“House of Fire"
He shouts and calls the attention of a jeepney driver
He rides the jeep
Its sign is painted in bright red
He blames his stupid alarm clock which forgot to wake him up
He’s been sleeping late
He looks at his wristwatch and it says 6:45 am
He curses under his breath, "Shit!"
This is his third time this month of being late
He thought of reasons to tell his teacher
Reasons which he feels entitled to tell everyone
He finally arrives in school and approaches their coordinator
He scratches the back of his head and let’s out a chuckle
He puts his thoughts into words, "Sorry” he says
Another apology piled unto the numerous ones he has given to countless of people
But not to himself
The coordinator scolded him and shouts, “You’re late! Again"
His coordinator seems mad and then continues, "Any reason?"
He tells their school coordinator about his broken alarm clock and how intense the traffic is in his area
He abruptly closes his mouth and he struggles not to let another word slip out
He struggles not to let the word "Family” escape his lips
Luckily, he bolted his mask unto his faces so he smiles and goes to his classroom
He knocks on his classroom door and asks for permission to come in
He always needs everyone’s permission and acceptance
Of course, no one knows that
He sits down, smiling gleefully at his classmates and cracks a joke
In which almost everyone laughs to but not everyone
Maybe because someone sees his bolted mask
His seat today is different from yesterday as it is the other day
He always drifts from one seat to another
This is just like his house
He knows not where to settle his vessel he calls body
He always goes to places, constantly moving
Hoping the friction will provide him warmth
In his house, he floats from one room to another as if he is a phantom in limbo
From kitchen to bedroom to bathroom
He hopes to muffle the screams in his head in the bathroom
To flush away the tears he hid under his bed down the toilet
He hopes to wash away his sin: His sin of existing
His teacher wakes him up by tapping on his back, gently
His class laughs and he joins with them in unison, an orchestra of laughter
His teacher continues on discussing their school play
He is one of the main characters
He thinks to himself, “Finally, my sixteen years of acting lessons are paying off"
He will show everyone his talent of convincing everyone of emotions he doesn’t own and feel
He’s been wearing masks and costumes he calls skin and flesh and body
He’s been hiding inside a box
He is now writing notes when he suddenly makes a slip up
He laughs it off in order to hide his sobs every time he makes a mistake
He blames himself for every mistakes he make or anything that he breaks
He hides his sobs clawing up his throat which he forces down
He is oxygen
But sometimes, he is a person made of gasoline
He is a flammable liquid taking shape of any container he is put into
Their house is made of charcoal
And his home, his family, his heart is fire itself
With his mere presence, he intensifies the flames which burns his house down
But not entirely, it is broken and is still burning
He seeks warmth and decides every night of his life to set himself up in flames
The burning keeps him warm
He seeks attention from his mother and his father and his real father
He longs for warmth and love and acceptance
His only source of life is his sister
That’s why he chooses to continue igniting in a glass box
The only one tending to his wounds is his sister
He shakes his head and he is now back in his seat
He looks down on his shoes and sees holes in it
It is because of his habit since he joined the athletics team
He’s been training to run, trying to get faster
Hoping he would be able to run away from all these combusting buildings
He continues to smile
He grits his teeth and smiles, trying not to notice the pain
Of his bleeding skin, or his body splitting open
He smiles and laughs
But things are too painful, one after the other
They pile on his body like boxes of divorce papers and legal rights
He runs fast to a secluded area and cries, he feels his mask breaking though still bolted
He cries hard whilst smiling
He let out all his tears and for the first time this year, he becomes true to himself
He is honest
He scavenges in his bag for new masks to replace his broken one
He goes home after his classes ends, and he tries to take every ounce of time with every slow pace he takes by walking
He goes into his bedroom and cries, he tries to sleep
Tomorrow, he may not go to school
For tonight, he will decide whether to tighten his loose rope necklace
Or make the invisible cuts on his wrists visible and evident
Maybe he will leave his vessel on his bed, his soul fleeing to heaven
Or who knows where
But he will try his best to make himself better masks
He will try his best to wake up the morning after
