yeah venting again.
I would talk this out with friends IRL but I don't have any. The only person I have to talk to is my boyfriend and I don't want to keep bothering him with this.
Other people have it far worse than I do, but it doesn't stop the ache that comes with my situation. Nearly 25 and my former friends all have kids, or are married. They have their own cars, houses, and some are even going back to school. I've always been told i was more childish than my peers. It hurt then and hurts even worse now. You're probably wondering why I say former friends.
Back in 2020 I hit a really bad depressive episode. I was dealing with some relationship and family issues on top of the pandemic. I was left behind and no one has really bothered to check in on me, hence why I haven't messaged them first. As high school progressed I noticed that some of those friends started excluding me and opting to hang out with other people. I get it, friend groups change over the course of the years.
My anxiety is getting so bad again that I can't even exist in public without feeling like I'm going to pass out. At first I thought moving in with my dad and step-mom was the better idea but I don't feel like i've achieved anything. Maybe it's because i'm not used to a 'normal' house. No one screams at me, judges me for spending my own hard earned money on things, or gives me deadlines on mundane shit.
I love my dad, but he hasn't been the best at helping ease my anxiety when it comes to driving. I resent my mom for the neglect which landed me in this position in the first place.
I would go back to therapy, but I dont have the money. I also worry that they're just going to ask for a video call instead of an in person appointment.
I feel like i'm going in a constant circle, not getting anywhere but seeing my goals. i hate it, and i'm constantly beating myself up over it.
