Jem

It's a progress to happiness :)

[arubajem]

Life Update 2021.

Hello again. Sometimes I forget that Tumblr exists. It’s quite outdated now I think. Most people nowadays use Instagram, Snapchat or TikTok. Im currently in university now. My second semester of my first year. That’s kinda crazy. Im also turning 19 in like 10 days that’s kinda crazy too. 

My love life hasn’t really found that much success lately. I’m currently kinda seeing a guy atm but Im not really sure where its gonna go. Even though he looks really young, he’s actually a few years older than me. 5 years and 8 months precisely. At first “D” was sweet and he said all the right things and he gives nice kisses but idk something about him doesn’t feel right to me. It’s like I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what he wants. I’m just trying to see how it goes for now. 

Before him though, Ive been on the dating/talking scheme with guys. The last guy, lets call him “M”, was really sweet too. Kind, super intelligent, never did any bad things in his life, too much of a goodie too shoes lets say... but soon after he realized he couldn’t fall emotionally attached with me. At least he was honest right? The guy before him, “K”, was the opposite. He was funny, has such great humor, always made me laugh whenever we hung out, but the red flags were the constant partying with friends and doing drugs and smoking weed. I understand if its like a once-in-a-while kind of thing, but almost every weekend? No thank you. 

University is quite rough. Covid is still going on lol. I kinda miss my old friends. I miss interacting with people sometimes. I miss travelling. I miss a lot of things. 

Sometimes I still think about him... I think about how he’s doing. If he’s okay. A few days ago I saw he celebrated his one year anniversary with his girlfriend. I’m glad he’s happy with someone that makes happy. He seems like he’s doing alright. I haven’t spoken with him in person for a long time. The last time I contacted him was in new years. I miss him sometimes... Of course I do... he was my best friend... but sometimes friendships grow apart. I think he’ll always be there yk? That one special person for me. I’ve moved on though. I’ve moved on a long time ago. I’m just glad he’s happy. 

There’s a lot of things I wish I could write about... Im just glad I got to write something at least. See you again soon. 

xoxo,

Jem

[arubajem]

Update.

It's been probably a year now, but things didn't last between us. It ended after the 3rd or 4th week. The first few months were kinda rough. Had to pretend everything was okay when really it wasn't. We even tried FoB at one point to relive the feeling but it didnt feel the same. It was all lust. Im happy now. Generally happy I suppose. Quarantine hasn't been the best since it really took the rest of my senior year. He's with someone else now. Good for him right? Im moving on too. I started using them dating apps even though I said I would have never before. Im gonna meet a guy tomorrow and hopefully he's gonna be something, if not, oh well. Might as well start dating right?

[arubajem]

Update.

I finally got him. After so many months and years of waiting for him, he’s finally mine. It’s been almost 3 weeks now. We’re currently “taking it slow” for the people who care about us. Our parents mutually agree that we should just stick to being friends for now, but honestly, rebelling against their wishes may seem harsh at first, but Ive always had feelings for him. Nothing can stop us from loving each other. 

It feels good with him. He makes my heart flutter every time he hugs me. When we kiss, my body is craving for his. I hope our relationship won’t end. I can’t risk losing my best friend for over 5 years due to us dating. Im gonna try and make it work between us and hopefully, he feels the same. 

[arubajem]

I want someone to be mine, but I’m afraid of the commitment and heartaches.

JGT (via arubajem)

[bnmxfld]

“One day, you realise that there are some people you’ll never see again. At least, not in the same way.”

— Iain Thomas / I Wrote This For You

[arubajem]

05/09/18

Today was great. I got another chance to talk to my friend again. I think we're slowly building up our friendship again and honestly I'm loving it. I want this friendship to last forever or at least for a long time. It was nice just chilling at the park, catching up again and talking and laughing. Im happy our friendship is good again, thats all what I want for now. A friendship with him.

[arubajem]

I want someone to be mine, but I'm afraid of the commitment and heartaches.

JGT

[arubajem]

[arubajem]

Sweet child you are. Keep growing to love yourself. You don't need anyone else except you and your mom.

[arubajem]

“Im Done With Liking You, I Tried So Hard For You To Like Me In Some Way, But You Still Chose Her. Why Not Me? I Was Always There, We Were Always Together, We Always Talked EveryDay, But Still Her. Well Too Bad Now, Cause Im Gone, And If You Come Back To Me, Give Me A Good Reason Why. Im Done.”

— #quote #sayings #imdone #imoveryou #loveherinsteadofme #bye

[arubajem]

Yikes. In reality, it took you 4 tries to be done.

[arubajem]

“You know what sucks? I’ve met the right person for me, they just don’t see it. But I’m not ready to fall inlove yet.”

— #crush #mylife #likingyou #sweetguy #loveable

[arubajem]

Sweet girl, you were so young and innocent filled with potential and positivity. Im so sorry for what I did in the past.

[arubajem]

300th.

Never fall in love with someone who can’t/won’t love you back. It is the worst possible feeling to feel when you just wanna be loved. I fell for my friend hard. I waited 4 or 5 years for him, and possibly it was a mistake. I was there every single time he was with someone. I was the only girl in his life that didn’t leave him but that was only because he’s my best friend. It took him 5 years to notice that once he really broke my heart, he probably lost the girl of his future (his words not mine). He says he could never feel something for me because I’m just his friend, but I don’t know about that because sometimes the way we interact with each other is different than any friendship I ever had. He doesn’t want to get feelings cause he’s afraid he might lose me, but as he’s doing that, isn’t he also losing something that could potentially happen? The thing that I hate most though is that no matter how hard I try to forget about him, to forget about the special times we had, and the heartbreaking moments, I always tend to think about him everyday. Never fall in love with your best friend, because it takes forever to move on when all they want is you in their life as only a friend. 

[arubajem]

Falling for him was the worst mistake I had ever done.

JGT

[arubajem]

Honey, don’t wait for him any longer. He was foolish enough to be blinded from others and was foolish enough to lose the love you gave him as he didn’t appreciate the love you gave until he finally lost it.

[arubajem]

All I ever did was love you and sadly you didn’t feel the same back.

JGT

[arubajem]

Dear old friends.

Dear R,

It’s been a long time since we’ve actually had a full conversation. The last time we chatted was last week and we only talked for lunch during school. I know that we haven’t talked in awhile and honestly I’m kinda sad about it. We’ve known each other since kindergarten and have always been friends throughout the years but eventually we drifted apart. I knew that was gonna happen when we entered junior high and even high school. In my perspective, we’re not really that much alike, thats probably why we don’t talk often nowadays. Also I think another reason is because we don’t even have one class at all this year. Maybe next year or someday we’ll become close again. Hopefully it will. 

Dear P, 

We became friends halfway through grade 9 year and in all honesty, Im glad you came into my life. Without you there as a friend, I don’t know how else I could’ve survived in grade 9. I was such a loner back then you had no idea, but when you became the new student and my new friend, I had hope that I could survive the hells of junior high. Presently, we don’t talk either. I see you sometimes with your group of filipino friends and I can see you fit in really well. I’m glad that you got to make new friends in high school because it makes me happy that you found people who you can rely on. I’m sorry that we drifted apart as well, but I guess its normal when transitioning into another school and when two friends don’t have the same class. I hope you’re doing good in class at the moment, trying to pass everything you can so you can achieve your dreams. Never stop fighting for your dreams, keep pushing through till you make it. 

Dear S, 

I’m sorry that our friendship didn’t last too long. Tension and conflicts went through us and eventually it pulled us apart. I’m sorry that I broke my promise on always being your friend and I’m truly sorry if I ever did hurt you, which perhaps I did. I know you hate me at the moment and that you never want to be my friend again and thats okay. A part of it was my fault anyways. Sometimes there are problems in life that are too difficult to handle, and so I had to let it go to be stress free. You as an individual is like being a complicated mess, but honestly, thats just who you are. S, I have never hated you and I don’t think I can ever will, even if I have said it before, inside my heart I couldn’t. You are a part of my life, even until now where we aren’t friends, you’re still there around every corner in school. All I want for you is to be happy, that’s all I ever wished for you. Being with a person who you like to make yourself happy can’t last long, only you can make yourself happy. I hope in the future, you’ll find happiness one day where that happiness lies within yourself. For now, keep smiling and never give up on yourself, you’re just important like the rest of the people in the world. 

[arubajem]

Hey.

I’m glad you found your new group of friends but I’m hurt that you didn’t include your other best friends too. You excluded me and her out of your recent post or is it only because you didn’t have enough space to write? Either way, I’m happy for you. I just want you to be happy even if that means not thinking we’re friends anymore. Me and her don’t exclude you out of things, we want you to always be invited, in fact we recently did invite you to her house but you turned it down, its okay though we understand. Thanks for inviting us today going around downtown, I know we declined but please don’t take it the wrong way. Our project was more mandatory for us because of the deadline, I promise that we both wanted to come but unfortunately we couldn’t. I really hope that you understand that. I will always want us to be friends for life but I honestly don’t know how else to be one when you can’t seem to appreciate the small things we do. So for now, I’m willing to be there if you need me. Eventually time will pass on and we may or may not be friends anymore. Honestly, its your decision, I’m offering this friendship to last, and Im putting my effort in it, but when you can’t do the same I don’t know if this will last forever or even till the end of the semester. 

[arubajem]

How long?

Damn I thought it was like a one time thing you know, guess not. Its funny cause some people can really surprise you.