Seretonin. @aquarterofmylife - Tumblr Blog

need.

8.06 pm, on a Saturday which should not even be considered a day.

I've learned that you cannot force someone to give you affection, love comes by itself on its way when its least expected and so does respect. You cannot ask someone to cuddle you and hold your hand, they will do it when you do not necessarly need it. People want people, but that is exactly the issues, they do not want you, they want people.

After all, you cannot blame them for their needs, this day you are just not on their list and maybe your name is no longer written on the tomorrow list either.

1st of March 2014, meditation

When he had once told me “think about it: we have a whole night left for us. Realize that this means we still have lot of time left to stay together. “ But in those words, which I felt so familiarly tickling the strings of my heart beat, made me burst out and weep as if that sentence was the only thing I would have left, once I would leave. I had so much hope, so much good will, but he was right; we are damned. In five months of us, I have lived the emotions of a whole life and we needed nothing more. As my tears silently and in a slow pace were daringly streaming down my face, I though that my life could have ended in that second, in that very instant when his skin touched mine and his words, his voice, his mouth, would pronounce those things that I had always been afraid to think and to say. He knew how to say things, he knew how to think, he knew how to act, he knew how to do to all these things that I could not do. He made me a better person. He, as he spoke seemed as if chanting my thoughts, my worries, all the evil thoughts that I would not accept or all the beauty that we would create once we were in bound, that we would not mention. So many things are so beautiful to spoil, but maybe the only thing that he could not understand in that moment was that letters were useless for me because I could not speak out , the only thing that I knew how to do was dropping soaking wet sentiments, being so pure and crystal clear that reflected like a mirror my love for that presence that attracted me to him with a major force than gravity. All of these feelings were electrocuting me as my eyes were hypnotized on his face, which was lighted by the ivory light of the computer that was cradling us with a rhythm that represented an enchanting place like Albion.

Flashing back to a state of mind similar to a stable one, i ask myself why I am writhing all these things that I have never shared with anyone, and mostly, why I am using a last tense pronounced by the persona of a narrator that is omnisciently absent and far away from the situation that was so well described. Maybe because I am thinking about a melancholic prospective or maybe because I am just being cynic right now, but after all these designations that I have created I want to make clear that there is not and there would not be any “past” of us, because or else there would not be a “future” of myself.

#meditation #writing #love #march #Albion #5 months #past thoughts