truly the threads are still all there and i will keep them in my heart forever and ever no matter how many balls they dropped.
refuting death and then falling in love with death herself (because how could you not! when she has the only power you could never have! when she represents the thing you most resist!), living as a survivalist, kill or be killed, power as the only means of moving forward (and then, still, her -- the only power you cannot claim). growing a child in you, creation -- the one thing your magic cannot achieve, then death telling you it cannot be, but you bargain with death, and death has fallen for you, the one who refutes her so (because to yearn is always to reach towards the one thing it is impossible for you to have), so death bends the most ancient of rules. for you. so you can have something you were never meant to have. and still. she must take. and you will always want more than you were allowed to have. that's what got you in this mess to begin with. and how can you not yearn for the one thing you're not allowed to have -- creation. your grief so strong because you loved, and lost, and this simple fact of life is too awful to bear. you have refuted death, but you cannot refute grief. the truth is too awful because you are, in the end, powerless in the face of life. so you carry the grief with you. you let it shape you. you cannot forgive death for taking, because to forgive will be to accept death. and you will not. that's the crux of it all, in the end. death loves you and you love death, but death cannot have you and you will not have death. this is your dance.
and then a witch comes along and she creates. and you seek her, because that is the only thing you ever wanted. and she destroys you, the very core of you. disappears you. but death loves you. death reaches for you. and you remember, because there is nothing like death to make you remember who you are. and so you dance again.
but this witch had a kid, and the kid is more like you than you could have ever imagined. and you think, if you cannot create, then you can take. and so you take. but this kid is more like the one you have lost than you could have ever imagined. because it's then, in the moment you're about to walk away, that he asks you to confront death. it's only ever been your own flesh and blood that made you confront death. and so you look at her.
she is, after all, yours.
has offered herself to you for so long. the the one power you cannot have, she has offered to give you.
and then and there, you decide to take it.
from death -- life. not yours. but that's the point of creation.
