ramblings of a bi aroace

a place to keep stuff about life as an aromantic - mostly reblogs/occasionally rants

[the-aromantic-dragon]

Was doing research for an Aromantic Awareness Month post, and I compiled some info on Aromantic History. Thought I should post it here too

13th century - Beguinage: to house religious women who lived in community without taking vows or retiring from the world Qing dynasty (17th century) - The Golden Orchid Society: included women who married other women and women who did not wish to marry, have romantic, or sexual partnership Late 19th century - early 20th century - Boston marriages: the cohabitation of two women who were independent of financial support from a man. Some of these relationships were romantic in nature; others were not 1979 - Dorothy Tennov spoke of “non-limerant” people in her book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, and recognized that romantic and sexual love were not necessarily linked 2002 - Possibly the first use of the word “aromantic” on Haven for the Human Amoeba 2005 - Marriage, a History: How Love Conquered Marriage by Stephanie Coontz discussed that historically marriage wasn’t originally about a relationship between a man and a woman, but about making ideal relationships such as having desirable in-laws, strong alliances, and increasing that family labor force. 2006 - the word "aromantic" used on the AVEN forums 2010 - The term "queerplatonic" was coined by S. E. Smith and Kaz 2011 - National Coalition for Aromantic Visibility founded 2011 - First flag proposal 2012 - Professor Elizabeth Brake defined amatonormativity as "the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship" in her book Minimizing Marriage 2014 - Aromantic Awareness Week suggested (later becomes Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week) 2014 - Second and third (current) flag proposal 2016 - Arocalypse created 2017 - Aromantics Wiki created 2018 - “Aromantic” added to the Oxford English Dictionary 2019 - Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy created 2021 - Aromantic Awareness Month first observed 2023 - Aromantic Awareness Day and Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Day first observed

Collected the info from: Wikipedia, AUREA, sennkestra on Arocalypse

[comicallyqueer]

Back up but with some revisions.

Working on not deleting things randomly.

[aromantic-diaries]

It's easier to accept that you're aromantic once you understand that what you want isn't romance per se and it's really the companionship that appeals to you. I never actually liked the thought of being in a relationship but I liked the thought of being important to someone

[respectissexy]

Having experienced a lot of it in my 20s, I think some of the worst, pettiest, most straight up this-is-just-bullying-you're-passing-off-as-praxis incidences of Queer Infighting endemic to young people can be best understood as attempts to exercise power by people with very little power.

Like you're 22, you're queer, you've just become a Marxist, the scope of World Suck is overwhelming and you have $30 in your bank account. What can you do to feel like you have any power? Well, you can try to get your frenemy cancelled for cosplaying a character from a problematic show. You can write a public callout post over someone's obviously friendly use of a slur you don't think they technically have the right to reclaim. Doing this stuff can make you feel like you have power and your actions have an impact. Unfortunately the impact in question is a negative impact on other marginalized people. But that often takes some maturity and self-reflection to notice.

[drtanner]

I'm reminded of this post from 2017. To paraphrase, OP took part in community service via their university and part of that was cleaning the bathrooms at the local homeless community centre, which would frequently get trashed, not because the homeless people using them disrespected the work of the people cleaning them but because they had so little control over other things that happened in their lives, and the bathroom was something they could affect.

This, too, is a trashed bathroom; young queer people living through hell and having precious little control over their circumstances or the world in which they exist can affect something by using the language of social justice as a cudgel on their would-be allies, as well as getting a brief feeling of power over someone else by doing it.

It's not worth it. Don't trash your community bathrooms.

[a-random-fandom-friend]

It's pride month so I'll allow myself to express one opinion on the internet :

There are no "exact color" of pride flags.

I see more and more sites and posts talking about the exact hex codes for the lesbian flag, or the right purple for the ace one, and how it should be more or less saturated and I just want to say: pride flags were meant to be sewn in your kitchen. To be spraypainted and to be recognised.

There are no "exact colors" of pride flags because you should do them with what you have ! Nobody should care if you use a crimson red instead of a cherry red or whatever ! Be free ! wave your colors ! The colors you have !

[hxneyfarm]

Happy pride month specifically to folks on the asexual and aromantic spectrum who oftentimes feel isolated and left out of the conversation. You belong here as much as the rest of us and I hope that you are all loved in a way that is comforting to you.

[turquoisemagpie]

Petition: Legally enshrine the right of adults to physically transition using NHS services

Introduce a law to legally protect the right of those aged 18 and over to transition using NHS services. This should specifically cover phys

Uk peeps!! Let’s get this going! 🏳️‍⚧️🇬🇧

[18thcenturythirsttrap]

...Non-UK peeps, please reblog for reach ❤️

[friend-crow]

Hey man, it sucks to feel uncomfortable, but maybe before you act you should really examine what about a situation/person/whatever is making you uncomfortable. Because "discomfort" is incredibly vague and does nothing to explain if it's due to an actual external problem, or some internal shit that you might need to figure out and work through.

Your feelings are valid, yada yada yada, but people use "feeling uncomfortable" as an excuse for all sorts of bullshit.

Look at your discomfort. Look at it. What is the source? Did that person do something wrong? Or do you just feel a way about them?

[stagkingswife]

You know what, same goes for disgust.

If something disgusts you, examine those feelings before you act on them. Are you responding to something viscerally because your body knows it will make you ill, like rotten meat or a deeply dirty environment. Or are you reacting to something that is externally fine, you just have that kind of reaction for your own reasons - like Mr Stag is viscerally disgusted by the smell of fish because he is deeply thalassophobic, he acknowledges and accepts that other people can find fish delicious, it’s just disgusting to him.

[dearbisexual]

Friendly reminder to make sure your meds are good to go for when the pharmacies close for xmas. I'm getting mine refilled now.

[dearbisexual]

[ID: "also check if they are closed for new years! my pharmacy is open only the 23 and 30 until Jan 2" end ID]

Excellent point thank u Oran!!!

[starrys-moving-her-blog]

thinking about all the aromantic people who died thinking they were broken. thinking about all the aromantic people who died settling for "at least I care about this person". thinking about all the aromantic people that died without ever being able to know why they couldn't reciprocate the feelings of anyone, men, women, people of other genders and more. thinking about all the aromantic people that died being called sluts that never found the right person to marry. thinking about all the aromantic people that died that had to tell themselves that it was fine, they were fine, this marriage will be okay and it will be for the future of their lineage, while crying themselves to sleep every night. thinking about all the aromantic people that died that we will never know about, because being aromantic isn't even close to a possibility in the mind of society at large. because love is supposed to be the force that saves everything. because love is supposed to bring everyone together. because to love is human.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Sexual and romantic identity can be fluid. Whether how you see or how you experience your identity changed once, changes frequently, something else or anything in between, it's all normal.

[prof-grace-aspen]

Identities were meant to help us find communities with people who shared our struggles. This is good! In a group, you have power! You can get things done! Your voice is louder!

But these days, people are using identities to build walls, to cut people off, and to isolate themselves. And that, my friends, is not helpful. That is not coalition building. That is not community building.

Identities are all good and well until you're incapable of seeing how you could ever possibly have something in common with someone else who isn't part of the identical niche box you've built for yourself and the two other people whose identities perfectly match yours.

Identities are great until you have, for example, radfems incapable of seeing how a poor woman and a poor man might have any similar experiences under late-stage capitalism.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

You never have to try dating or a romantic relationship. You never have to give someone a chance.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

You don't have to define and label your experiences if you don't want to.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Not everything can be neatly categorized as either platonic or romantic. Not everything has to be.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Labels can have exceptions. A label can be mostly true or close enough to your experiences. People and identity are complex and labels are often used as simplications. It doesn't make them any less valid.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

You can be ace without being aro and aro without being ace. Ace and aro are two separate identities, that can appear together or apart.