Arion

I needed another hobby

[arionsnotastarsytem]

What I see

There’s a book in the corner that I’ve had my eye on for now,

Not because I want to read it,

But because it looks like a foreigner sitting amongst the damaged spines,

A pretty little opal amongst graphite.

And then there’s a half finished painting that I spot on the floor,

Where careless hands had smudged lines pre planned. 

And I hear music floating up from below,

And I can see the corner of paper that holds a few notes.

And I’d love to get up and grab that pristine spine,

And trace my fingers over the smooth leather bind,

Place it back to where it truly belongs,

Or grab those sheets and play a song,

Then pick up that painting I’d so carelessly smudged,

And sit there for hours and delicately touch.

A bit of colour to the parts of my mind where darkness took root 

And then left behind

A consciousness trapped in a body with limbs so heavy

That it’s all that I can do to look.

[arionsnotastarsytem]

Poem on a canvas

You see I want to write a poem, I really do.

but when I sit down to write my mind goes blank,

As if every thought, that not a moment ago had been swirling round in my head, 

suddenly turned molten and hardened to lead.

The canvas placed in front of me is a brilliant glaring white

And I’m an artist holding a paintbrush with no picture in their mind.

Little snippets of colour and shapes I’ll splash onto the page

In hopes that it will make sense and quench my ever growing rage

I paint phrases with rhymes and no rhythms

And phrases with rhythms and no rhymes

And then discard the sullied canvas onto an ever-growing pile.

You see I have been told that I have a way with words,

But I don’t see this and I feel that it’s absurd 

That I can sit here for weeks and weeks on end 

Quite literally driving myself round the bend

And then as if it falls into place

Suddenly this canvas has run out of space.

[arionsnotastarsytem]

Love’s Façade

When we were young we were taught about love. How it brightens rooms and warms the heart, how you’ll find someone who fits like a glove, but you see that’s only the surface part. For love is warm but it is also cold. a hidden side that is often unseen, this is the tale that is not ever told, it’s the horrid part that’s ever unclean. It is at this point that we should turn back, but that would be playing into love’s hand, for love’s façade is now starting to crack, we are breaking off from love’s marching band. There’s one side of love that’s clean, warm and bright, and the other that’s no more than a blight. 

[arionsnotastarsytem]

Aftermath

sand shifts softly beneath unsteady feet lost eyes gleaning where the sky meets the sea here the memories slowly start to seep, as knees give way they cry a silent plea. Starlight bounces off tears tracing down cheeks, waves gently tugging at the woe beneath, a dam that now open won’t close for weeks, an anguished scream rips out from through clenched teeth. Echoes of pain swell as it starts to rain, ‘I love you’s’ had only ever been lied, how were they ever supposed to stay sane? At last the tears subside and screams have died. They stand and sigh looking towards the sky maybe it was good they’d caught out that lie.

[arionsnotastarsytem]

loves allure

when one doth think of love so pure, one falls right into loves allure, for love is like a shining star, but love holds spite tight in a jar. This jar springs cracks and leaks out black, and that’s the point you should turn back. but love is bright and blinds away, any sense of disarray. And now to look in the past so far, I’m glad I broke that god damned jar, for love is warm but also cold, I always did just what was told. But now I live and laugh and smile, on my own just for a while.

[arionsnotastarsytem]

[arionsnotastarsytem]

Don’t talk to me until

You see, its the ignorance for me.  You stand there spitting out words without a care knowing that they find their mark. Those brambled words take root in our brains, the burrs embedding themselves constantly tearing at our thoughts. You see, For people like you, the privileged mainstream one percent. You haven’t experienced any of the endless list.  From racism to ableism to sexism and still so many more, its easy. It’s easy to just sweep the issue under the carpet, shove it back in the closet lock the door and throw away the key. It’s easy to tell others that what they experience, their issues, their pain, doesn’t exist. That they aren’t valid. That who they are isn’t valid. That who we are isn’t valid. What problems do others sexual identity or gender cause you. What issues does the pigment of someone else's skin bring you. And why on earth does another’s physical or mental health cause a problem for you. Once you’ve gone out into our worlds, and experienced reality for what it is and not for what it looks like from behind your rose tinted glasses. Have seen and gone through the pain, the suffering, the feelings of slowly drowning in a society that not can’t but won’t accept you. Then and only then can you stand in front of us and tell us and tell us that our existence is not valid.

[arionsnotastarsytem]

Some Days

There are days where I can’t move, trapped in my own body by my own mind with a void rooted in my chest. Everything is the same as the night before, but now it’s pointless. The posters, the books, the art, all the things that normally evoke feelings of happiness and now are nothing more than an afterthought. Dull, lifeless, joyless objects strewn across the floor creating a haphazard mess reminiscent of the thoughts running through my head. But I don’t have the time for this. The days stretch on and on and so does the ever growing void that slowly eats away at my insides. So I smile and laugh till my stomach cramps and my cheeks hurt. Making sure I shine bright to hide away the inky darkness underneath and all the while my eyes scream for someone to notice, to call me out. To get you to notice. I reached out once only for my fingers to brush past the tattered ends of the fraying string you offered down to me, falling back into the endless pit with the words ‘that’s just something you need to work through.’ You see, It’s not easy to laugh on the outside while crying and dying slowly on the inside. And yet I do it anyway, suffering in the dark behind a façade of light, just for the satisfaction of you. 

[arionsnotastarsytem]