its hard to find someone to hold your hand @arcas-st - Tumblr Blog

js got threatened w hospitalization 🤩

dietitian tmr 😓 scared

on thursday i was gonna go to this shopping st near my school alone and my mom was originally ok w it but thne later she said she didnt want me going alone so like either invite friends or no go so i innvited friends wihch will b fun bu also sad she didnt let me go alone. and the reason was bc shes worried ab me like fainting or not being able to walk long distance :(( and that showed up again tdy bc i said games day at our school is tmr and she asked if im like able to particiapte/walk to the park 😭 said yes bc i get fomo and dont wanna b there but als dont wanna miss out. also i forgot until like an hour ago but i think we get our yearbooks and sigining tme after so i actyally def wanna be there bc im NOT missing out on yearbooks

but ummmm ig i wont b able to rly go anywhere myself for a while this summer (unless i gain weight) :) so excited!

#i dont even live in a walkable area so thats not HORRIBLE ig but also like. damn theres at least a park near home ig i could go to but like #now ig i cant even go to that :(#i hate being home all day tho and doing nothig and feeling like im rotting and thats gonna b sm wore durng summer like i have camps #but still like. no hw and next week the camp im doing is 1/2 day only afternoon but im rpobs gonna sleep n a lot if but still. and all #afternoon is free and weekends NO commitments....#and none of my friends live close enough ot walk to :( and also i js like alone time..

when im in therpay or talking to sum1 and they hear i didnt egt into the thing i wanted to or didnt get what i was hoping for/worked for and theyre like "and how do u feel ab that" and i say disappointed bc like why tf would sum1 b happy abt not getting what they wanted and theyre like "😮 thats makes a lot of sense to be feeling" or like "yeah normally when we work for smt and dont get it, it can feel pretty disappointing, huh" or sum shit and its like. yeah. bc thats how emotions fucking work?..

#like ok first why does it feel very necessary to even ask how i feel ab smt that would b disappointing for anyone #and then proceed to try affirming what i feel even tho its like ?? the most basic fucking reaction ??#like idk that kinda stuff annoys me

got a recommendation for a dietitian 😍🔫 #lovelife

do ygs know how to get out of therapy or out of going to a dr appt or at least postpone them

#no therapy this week or at leaast this fri bc a schol event thank god same thing next week 🙏#but idk if my moms just gonna reschedule or what. but dear god i hope its js cancel #and dr appt on weds actualy scary asf >_< rly dont wanna go #(i need to take a screening then theyre gonna set me up w a nutritionist and psychologist but thats fucking scary!!!)

mom js had a talk w me. so scared for dr appt on weds 😖

tried tiramisu yogurt . lwk hadnt ever rly had tiramisu like all ive had is like a bite of my moms very very very rarely bc shes gotten it very very very rarely but it was good. esp w raspberries lwk tasted super strongly of coffee like ik thats what tiramisu is but like no choclate teaste

sage-way

just realized that most people go a therapist because they think it’s a good idea and not because their doctor told them “its in everyone’s best interest if she goes to therapy once a week” so yay yay <3

#insane that people r choosing to go...

heated up quest protein bar bc normally its rly good + soft when u do but i accidentally put it in wya too long so now it smells like burnt popcorn and is dry asf and weird 💔

bought splat hair dye and im seeing stuff say their dye doesnt remove.... 😟

#...should i not use this dye

dogdeerbones

would anyone send me $1000 to buy clothes

yogurt wasnt sweet enough but eventually realized i can literally just smush my raspberries into it and that tasted good 👍

do we fw my lunch

#3:10pm but whatever #theres actually like none if my drink left but wtv

3 yogurt options

tiramisu

strawberry

cookies and cream

vanilla (0 sugar tried it one time think i didnt love)

bc of drink might have strawberry. my mom is upstairs thooo i odnt like grabbing food when someone else in the room . also w ebought peaches and fresh raspberries yayayay . lwk might try vanilla again

#2:45pm

drakn my lest drink my friend got me 💔 bought one more in fave flavor but i was stupid and only bought 1.. but these drinks so good

#theyre all yellow tho... like idm for most like apple juice kinda makes sense and lemon.raspberry makes sense but SHIRLEY TEMPLE????#shirley temples are RED. like im pretty sure cuz it has like green tea extract or smt but still like. shirely temples r red bro like cmon #</3

i like going to the grocery store and i feel like my dad doesnt realize how obvious he is about communicating he wants me to eat more. like i mean he is aware but idk

like he was like "oh and can u grab more of those made good bars mom said- no nvm get whatever u want" but like i just wanna know what flavor we out of so i asked what my mom said to get and he said "she said to get one of the birthday cake but u can get WHATEVER u want and if u think u gonna eat more u can get HOWEVER many more u want"

or today i just rgabbed a yogurt (tiramisu flavor 😼 i wanted to get it last week but i didnt see it) but when like i webt to the tsore last week i asked to grab yogurt and he was like "you can get HOWEVER many yogurts u want get WHATEVER"

or like today i was grabbing bloom apple drink (rn im drinking the raspberry lemon one i have and its making me realize how much i like that apple one . off topic but thought i'd share) but he said when i was grabbing one "r u SURE u dont wanna get more?? u can get HOWEVER MANY u want"

liike its mostly just the anunciation of how he says stuff to me in hte store that sometimes feels like he trying a bit much to be enoucraging but idk its nice ig its just sometimes a little funny to me tbh how much like force he puts in some words to rly encourage that i should buy more

#do actally wish that i got more of those apple drinks tbh theyre so good but it ok... next week maybe

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its hard to find someone to hold your hand