the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise
before you read i just wanted to say thank you soooooo much to bri for being the most amazing cohost and my voice of reason these past 6+ months and putting up with me (y’all seriously have no idea lol). thank you to everyone who participated in oc6 and for helping make it the fun mess it was with your amazing characters. this fic is is trash but it’s what i’ve got. thank you to bri and ester for editing. my watch has ended.
-anna🙃
HELLO OC6ERS. this has been quite an interesting selection, hasn’t it? and yes. i did put up with anna but it was fun most of the time :) i can’t believe y’all roped me into this hosting thing a second time around, but it’s been a hoot. i hope you enjoyed safiya, wylan, jackson, and my evil villains as much as i did. and to bertha and myr!!!! y’all!!!!!!! idk how your characters have managed to make arin fairly decent in my eyes but you have. quite the feat. many thanks to anna for listening to my screeching advice most of the time, to anya for making the loveliest lady for jackson, and to ester, my homie, for making idalia--the most perfect match for wylan that could ever exist. it’s been WONDERFUL. see you guys next round!!!
-bri <3
You can click here for the Google doc or keep reading below. If you go to the doc please note there are some edits at the bottom of the fic so you may want to come back when you’re done reading and scroll down to the bottom to see them.
October was the hardest before Arin had readjusted to the silence. Everything had gone from chaos to calm in an instant and he hadn’t realized the ways he’d gotten used to it. He’d look for the familiar faces of the Selected only to be disappointed when he remembered that everyone had gone home.
He often wondered what Clemence and Jen would think of the choice he’d made to send them home, followed by too much silence on his part. Arin felt selfish because of the regret he felt for missing them both but he still knew it was the break they all needed. He’d put their lives on hold for months and hadn’t given them as much as he could have during that time. So he was trying to give them the space and time they needed to heal from the damage of the Selection.
Then came November with its highs and lows. Arin spent so many sleepless nights alone in his bed staring up at the ceiling thinking about his mistakes. He thought of how controlling he’d been with Felicity and what it had done to her, how devastated Jen had been when she thought he was eliminating her, the way Clem had been heartbroken when they’d said goodbye… But he was trying to be better. He’d gotten back into running, he’d finally started seeing a therapist again, he cooked for himself. Some days he’d go to the library on campus and spend a few hours doing his work in one of the study rooms before returning to the palace. Others he’d spend in back to back meetings with advisors discussing Illéa’s transition into a casteless society. Still, there was always a lingering empty feeling inside him. Then a call came.
---
It was the quietest Christmastime that Arin could remember there ever being in his home. Servants were still rushing around as they tried to put the final touches on the decorations. The majority of palace staff would soon go on vacation through the beginning of the new year and it would only grow quieter. There wasn't the same level of excitement there usually was during the holiday season.
There was a soft knock at the door and he straightened in his chair while he set aside what he was working on. He glanced down at his watch as he called for her to enter. She was early but only by a few minutes. When she slipped inside the office he noticed she'd kept her jacket on, which meant she didn’t plan on staying long.
He took a deep breath as she walked towards the desk, trying not to think about the last time she'd been in his office. When she’d kissed him in front of Clem. That hurt to think about but for different reasons than it had at the time. When she reached the desk she didn’t sit. Felicity merely raised her eyebrows at him in anticipation.
“Thanks for coming.” He gave her a nervous smile. “It means a lot to me.”
There was some skepticism in the look she gave him when he motioned for her to sit. She even glanced around the office to see if they were alone as if it was all a trick. Then her eyes met his again but still, she remained standing. It gave him somewhat of an uneasy feeling but he ignored it since she was likely uncomfortable as well.
“I know Christmas is over a week away but I wanted to give you your gift early since we won’t be doing things the usual way this year.”
Some of the awkwardness slipped away and Arin could feel the hint of the friendship they’d once had. He’d forgotten how good that felt. For a moment they were who they’d been before they’d ever been Arin & Felicity. They were two childhood friends sharing a moment that was nothing but platonic. He’d missed the sense of ease between them.
He thought about the way things usually were on Christmas. Every year his parent’s friends would come over at some point for a few hours to visit and they’d exchange gifts. When they'd been younger all the kids would play and Felicity had been among them. With everything that had happened they had decided it would be for the best to skip the year’s celebration.
This year the Schreaves would likely attend the Christmas Eve service at church before returning home for a somber meal. Then afterward they would gather in the family room for an hour or two before they all went their separate ways. As for Christmas morning… Well, that was one big question mark. So many things were those days. It was all one day at a time.
“I didn’t get you anything.” She gave him an apologetic look which he waved off.
“Well, I didn’t either.”
Arin glanced over at his desk drawer, taking a moment for himself before he reached down to open it. This moment had been such a long time coming and he was ready. He pulled the little velvet box from where it had been sitting for almost a year and set it on the desk. Felicity’s eyes widened with recognition as he slid the small box towards her. She swallowed hard, one hand going up to cover her lips as she only stared at it. He couldn’t help but smile a bit at the reaction, knowing her well enough that he was able to tell she was far from upset.
“Lis, I’ll always love you no matter where we are or who we’re with, you know that.” It felt good for him to say what he knew he’d been feeling the last couple of months. “But only as a friend. I’ve known you longer than almost anyone in my life and you aren't someone I could ever replace. But we aren’t the same people we were five years ago or even last year and we both know that’s for the better.”
Felicity reached up and wiped at her eyes, huffing a laugh before she mumbled something about how unfair he was being. Her eyes met his as she picked up the ring box, one thumb brushing over the top with fondness. She was silent for a few moments while she enjoyed the familiarity of the velvet against her skin.
“I know things are busy this year but please don’t put off getting her present. It’s your first Christmas.” She looked down at the ring box with a soft smile.
He could tell how much it meant to her that he’d given it back. Given how things had ended between them proper etiquette was that she return the ring and she had. But what was Arin going to do with it? He couldn’t propose with it or ever give it to his future… spouse, which meant that it would only end up tucked away in some corner of the vault collecting dust.
Felicity didn’t know that Arin had yet to figure out what he was going to do. Not that she would since they didn’t speak often and he wasn’t sure how much his sister told her. It was a reasonable assumption that he’d have made a decision by now even though there’d been no announcement. There'd been so much going on recently that Arin's priority wouldn't have been that, which Felicity knew.
“It doesn’t matter since I’m not sure when I’ll see her next anyway. Jen is with her family in Waverly for Christmas.”
Arin paused at that as he processed what he’d said. He replayed the sentence in his head to make sure he’s said what he thought he had. Then he narrowed his eyes at Felicity. She hadn’t taken her eyes off him.
“What did I say?” He asked somewhat cautiously.
She gave him a confused look as if she didn’t understand the question. Then seeing that she’d heard him right she frowned.
“You said Jen is in Waverly for Christmas.” She answered. “Is there a problem?”
Arin tugged at his collar. He began to count in his head as he took a steadying breath. He knew Felicity was someone he could talk to but not about this. Not yet. Maybe one day they’d completely go back to the way they were before they’d been together but they weren’t there yet.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m sorry to keep things so short but I have a meeting in a few minutes,” Arin told her.
He didn’t but he glanced at his watch anyway. She knew him well enough to know it was Arin telling her he needed to be alone. Felicity nodded in understanding but didn’t move quite yet. Then she stepped around his desk, giving the box a couple gentle taps against the surface. She stood there a few more moments but then she shook her head, changing her mind about what she was going to ask him.
“Merry Christmas, Arin.” She said in a hushed voice, then turned to leave.
Arin leaned back in his chair once she was gone, a million thoughts running through his mind. He thought about the two women who had become his world over the past couple of months. Both were kind and wonderful. But he couldn’t be with both of them. When he thought about Jen he couldn’t help but smile and feel warm inside. She had a way of lighting up everything around her and making it all feel so alive. Then there was Clem who was soft and sweet and reminded him that he could always keep going. When she looked at Arin he felt like his mistakes meant nothing and all would be forgiven.
Each woman meant more to him than he could put into words. They’d seen Arin as he was and they still wanted him despite it all. Through the ups and downs, they’d stood by him, giving him their time and love. He’d known for some time that he was in love as well but up until then, he’d thought it possible he had equal feelings for them both. He’d been searching for an answer and there she was. She’d been in front of him all along.
He had the vague memory of telling her that she wouldn’t ever be happy with him but that didn’t feel so true anymore. So much had happened since then. She'd seen him at his worst and together they’d gone through more in the span of a few weeks than most couples went through in years. Jen had become someone he relied on and turned to when things were hard. She’d held him that night in the kitchen when he’d burnt the cookies, she’d tried her best to comfort him when he’d been sick in the Great Hall after they’d somehow stayed alive, and she’d been behind him every step of the way during the funeral procession. Even when she'd broken up with him she'd been the person he'd wanted to share it with.
Their moments weren’t always perfect and rarely turned out as planned but each one added up and made them who they were together. They’d had sad moments like when Jen had told him how well he’d done the day of his mother’s funeral. Then there had been the in-between moments like the day in the library when she’d told him what had happened with Ian. He’d been so careful and scared. But then there were the happy moments. There was the simplicity of painting with her in the attic, grocery shopping in a supermarket with narrow aisles, reaching for her in the middle of the night, the way she would laugh at his terrible jokes, so many things…
Arin thought of Felicity then. There had been love between them but at some point, over the past months, it had slipped away. Looking back on it, it didn’t feel the same way being with Jen felt. Somehow everything with Jen felt so much brighter and vivid. When he thought of her there was a pleasant heavy feeling in his chest and if he tried to imagine his life without her it felt meaningless. There were so many things unspoken between them and yet they both knew they were safe together. It only ever took one word.
He needed to think. It was Thursday and Arin had talked to Jen recently enough that he knew she’d be arriving back in Illéa on Monday. He had a weekend to figure out what he wanted to do if he even wanted to tell her that soon. Talking to someone would help but Wylan wouldn’t be the best person since he was with Jen and Arin didn’t want to put more on his plate. Wylan deserved to enjoy the rest of his vacation with his girlfriend- even if they had a third wheel.
Arin considered his mom but wanted someone more level-headed… so the obvious choice was Safiya.
---
When Arin found his sister in the family room on the third floor, she was curled up on one of the couches beneath a blanket. She had her laptop resting on her lap, playing a movie. Safiya didn’t pause what she was watching as Arin walked towards her, a hint of a smile on his face. He could already tell she knew something was up as he sat on the couch across from her.
“Do you have a second?” He asked after watching her for a long moment.
Being curious, Safiya paused what she was watching with a nod and set her laptop down on the coffee table. She laid back down on her side, still snuggled beneath the blanket facing him.
“A few. It looks important”
Arin took a deep breath, leaning back against the cushions of the couch. He noticed how Safiya wasn’t sitting up the way she normally would have been but the past months had been hard on everyone, her especially. Not only had she lost a parent but so had Theo.
“It’s actually very important.” It’s actually about Jen. He smiled a bit.
Safiya’s smile matched his own as she tucked one hand against her cheek.
“Finally joining the club?” She wiggled her ring finger enough for him to notice.
Arin blushed at the suggestion. The thought had crossed his mind but hearing someone else bring it up made it feel more real. Most mentions of marriage with Jen had been brief and made as jokes. Yet that's what he wanted. He wanted to marry her one day and have a life. If that was what she still wanted with him.
“I don’t know…” Arin admitted, grimacing in embarrassment. “I haven’t talked to her yet. And she doesn’t know it’s her.”
“You should probably remedy that.” She told him, her voice calm as she spoke despite her growing smile.
Arin nodded in agreement. He had every intention of telling Jen- assuming she’d listen. He thought back to the conversation they’d had in the early hours of the previous morning. They’d had moments during the call where they’d been at odds but at the end of it, they’d been... them and it made him optimistic.
“She’s in Italy with Wylan right now and won’t be back for a couple more days.” Arin was grinning at that point. “So I have a bit of time to think.”
He knew all it would take was a text or a phone call or even getting on a plane but he needed to think things through. Arin was certain about Jen but he wanted to make sure he got things right. He had four days until she was back in Illéa which felt like too much time and not enough time all at once.
“I’m happy for you, you know,” Safiya told him in a quiet voice.
Arin chuckled a bit at the realization that he hadn’t said Jen’s name out loud a single time the entire conversation. Safiya was smart enough to know who he was talking about from the mention of Wylan since she knew about his trip. Still, Arin wanted to make sure they were on the same page.
“It’s Jen. I realize I should have led with that. Sorry.” Arin ran his fingers through his hair with some anxiousness. “It’s been a weird day.”
He paused, taking a moment to consider his next words more carefully. It was a delicate topic that most people had grown used to tiptoeing around with him. He hadn’t told anyone what his plans had been with Felicity though he’d mentioned he'd be seeing her that afternoon to Jen during a conversation. She’d asked how he’d felt because he’d been so nervous and she could tell something was off.
“I just came from giving Felicity her engagement ring back.”
Safiya raised her eyebrows at that. Arin was sure she’d be hearing about from Felicity at it some point. It was possible she already knew since Felicity would have had time to text Safiya and she’d been waiting for him to bring it up. Though he figured was unlikely.
“Oh? Did that go well?” She asked.
He furrowed his eyebrows briefly as he thought back to when he'd returned the ring. Arin focused on those last moments before Felicity left and the way she’d stepped around the desk. Then there’d been the hesitation. That was the only part of the interaction he had any uncertainty over but he kept that to himself and nodded in response to his sister’s question.
“It went surprisingly well. She seemed to appreciate it.” He answered, stopping a moment to bite at his lip. “It felt right since I didn't have any use for it.”
“I don’t think Jen would appreciate a ring given to your former fiancée,” Safiya replied with more of her usual snark.
“Is this a bad time to tell you that I've already bought her a brand new ring that looks exactly the same?” Arin smirks a bit as he speaks. “I thought her only issue would be that it's used.”
Safiya half snorted and shifted onto her back to face towards the ceiling. Arin wondered if she was feeling well but didn’t dare ask. His sister had the best handle on her health out of anyone he knew. But still, he worried about her.
“You’ve reached the end and yet still so much to learn.”
“Don't worry, I haven't given the ring a single thought considering she broke up with me a few weeks ago.” He sighed. “I have that mess to fix first.”
“Is that what made you realize she’s who you want to be with?” Safiya gave him a sideways glance.
Arin rubbed at his forehead, feeling like it would overcomplicate things to explain how the conversation had gone. She’d only been the person who gave him the push in the right direction. Even if he couldn’t pinpoint the moment he’d fallen in love with Jen it certainly hadn’t been twenty minutes ago in an office with his ex-fiancée.
“Not quite. I’m sure that helped but there was this moment with Felicity where it was so easy like we were friends again. Maybe I just needed to let go.”
“Sometimes it takes letting go to realize what you want to hold onto.” She hummed, eyes going back to the ceiling.
Arin frowned as he went over his sister’s words. He thought back to the attack in the Great Hall, remembering the moments of uncertainty and the whispers in the chaos. She’d told him that she loved him for the first time. Jen had told him since as well, even when things had gone wrong on their Greece trip. Even then.
“I’ve already lost her more than once and if she’ll take me back and I think she will, I don’t ever want to let her go.”
“So... what did you come here to ask me?” She nodded before asking more quietly. “Or did you just want to let me know?”
“I came to tell you because you're my sister and one of my best friends…” He paused and huffed a laugh. “But right now I'd kind of like you to tell me what to do because some crazy part of me wants to drop everything and fly to Italy and sweep her off her feet but I don't feel like that's the right move.”
He knew it was ridiculous but he had an overwhelming feeling that he’d wasted so much time being an idiot. And he knew the feeling was right. He’d paused the Selection two months before and while he’d made progress for the country and even some for himself he felt like without her it didn’t mean nearly as much. But Safiya immediately shaking her head told him that she agreed with him for once.
“I've talked to Wylan a bit and seen how it's going from pictures.” Safiya pursed her lips slightly. “And she broke up with you. Let her enjoy the time where she doesn't have to be stressed about something else being asked of her after... everything. I don't think she needs to be swept off her feet. She needs to be told that she's all you could ever want and you're willing to spend the rest of your lives showing her how much she's valued.”
“When we spoke yesterday we left things on a really good note and I haven’t stopped thinking about everything she said. I want to spend the rest of forever giving her everything even knowing things won't always be easy.”
“Is this a sensible, adult decision I hear coming out of your mouth right now?” She asked, the corner of her mouth lifting into a half-smile.
“Seriously, Safiya?” Arin narrowed his eyes at her. “I am the leader of a country and you're going to tease me about adult decisions?”
“Someone has to.” She chuckled.
“You, Wylan, Mom, Jen...” Arin held up a hand then put a finger down for each of the names he listed off emphasizing Jen’s because he'd let her tease him every day for the rest of forever if she wanted.
“Jen's the only one who will be as honest as I am, and since she's not in a place to tell you this, I will.” She waved her hand.
Real or genuine. That’s what she’d said her name meant and she was never anything but. Jen, Jennie, Bee… She felt like the most real person in his life. And he never wanted that to change.
“I think she might be harder on me than you are though.” Arin joked, reaching for one of the pillows which he pulled to his chest.
“You say that as if it's a bad thing,” Safiya said with a small laugh.
“I’m afraid you’d both get along a little too well.” He raised his eyebrows at her.
He wasn’t sure how much time his sister had spent with Jen in the months she’d lived in their home but he was certain that they’d get along. Safiya would gain a sister which was something Arin knew she wouldn’t take lightly. It had only been the two of them the majority of their lives until the past few years. They’d added Wylan, then Theo who Arin was still working on getting used to, and he hoped Jen would be next.
“You should be happy she'll get along with the in-laws.” She told him, amused at the thought.
Arin gave her a sad smile as he thought about their mother. He knew their loss haunted them both every day but he wanted to focus on the things they had to look forward to even if it was only briefly. Though he wondered how soon things would settle. He was still adjusting to his brother in law and the transition was still strange for him to wrap his brain around at times.
“Well, I don't come with a lot of people. It's just you, Mom, Wylan, and Theo.”
“You don't need a whole village. I think we'll suffice.” She briefly returned the smile before it faded when her thoughts also went to what they’d lost.
Arin grew more concerned as he observed the look on Safiya’s face. The past months had taken their toll on the entire family but seeing his sister act so… ordinary worried him. It seemed to Arin that it was more difficult than usual for Safiya to keep up her usual appearances.
“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked in a softer tone.
She stayed facing the ceiling. Safiya didn’t smile again but she didn’t let herself delve into the dark feelings the attack brought on.
“Fine. For the most part.” She sighed, looking over at him. “Maybe you can invite her over for New Year’s.”
He pursed his lips at the sudden subject change. It was strange for him to see his sister deflect in the same way he did. They both knew she wasn’t fine and saying it wouldn’t make it so. Still, he blew out a breath and decided to let it go for the time being.
“What are the big plans this year?”
“Homemade pizza, champagne, and watching the ball drop from the couch.” An absent smile formed on her lips. “Theo still needs rest.”
Arin nodded in understanding. Anyone who had been there still needed rest but that wasn’t possible. At least Theo was taking his time with his recovery. He could imagine the loss of a parent having also experienced it but he couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of witnessing what Theo had after enduring everything the night of the attack.
“It'll be his first Christmas and New Year's away from home, won't it?”
“They do Christmas a little differently so I’m leaving that to him.” Safiya nodded.
“It'll be different for us all this year I think. A lot quieter than usual.” Arin told her.
“At least Wylan will be around.” She replied as she thought about how she’d been missing him.
Arin smiled at the idea. At least some things stayed the same. They’d each been so busy that they hadn’t gotten to talk as much as they should. After everything, he’d almost expected Wylan would spend Christmas in Clermont. Though he wasn’t sure why. However, Allens seemed like another decent possibility as well.
“I haven't spent enough time with him recently,” Arin admitted.
“He's preoccupied with his future wife.” She chuckled to herself.
Arin wondered if they’d have had more than just a couple days if things could have been different. Maybe he’d have come to his senses… She wouldn’t have broken up with him. But as lovely as the thought was he knew it wouldn't have happened.
“I wish I had the time.” He sighed. “But I have meetings and a million other things to do. And Felicity reminded me about all the Christmas shopping I haven't done.”
“And what are you getting for Jen, hm?” Safiya asked.
“Am I allowed to say myself?” Arin joked in a serious tone after biting at his lip.
His sister’s only response was an intense flat look which caused him to roll his eyes in response. Sometimes she didn’t appreciate his sense of humor as much as he would have liked.
“I wasn't serious.”
“Good.” She said with mild amusement.
“Just because we talked yesterday doesn't mean we'd get back together if I told her I wanted to. So I may not need to get her anything for Christmas.”
“I think a gift might soften it, Arin.” She chuckled.
That seemed like it wouldn’t go over well. He wasn’t sure showing up out of the blue with a gift would be what Jen wanted. He’d expect a telling off if he pulled that move. Though he deserved to be told off regardless of how he went back to Jen. He knew that much.
“Are you saying I should just start sending gifts now?”
“Everything in moderation.” She fiddled with the blanket on her lap. “One gift and some suppressed Arin honesty should suffice.”
“At this point, I’m not sure there’s a point in toning down who I am.” He told her, furrowing his eyebrows as he spoke. “She already knows.”
“Everyone could use a little self-improvement.” Safiya shot him another flat look.
“It’s possible I’d rather focus on the country first.” He shrugged.
Safiya sighed. She didn’t feel like opening the same can of worms again since it never seemed to get them anywhere. Though Arin wasn’t trying to get on her nerves with that statement. He had so much he wanted to do for Illéa and he felt like even if he had years it would never be enough. There were so many things leftover from the previous generations of Schreaves that needed to be fixed.
“Congratulations.” She told him, having summoned a smile. “I'm happy with your choice, not that you really needed my approval.”
He knew he didn’t need her to say that but he did at the same time. Arin needed someone to tell him what he wanted was right. It might have been shallow but it reassured him.
“She’s amazing, isn’t she?”
“Yes.” Safiya chuckled. “Very wonderful.”
“She’s the one, Sia.” He smiled, thinking about Jen.
“I know.” She said softly. “Go get her, Arin.”
Go get her.
That was all Arin wanted to do.
There were so many things he was still uncertain about but Jen wasn’t one of them. With her next to him he was sure the rest would fall into place. She wanted more which she’d made sure to tell him and he wanted more too. He wanted the ups and downs and the times in between. Arin didn’t want only one more minute with Jen. He wanted a lifetime of moments and minutes with her.
He’d told her that it would be easier if it was a choice they could make together and she’d agreed. Now he’d made his choice. Whatever came next they could decide together. Together. Jen and Arin. He liked the sound of that.
