"I did not want to purchase a journal, much less write in it, but this barrenness has become too overwhelming to bear.
This poison has infected my thoughts, daily now. Every time I look upon my wife's face, I remember those damned words that cursed screen burned into my eyes.
"Say 'hello' to the missus for me".
It repeats itself, echoes in the late hours of the night - it has robbed me of sleep, and chipped away at my fortitude.
I ache to tell her. The silence is so lonely, and I know that certain burdens should only be mine to bear, but the more time passes, the more I can see that she senses my torment. I see it in the way that she looks at me, the way that she speaks to me, the way that she regards me...
Even in my efforts, I am failing to protect her from this weight. No matter how strong I believe myself to be, I am still failing her.
I love her more than I could possibly describe. Paige and I have survived through the very worst, and yet, I find that I am yielding to my own fear.
The truth is that I do not know the extent of that man's power. I have met him only once and in that time, he proved me weaker than I ever imagined myself to be. If he could do that to me, what could he do to her?
As stubborn as I am, I sincerely thought that I could handle this on my own and spare her this knowledge. I thought that I could hold myself together and see his intentions fail.
In reality, through all of my efforts, he got exactly what he wanted from me regardless.
He wanted my fear, and I supplied it to him in scores without breathing a word.
I must tell her. I must warn her, no matter how much hatred and disgust I hold towards myself for all of this.
May Their Divinity guide my hand; I need it now more than ever."