VOICES SOFT AS THUNDER. @arsonlullabies - Tumblr Blog

bakedwarren-deactivated20150514

What are you? You’re my best friend, right? You just come second to ball. Yeah, yeah, don’t flatter yourself. None of the above, I’m just a rebel.

Actually, I probably have a better chance with Matt Bomer than you know. Do you have short-term memory loss or something? You’re the one who makes out with your pillow. She probably sees those everyday, so you won’t be anything special – hate to break it to ya. You have the music taste of a twelve year old girl.

arsonlullabies

How charming: I feel wanted. –What a bad influence you are, Warren. I'm corrupted. I'll be even more inspired when you fall flat on your ass someday.

Why? He's married to a man literally, like, 15 years older than him; plus, he has taste, so. Okay, that would suggest you've watched me do it, and that's actually quite disturbing?

You're a hater. To the left, to the left~

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; cade }

greatornado

I give you props for creativity, but the ending really killed in. Empty threats are sucha’ shame. Plus, if you wanted to have any fun, you would’ve left that part out. Allowed some of these “enemies” of yours to make their way to that basement and walk into their own fuckery. Overall, I’d give this about a six outta’ ten.

Plus, isn’t Meryl Streep dead?

arsonlullabies

Okay, just because I like to punch people up doesn't mean my parents are really into ruined furniture; I prioritised, and my haters were allowed to walk free. –Why is your opinion relevant again?

Wow. For a member of the bourgeois clique, you're really uneducated.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; miles }

psychotiicbitch-deactivated2016

Ooh!! That’s a creative title! Sounds funsies! Hopefully the auditioning process goes well and you’re not forced to resort to harm, I’m just not sure how much that’d help your career.

arsonlullabies

And you're talking to me because...?

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; becky }

jjackjones

For the children, I guess you’re going to have to play yourself. But I’d give Viola a call just in case. So you don’t overwhelm yourself with the directing and whatnot.

Mm, but I’m not tall, dark and objectively handsome, so blonde isn’t difficult. You’re too young to aim for aged gracefully Meryl. You’d have to shoot for, like, Manhattan Meryl, and I don’t think your hair could take that at all. You’d have to tone it like crazy.

arsonlullabies

If she can take a break from HTGAWM shooting (and the Suicide Squad), it'd be much appreciated; but that show would fall apart without her.

Are you saying that I am? I'm flattered, but I'm not particularly tall. –Your knowledge of the Iron Lady is flawless, Miss Jones. I commend you.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; jack }

bakedwarren-deactivated20150514

Hey, we are not all unsympathetic dicks. I’m on the basketball team, not an Ice Hound. Well, thanks, totally feeling the love here, man. What’s so freaky about putting trainers on and not tying the laces? I think you need to brush up on your vocab, dude.

My burns are always cold, you just don’t notice. See, the fact that you think Beyonce’ is gonna be your next girlfriend is just very, very sad. Save it for your wet dreams, bro. My tyranny will always matter – don’t downplay it. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hey! I take offense to that, considering my music taste is probably way better than yours, Mr. Broadway.

arsonlullabies

Yeah, but if ball is life, what am I? You're welcome, I'm a wonderful friend. Well, I mean, what if you trip up? Are you into the pain? Are you a masochist?

Clearly: I've been blind to your violence for so long. STOP THE HARASSMENT 2K15. Frankly, I have more of a chance with Queen B than you do with Matt Bomer, so don't play me – stick to making out with your pillow while I make these dreams a reality. I'll win her over with a medley flash-mob, just you wait.

Um, let me auto-correct that for you; while you sit there with trying to remember the lyrics to Stan by Eminem, I just finished a Nicki, a Sondheim, a Florence + The Machine and a Hozier. I'm diverse, baby.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; cade }

bakedwarren-deactivated20150514

Ah, theater geeks – always so dramatic. I could honestly probably do either, but I’ll let you choose. Kinky? Name one weird thing I’ve done.

You and me both, bro. So that’s what gets you hot and bothered? I’ll be sure to tell that to your next girlfriend – if you ever get one. You’re more of a bunny rabbit, if anything. Quick and cuddly – sounds like you, huh? Yeah, I got you covered on moral support, but you’ve gotta accept my input.

arsonlullabies

Ah, jocks – always such unsympathetic dicks. I don't know if I could stand being in a dungeon with you, to be honest, so I pick the former; and I don't know, but I once saw you put on trainers without tying the laces. You're pretty freaky, man.

How are your burns so cold? Honestly, in ten years, when Bey divorces Jay and she writes a ridiculously sexual album dedicated to me, I'll ring you up just to say 'suck it, loser'. And I won't even give you an autograph to tide you over, so laugh it up, fuzzball; your tyranny won't matter for much longer.

At least you're complimenting my hugs, douchebag. –What would your input even entail? You can't even hum made-up songs in-tune.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; cade }

jjackjones

It’s only avant-garde in the context you present it. Especially if you don’t specify gender and cultural context. The real question is if it’s acting or a personal essay if you’re playing yourself?

It’s rough being blonde. Don’t take it lightly.

arsonlullabies

Unless the alternative to me is Viola Davis, there's no other viable choice: but I guess it's both. My service to society, in the shape of a beautifully-crafted autobiography.

Yeah, but you're still hot. So if it makes me hotter (if that's possible), then I'll suffer the consequences.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; jack }

akafrancescahollingsworth

Good to know?

Yeah, I had zero intentions of showing up. I have no desire to be an actress, not my thing. I’m not really a Soc anymore, but whatever. Well…as long as you have aplan, I suppose. Although 35 is awfully young.

arsonlullabies

It's an acting tip. Let your friends know; none of them are particularly talented, but they all definitely seem pretty fake.

Once a crappy set of 46 chromosomes, always a crappy set of 46 chromosomes.

Yes, well, I plan to have won an EGOT by then, so all alcohol all the time seems like an appropriate way to celebrate.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; francesca }

bakedwarren-deactivated20150514

Please, you know I’m just joking – it’s a best friend thing, didn’t you know? Right, how could I forget? Every time you pass a mirror, you have to stop and admire yourself. Cast a Soc to play my counterpart and you won’t live to see the light of day, Coleman.

Well, you can count all of those weak-stomach Socs out on this. They can’t even handle talk about The Walking Dead, let alone threats of getting stabbed or shot or whatever the hell you’re threatening. Although – you really aren’t that threatening.

arsonlullabies

My feelings are hurt. How will I ever recover now, Cade? I'm a wounded soldier; I'm having war flashbacks.

I don't know if that means you're going to kill or if you're going to lock me away in a dungeon. Each to his own; True Life: My Best Friend's A Kinky Fucker~

That's what I figured, but I thought I'd let the warning stand: I like watching them quiver. Gets me all hot and bothered. –Hey! I'm plenty threatening. I may be slender, but my abs are en pointe, cut from glass and shit. I'm, like, basically a tiny Asian Hulk.

...but I guess I'll keep you there with me. For, you know. Moral support.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; cade }

jjackjones

So… are you going to be playing yourself, or is this gonna be one of those things where you play your dad, and someone who looks nothing like you but has the right passion plays you? Also, future Meryl? Be prepared for a very blonde future.

arsonlullabies

Very avant-garde creative choice, Jack, but no: there's nobody in all of Toronto talented enough to play the intricate, complex being that is me, so I'll be doing the honours.

I'd probably look really good, let's be real.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; jack }

bakedwarren-deactivated20150514

Okay, first off – if this is a play about you, there’s no romance in it. No offense. Second, I don’t think bringing blood stains into this will help you get people to audition.

arsonlullabies

Okay, first off, saying 'no offense' doesn't make it less offensive; and if my supposed best friend isn't even aware of my fifteen-year-long affair with my one true love – myself – then you really need to pull your shit together.

Just for that, I'll cast a Soc as Wade Carren (spoonerism for legal reasons). Or maybe Perez Hilton.

Anyway, like I told that white Soc girl whose name I can't really be bothered to remember, it's a test; if you have the balls to show up after a thinly-veiled threat, then you're the sort of person I want to be working with.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; cade }#[ don't worry I FEEL YOU ]

akafrancescahollingsworth

Well, gee, that sounds like a really effective way to get people to audition for your play. Threatening to stab your future…cast members?

arsonlullabies

It seperates the stars from the masses; courage is key, after all.

And no, please don't bother showing up: I can only tolerate Socs with dangerous amounts of alcohol in my system, and I don't plan to fall into the whole 'perpetually-drunk artist' archetype until at least 35.

#{ duets ;; }#{ back up ;; francesca }

Greetings and salutations, fair Canadialand— just a PSA from the future Meryl Streep, if I could have your attention!

Beginning Monday the 13th, I will officially be casting for roles in a small, out-of-school production, titled 'Cartwheeling Through Life: The Carter Coleman Story', written by, directed by, produced by and starring my wonderful self: a heartwarming coming-of-age about a boy, a dream, pot, getting shitfaced, love, and ambition — and worry not, for there are several supporting and ensemble roles available. It's bound to be the undertaking of a lifetime, so please, don't shy away from the spotlight!

Unless you're somebody I hate (you know who you are), in which case I suggest you stay away; we're auditioning in my basement, and blood stains are really hard to get out of the couch.

#i tried tho #rwy start #{ soliloquies ;; }