Today, after listening to my long-winded rant about my family, I am told the reasons for my experiences is very much related to me as a person.
I am told that for people, men and women, after getting to know me closer, are hard not to fall in love with me, no matter how little, not necessarily always romantically, but because of that very factor that makes people fall a little in love with me, it is also very hard not to be jealous/envious of me.
It’s pointed out to me that I have no lack in looks department, I have decent height and unusually curvy for chinese/asian woman, thick hair and that I am attractive is an obvious fact by the guys/men who have courted me over the years and asking my hands in marriages.
And apparently my social manners are impeccable, I am ruthless yes, but my ruthlessness is wrapped in a very charming enchanting personality. My speaking voice is very cultured. And I am brainy(?) with great sense of humour, sharp business acumen, bursting ideas, and deep knowledges of almost all subjects (other than sports and cars and technologies), as well as many practical talents like cooking, dancing, singing, writing, drawing and anything that using hands. In short, I am told I am fascinating and intimidating all at once (?)
In the eyes of others, apparently I have everything and when I am out together with some guy who clearly is besotted to me, it appears that I seem to have everything that other people want (?)
That apparently it is easy for people to see in me, on what I have on personal level, of what they want for their own, in their lives, for themselves, for their children? That when others see me, they see someone who is totally blessed, like a magnet they are attracted to but also want those blessings for themselves?
Listening to this, making me want to pull my hair more. I cannot argue that the theory is far fetched since throughout the years, I have had people who were/are very close to me, saying outright that they are jealous of me. Among those, two were closest to me at the time they mentioned their jealousy.
Z told me more than once in our younger days how she wanted my life, that it was unfair that I came from my background, and had my looks and great guys who adored me so much.
My crazy ex-fiance, when we were still together, also told me how he was jealous of my brain, of my capabilities to see long visions, connecting the dots of the past to come up with possibilities in the future, that when it comes to business matters, I have no problems spotting where the dangers and the potentials are.
And yes, it’s been mentioned often by more than a handful of people, men and women, even those older than me, that I am very intimidating. And that when people see me, they can smell success potentials in me, but successes that they rather have for themselves, thinking I have enough blessings already?
But how to react to that? especially how to react to people thinking like that when those people are ones that supposed to have your back instead of stabbing you? And not even pretending they are not going to stab you? In fact, they would stab you right in your heart, with the thought hey, I should just walk the stab off and not holding a grudge since apparently I am so blessed that my heart would survive repeated stabbings?
