Time for the Cretaceous Crustation Carcinization

Come drink some vegetable oil with me!

[aaronstveit]

i don’t want to be rich i don’t want to be famous i don’t want a million tiktok followers or what the fuck ever i just want a one bedroom apartment in a walkable community with neighbors i could borrow sugar from or bring cookies to when i bake extra and a job that i enjoy and that helps someone and pays me enough to afford my silly little one bedroom and groceries and something fun too at the end of the day and enough free time to sing and dance and read and write and spend time with the people i love and maybe have a dog and some plants to water and a shelf of books to read and a thrift store where i can buy weird clothes and faded denim jackets like i am not asking for anything big or grand or exciting i just want peace i want contentment i want just a little love how the fuck is this too much to ask for

[filmnoirsbian]

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

[filmnoirsbian]

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

[filmnoirsbian]

I'm literally a flight attendant, offering snacks and drinks is my job

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

gshsjb

[teaspoon-of-stars]

Theres the lil thang

[ratcandy]

are u guys hearing this

(This is a Great Golden Digger Wasp - Sphex ichneumoneus - doing what its name implies, digging. But you may also notice, if you turn the sound on, that she’s making some incredible noises as she does so.)

[ratcandy]

Incredible onomatopoeia practice happening in my notes

[kingcatnine]

kitten fever is worse than baby fever because a kitten is way easier to obtain than a baby so it's more dangerous

[rickybabyboy]

you cant obtain me. tiger stance

[oncorhynchus-nerka]

WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME THAT FISH WILL HITCH A RIDE INSIDE SEA SALPS??? HELP

THEYRE TAKING THE BUS!!!!!!!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the meaning of life? is to make your bedroom as comfy as possible. that's it that's the purpose

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the secondary purpose is to equip your kitchen and get really really really into international cuisine

[hellsitegenetics]

Have you ever gotten an exact match?

if by "exact match" you mean "100% of the letters in this post match 100% of an organism's entire genome," then the chances of that happening by pure accident are so ridiculously small, you'd have better odds buying 100 lottery tickets and winning all of them!

one of the cool reasons this blog works in any capacity is because genomes are so ridiculously big that the chances of a random string of letters accidentally matching part of one is very high. the human genome is ~3,200,000,000 base pairs (or "letters") long. that's about 1,000 times the length of the entire bible. pretty long for a tumblr post!

but even in the case of the smallest possible genomes, such as bacterial endosymbionts (famous for having tiny genomes) with only 100,000 base pairs, it'd still be practically impossible. you'd need to accidentally type the letters a, t, c, and g in the correct sequence 100,000 times to get a perfect match. imagine flipping 100,000 coins and getting heads on all of them. ok now imagine a cat named big boobs

[made-nondescript]

just found out that the deadlock subreddit reminds you of pocket's pronouns if you type their name anywhere in the post with a link to the wiki page that has twenty-one (21) citations for their pronouns. i didn't even know you could do that. if you misgender pocket on the subreddit the mods will murder you in the street. happy pride

[stuckinapril]

This is actually so real

[redactedmatopoeia-deactivated20]

[flagellant]

#'i love conflict' is the most agent thing to have ever been said by an agent

[redstonedust]

netizen is a really cute word for Person On The Internet im surprised i dont see it used in more english language stuff. lets all be netizens of tumblr together.

[hellowearerats]

Please enjoy my visual essay about gender and it's complexities. 🥳 Did I accu-rat-ly capture yours by chance? 👀

[escabye-deactivated20190922]

when ur mutuals are mutual with each other 

pro: squad con: i saw this post like 18 times today

[skingrad]

[sunderwight]

Early 2010's shippers on tumblr did not work overtime coming up with some of god's most unhinged crack and crossover ships for people in the 2020's to try and claim that smashing together Ryan Gosling and Markiplier's conventionally attractive doomed space men is some kind of absurdity.

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[desinteresse]

Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.