When was the last time you did something for the first time... (at Petra, Ma`An, Jordan)
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
todays bird
we're not kids anymore.

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@aprilroseparcon
When was the last time you did something for the first time... (at Petra, Ma`An, Jordan)
Realizations
Last week has been one of the fullest weeks of my life. As in. And it wasn’t even work that I’m supposed to be doing. It’s work and ideas that others are being paid for, while I do all the thinking. Loser much.
So after all the extra time I spent after work, I was once again left alone in the building on a Thursday evening on a salary day. That means, no limo available. AT ALL.
I wasn’t expecting anyone to care about how I am. Really. There were some who expressed their concern about me being alone in the entire building but was helpless about it because, yeah, welcome to Sandland. And of course, there were those who didn’t really care much at all. I am just so blessed to have “friends” (yes, from the local bakala) who was kind enough to treat my situation as he calls it. Code Blue. And yes, I was sent a ride home. Thank goodness.
It was at that night that I realized, I really have to stop giving so much of myself and my time to others. Maybe, thinking that I always, always have the means to get myself out of a sticky situation, I was okay without help, or company, or even concern. Ansabe? I bet if the situation’s the other way around, I’m probably gonna be here for others, come hell or high water. Genern. But then again, as I said, why would I expect? At the end of the day, I am responsible for my own self. That’s how it is. That’s how it should be.
Nonetheless, I am so grateful that God sent help. Maybe some are thinking, sus, maliit na bagay, bini-big deal. Let’s see if you find yourself in the same situation with the same circumstance. Let’s see how well you do.
Anyways, I have decided to focus on what really matters. I can’t be distracted by irrelevant things. Sino ba naiiwan dito if I can’t finish my tasks? Ako naman di ba? Yun lungsss, this experience, maliit na bagay man for others, has sent an important message to me. No one else will look out for me but myself so, that’s that.
Oh and by the way, HAPPY DECEMBER =)
Ciao!
Giiirrrllll!
I am not sure whether I am supposed to be comfortable in my workplace. Kase nga it’s a workplace, not a bedroom, or a lounge. Maybe others are much comfortable than I am, but when you’re stuck with an uber “arte” (and I’m not even exaggerating one bit) colleague in small office space, grabe lang. Even the sound of my keyboard annoys her. What to do?? May nabibili bang keyboard na naka silent mode? Geeez! Sobrang sensitive sa sound, even the sound of the airconditioning system irks her. That’s why when one section from our department moved to the room beside us, I was silently amused because they have kids all the time, and when there are kids, there’s noise. :))) Bwahahah! Deal with that, girl! The noise never bothers me anyway (to the tune of Let It Go in the Frozen movie). There was one time, when a colleague from the executive department used her phone while she was on leave and she was all questions and stuffs, but when confronted about all her comments, she has nothing to say. Telepono lang yan girl, dapat available yan kahit kanino if and when it is needed. Kung ikaw bumili nyan, pwede, lamunin mo. :)))) I’m all rants today because minsan I don’t really mind but now, I feel like typing with all my heart, because I said earlier, the sound of my keyboard annoys her. I’m pretending like I’m doing really important stuff, but I’m just typing away, makapang bwisit lang :)) And if she emails me again, sabihin ko kaya, why don’t you tell the boss to pass on my work to you para may itype ka din sa keyboard mo. diba diba? :)) So anyway, yun lang. I just needed to rant a little bit para mawala ka sa sistema ko. Hoho! Moving onnnn…
Some days, I am just not the best version of myself. Even the smallest of things fluster my almost always calm and carefree nature. Time and experience honed my strength, yet even the strongest have their moments of vulnerability. Embrace these times of weakness, do what you must, and while regaining the balance back into your life, make something beautiful... ❤️
July 24 Blog - Monday
#1DayLateUpload I haven’t blogged for a while now. Why can’t I seem to have enough time for anything? With the regular work schedule, two online shops, the gym schedule and whatnots, it feels like there is no time to breathe anymore. So much to do, so little time. And it’s so exhausting already. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I am so freaking unhappy today.
How February 2017 welcomed us
Hello February! Yesterday, I woke up to a happy news. The discount requested for the sister-in-laws chemo medication has been approved which means 40% off its regular price. PRAISE GOD. One of our struggles throughout this whole ordeal is of course, funds, and having a substantial amount taken from the entire expense is a huge relief, and can be used for the Green Barley funds that’s keeping Michelle energized and healthy even with her chemo sessions. Again, PRAISE GOD. Aside from that, we are still praying for additional discount from PCSO which would further reduce the medical expenses. Praying and crossing our fingers on this one. Later in the day, I received another good news from the hubdub. His job has been retained. Yay! There was this huge re-organization thing that happened because of the new administration in Pinas where thousands of health workers would be left without a job for 2017. Exams and interviews started December 2016. We were waiting and praying for positive results until yesterday. Another blessing. Again, PRAISE GOD. So many blessings in a day. Thank you, FATHER. It’s a great day to rejoice and be grateful. :)
On Responsibility, Troubling Times, and Blessings
Warning: This post is full of different kinds of emotions. Please bear with the writer :)) 2015 and 2016 were years full of huge and meaningful events for my family. Everything were in bounties, and we had so much to give. Life was good. We were happy. Let me start with my frustrations. Nearing the end of 2016, November to be specific. A few close ties were suddenly cut loose. Mostly relatives. I have come to realize that giving so much of yourself to people tends to open paths towards being taken advantage of. They feel that because they think you do not run out of resources, it’s your responsibility to solve their recklessness. That you have to put their needs first because life is not as kind to them as it is to you. They assume that you have too much and they have too little, when in fact, it all boils down to RESPONSIBILITY. You can’t blame people for your misfortunes when you had every opportunity to avoid it yet you choose not to because somehow, your LUHO is more important than tuition fees and other daily expenses. Yup, what I’m ranting about here, has everything to do with finances. My family is not wealthy, but we have enough. Enough for us to sleep soundly at night, enough to feed our mouths, enough to enjoy life, and we have enough resources in case things are not as great as it’s supposed to be. The problem with people is they can’t handle circumstances they create so they shove it on you, confident that because you have enough, you don’t have responsibilities of your own. And when you say NO for the first time, they gang up on you because somehow, you suddenly are the greediest person on earth. All the good things you did evaporates, or rots, may your good deeds rest in peace. Hoho! I’m not speaking for myself because if it’s just me, I really would not give a damn because, life is happier without negative vibes around. But if it’s your family that’s being talked about by ungrateful creatures, it becomes an entirely different story. I am not one to hate but now, along with the forgotten good deeds, was all the respect I have left for those people that I would not mention anymore, else it would become too obvious. So what if were relatives. It’s my family you’re attacking. Deal with my indifference. December 2016, we had a devastating news. My sister-in-law underwent an operation which was supposed to remove a mass in her airway to make her breathing normal. For a long time, from what we knew, it was just a mass, benign, harmless. But then, after the operation, the physician revealed a heartbreaking news. Nothing confirmed yet, but the words were “IT IS NOT GOOD”. Clear diagnosis will be out after the holidays. Our positive and happy mood turned grim, it was a dark, dark time for all for us. The anticipation a lot to bear. Then came Christmas. Then new year. Mom had to go home again after coming back from her vacation just last November 2015. She has always been the pillar my family draws strength and happiness from. This kind of crisis, needed her presence. Never have I prayed so hard in my life. It was during this time that I realized how weak I am. I concealed the probable outcome in layers of denial. I had to remain hopeful and positive, otherwise I would crumble. My family was going through very difficult times, and I am miles away. January 3, 2017. It was confirmed. Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Stage 4. I never ever mentioned the word cancer, because my mind does not want to surrender. I was hoping for a different result up to the last minute. However, this is reality. It’s something we have to face, not something we run away from. The first few weeks were very challenging for our family. Physically, emotionally, financially. We were exhausted. Despite all difficulties, we found refuge under God’s embrace. Prayers kept us going. The first chemotherapy session happened, and we are so relieved that Michelle responded well, even the lab results have significant improvement. Aside from the shedding of her hair, she is full of life and full of positivity. Her appetite is normal, and she is her normal bubbly and chatty self. Every now and then, we come across a few hurdles, especially in the financial aspect but so far, nothing a lot of prayers can’t solve. God always provides. There are eight (8) more chemo sessions left. The journey will not be easy but we will not lose faith and we will fight as a family, claiming that she will be healed, in Jesus name. With God, nothing is impossible.
Update Update before Hajj Holiday
It’s Sunday again tomorrow but it’s gonna be the shortest work week of my life because, after two days, our 12-day holiday will officially start. Yay!
I’m currently working on a few office stuff because my mind was too tired to function anymore last Thursday and I considered Friday my super kaduper rest day. Oh yes, I stayed in bed for 13 hours and I never felt better. Hoho!
I have plenty of things on my mind and thinking about all those are making me very exhausted. I have realized though, that I am thinking too much and that I need to take it easy. I don’t even read current events anymore because it depresses me. As much as possible, I avoid all things negative, be it news or people, basta nega ka, ayaw kita makita, ayaw din kita kausap. Alam na this. :))
Last week, I don’t remember which day but I think it was the middle of the week. We had a commotion during breakfast. It was the usual magulo and maingay kind of morning. Nothing out of the ordinary, colleagues preparing coffee, eating, joking around, etc. etc. Until we were startled to hear someone who shouted ASSHOLE. In my case, I saw what happened as well. He’s not even joking about it. O kahit joke pa! So my initial reaction was to call his attention. He tried to argue with me but I kept repeating, KAHIT NA. I wasn’t going to accept any kind of argument from his side. Wala ako pakialam. Mali sya. Then maybe his BP surged to a certain point, He shouted to a LADY. Lalaki man o babae, case in point, it’s not professional to call anyone ASSHOLE, sino kamang Ponsyo Pilato ka. Hindi mo kami pasweldo. To think that he’s the older one among us, acting that way was nothing short of BASTOS. But anyway, I let it go already. As they say, the most difficult ones to teach are the oldest and most stubborn one because they think they know it all. Pwes! :))
Sister-in-law is still sick with a bad bacteria, it depresses her. I’m praying she gets well although I heard the medication takes 6-months to a year. Help me and our family pray for her recovery. :)
On a happier note, I had a quiet dinner with some my friends last Thursday. Food was great, conversation was a happy one, chill lang. It felt good to have something to look forward to at the end of a long week. Oh yeah, this week! Goodness! I can’t even. :))
On a much happier note, my boss approved my request for vacation. Yay! Just in time for dad’s birthday, and sister’s debut celebration. It’s gonna be a short one, 14 days, but for me it’s enough. Wish ko lang talaga, to have a photo na kumpleto kami, Dad, Mommy, Janjan, Janine and Me, to be placed in a huge frame. Alright!
What else? Wala na for now. Looking forward to something VERY EXCITING this week. Yay!!! This is really is it.
Oh, by the way, right at this point, I’m a certified Asian series addict. Hoho!
Ciao! Let’s all have a happy week ahead :)
An update on my boring life
I’ve been itching to blog during the last couple of days and now that I have a chance, I don’t have any idea what to write about. Apart from the excitement (or the lack thereof) about the lipat-bahay, everything is pretty much the same.
It will be holiday again in a couple of weeks. Yay! HOLIDAY! I will be going to a not-so-secret destination kase halos alam na ng lahat and for some reason, I’m having the cold feet. First timer neng? But I’ll blog about it if we survive the trip. Haha! Clue: WALLPAPER AND PEG. ;)
So, I was early this morning. I’m usually on the second trip going to the office because I like taking my time and having coffee without stressing myself out on catching the first bus at 7:30 AM when there is another trip leaving at 7:50AM. Diba lang? Why not, coconut!
It’s been a while since I was on the first trip and feeling ko alien ako. Magulo, maingay in a good kind of way. Parang, ha? Have I forgotten that this ever existed outside the office? Our office environment has not been the same since some of us took sides on an unending battle between colleagues (and relatives din sila). In fairness, it can get a bit tiresome because unlike before, pag nabiwisit ka, maximum 1 week, the inis has already simmered down and things go back to normal. Our definition of normal.
Anyways, I am savoring the peace and quiet. I have a separate office, not easily accessed by anyone, and I have not appreciated it enough until today. I am just so glad that I am away from all the action, because I still have time to stop and reflect on significant things. There are days that I dislike myself because I am becoming someone I’m not. Totoo pala, you get easily influenced by people you spend a lot of your time with, and before you know it, you’re not your own person anymore. So it’s good to have your “alone” time just to get hold of yourself and to find the balance on aspects that became somewhat, how shall I call it, imbalanced? Basta yun na yun. Hoho!
Wish ko sa buhay, lately, REST. Rest in its truest form, because I feel so darn exhausted. I have so many things in mind, so many plans, so many goals that my brain does not stop functioning even when I sleep. Hanubayun.
Oh, I forgot to mention I’ve been working out regularly for a while now. Skipped a day or two because it’s that time of the month but will probably continue doing so because I feel really good afterwards, plus I badly need the cardio and lung exercise. Shempre, we’ll include the fact that I’ve gained a lot of weight I barely fit in my favorite pair of jeans. Last time I checked, I weigh 50.5 kg, the heaviest I’ve been so far. My target is to go down to 47 kg again. Push pa! :))
What else, what else? Yan muna, I really really wish I could blog regularly. Therapy baga, just so I could “talk” and para magising ang natutulog kong writing skills, kung meron man. :))
For now, I’m gonna mellow down a bit and reconnect with my old self. Ayoko muna sa mga nega and all that. I will try to be tahimik, for a change, and to adapt that “kaliwali” attitude para masaya. I have unfollowed several Facebook contacts and hid A LOT of stressful posts to save my sanity. Technology talaga, I was happier when information was not too accessible, because those eager to learn strive to get information, but once info drops in front of everyone, it’s easily mishandled and abused. At ang pinakamasaya, lahat kailangan may opinion. When opinions clash, may mga ayaw patalo, tapos mag aaway, tapos magpapatayan. Pak ganern! Hahaha!
Annnnd, this post is very long already. Wadaefff!!! I thought I don’t have a clue what to blog about. Anyare?! Kahit sa blog, daldal pa din? Whooo, hirap magbago. Charot! Till next!
xoxo
You are so funny! Hashtag Friendship?
I wonder... How can someone so miniscule be so full of hatred and insecurities?
I have come to realize that there would be people who would make it their hobby to hate you just because. Whatever you do, or don’t do, they just hate you. Period.
There’s this certain someone, I used to think we had the potential to be friends. Same origin, same age bracket, etcetera, etcetera. But for some reason, she abhors my existence as if I’m a threat to mankind. Okay, I’m exaggerating. But from the start, I already felt a slight indifference. There definitely was an indifference yet there are things that you decide to shrug off, because you hoped that things will become comfortable in the long run. At first, I actually thought it did. But this and that happened, friendships were “ruined”.
I am just so grateful, that my friends are not SULSULERA and INTRIGERA. Why? Because those characteristics blow trivial things way, way out of proportion. I find it funny that those who started the feud are the ones who try sooooo hard to exude superiority. Hoho. Funny.
Yes, they claim to be the better ones. Facebook and instagram posts about how great and true their friendships are. Come on, guys. Brag all you want, but at the end of the day, why are you still so angry and miserable inside? Amininnnnnn :))
As for me, most of the time, wala ako pakialam. I am friends with those who treat me well. I have friends that are still friends since time immemorial. I am not perfect, but I am confident with the squad that I have. I don’t see them often, but our hearts have this effortless invisible connection. We don’t scream to the world, “Hey, look how real and great our friendship is!”, because we don’t have to. Effort na masyado yun.
Honestly, okay naman kami. Okay na okay kami. And I believe, our laughter and conversations are never, ever forced. It’s as real as it gets.
Friendship should be as effortless as breathing. If yours aren’t, then there must be something terribly wrong with you. Hoho!
Good morning, world! Have a great day ahead! Good vibes lang tayo.
Intense
Last night, I did a very intense workout. First real intense workout I endured on my own for an hour. Hoho! The last time was ages ago on a gym with an instructor, but I considered that torture. I never went back since then.
I was sooo exhausted afterwards, but it felt really good and I can feel my cardio improving. My husband’s gonna be proud of me. Haha! I plan to continue doing it everyday. If only I have enough time to do everything. So much to do, so little time. I’m gonna have to work on my schedule if I have to insert a new hour-long routine on it.
Crossing my fingers I follow through.
Ciao! =)
Disconnect to Connect
Technology can be very exhausting. These days, I feel really better whenever I forego looking at my phone and instead have a really good laugh with my friends. Using the phone to kill time when alone is understandable but when with a group of friends, it’s simply not normal. What happened to REAL HUMAN INTERACTION?
I decided to limit my use of technology since last week. I think it would not kill me if I’m not up to date with the latest whatnots. If not for the need to communicate with my family, I would have deactivated my main Facebook account a long time ago.
I’m perfectly okay with being alone than be surrounded by a bunch of people who choose to bury their heads on technology. Anyway, I have friends who make me forget that phones even exist. And that’s all I really need. ;)
Fitness Goals!
We started this weight loss challenge at the office last week. We called it “THE BIGGEST LOSER”. Oh yes. Very original. :))
I believe it’s time. Most of us are gaining so much weight that it already went beyond most of our BMIs (body mass index).
The action makes me a bit happier and a little more energized than usual and since I started doing 30-45 minute workouts, sleep significantly improved for me. The vitamin E I take every night works wonders as well.
I’m still adjusting my routine. What I usually do when I get home at 6pm or so, is lay in bed, talk to the hubdub, tinker with my phone, watch videos on youtube until I gather the will to get up and cook dinner or baon for the next day. This usually happens at past 8, so when I get hungry, my tummy does not have the capacity to digest the food I ate well enough in time for bed. End result, I stay up until midnight or beyond that.
Really not very healthy.
I’m working on a better routine though. I started working out on my own at home last night. I usually stay with the girls after work but if I do that, I won’t have time to talk to the husband anymore because, hello, 5-hour timezone difference. By the time I get home, it will be past midnight in Pinas. Bummer.
I’m determined to get back to my regular 47-kilo weight. I’m at 50.9 kilos at the moment so I have to lose 3.9 by the end of the month. And lose 2 more because in September, we’ll be going to.... (drum roll) MALDIVES!!!
So we’re looking at an almost 5-kilo weight loss in a span of 1 and 1/2 months. I’m not a big fan of diet. I either get angry or I get depressed. So cardio it is. PUSH! :))
Feeling Down
My sisters have become entrepreneurs and I can’t be prouder. I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy though, that they are living my dream. Well, I have already started my business last year but if there’s one thing that I’d really, really love to sell. It’s CLOTHING!
I must say that my fashion sense is quite good, and I have done it before. I used to have this online boutique in Multiply (may its soul rest in peace) that was about to become very successful had I not left to go to work abroad. It’s not that I regret what i did. It’s just that, there’s an emptiness inside me that kept coming back. I love my job, I love my workplace. But I never really felt complete.
And now, I feel caged. I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of possibilities that I would never get a grasp of unless I let go of my comfort zone. Where I’m in right now is my comfort zone and I know I’ll be able to get through every day just like I did every single day for the past 7 years. But today is different, the fire isn’t there anymore. The fire, the passion that I used to have for everything I do here, is just not there anymore. Sandland became my shelter for since I came here late 2009. It has sustained all my needs and wants. I have learned so much. I have given so much. And I guess, it’s time to move on.
Sometimes, we just don’t move forward from concerns so miniscule compared to others, and expect everyone to sympathize.
At some point, I may have been guilty of this but somehow I try to avoid doing so because it gets old.
Really. It’s not so bad.
Look on the brighter side. Always.
Met up with friends yesterday and my mood lifted a bit. I missed having the whole gang around me. It somehow brightens the world :))
I Choose Me
I noticed that my last blog entry, if an instagram photo is considered one, was four months ago. Crazy. And, I think I have to mention that I’m a married woman now! Hoho! Adjusting but happily married. :)
It’s almost the same and somewhat different at the same time. I have noticed though that I have become, let’s say, SUBDUED? LACKLUSTER? I didn’t have energy for so many things back here in Sandland, nor do I want to involve myself in activities that I previously had been the main organizer/coordinator.
I might have come to realize that I poured a lot of my energy and given so much of myself to what I have here that I feel like I’ve done more than my share of what I needed to give.
Then there are the “EXPECTORANTS” (got the silly term from a movie), those who expect you to just pick up where you left off, let alone criticize you for not doing what THEY THINK WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. I never expected a thank you of any sort but side comments? Hello?!
If I choose not to participate in planning of activities and instead turn my focus to more relevant things such as my personal life and well-being, why should I be the subject of criticism?
Anyways, as I was saying, getting married puts so many things in perspective. The go-getter in me suddenly felt really, really tired. My comfort zone for the last 7 years is not as comfortable anymore. Already worked on my contingencies and so far I’m happy with it. I’m a bit terrified but I still have a couple more months to think things through. We’ll see, we’ll see :)