shitty, hole in the wall looking club, but the best one there.
youâll go down a long ass terrible-for-tires ass road, and every time you get to the point of the hill where you can see the soul, you get a little hype inside.
"Who The Fuck You Go To The Show Wit Last Night?" -Joi
She's Calling Craig, But Has Another Dude In Her Bed.Â
Did You Notice?
We as females must do better. We always say men want their cake and eat it too, but in reality, we all do. Any woman cannot sit and tell me different; because we've all been there before. Whether it be with your main man and ya side nigga, or two dudes you're dating.Â
Loyalty. Honesty & Respect must be given in order to receive.
Iâve loved you since the day I laid my eyes on you, and have been in love with you since. You were my knight in shining armor, my breath of fresh air, my lifeline, and Iâd do anything for you. When we were together, I felt as if nothing else mattered; because it didnât. I felt safe when I was with you; safe from hurt physically, mentally, and spiritually. We were the Bonnie & Clyde and no one could tell us any different. For some reason I feel as though our love was a once in a lifetime type of love; the kind your only feel once because love never disappears, it only takes a different form. Maybe we were before our time, we didnât stand a chance when I went off to college, or the simple fact that we just werenât meant to be. But the one thing I do know for sure, is that you have cut out a piece of my heart that I can NEVER get back. Frankly, I am not whole without it. Day after day I sit and think âwhat is missing?â because at times I am mad, angry, sad, and others happy. But never do I feel as though I am one like I used to. Youâre wondering where I am going with this, I donât know myself. Iâm just trying to figure out a way to get that piece of me that you have, back. I donât know how because 1) I donât even know how to converse with you now, because of the way you talk to me, and 2) I feel as though you hate me deep down. If I am wrong, then I am wrong, but my intuition is telling me different.
I had never cheated on you sexually, but knowing this was the worst type of cheating, I did emotionally/spiritually. It was with a guy who was giving me the attention that you didnât! He made me feel as though I was missed and wanted, something you didnât do anymore. There were many nights you did not answer your phone. Excuses were that you were out with your friends, etc. Even one night, you told me youâll call me back because your âhomegirlsâ were coming over to cook for you. In my mind, that wasnât acceptable at all and you proceeded to let the girls come over, cook for you; meanwhile Iâm calling your phone back to back with no answer. My mind wondered, Iâm not going to lie it did and it made me insecure to the point where I felt as though you were cheating. That is when I had enough and said âfuck itâ; so, I went out on a date to the movies and I spent the night with him. That night, there was a kiss involved but nothing more than that! All I could do was think of you while I laid in that bed, what you were doing, what the hell I was doing there, everything we said we would build together, if you would call, anything, and I felt bad for doing all of it. YOU were the one I wanted, not him. You eventually broke up with me. Never letting me explain my side of the story from whomever you heard it from, which made me angry. Our relationship couldnât stand a chance because you wouldnât even pick up your phone. So yes, I was hurt and angry and after about one month or so, I did have sex with him. I felt as though he was my comfort, being that you wouldnât talk to me, there was nothing else for me to do; I couldnât wait around for a man who wouldnât even pick up the phone and talk to me like a man would. We couldnât talk out our problems, nothing. Everything that we built, it went down the drain fast. Ever since, you have not forgiven me for that, and I wonder if you did, would we have a different relationship now, on this day?
I know we arenât together, but you talk to me completely different and treat me as though we never had anything. Was it never anything to you? I know I hurt you, and once again, I am so sorry for that, but when will the hurt stop? I honestly feel as though we are both hurting from each other because when weâre around each other, itâs totally awkward. You never look at me head on or in my eyes, your tone of voice is different, your facial expressions and stature is different. So what is it? Did I hurt you that bad that you canât even look me in the eyes and keep up a conversation with me like Iâm a human being, do I make you uncomfortable, or is it that youâre trying to hide lost feelings? I need to know because itâs totally awkward and you make me feel like shit. You make me feel like Iâm not good enough to even have a decent conversation without you being facetious.
To this day, I have had two real relationships. I didnât want it to be exactly how ours was because that type of love could never be duplicated; ever! But, I noticed there were insecurities with he and I and I believe itâs because you and I never truly had closure. You and I never talked about our problems, they were just ignored. My relationship with him was good but it went sour because he started cheating but I forgave him. I forgave him for stepping out three times, two of which I caught him with my own eyes. I wondered if I forgave him over and over because I believed everyone should be forgiven for their mistakes. Why not? Jesus died on the cross for all of our sins, so why do we as people make it so hard to forgive others of their mistakes? I donât know but maybe I forgave him for the simple fact that forgiveness makes you stronger to persevere, rather than weak, which eventually makes you a quitter. But it came to an end when he tried to beat me with his hands; not once, but twice. All these years I wondered what I needed to do, but itâs not up to me. Itâs in Godâs hands and youâve been on my mind a lot lately. The answer He gave me was to write about you and express everything I feel about you.
I really donât know how to handle my emotions regarding you at this point, I really donât. I want to say the love I have for you is eternal, it like never leaves my body. When I see you, my heart still drops to my feet like Iâm a child, my breathing rate speeds up, itâs just this feeling I get and I donât know what it is. I want to get rid of it, but I canât. Maybe one day I will meet a man who will make me feel about him, the way I do about you, and all of this could be over one day.
I love you and hate you all at the same time. I love you because the way you showed me how to love, and be in love, for how this love thing goes, for knowing I deserve better, for having higher standards, for making understand the perks of love, and although we were young, it was the most real thing that has ever happened in my life. But I hate you, I hate you for leaving me, for making me feel like I screwed up one of the best things that could ever happen to me, for never giving me a second chance, and for never forgiving my mistakes.
Someone once told me not to go through life thinking about the âwhat ifsâ. At the end of the day, I just want the best for you and want you to be happy, you deserve it. Youâre a great guy and any woman would be blessed to have you!
 If we never become true friends, or whatever, in this lifetime or another, thank you for the memories!
romaincrisis
dededos
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
turnnoffyourmind
andulkaphoto
