I am a war zone

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

“See that’s where you’re wrong,” she looked from him to the knife in her hand, and then back. “I told you! I told you that I didn’t love you, that I didn’t want to be around you- or see you, but you didn’t listen.” Everything would be so much better if he’d just listened, but he hadn’t. He’d stalked her, kidnapped her, and tortured her and her friends. “Why couldn’t you just listen?” She didn’t want, or expect, an answer. This moment was hers, and she was not going to give him an opportunity to do anything else to her. “I need you to know- before this is over, that I hate you. That there is absolutely no part of me that loves you, or feels anything except hatred for you.”

“Another thing I want you to know-” She had to pause a moment to gather her thoughts before she spoke next. “The baby? It’s a girl. And she’s going to grow up to you and your people, you know…the ones you’ve devoted your entire life to fucking serve? She is going to fucking hate them and everything they stand for. I will fucking make sure of it.” When Bunny was old enough there would come a time when Bambi would tell her most of what happened with Arden, if she thought her daughter would be able to handle it. If she was too soft then Bambi would spare the details, knowing she was unable to hurt her daughter in that way.

“So I want you, right now, to know and understand that you’re dying.” There was no coming back from this, not for him. Bambi was numb inside, after everything that happened. When she looked at Arden she felt nothing but hatred and anger. That was it. No empathy. “You are dying and you’re never going to see her, or hold her. You won’t know what she looks like when she laughs, or cries. Or how beautiful and smart she is. You know nothing.”

“A girl?” The swell of happiness was overtaken quickly by the despair of never having a chance to see his baby girl. He closed his eyes, swallowing down another cry of pain. “She’s never going to be safe. She’ll never have a happy life with those rats. You’ve doomed yourself and her.” He stared up at her, blood stinging his eyes. He would do anything for her and his child-- a girl! He would kill anyone who stood in their way-- destroy anyone who came between them, but he could not face death and win. He could not come back from something so finite. He closed his eyes when he could stand the stinging anymore and tears rolled down the side of his face. His head still throbbed, a moment or two passed where his thoughts became jumbled but it cleared up enough for him to say,

“Don’t do this.”

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

By now he was outside of the car, and before he could stand up Bambi stepped on his ankle. There was a sickening crack that Bambi knew ensured he wouldn’t be able to walk. Just to give herself a bit more assurance she stepped on the knee of his opposite leg. Bambi remembered seeing the knife tucked neatly into the waistband on his pants, the perfect weapon. Her entire body hurt with each breath she took, blood flowing from a number of places. There were a few that she felt somewhat deeply, but she supposed most of them were probably surface wounds. The kind that cut pretty good and bled a lot, but didn’t do much (if any) internal damage. Bambi leaned over him, plucking the knife from it’s spot on his belt.

“Do you remember what I said to you?” She dropped down to one knee, so that they were closer to being eye level. “I told you that the first chance I got, I was going to put a knife in your chest.”

She paused, then gave a nod of her head. “Here we are.”

Arden screamed out in pain as he heard his ankle snap and then the pain that followed had little black dots filter into his vision. He landed on his back, pressure on his knee making him shudder. He blinked up at Bambi, her hair tangled, backlit by the sunlight filtering through the leaves. The SUV sizzled and popped, the engine off and cooling down, around them the forest was quiet save for the buzzing of unconcerned bugs.

“Bambi.” He was so relieved that she was standing, that she was still alive, he felt another wave of tears track through the blood on his face. At her threat, his attention flitted from his knife in her hand to her. “Bambi, I lo-” he swallowed down the rising bile in his throat, the taste of copper getting worse as the thoughts in his head became disjointed, “love you. You don’t want to do this.” He tried to sit up but the pressure at his knee kept him down. “They don’t love you like I do. They won’t keep you safe. I love you. I love you.”

dolphinsmooth9-deactivated20190

Photographed by Robyn Von Swank

#face

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

She could feel herself wake up before she was actually able to open her eyes. Her head was bobbing slightly against the window. In the moments before she would open her eyes, her first thought was to tell herself not to panic. If Arden didn’t know she was awake then she had the upper hand. After a minute or so of letting her body and mind fully awaken, she opened her eyes for the first time. Their current location was unfamiliar to her. It was mountainous, trees shadowing around them, the car bouncing up and down with small jumps.

He was at the wheel, concentrating completely on driving through the terrain that they were in. She made out a knife attached to his waist band, and GPS coordinates device on a strap attached to his arm. The land around them, she could easily tell, was in the mountains. There were shelves popping out of nowhere causing the car to move up and down. Arden was driving to avoid some of them, as some were bigger than others. Bambi waited till one of the more steep ones before she would act. Bambi threw herself at him, hands reaching for the wheel. With one harsh whip she’d turned the wheel as far left as it would go. Arden was caught off guard, and tried to both steady the car and get Bambi off of him. Neither worked. The growl of the engine cut off as the car went sideways, the tail end spinning and then suddenly they were flipping. She didn’t realize at first that the reason the engine noise cut out was because they’d fell off a shelf, but it became clear as the car hit the ground and began rolling. Bambi felt herself pulled back into the seat, head slamming against the window, then the hard interior of the car. Things went black after that, with moments of periodic consciousness as the rolling stopped and the car came grinding to a halt. Her eyes fluttered open and closed, her brain confused for a moment as to why the world was upside down. There was something warm flowing down her face, and a throbbing at the top of her head.

It was only when she looked to her left that her brain caught to reality. Arden was still partially strapped into his seat, and she wasn’t sure whether he was beginning to regain consciousness. Immediately Bambi started feeling around for her buckle, hand slipping against the console. Normally the amount of blood would have alarmed her, but the urge to survive was stronger than anything else. Eventually she managed to get herself unbuckled, and fell with a slight clatter to the roof of the overturned SUV. She pushed herself from the vehicle with a large amount of concentration. Every muscle, bone, fiber in her body was screaming to stop. There was blood on her hands and arms, bits of glass imbedded into her skin. She began to at first crawl, then walk, ever so slowly away from the SUV. She hadn’t gone far when she stopped suddenly. Bambi turned to look back towards the SUV, realizing this was the moment.

Arden claimed to love her, claimed to have her best intentions in mind with every decision he made. But he didn’t love her. Love wasn’t violent, or threatening, or one-sided. It wasn’t supposed to hurt in the way he made it. Whenever Bambi thought of the whole situation she was reminded of a particular exchange the two had in the beginnings of their hookups. “I love you to death,” he told her one night. It wasn’t until later she realized what he’d really meant was “I’ll love you to death.” His love was the sort that killed- but not her, and not today. She headed back towards the car, coming upon Arden’s side slowly.

Arden was taking her to a house far from the city, deep in the woods, somewhere no one would be able to trace them. The winding roads to get there were deceptive but he’d been there before with his father for their hunting trips. That had been long before he’d discovered they were traitors to the Government. He glanced over at Bambi, some kind of peace settling in his chest with each passing mile they made away from the city. The road began to get trickier so most of his attention was on it and when the wheel jerked from his hands he was still wondering what happened when his head slammed into the side of the window and the SUV tumbled. Flashes of light, the sounds of crunching and then his consciousness was consumed into inky darkness

He forced himself into the blinding light, head throbbing and his body aching. He spit out copper, breathing heavily through his mouth after finding he couldn’t use his nose. “Bambi!” He murmured, grunting as he tried to shift to see her. “Bambi!” He yelled again, finding Bambi was not in the passenger seat. His breathing turned panicked, sobbing angrily as he yanked at his seat belt. Had she been thrown out of the window? Would he find her mangled body-- he screamed out and the seat belt got free. He fell on broken glass, the SUV upside down. “Bambi.” His desperate, hoarse voice was as loud as he could make it, his body not obeying his commands to move.

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

Bambi shook her head as he approached the IV bag, giving a few more tugs to the metal bars at her wrists. “Arden, don’t!” This was the moment. This was the moment that would kill her. She’d think about it for ages, there was no doubt about that. When he had her trapped in whatever house, or building, or underground prison, this is what her mind would drift back to. The moment that sealed her fate. Four strips of metal separated her from being able to do something. Her eyes left his and immediately went to the IV bag hanging above her. She watched as he injected whatever drug that was inside of the needle. The liquid had a different density and makeup than whatever was in the IV bag currently, so it was easy to see it. Bambi watched as it first swirled around, then drifted towards the long tube connected to a vein in her arm.

The drug traveled down the tube slowly, Bambi’s heart rate picking up with each passing second. “No, no, no-” she mumbled as it got closer to her arm. The effect was nearly immediate as it went into her bloodstream. It felt like she was running and had somehow missed a brick wall in front of her, smacking straight into it. She’d been holding her head up slightly, but was no longer able. She fell back against the uncomfortable headrest, doing her best to push through the drug. It was a slower acting one, so she wouldn’t immediately get knocked out. Even through that she tried to push, prompting herself to blink every few seconds. Then, despite how hard she tried, it was becoming nearly impossible to keep her eyes open. She coughed slightly as they gave a final flutter, and she completely blacked out.

Once he was certain she was out, he released the metal bands, took out the iv, and hoisted her onto a gurney, wheeling her out of the room. She looked peaceful as he pushed her through the hallways but eventually he covered her with a sheet. He’d finish the paperwork for her at home, send it into the database and that would be that.

Bambi was resting in the passenger seat, head against the window. He was careful on rough road, not wanting to jostle her too much. Her hands were bound and her feet were as well, but he had no worries. He’d injected that bag with enough of a punch to have her knocked out for awhile. In time, she would give up their child to him and he had patience. He would take her somewhere no one would find her, they would get married and from there they could start their life together. He hummed to himself happily. This was the start of their life together.

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

She knew what was going to happen next. There was no escaping it, like there was no escaping the fact that this was going to end in death somehow. One of them was going to die, Bambi knew that to be true. She’d somehow force his hand into killing her, if it came down to it. Wherever they were going, he would be sure to take away whatever could be used as a weapon. After that past times had ended with Bambi anything and everything as a makeshift weapon. No doubt he’d have his own shit on him though. Arden loved power and control, and weapons definitely provided that. “There is no us! What don’t you understand about that you fucking psycho?” She yanked at the metal band clipped tightly around her wrist as soon as she saw the needle. “No- don’t-” When she looked down at her wrist and saw that absolutely no progress had been made, she knew she was completely helpless.

Arden smiled, calm and controlled, he turned his attention to the iv baggie, and injected it with the syringe. It would take a few minutes to knock her out, but he wasn’t in a rush. “If they-- your friends-- try and find you, I’ll pick them off one by one until I am the only one left who you can rely on.” His smile still in place, because he did not want to frighten her, did not want her to think that his malice would ever be directed at her, he stroked her hair and comforted her. Speaking low, so that any mics could not pick it up, he put his mouth to her temple. “Shh- shh, Bambi. It’ll be okay. I’m gonna take care of you and our child. I promise. I’m gonna take you somewhere safe.”

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

“You are fucking sick-” She shook her head just slightly, trying to talk herself into not getting too angry. One wasn’t able to think properly when in that state of mind. But it wasn’t working quite as well as she would have liked. “I’m sure they’re all listening right now. Or could go back and listen. I know you fuckers have listening shit everywhere. I’m sure there are a few things your employers would be interested in hearing, Arden.”

“You think they would listen to anything you have to say?” Arden challenged, because to condemn him at this juncture would condemn her as well. He walked around the chair she was in, picking up the various devices on the tables and putting them back. “We’ll be looking for your...friends soon. They can’t elude us much longer.” He picked up a syringe and a small vial, preparing it with a practiced ease. “You know what will happen to them, right?” He walked over to her, pausing, syringe in hand.

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

Her life had been hell ever since he’d reappeared. She still remembered the moment it all came together. He was in his full garb, and seemed absolutely elated at the sight of her. Bambi, on the other hand, had the opposite reaction. Quickly after that everything went downhill. Arden tore through her life like a bullet. Nothing and no one was safe. It had taken every ounce of strength she had in her to keep the people she loved safe. And even out of that, she still hadn’t fully succeeded. Both Chaol and Sage had suffered at his hand.

She tried to move away from him as his hand brushed against her cheek, but was still unable to. Instead she closed her eyes, trying to push her mind into some other reality. Maybe she was back with Bunny and Harlee, or Chaol, or Sage, or Arin- anyone else. When he mentioned Sage, her eyes snapped open. She looked up at him, chest heaving with anger. “Shut your fucking mouth you psycho. Don’t talk about her.” The restraints were digging into her wrists and ankles, the skin already raw. But that pain was a mild background noise compared to Arden’s presence. What was worse was that there was no upside to this situation- in any capacity. Staying in the cold, metal seat would only continue bringing her pain. But Arden taking her out of it and off to whatever place he had…that was worse.

His eyes narrowed in as she reacted violently to his question. Bambi was still very clearly attached to the rats of the city, a fact he had yet to find a reason for, but one he wanted to change with every passing moment. “That boy you were with at the raid...?” He said it while still touching her, still showing her who had the power in this situation. There were still a few things he would ask her before knocking her out for the ride back to his place. He still had time to dig for the information. “He’s still alive, isn’t he? A gift from me to you. I could have killed him, you know.”

exit wounds || bambi & arden

xbamfbi

She’d rather die than have her brain fucked with until she finally went along with Arden. That would be the worst fate imaginable. Even the mere thought of it was enough to keep Bambi up at night, tossing and turning until morning came. She’d been determined to not let it happen. One of the attendants was buzzing happily around her, chirping like some obnoxious bird. “She completely flatlined for two minutes and fifty-five seconds. Write it down.” Once she’d been deemed safely alive, they disappeared from the room. Begging wasn’t something she was used to doing, but it was something she would do if she had to. But as she spoke to Ulrich, it seemed to make no difference. “Fine,” he’d said to Arden, and immediately her heart sank. “but I brought her in; you owe me one.”

He turned away from her and Arden, beginning to walk from the room. The government really was good for nothing. When the two had been alone he’d made mention of the fact that she was going to die, and now that “You are going to fucking regret this,” she called out to Ulrich’s retreating back. “Remember it.” As soon as he was gone, and she was alone with Arden, she felt both dread and anger fill her stomach.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” She practically spat the words at him. “You can’t even let me fucking die in peace!”

Peace, to Arden, was a bit of an out of reach concept. He wasn’t born to it, nor had he ever had it within his grasp. He had not ever owned it or fought for it. To Arden, peace had only seemed obtainable when Bambi had entered the equation of his life, so the notion could not coincide with her leaving it. She would stay alive for as long as he could force her to stay alive.

“No.” He said after a moment, looking at the woman he loved as if seeing her clearly for the first time. “I can’t.” He stepped forward, hand brushing against her cheek.

“How’s your friend?”

#p: hope #sp #tw: torture #tw: blood #closed #post sage and bambi

Hope ♤ self _ past

The girl’s bones snapped, he saw her pupils dilate with fear and pain, his favorite combination. Arden had been so close to finding his child. If he’d have had one more day...

His grip tightened on the fencing, jaw set as he watched the cars battle it out to get to their destinations first thing in the morning. It had been too long since he’d seen Bambi, too long since he had her within his grasp. He should have killed her friend. He could see it in his dreams, the way the girl tried to breath but couldn’t, blood slowly filling her lungs, her eyes staring up at him, the last thing she ever got to see.

He wanted it so badly he was sick with it, every waking moment spent on craving it. The days he’d mapped into her back like tallies should have read like hours, minutes even, but all he could do was imagine it now, his biggest failure shown by the lack of the things he desired most. That girl had taken them from him. He was going to get Bambi back, even if he had to tear down the city brick by brick to find her. Hearing a noise, he didn’t turn from the chain link fence he’d been staring through for the better part of an hour.

“What is it?”

waiting for the world to end || bambi & ulrich