To become human
– Human lives are short and sadly. Our fate is to watch how them breaking off and disappearing, like sparkles flying into the night sky, and regret about things we can’t change... – says the Senior Priest. Young D looks at him with a mixture of disgust and regret.
Others listen him with an absurd respect similar to faith, blind and naive, which humans present them on a platter, full of sweets and the best fabrics that can be woven, ornaments and oils…
D doesn't believe in it. Not in the Priest, not in those others, not in their great power – it doesn’t exists. There are only beautiful faces, pale skin, gentle voices and lie, lie, lie... Dirty, stupid, self-confident lie that are bound to come out one day.
“You are still young and naive, – those who are already over forty tell him, – You will understand all later, when you grow up.”
Humans don't lie, and that's why D likes them much more. He escapes to their town, throwing a hood over his face, and pretends that he isn't different from them. Humans talk to him about things they saw, heard, met, bring animals caught somewhere in the mountains and forests and smile. Humans like D, but they like him differently than his relatives.
Humans call him to dance, humans burn fires for him and fry goodies on them. Humans give him wreaths and pour drinks into the cup, which they drink themselves. Humans laugh with him and sing songs.
D loves humans and hates liars who think they understand something about regrets. D always isn’t at home, and those who call him friend, son, brother are angry... D doesn’t regret about it.
And then his people disappearing at the fire of human’s hatred. Houses are burning, and those who really couldn’t change anything, but until the last believed in their divine essence, are dying one by one. D is looking, looking, looking at this…
The flame doesn’t touch him. Ashes fall on dark hair, the screams subside, and the eyes, wide open in horror, do not fill with tears.
“What a weird ending”, – D thinks softly.
“What a wrong ending”.
One of the killers turns around and D rushes away.
“They didn't deserve this, even if they were liars!!!”
But humans don't care. They don't care at all. Indifferent cruel monsters.
*** Wild cats have warm sides, and snakes are great healers. Bird feathers are beautiful in hair, and chipmunks are generous with nuts. Animals love D, and D loves animals very much, but it's so hard to talk to them for a long time…
They look like children, even if they are already adults.
Somewhere very close to the forest stands a small village. Humans believe that D is a deity who lives in the forest and heals their diseases. Humans pray to him, begging for his salvation. D comes and brings medicines without any magic in it.
Humans are also like children, but at least they grow up.
The boy who looks at him so attentively, that he seems to have already learned almost everything, will be a worthy successor for him. D didn't promise miracles to anyone, he'll leave here as soon as his successor grows up. Even if he would like to stay, the road doesn’t wait.
Wild cats are good hunters, and snakes bite those who step on them. They don't care is these humans important to D or not – he will forgive them any mistakes, and they know it. They can't choose, they just do what they want.
Animals are too much like children to ask them about consciousness.
Animals are too much like children to stay anywhere for long.
*** Day by day, year by year, D wanders from village to village, city to city, country to country. He can’t stay anywhere for a long time – those who are dear to him can’t endure too long. They have nowhere to stay to be safe... D dreams about the home where he can stay with those he cares about. The friend rescues him.
– Ships are getting better and better every year, you know? – he asks one day.
– Really? And what do you like now? – D answers.
– I have one, completely intact. I took it from the shipyard. Can I gift it you?
So the Ark was born. Mutual assistance, sincerity and care – this is what this house should have been and became. There is no place for humans.
D loves this house, but there are still children living in it. Is that why he's so drawn to humans?
Humanity is hurts D. Kills his animals, plucks every flower it sees... rejects D, humiliates him and slaps him. But, nevertheless, he continues to strive for those who are cruel to him, because among them there are those who give him words, thoughts and honesty. Smart, mature, kind humans.
But recognizing he’s nature, they also turn away. And those who don't... will die one day anyway.
D regretting about them in the way that none of his dead kind could.
*** The human gave D the son. His animals love the boy so much that they pamper him with all their might. The boy is in poor health because he was born prematurely, but it was possible to save him – so D saved.
“He will bear my name before find his own”.
The boy grows up, and D looks at him and thinks that one day he will need to tell him the story that he doesn’t even want to remember. The boy laughs and strokes the grass, talking to it, smiles at the wind and sees life in everything. D looks at him and sees a miracle that he didn’t seen in any of those liars who have sunk into oblivion. A miracle that even D doesn’t have.
The boy becomes the young man, the young man opens the pet shop to help the meetings he believes are destined to happen happen. D helped him, smiling, and waved goodbye – “Good luck, be happy”.
D knows they won't see each other again.
D lied, saying “see you later”.
D doesn't regret about it.
*** D's father hates humans. He calls them scum and fools, wishing to die out with disgust, sells animals to them, ruthlessly allowing them to kill their owners, indifferently passes by those who are crying, not throwing a glance in their direction. D doesn't know why – D likes humans. Smart, funny, generous... They give him jewelry and share their food in exchange for D sharing his.
After all, humans have textbooks.
– It’s foolish to hate, Father! – calls to parent's heart D. – They're different…
The father stubbornly shakes his head, waving D’s words away. He has reasons to hate.
*** Sciences is taught in human universities. Different, starting with accurate and ending with those that trying to understand humans's souls. D dreams that one day he will be able to know it all.
Writing work for a professor is almost ridiculous. True, that says a lot about the professor, but D doesn't care. The main thing is that he can learn so much, how he wants.
D is in love with the human. In love to the point of madness, to the point of being ready to throw the whole world at his feet, to despair and desire to please at any cost. The human also loves D.
“Human lives are short, – the cursed echo of a time long dead reverberates through his head. – Our fate is to watch how them breaking off and disappearing…”
– I want to be with you always!
– I love you too, D.
Father will never accept that D is so attached to the human.
“I wish it would be possible to make sure that you never die, just like me! Then we will never loose each other”, – D dreams, cuddling up to his beloved’s chest and listening to his heartbeat. His love gently caresses his head with a warm, wide palm.
Father said that people will never accept D’s nature.
“But maybe it’s I should became the human for you?”
D doesn't care if it's a betrayal.
*** Father watches with regret as D packs up.
– Are you sure of your decision?
– Yes.
– Even if you don't meet again?
– Yes.
– Why?
– I love him.
Without interfering, without saying "You aren’t dare," the older D shakes his head.
– Your son stays with me. Count D no belong next to human. They don’t and won’t be forgiven for what they have done.
The younger D freezes for a second.
...ashes fall on dark hair, the screams subside, and the eyes, wide open in horror, do not fill with tears...
– Well, then, so be it. I'll still stick with mine.
D’s father arguments won’t work.
*** Bullet after bullet scorches his shoulder – well, compared to what D has inside, this is literally nothing. With absolutely silence in head, with whole world focused at one point – eyes to eyes, smile, laugh, hope to the end that He’ll notice and understand, appreciate, stay, and D will can drown in the warmth of His hands again...
...but with bullet in the head human can’t stay alive.