“You stare out through the window where it’s still cloudy
I’m there, but I am never enough.”
I am sitting on the roof staring up at the stars. I am starting to find that the happier I know I am supposed to be, the more torn up and confused I become. As I stare at the man in the moon, I have vivid flashbacks of seven-year-old me being homesick during my summer camping trips. I always used to stare at the moon and try to imagine what my loved ones were doing under it. It gave me comfort knowing that our eyes could, in that very moment, share sight of the same thing. It made me feel close. When I was with the ones that I loved, all I had was wanderlust, but when I was away from them, they were all that I wanted. For years, I was stuck in a place where all I wanted was the future.
“You waste all of your winter waiting for sun
waiting for sun.”
Fourteen years later, when I stare up at the moon I no longer feel heartache because I miss my loved ones. But I am still feeling a want for the future. I have changed a lot in those fourteen years, and now my heart wants different things. My heart longs for all the boys, girls, men, and women who have no one left to miss. My heart yearns to give its never-ending love to those, whose smallest worry, is being loved back. My heart longs to let those, who see themselves as invisible, know that I see them.
“You can’t fight the snow
It is always gonna fall wherever you go”
I have started to figure it out. You cannot always determine outside variables. What you can determine, however, is your own actions. If I spend all of my time wishing for the future, then isn’t the present moment just a waste of a wish from my past? I want to help others feel the love that I have in my heart to give them, but if I constantly plan for the future, then I’m missing the opportunities that are right in front of me. Like this song points out, I am no longer going to wait; I’m going to just do. There is so much love to give and receive in the world, but none of it will be felt if we are not present when it comes flying our way. I am learning to be here, in this moment, and this song has helped me remember that. It is OK to think of the future and to dream higher than the sky, but when the future is all we think of, our lives will be left feeling incomplete. Embrace the world around you, accept the love that you receive, and keep your smiles bright and your energy radiant. Live in the present because the present is all we can control. The present is beautiful and hopeful.
- Emily, TWLOHA Summer ‘15 Intern
