can't remember the names of or your urls (im just lazy 2 type down honestly) but like, i Super Enjoyed your company, all the friends and mutuals,,, i lov,,, interacted w u,,, some,,, hhhhg,hhdhd,,, cool mutuals im specifically thinking of 2 of u and 1 i had a major c-crush on,,, why am I saying this this is an apology letter ksjshbdb anyways!!!11 i rly enjoyed my time in the fandom despitetheuttershittinessandtoxicnessofamajorityofit😑..... i enjoyed the art i got from a Certain Mutual.. (i think mutuals? cant remember) of that K i n k... hhooboi i miss that..... anyways. I'm sappy on an apology letter , tf. I'm sorry 4 being a piece of shit in the end. i also owe an apology to ppl I was friends w in the tales of fandom and also owari no seraph... mostly gureshin fandom, cuz I like, abandoned those friends and fandom 2 for. Similar. reasons. (i was gureshins then). so like, i... rly... miss the interactions i had w friends then... it was super fun and I'm sorry I ruined that shit. and that one group i was in in the vld fandom? im sorry for leaving nyall, sin fam. i was jealous that... uhh.... i guess I shouldnt get in depth, this is already long enuf. I've had various tales of urls and was Never popular there anyways but I enjoyed the small amount of friends i made in that fandom, and sorry for growing distant and,, never talking again.

[apologeticallys]

god, there r so many ppl I kno im forgetting, but like... jsyk... if u Ever god fuckin manage 2 find this blog, like, how is that even humanely possible, just kno a person you most likely knew as ammy is, Sowwies, 4 treating u like shit hhhhgggjdnd

[apologeticallys]

so idr ur name but ur url was twerkingpony and uhhh,,, im sorry for being weird and rude and disrespectful w wanting you to date me when u Clearly were not interested ,,, there isnt much else 2 say. i was a piece of shit. sowwies

[apologeticallys]

i tjink your name was rae?? at the time that i knew u, but, you had a popular post abt that mom lube post? on chickenjaegers? and using the wrong gif. u hated tjat post if i recall correctly bc it blew up so much. anyways ! wow ! I fucking treating you so weirdly!!!! haha wowo!!! there's no way 2 rly get this 2 u but like, im sorry. you probably don't even remember me but I was that weird bitch who had a major crush on you back in like, that h0m3stvck shit i think, but I was rly weird and creepy w it and wrote weird notes 4 u and sent them 2 u and ohmygofimsosorrywhatthefuckwaswrongwithme. i also remember your url being cyberbees at one time, now both of those urls r taken and I'm 2 afraid 2 @ them bc what if neither r u,,, but listen rae, im so sorry for being so weird w my crush on you. i remember your skype status was "dont talk to me unless I talk to you first" and, i was worried abt you, we hadn't talked in a while, and i sent a msg saying id like to continue talking to you, whenever tjat would b okay, and a while later (like days or weeks idr my dude) you deleted me as a contact. i remember.... fake panicking to my friend at the time. i wasn't actually feeling those abandonment issues i have now. i don't think I tried to contact you after that. i don't blame u tbh bc I kno i was fuckin weird. ...if tjat doesnt jog your memory, i remember we watched that super mapno brothers video and i said "is that kid saying 'oh i love food bubbles' " and u said HE BETTER FUCKIJG BE . and also the penguin falling down video. ahh. good meme memories. an..anyways,,, u probably remember none of tjat but....,,,, im sorry 4 being probably weird again......l...lik...e.... tht 1 time i asked u "do u ever wonder if ppl masturbate 2 u" unmm,mm,m,m,,,, y,,,yikes,,,, I'm so sorry , ,, u were right 2 delete me anyways cuz I got way worse since then so idk if i wpuldve kept tjat promise to never say anything else 2 u (when ur skype status was tjat). i hope you got better after that and like, got good friends and a good life.

[apologeticallys]

crystal and asa, you're going into one whole post.

first, @clownbox , asa, i know we kind of already apologized, and made up, but i still wanna apologize again anyways? I think I remember being unsure if i wanted you back in my life or not bc... hhhh did it have st to do w sid, or gabs, fujc i can't remember ?? ANYWAYS ... i was too into gabs at the time to focus on letting you back in, and i did feel kinda uncomfortable bc ??? well idr thos fucmin reasons anymore but. I'm hh sorry for treating u how i did, like I kno i apologized but I can't remember how i did and so idk if i healthily apologized to u or not bc, i was SOOOO unhealthy and toxic and abusive and manipulative at the time so like , dunno if it was in a healthy way I apologized, and since, i remember even less of how i treated u i can't remember fuckin shitjnfncm. I'm sorry tho!!! I dunno if i want you back in my life now again. cuz I Kno. you and gabs follow each other and she can fucc off. still not over her ass.

now crystal, @vanitasy , hhhhhhhHHHHHHHH IM SORRY FOR DATING YOU FOR THAT BRIEF TIMW IT WASN'T RIGHT ANF I TREATRD U BADLU AND DIDN'T RESPECT UR INTERNET WAS SHIT AND THEN JUST ENDED IT LIKR THAT W/O WORKUNY SHIT OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA what a mess. sowwies. uhhh i don't think id like you back in my life cuz I'm Embaressed but I might follow you if tjats okay cuz... dam.. Dat Gud Meme Quality Blog.. there isnt much else 2 say here ummm

i hope both of you got better w/o me and I'm hhhdhhdbbdhhhh love you both and I'm sorry we couldn't continue a normal friendship after it all

[apologeticallys]

dan... you've deleted your tumblr and probably twitter too, since I can't track you there. you probably changed numbers or stopped using whatsapp too or, blocked me. I've sent you msgs on whatsapp already, tons. i don't rly feel like typing evrything up on here again, but it's on whatsapp and if you ever see this or maybe eventually get to the wa msg, you'll know im sorry. and if you can't access wa and you Do see this somehow, i can screenshot them and send them to you if you want? I do want you back in my life, badly, if it's okay. i miss you, i need you, and im so sorry I did all that shit to you.

[apologeticallys]

@crowferi

feri, im sorry I treated you the way I did. not respecting that you needed time when your friend left you was,,, shitty,,, and then leaving you,,, i had another fp when I left, as I always have if im the one to leave someone. hey ykno, i once received an ask from someone, once, on my v0lt/r0/n blog, that was probably you, wasnt it? I went super panicky and searched all my old friends i talked to within th3 last year or two to see if they reblogged any vltrn posts, and you did(u were like... the only one..nksjsnbf). so, that was you, yeah? I was too afraid to contact you abt it, i felt bad for how i treated you, tho you were rly a great friend, n thank u for sending that ask even tho it caused me 2 freak out even tho it literally had good intentions djkskwjbr. i kind of? would like to have you back in my life? if tjats okay? but. i also, i also got so much worse. more toxic. more abusive. more manipulative w ppl. it was good i left you when I did cuz 2016? hell year. 2017? worst year of my life. cuz... uh.... i mean.... I'm not making this apology blog for nothing... i want to apologize to those im sorry for even if they never get to see it cuz.... i want to at least do that before I die. ..... ,..,., , ,,, not lik,,, like that isnt,,, to get you to start talking 2 me asap... but like,,, irs,,, complicated,,, if im still alive and have availability to my phone whenever you see this, i can explain, if you still want me to be your friend. bt anyways , even if you dont, i want you 2 kno im sorry for being a shitty friend and not working shit out likr... respecting u needed space and time 2 deal w ur friend.... instead of demanding u talk 2 me and reassure me u still care nn jus ,,, ,,, , im sorry man. you deserved bettr then that

edit ive just discovered from sources tjat u were Not the person whomst sent me that tumblr anon on the vl..d blog so um im cancelled dmowkj

[apologeticallys]

hey.. zach... there's absolutely no way I can get this to you, i dont know your skype anymore, you probably changed it anyways, and you deleted your tumblr. I'm sorry I dated you. I'm sorry I pulled you into my shit. back then, i was 16. man. what a fucked up year. i only got worse. 16 was the year I was obsessed with dating someone, whoever was willing to date me, and id treat others who weren't interested in me shittily. yeah, more shittily then how i treated you. i envisioned my future w ppl I dated and latched onto them and drained them emotionally. I've gotten worse w that since then. I'm not sure... what caused me to send you that ask. bpd? no. i don't know. even the post i discovered years later of an answered ask that said compulsive cheating is a bpd trait, like, did a professional say that? no. the bpd/mental illness community has gotten so fucking toxic and i absorbed all the toxic parts of it. ...but.... i didnt... i didn't necessarily feel bad for what i did to you till a couple years later... i lied to ppl saying id get better to rope them into staying w me longer, every manipulative tactic you could think of, i adopted and used. ah, i remembered, idek if this is true, from what/how im abt to explain it but. some bpd ppl are risk takers, and compulsively ruin healthy things, or st like that. but definitely taking risks is a bpd trait, and im a Big Risk Taker, and have ruined so many healthy things since you. ...anyways, i felt bad cuz, i sort of cheated on you? I eventually realized.... i severely fucked you up, and you most likely developed trust issues. I'm deeply sorry. i fucked up, and i was/still am fucked up. there's no denying that. you didn't deserve tjat. you also shouldn t have been in a relationship w someone who was 16 going on 17. too old. I'm sorry I didn't realize that at the time. i rly dont remember our interactions before i did That to you, like I can't remember if i ever started being unhealthy to you (asking to spend more time/demanding more attention to me, being negative to you whether w or w/o a reason, being abusive and manipulative basically), but if i was, I'm sorry. i don't want you in my life. i can imagine you definitely don't, and I've imagined over the years tjat you probably never wanted to hear anything from me again, even if it was an apology, and if you did listen, you probably wouldn't believe it. or if youd wanted me dead, and called me your abuser or st. I'm rly sorry I damaged you. you didn't deserve any of that. i hope you've recovered from that. and I have no idea if you'll ever see this, as I have no way of getting this to you. i don't even know if your name is zach anymore. but hey man, pls be alive and doing so much better w/o me, and i hope you didn't let anyone else treat you badly again

[apologeticallys]

i don't know your url anymore, but I can send this thru skype. rachel, im Actually Sorry now 4 all the shit i put you thru this time, and w the shitty apology i gavr you a while back. i don't rly have much 2 say. not since sids apology and tumblr fucked me over so much by not actually posting it and im still pissed off. I'm sorry I abused and manipulated you. i don't want you back in my life, you were a great gf for the time being and i took advantage of that. somehow. I'm sorry for bashing you for your likes. I'm sorry for not treating you more right. I'm sorry for trying 2 get you back when I apologized the first time. and bc im the 1 who broke up w you, wtf past me, that was wrong. idk what I was doing but uhhh h. I'm sorry. for everything. you were never in the wrong (okay except the one time you and your friend did that screenshare thing while you were drunk, do you remember that? that was a little fucked up). and those times you spent time with your friends/playintg video games then spendint time w me? I shouldn't have gotten angry or upset at you, even when i was feeling sad and crying, i should have found others to go to for support, and let you enjoy your free time, cuz. you can't always be spending time w your s/o. so,, im sorry. did i ever tell you I was crushing on a few other ppl while still dating you? tho you weren't talking to me, like, once, maybe twice everu other week or st? I still feel shitty for that. i should have fixed myself instead and apologized to you then if i rly wanted you in my life. I'm sorry.

[apologeticallys]

@ya-ya-yaku / @occipi / @cifer-sweeper , sid/pidge

back when I first met you, it was amazing. you made me rly happy, and i trusted you quickly, like I have w literally Anyone who has given me attention and a slight sign of "I can probably trust them." so i confided to you my problems. and I kept doing so. kept venting to you abt my shit. i don't remember much anymore of what you told me or what i did much, my memory is still fuckin shit. its now 2017 and this year is nearly over, 2015 was rly almost 3 years ago, got dam. anyways, what I do remember is you said I was too negative to you, and that I need to stop if i was to remain friends w you, and confide/vent to someone else. i agreed but continued to do that anyways. i lied abt getting better. i lied to lots of ppl abt getting better. i remember you tried leaving me several times. i remember "testing you." i remember calling you my fp. a term that isn't even an official bpd term, just st someone made up some years ago and we all went w it and used it. since seeing that post somewhere on tumblr some time ago, i stopped liking/using the term. it's been a fuckin journey man. I've been thru so much shit. idk what you went thru after you left for good but I hope you got better. years later? im able to say this cuz....? I went thru a lot of worse shit that what you did kinda just... faded away? but here's the thing. i lied abt having abandonment problems. i didn't get super attached to ppl until around the time you came into my life. i didnt feel the intense pain, fear, anxiety, and panic from others leaving/threatening to leave me. around the time you came into my life, was the time i started getting invested into the mental illness community on tumblr. that which is now so severely toxic. i learned from posts on there. i adopted those habits. i believed in false professionals, i said shit cuz... i was 16 when I learned abt bpd, said, i probably have this, going on to 17 and i took a quiz, self diagnosed myself, and finally 18, where i started following bpd blogs, and picking up bad habits and unhealthy coping mechanisms and just. unhealthy behaviors in all. bpd ppl had abandonment issues ? I guess I do too! even tho ive never severely been hurt by someone leaving me. until you. I'm not sure what triggered tjat, rly. the way you left me? or did i rly adopt those symptoms of bpd? or a combination of both? I know i was isolated a lot as a kid and mid teen, and when friends were over, i never wanted them to leave cuz I had so much fun w them, and i never wanted to leave their house either. so i always felt sad when they left. but they didn't actually leave me for good. the way you left me, yeah it was rly terrible and i wouldn't do that to anyone. just cutting them out w no explanation? I mean, id probably just say "fuck you bye" or some shit gbdnksjeh idk, im jk. i rly always wondered if you had explained things the first time (im speaking in terms of my first time i thot you left me , meaning back in oct , not the actual first time) you left me, if i wouldve actually gained abandonment issues. there was so much god fuck you tumblr. everything was fucking fluently written and i had all my thoughts out kms. anyfucking ways!!! basically, i was a sexual creep to you w the horse story is what I eventually got too i don't even fucking rememver what else i typed i h8 tumblr so much suck a fuckin dick. and I'm sorry. i don't want you back in my life. i just want you to know im sorry for what i put you thru. never let anyone do that to you agaun. and I'm sorry for the damage i probably gave you. god fuck tumblr. I'm never trusting it again. succ ass. what the fuck. take this half ass fucking ending, im so fucking pissed off. what the hell. ggggggdhhdhdhdhdhdgdh. I'm sorry sid.

well tumblr is a fuck whole and i didnt save everything after I typed it all so have this fucking bullshit instead maybe ill c9me vack one day and fix it fuck you tumblr

(spoiler alert, I'll never remember it as good as it was the first time so just take this bullshit fucking apology cuz tumblr can choke)