Jill of all trades.Student of life.Nurse.Teacher.

[archangellica14]

My son, Nile Andres

The day I became a mom, my whole world shifted. Life turned 360 degrees. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about me anymore …another tiny human was depending on me, looking up to me, trusting me completely. I used to be fearless, wild, and relentless in everything I did. But motherhood changed that. Now, before I take any step, I think twice. Every choice feels heavier, every risk worth reconsidering because someone so small yet so important needs me to be okay.

My little boy, my Andres, is turning five soon. Yet every night, as I watch him sleep so peacefully, I still see that fragile baby who once fit perfectly in my arms ,the one I used to sing lullabies to, who cried for milk in the quiet hours, and whose tiny hands held onto mine like I was his entire world. Those sleepless nights, those endless feedings ,they were exhausting, yes, but they were also the most beautiful beginnings of my story as a mother.

My firstborn is my everything. He was with me when I knew nothing about motherhood , when I was scared, lost, and learning as I went. He taught me patience, resilience, and how to love without expecting anything in return. Most of all, he stood by me during my darkest days … the moments when I thought my world had ended. I once questioned God, asking why so many painful things were happening to me when all I ever did was try to be good. I was broken, on the verge of giving up… but this little boy saved me.

He became my reason to live. My reason to fight. My reason to smile again.

To my dearest Nile Andres, I need you more than you’ll ever need me. You are my anchor, my miracle, my greatest purpose. As you grow older, I pray you’ll become a kind and good man …one who treats others with compassion, especially women. I hope you never lose your soft heart, even in a hard world.

Thank you for being my world. And though one day you’ll meet new people, form new bonds, and chase your own dreams, I pray our connection remains unshakable. May you always know that wherever life takes you, I’ll always be your supermom …watching, cheering, and loving you from near or far.

You are, and will always be, my forever love.

October 2025

[archangellica14]

Some days I just feel empty and it’s ok

What I feel right now is pure exhaustion. I’m emotionally, physically, and mentally drained from everything that has happened to me. There’s this deep emptiness inside me, a lack of motivation that I can’t seem to shake off. The only thing that truly keeps me going is my son.

But if I’m being completely honest, I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life anymore. There are times I find myself questioning if I made the right choices, if I really did what was best.

Looking back, I remember the darkness I was once in , the confusion, the sadness, the heaviness of it all. I know I don’t want to go back there, yet here I am, wondering… what if I had endured a little longer? What if I had stayed?

I’m exhausted from waiting …waiting for the right person, waiting to achieve my goals without feeling guilty or selfish for wanting more.

I draw my strength from my son, from this little 4-year-old boy who needs his mom. But sometimes, deep in my heart, I wonder: is this my only purpose? Just to be a mother? The guilt of even asking this question weighs on me, because I love being his mom more than anything. Yet somewhere in the corners of my heart, there’s a part of me that also longs for something of my own.

So I pray. I pray that God will guide me, that He will help me find my motivation again. I pray for the strength to keep going, for clarity to see my purpose, and for peace to embrace this journey not just as a mother, but as a whole person, too.

October 2025

[archangellica14]

To my dearest special friend! Dank je well 😘

To my special friend..

We may never cross paths again in this lifetime, but I hope that someday, in some quiet moment, you’ll remember me …not with pain, but with a smile. Maybe you’ll think of our moments together, the laughter, the stories, and the simple days that once felt like home.

I know now that we were never meant for each other. Sometimes, connection just isn’t enough…. and that’s okay. Still, I hope I became a small chapter in your life that you’ll look back on with warmth. You’ve given me memories I’ll always carry with me, memories that still find their way into my thoughts when the night feels too silent.

It’s strange how missing you can be so loud. I miss you in the quiet moments….when the world softens and everything slows down. That’s when your absence feels the heaviest, echoing in the corners of my mind.

But I can’t share the heart I gave you with someone else’s presence. I understand you want to keep your doors open… but I’m not built for half-hearted connections. I just wanted to be chosen softly, wholly, without hesitation.

Even if our worlds no longer touch, I still wish you happiness …. the kind that’s real, calm, and kind. You deserve that.

July 2025

[archangellica14]

my rock bottom! 2023 Thank you for making me strong and resilient!

This year was an emotional roller coaster along with some heavy lows. I'm proud that my son and I still shine and overflow with love. I know that at some point of our lives it will bring us to different emotional places but 2023 has shown me something I have never experienced before. 9 years down the drain and that taught me the biggest lessons in life . I've learned to embrace every moment and hardship, enjoy who I am right now,loving me for me, enjoy everyday even for the mundane moments. Yes the lessons I've learned sounds so cliche but it's so true and it feels so freaking good. During my rock bottom I've learned to reconnect with my real self, loving every piece of me, my imperfections, my traumas, my wounds, my hyper sensitive self and of course my incredible ways of feeling everything around me. I'm still on my healing stage but I'm learning to love my soul first and I can't afford to go back to that dark place I’ve been & I won't lose myself again. Loving myself and knowing my value and worth at deeper level has had me praying , crying , laughing and everything in between. Making myself whole again and delving into who God made me to be has stretched me but also given me a newfound sense of the things that are yet to come. It's scary , exciting and a little risky!Here I am 2024 ready for all your beautiful challenges,experiences and most importantly to do everything in my power to provide a loving and safe home for my Niley bunny. To see him blossom into good and fulfilled gentleman.

January 2024

[archangellica14]

THE DAY OF FINDING OUT MY HUSBAND WASN’T MINE ALONE…

The Time When My World Changed…

When I got married, I truly thought I had it all. I married the man of my dreams ,my long-time crush, the one every woman wished for. After all the heartaches and waiting, life finally seemed to align perfectly with my plans. We built our home together, and after a painful miscarriage, I was blessed with a baby. Despite the world facing a pandemic, 2020 was the best year of my life. Everything felt right.

But life has a way of turning even the most beautiful dreams into painful lessons. Fast forward to 2023, the year that broke me and opened my eyes at the same time.

It started with small changes: he came home late, carried his phone everywhere, and began caring too much about his appearance. He smelled of perfume, wore nice clothes, listened to songs that spoke of emotions I no longer felt from him. My instincts screamed, but my heart chose denial. I told myself he was just tired, stressed, overwhelmed by work and business. I wanted to believe him , I wanted to protect our family, even from the truth.

Then came August , my birth month and the darkest chapter of my life. The distance grew unbearable. He stopped touching me, stopped talking to me. Nights turned into silent wars, and I could feel him slipping away. Still, I stayed. I fought for the love that was slowly dying in his hands.

Until one night, I couldn’t fight anymore.

I found the proof.

Messages. Words not meant for me. Conversations full of excitement, laughter, and affection , the kind I used to receive. My hands trembled as I read them, my heart broke with every word. I felt my world collapse while my baby slept beside me. I wanted to scream, but I just cried silently, trying not to wake him.

He didn’t rush home that night. He didn’t even try. And yet when he finally returned, I still welcomed him back. Because that’s what love does ,it forgives, even when it shouldn’t. I tried to understand, to rebuild what was already gone.

But the weight of betrayal is too much, It tore through me like a storm I never saw coming. My heart feels shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t gather them back together. …This wasn’t the first time he broke me … he’s been doing it for so long, but I just discovered all his shenanigans this year.

The pain runs so deep that it’s hard to breathe sometimes. Every day, I wake up hoping the ache will fade, but instead, it lingers …haunting me, consuming me. I cry until my body feels empty, yet my mind keeps replaying everything that happened. There’s no peace, no stillness , just a constant echo of hurt.Even therapy can’t touch the part of me that he broke. Healing feels distant, like a place I can see but can’t reach.

Today, I’m learning to let go. Not because I stopped loving him, but because I finally love myself enough to stop breaking for someone who no longer chooses me and betrays me. I’m setting him free .., not out of anger, but acceptance. He deserves to find what makes him happy, even if it’s no longer me.

For almost ten years, he was my world. And despite the pain, I’ll always be thankful. He gave me memories, lessons, and a love that once felt like magic. But most of all, he taught me how strong I can be when the person I loved the most became the reason for my tears.

If one day our paths cross again, I hope by then I’ve healed completely , no more pain, just peace. I’ll always wish him well from afar. Because even when love ends, gratitude remains.

October 2023

[archangellica14]

Losing my first born

The day I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, my heart leapt. After two years of waiting, I was finally going to be a mom. My boyfriend and I were overjoyed and our families too. From that moment on, everything I did was for my baby. I changed my diet, gave up my favorite milk tea, and even learned to love vegetables I used to hate. I loved my tiny little pea long before I met him.

I remember my first ultrasound,tears filled my eyes seeing that tiny dot inside me. “Five weeks pregnant,” the sonologist said, and it felt like music to my ears. I began dreaming of who my baby would become ,would he sing like me, be good at math like his dad, whose smile he’d have.

But just weeks later, my world crumbled. There was no heartbeat. I prayed, I hoped, I begged God for a miracle. A week later, I started bleeding. Another scan confirmed my worst fear: my pregnancy wasn’t viable. My tears fell as if my soul had cracked open. My partner’s eyes were full of sadness, but he tried to stay strong.

Losing my baby was my first real heartbreak ,a pain deeper than anything I had ever known. I felt incomplete, like a part of me had been taken away. For weeks I cried over the little things ,the baby booklet, my vitamins, the milk I’d bought. But slowly, with the help of the people around me, I began to heal.

Even now, I still pray. I still hope that one day, in God’s perfect time, I’ll hold my little angel, play with him, hear his voice. Until then, I carry him in my heart. I may have lost my baby, but I know I have an angel watching over me.

#blightedovum #miscarriage #howtodealwithmiscarriage #unbornbaby

August 2019