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@arospecvibes
hi redoing pinned
hey there, welcome to my aro blog :) you can call me risen (he/they). i’m 19, queer, aromantic, wlm, lovequeer, and loveless(ish)
feel free to rb unless stated otherwise! you can also repost my stuff on other platforms as long as credit is given.
send in asks if you would like :)
dni:
under 13
queerphobic, racist, ableist, etc
proship/anti-anti
extensively or generally nsfw blogs
my sideblog for my alterous and platonic yearning and grieving is @alterouslife
A relationship that doesn't get talked about enough but I feel like it's really important especially to me as an arospec person(s) is roommates. Everyone either has or knows roommate horror stories. Some people only strive to be cordial with their roommates and that's it, not really caring to have much of a relationship besides sharing rent and utilities and space and dishes, but for us roommates are some of our most important relationships. We are in the midst of the most stressful move of our life and the thing that made us choose the place we ended up moving into was the fact that we clicked with the roommate here. We love our own space and with every roommate we've honestly interacted very little, but every time we have interacted it's been very meaningful. With our previous roommate (who we're very sad to be splitting with, but we were prepared. Even before we had to very quickly move due to circumstance beyond our control, they are planning on moving out at the end of our previous lease. We're basically just splitting a few months ahead of schedule) we both mostly kept to ourselves, but I'm the 2-3 years of living together we did have a couple of "roommate dates" as I secretly referred to them where we would watch a movie together, have a drink or smoke some weed, or just parallel play kind of stuff. It was very easy to talk with them and spend time with them. They ended up getting to know some of my friends through some activities that they do that I don't and it was so joyous to receive an invitation to their wedding addressed to both of us. I'm going to miss them a lot. I don't know if "love" is the exact word I would use to describe our feelings for them, it's definitely a very aro, queer kind of care. Idk just thinking about roommates tonight(early morning)
Hi I'm one of those romance-favorable aros that people keep bringing up and I'd just like to say:
Stop using my identity to invalidate my aro siblings
And if you're truly set on making aro characters romance-favorable, then do that!
My experiences are not the same as someone who is alloromantic just because I'm romance-favorable. You can't just slap 'romance-favorable' on an aro character to write them how you would an allo.
Have them grapple with being in a relationship and feeling guilty that they don't feel what their partner feels. Have them have tough conversations with their partner over how they feel and their specific limits. Have them fight the internalized arophobia they feel that tells them they can't really be aro if they're in a romantic relationship.
But for the love of God, stop just slapping 'romance-favorable' on aro characters to ignore the fact that they are aro.
listening to taylor swift's "nothing new" while in an insecure spiral about your allo friends potentially leaving you behind for their romantic partners is not for the weak btw
I wish I could shake every aro person who's sad that they'll never be the most important person in anyone's life by the shoulders THERE IS HOPE FOR US THERE IS HOPE FOR US THERE IS HOPE FOR US I swear I am living proof that you can absolutely be the human equivalent of fucking sunshine in another person's life with no romance involved but you gotta let them see you first
sorry but i am SO deeply tired of the 'aphobia isnt real' argument because they are literally always being conducted in such bad faith. NO there is not specific societal or legal discrimation against aces and aros BECAUSE we are asexual and or aromantic. you cannot hold specifically bigoted beliefs towards a group you do not even know exist. there ARE, however, underlying and deeply pervasive systems and beliefs that actively erase, dehumanise and make life tangibly more difficult for aro and ace people on a social, economic and legal basis. most of this is due to hyperinvisibility, the medicalisation of any nonnormative + misunderstood orientations, the elevation of romance + romantic structures as the most important aspects of interpersonal relationships in society, as well as the nuclear atomisation of the family. among other things. like. amatonormativity has never been ABOUT aromantic people specfically oh my GOD. its simply the underlying social belief that everyone is expected to be in monogamous romantic relationships and that those relationships are expected to the default centre of one's life. its something that affects EVERYONE! but within that it affects aromantic people in a specific and heightened way because of our inability to participate in it in a societally acceptable way. like these are not 'aromantic' or 'asexual' or 'polyamorous' issues specifically. these are theories and terms that originated within feminist + queer sociology studies! its all part of the wider underlying social fabric! aspec people are simply pointing out that we are often affected by these things in unique and often unseen ways.
the idea that we believe people actively 'hate' us for being asexual or aromantic is completely ridiculous. most people i know do not even know the definition of those words! so how could they hate me for it. they could however, for example, hold the pervasive + societally unchallenged belief that not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction is a medical issue or something concerningly abnormal in a human being + something i should get fixed. and its not uncommon that when you DO explain that its simply your orientation to them, they continue to medicalise it and see it as some sort of issue. genuinely so deeply tired of having to explain this to people time and time again when they only want to cherry pick the most ridiculous arguments to respond to and then act as if that's a majority held opinion in the aspec community. like i actually think we are aware of how society views us we're not fucking deluded and stupid. we don't have victim complexes we are just pointing out facts that yall are so desperate to ignore. UGHHHHH
[JUST FRIENDS]
Enjoy the first 4 pages of my comic about friendship and the depth of platonic love, which I’ll be selling at the first edition of Pride In Panels this month (aspecs are you listening?)!
Find me at the San Francisco Main Library on Sunday, Feb 18th, from 12-5PM.
A comic about friendship and the depth of platonic love! Want the print version? Go here: https://store.silversprocket.net/products/just-fri
having an aro post breach containment even in a positive way is nice but also reminds me just how much my experience is influenced by associating almost only with prioriaros and alloaros
also reveals how the alloromantic people i know are apparently weird as fuck. i've never actually had a friend completely leave or even really start talking to me less because they got a romantic partner. honestly half the time when my friends get partners i don't even notice. like if anything maybe they hit on me as a joke less. i know this is a very common aro experience though i just train my allors better than the rest of you is what im saying
i wonder if dr brake knows how much her work is beloved by aromantic people
but also the fact that amatonormativity had literally nothing to do with aromantic people in its original usage and was actually coined by a woman who primarily focuses on misogyny is very interesting to me politically speaking. aromantic issues are gender issues or something
“We need more aro people” not only can you not handle a cishet aromantic man, but neither can you even handle any kind of masc aligned aromantic person who is attracted to women or fem aligned people. Can we be serious please.
HAS THIS BEEN DONE BEFORE??? IMAGINE: AN APP FOR AROACE PEOPLE OR ARO PEOPLE OR ACE PEOPLE OR AROALLO PEOPLE OR ACEALLO PEOPLE OR JUST AHYONE WHO WANTS TO USE IT AND ITS A DATING APP EXCEPT FOR QPRS. AND IT CAN HAVE SECTIONS LIKE “for those who just want a sexual relationship, these people want the same thing, wanna browse through them?” LIKE WOULD ANYONE ELSE WANT THIS
there's one in development called a-cafe!! it's been in the works for a while now but i think progress has sort of stalled rn 😭
"im lovesick" "im lovesick" uhmm you didnt get the love vaccine?? cmon :/
My (late) contribution for Make A Terrible Comic Day! I've been going to the library more often lately so this has been coming up a lot, cause I want something to read but have had trouble finding anything that I'm comfortable with.
If anyone has recommendations please please let me know because I am struggling.
repeat it with me :
ROMANCE-AVERSE AND ROMANCE-REPULSED AROMANTICS ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THEIR AVERSION/REPULSION!
ROMANCE-INDIFFERENT AROMANTICS ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO CARE ABOUT ROMANCE!
ROMANCE-FAVOURABLE AND ROMANCE-AMBIVALENT AROMANTICS ARE NOT LESS AROMANTIC FOR ENJOYING ROMANCE IN SOME WAYS!
FEMALE AROMANTICS ARE NOT 'QUIRKY' PICK-MES OR OLD MAIDS!
MALE AROMANTICS ARE NOT INCELS OR MISOGYNISTS!
NON-BINARY AROMANTICS ARE VALID AND SHOULD BE SUPORTED AND ARE NOT FADDISH!
ALLOSEXUAL AROMANTICS ARE NOT WHORES OR PROSTITUTES FOR HAVING SEXUAL ATTRACTION AND NOT ROMANTIC ATTRACTION!
ASEXUAL AROMANTICS ARE NOT INCOMPLETE OR MISSING SOMETHING!
AROMANTICS DON'T OWE YOU A RELATIONSHIP!
AROMANTICS DON'T OWE YOU LOVE OF ANY KIND!
actually it's weird to think it's universally immoral to have sex with someone who wants to do things other than have sex with you. obviously there are people who are deliberately assholes just to get sex, but if i have a relationship with someone where we have sex and that is the extent of our relationship, how the fuck am i in the wrong if they decide they want more out of it? girl that's on them!!!! "it's fine to have a friendship with someone, it only becomes manipulative when others want something other than platonic connection out of it" listen to yourself. i don't think you think the things that you're saying but sex-negativity is so ingrained that we accept the ideological inconsistency
ages ago, I posted an aro positivity post that got a lot of bad replies. “This isn’t aromanticism, this is mental illness”. People don’t realise you’re allowed to be mentally ill and aromantic. You can have a personality disorder and be aromantic. You can be depressed. You can be bipolar. You can be mentally ill and still not want to be in a romantic relationship. It might not be connected but it might be. If you are aro because of mental illness or trauma, then that’s still aromanticism. If you just happen to be aro and mentally ill, you’re still aro. Aromanticism is not mental illness itself but of course, there’s mental illness within the aspec community. There’s mental illness in all communities. It doesn’t deter from aromanticism. Mentally ill aros are valid!
ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.
when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!
that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.
but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!
joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.
and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.
tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.
