Somewhere In The Between @arianamatopoiea - Tumblr Blog

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

funnypicturesforyou

Funny Pictures Today -

fudnaodigjs-deactivated20140305

madillybee

child are you okay

square-enix

70sgroupie

A background to lead up to now

I have been blessed with wonderful wonderful stomach issues... Just a background condensed background of why I am where I am right this second.. I started having symptoms when I was 4 years old. They would only happen at night and I would get EXTREMELY nauseated right before bed. I remember crying and crying because I was always feeling so sick with nothing to help. I never puked but was always on the verge. Being a smol babe my mom never really believed me. You’ve got this small kid telling you EVERY night that they didn’t feel good right as she was getting ready to go to sleep, I’m sure if I were in her shoes my mind would also go straight to “This damn child never wants to sleep!” I do, but it’s not really fair to blame her. As I got older my stomach never did well with mornings. Every morning before school or having to wake up early for something I would always have to race to the bathroom and was stuck there for no less than 30 minutes shitting my tiny little brains out because... well I don’t know why?.. All I knew was my body didn’t like waking up early! Then fast forward to high school. My stomach problems were out of control... As a teenager I learned how to hide how bad it was because I was so tired of complaining and nothing happening. From the time I woke up from the time I went to sleep I was miserable.. I was always in the bathroom no matter what time of day, not going out with my friends like I wanted to because I just didn’t feel up to it, and I would lay in bed at night shaking from the intense nausea bawling my eyes out because I couldn’t control it. My mom told me early on it was probably just IBS. (A LOT of my family suffer from it so it made sense.) But after trying so many diet changes nothing ever changed. She finally saw now 12 years later, nothing was changing.. She finally listened to me and took me to the doctor to be referred to a GI specialist to try and get answers. I met with a woman and she was dead set on me having acid reflux. They put me on a slew of medications and nothing was working. I kept telling them I don’t have reflux! I don’t have acid coming up, it doesn’t burn, I don’t puke in my mouth I just have this giant ball in my throat that stops everything before it comes out and it was just there. It hurt! They wouldn’t listen.. Finally they made me do a bunch of tests and with each one my issues got worse to the point of where I stopped eating. The main ones that stuck out to me were a Fluoroscopy and an Endoscopy. A fluoroscopy is where you have to swallow barium and lay in this machine and it shows abnormalities in the stomach. At this point I was almost not eating at all. It was so hard to stomach this stuff! It was chalky and “flavored” but it was worse than almost anything I’ve ever tasted... I could barely drink it. I remember they gave me a blanket and I was in a room by myself and I was shaking violently and sobbing and they all just kept telling me you HAVE to drink it and I remember just bawling saying “I CAN’T!!”.... It was traumatic.. I think out of the 2 or 3 cups I was supposed to drink I was only able to get maybe a half of one cup down. Due to the way my body was rejecting food at the time, I was so lucky that it was just enough..Between the two tests I was finally prescribed anti-nausea meds! I was prescribed this stuff called Vomistop. Funny thing tho was that apparently it wasn’t FDA approved so I ended up having to order it from New Zealand!? haha that was weird but hey, my doctor told me it was okay so why the hell why not? It was my first little piece of relief that I’d had in YEARS. It worked for a couple months but then kind of dwindled. But I still took it in hopes it would at least take the edge off.. After this I was sent to have an endoscopy done. I was TERRIFIED! I had never been put under before and at the time being only 16 I was stuck in this mindset of WHAT THE FUCK THEY’RE GONNA SHOVE A CAMERA DOWN MY THROAT AND INTO MY STOMACH OH HELL NO!!!! Well the time was nigh and I was a mess.. My grandma took me because my parents were out of town and I was so nervous I couldn't stop shaking and crying... I had my grandma whom I love dearly but in that moment I just wanted my mom... I could barely pay attention to what the nurses and doctor were saying and just tried to remember to breathe.. They wheeled me back into the room and I remember looking all around at all the machines and equipment and not feeling any better. They wouldn’t let me take any anti nausea meds before hand but I tried to just push through.. They had to spray my throat with chloraseptic to start to numb my throat and I did that with no fuss, I mean I’ve used it plenty of times int he past it wasn’t scary. They then began to put the mouth guard in to prop my mouth open and I laid down. Next thing I know I had the urge to puke and I panicked! (Side note: even with being nauseated all the time I am TERRIFIED of puke. I cant see it hear it smell it or even watch it on tv... If someone tells me they don’t feel good and they say it is their stomach I get sympathy nausea..if that’s a thing... idk but it’s a really stupid fear lol) Feeling this urge I shot straight up yelling that I was going to puke and to get me something to get sick in and I was surrounded by 3 or 4 people and they all had to force me back down onto the bed and I remember the nurse rubbing my head and hair telling me it was going to be okay and just to try to breathe and count back from 10... That was all I remember before I was out.... Pure trauma!!!!!! Having a full blown panic attack and having people force you down onto a bed is NOT how you want something like that to go.... So leaving that terrible experience was fun and the days after with the terrible stomach cramps from the forced air... But because of it all I was finally diagnosed with Idiopathic Gastroparesis. Finally! After 13 years I finally had a name! It was bittersweet for sure. But my nausea didn’t stop at that. 2012 and 2013 were rough.. 2012 I woke up one morning at it was just exceptionally bad... That one day led to an entire month of agony.. Food became unappetizing and the thought of it would make me gag.. I honestly am not really sure how I made it through that month. I could barely even stomach water. The bare minimum went in my body and I fought it all.. During that time i was a steady 138lbs, I didn’t fluctuate much. But during this time, the first 2 weeks of this, idk, FAST? my body was putting itself through I lost 20lbs.. Everything I could stomach to put in came right back out.. Here I was this meaty 5′1 small girl who could all of a sudden see her ribs and wrap her hands around her forearms. It was scary... Just praying things would get better I finally went back to the doctor and my medication was switched to Reglan. I began taking it and I shit you not within a week I was eating! I’ll never forget my first food I was able to keep in my body! A sandwich hahah. White bread, mayo, shitty turkey deli meat, and mustard. I ate half!!!! Angels were singin birds were chirpin the sun was shinin! hahaha. But... The downfall.. This reglan this new medicine that allowed to finally eat.. Well.. I ended up blowing up like a ballon and quickly gained 60lbs.. Not only did I gain all this weight, I also began to develop twitching in my face which I found was one of the side effects.. Cool so now I had these insane stomach pains AND a twitch in my FACE?! UGH.... I was over this...I ended up just stopping it all together for a while. For years I just kind of suffered and lived off of saltines and ginger ale and tried my best to just live life as normal as possible and embrace my bad days. Years later after I turned 22 I started getting prescribed Zofran and it legit changed my life.. Which brings us to today....

dragon-in-a-fez

sorry what

dragon-in-a-fez

capricorn-0mnikorn

That header photo doesn’t do the dragon justice. (For shame!). Here’s NASA’s own photo:

(Source [Because NASA is funded by taxpayer money, all their images are public domain, BTW])

arch-tempered-yian-garuga

THE TIME HAS COME

bioluminosity

he is here

radhakawaii

Reblogging for THE ART HOLY SHIT

plagued-by-visions

Dragon is cool yeah but “hole in the sun” ?????

counttoatrillion

The “hole in the Sun” is a dramatic way of saying “sunspot”. Still, cool.

Outlet

Man.. I got my tumblr 8 or 9 years ago. Thinking about it now, I never really realized what good it could do for me. I used it purely for pleasure, which we all do on social media. A way to look at cute kitty pictures, really cool pictures of fall and colored makeup, spoopyness, be little depressed shits, and lets all be honest we were ALL here for the nudes! But with my adult life being nothing but a hectic chaotic mess, I was gone for a minute but I’m back now! (WHOOP WHOOP LOGIC!) I now have a little more insight on how important an outlet is.

My brain kind of works in a crazy mysterious way. I have so many things that I can do such as writing, whether it be a blog, on paper, painting, literally anything, but as most people do, I find it so much easier to just push it all into the back of my mind. I feel like I’m the QUEEN of “I’ll figure it out later”. Or if I do have that chance to really get things out I retreat like nobodies business... I know I know, it’s not healthy but I am finally in MY right mind to finally say, okay.. You’re correct.. It’s not healthy! I am a glutton for procrastination and excuses and I think it is time to give in and really get my thoughts out there.

I thought about creating an entirely new tumblr but at the same time, I am taking this as a new chapter instead of a new start. I am who I am because of my past. Erasing all of that and starting over doesn’t make all of the past disappear. It was all a stepping stone to where I am now. So I will be using this as often as I see fit. My own way of expression. I may write multiple times a day. I may go days with nothing. I may also continue to post awesome things I find while searching through here. But all I can say is that I am here to express my feelings that I decide aren’t worthy of time. You can read it, you can scroll past it. Hell, this may never reach anyone lol but I can guarantee I am finally doing this for me and to just get things out instead of in.

If you’re reading this, I hope you enjoy :)