Circa 2oo9
Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. When there is something you need to learn, something that you need to work on, the same situation will continue to repeat itself until you either learn your lesson or find a healthy way of dealing with that particular issue. I’m guilty of not having a very healthy way of dealing with things (although to me, I just think I’m trying to be as calm as I possibly can) but I thought I’ve already learned what I needed to learn when this happened to me before. However, recent turn of events suggest otherwise. lol
I know people think I always live in this “la la” land 🍭 and there’s a certain naiveté that’s always present in everything I say or do, but I beg to differ. I mean, having to hear the same thing I’ve heard before, I couldn’t figure out which one it hurt more: me 💁 or my ego 👸… LOL. The lesson I learned the first time around was that I needed to be supportive and empathetic. So when the situation presented itself again and I felt like I did my best to be just that and I STILL failed… It crushed me. I asked myself (even after all these years) am I still in the process of learning this dang lesson? So then I started overanalyzing things, using my selective memory and then I tried dealing with the issue about time. How long do I keep working on it and when do I stop? Or did I even start or stop? [LinkinPark voiceover] 🎶 In the end, it doesn’t really matter because it became my fault again, just like how it was last time.
Like, how do you deal?
I think part of the reason why I react so quickly is because I recognize the pattern. I see it, and then my emotions run a bit stronger. It’s like getting a warning from my subconscious to really pay attention to what’s happening, what’s already happened and what’s about to happen. It lingers a little and then I pull away. I create a safe space for me so I can compose myself, rid myself of the hurt, then comeback and deal with it. Sounds healthy enough right?
*sigh* Maybe I need to create a bigger space and take more time because it feels like there are so many moving parts in my life right now and it’s seriously stressing me out. Thankfully, I have someone I can rely on who’s been all about me this whole time. ME. 💋
