Go on. Ask.

pfp by @mistrawbry on twitter mod uses he/it yes I have extensive lore. yes I want you to ask about it. yes this is an excuse to not have to actually format a fic.

[ask-evilfies]

[THE CLICK OF A TAPE RECORDER AS IT BEGINS TO RECORD, FOLLOWED BY THE SHUFFLING OF PAPERS. THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE, AND THEN A QUIET SIGH.]

????: Begin report log… zero.

[ANOTHER SIGH. THERE IS A TIREDNESS TO THE SPEAKERS VOICE.]

????: Following the destruction of my lab and subsequent…

[THE SPEAKER HESITATES.]

????: …temporary escape of one of my test subjects, it would seem that much of my research was destroyed in the process.

[ANOTHER PAUSE, THIS ONE STRETCHING ON FOR LONGER.]

????: A… colleague… suggested perhaps some manner of communication with other people would do me some good whilst I work to replace the research which was destroyed. As much as I rather wouldn't… I do suppose it can't hurt.

[A QUIET BREATH IN.]

????: If you must, call me Wifies. Or… Evilfies, I suppose.

[THERE IS A DISTINCT DISDAIN TO HIS VOICE AS HE SPEAKS.]

WIFIES: End report log.

[THE RECORDER CLICKS OFF.]

[THE ASK BOX IS NOW OPEN!]

[ask-evilfies]

Doesn't it get weird? Seeing clones of yourself and working with them? even if they're manufactured by redstone? I mean, they're clones but they're still you when it comes to looks.

- 🧩

WIFIES: Hm.

[A BRIEF MOMENT OF SILENCE, FILLED ONLY BY THE FAINT SOUND OF WIFIES WRITING SOMETHING.]

WIFIES: Let me make something clear. I hold no sympathy for these things. They're not human, and furthermore not me. I hardly feel for things that eat and breath, why would I care about things that don't?

[HE LEANS BACK, SOUNDING ALMOST AMUSED.]

WIFIES: Are you trying to get something here? A reaction, maybe? Or are you establishing some sort of profile?

[ask-evilfies]

If you’d like to know more I can share some of my knowledge. It’s not like I have a ton of better things to do.

-“Squevil”

WIFIES: I can't say I'd have any objections. And perhaps your research will be beneficial to a few of the problems I have here.

[HE CLICKS A PEN AGAINST THE DESK A FEW TIMES.]

WIFIES: I'm fairly certain that several of my bigger annoyances fall under your expertise, anyways.

[ask-evilfies]

It’s mostly on this place. How it works here. How I can get out.

Though, I do also partake in the analysis of Horror Entities and their mods! Or, at least I used to. B3 F 0 R E H E R

-“Squevil”

Heyy, good to see you back :D! Don’t worry about being busy, mod, I get that life can be pretty hectic.

WIFIES: Horror... entities? I see. That sounds... interesting enough.

[HIS CHAIR CREAKS AS HE LEANS BACK, VOICE SOUNDING MORE DISTANT, AS THOUGH HE WERE LOOKING AWAY FROM THE RECORDER.]

WIFIES: I'm pretty sure I have a few book relating to that sort of stuff...? Mostly light reading I picked up a while ago.

[ask-evilfies]

So, what's with the glasses? For somebody who works with a type of genetic biology, I figured you would sort that out first - unless it's a personal choice? Aesthetic purposes?

- 🧩

WIFIES: I'm not exactly doing experiments on myself. And you may notice none of the clones need glasses? I have figured it out, I'm just not insane enough to try and do it to my own body.

[A SMALL PAUSE.]

WIFIES: And they're mostly redstone, anyways. Hardly biological.

[ask-evilfies]

How far would you go if someone hurt you?

WIFIES: Sorry?

[A SILENCE STRETCHES ON FOR A FEW SECONDS.]

WIFIES: I don't know. You've asked a vague question. Nothing could be taken from me that I couldn't more easily replace. And there's never been anyone bothering me enough to worry about it.

[ask-evilfies]

Y’know… I think meeting you has had its upsides. You’ve actually inspired me to restart my own research, after however many years.

That being said, how goes yours?

-“Squevil”

WIFIES: Far slower than I would have liked. There has been quite a bit of chaos in my lab and it's been very disruptive.

[HIS TONE TAKES ON WHAT MIGHT BE DESCRIBED AS A MORE CHIPPER TUNE.]

WIFIES: I am glad to hear you've started up your own research again, though. If I might ask, what exactly would that be?

[ask-evilfies]

Who’s this “Wato” guy you speak of? I’ve never heard of him.

-“Squevil”

WIFIES: Ah. Wato is my companion. He makes escape rooms and is currently possessed by some manner of eldritch entity.

[HE PAUSES.]

WIFIES: It's a bit annoying.

[ask-evilfies]

Why don’t you just get rid of them then? Do you need something from them?

-“Squevil”

(It’s okay we all get busy -w-. Sorry again if I’m being annoying with the asks)

WIFIES: I have tried. More than once. Sometimes it works for a little bit, but they always--

[HE PAUSES, AUDIBLY FRUSTRATED.]

WIFIES: Wato at least, always comes back. I'm not sure how, but they always manage to. I suppose I haven't quite tried with my lookalike yet, but I doubt they'd let me.

[ask-evilfies]

Oh. Knitting is cool, I suppose.

I’m sorry, I don’t have a ton of things to say today. Unless you want more info on the shit going on over here, I can’t think of anything else that wouldn’t have a chance of exasperate you. From what I’ve seen, you seem to get annoyed really easily, after all. No offense.

-“Squevil”

[WIFIES CLICKS A PEN A FEW TIMES, AS THOUGH FIDGETTING.]

WIFIES: Your situation is interesting. I wouldn't mind hearing more about it. And trust me, you are far less annoying than the people I am used to. It's not that I'm easily irritated, it's that they're easily irritating.

[ask-evilfies]

Hm. You kind of seem like the type of person that works too much. Do you have literally any hobbies?

-“Squevil”

WIFIES: I knit. And you know what they say, if you love your work you never work a day in your life.

[ask-evilfies]

Do you like cats :D?

- Ender

WIFIES: They're fine. When they're not ruining my research.

[ask-evilfies]

Well, at least there’s been a tiny bit of improvement? I don’t know, I can’t say I really care. Just trying to pass some time.

[S H 3 H @ S B E 3 N B o T H E R I N G M 3 A G A I N.]

I don’t know what I can ask about even. But I’d be willing to bet your life is at least less dangerous, if not more interesting than mine.

Wait. Where even are you? A lab or something?

-“Squevil”

WIFIES: Not an unpleasant way to pass time, I will admit, no matter how much I would prefer my work.

[HE HUMS QUIETLY.]

WIFIES: It's a lab, but also my place of residence. I spend the most time in my lab by far, though. Currently? I'm in my office.

[ask-evilfies]

That’s good. I suppose you don’t really care what happened to me, so we can move on from my situation.

Have your “companions” been any better?

-“Squevil”

(Aw dang it >:<. Oh well, it wasn’t that important -.-)

WIFIES: I have no need to lie to you, but also I... would not say your absence was without notice.

[HE SIGHS.]

WIFIES: When I interact with them? No. However, they have both thankfully left me more or less alone the past few days.

[ask-evilfies]

Hello. Again.

Sorry for whatever happened there, had to move somewhere else. Any new events happen to you while the communication was shot?

-“Squevil”

(I genuinely don’t know if tumblr fucked up and you didn’t get my last ask or if you were just busy, but either way welcome back :3!)

WIFIES: Thankfully, nothing too exciting. I am making steady progress in recreating my prior research, annoying as it has been.

[ask-evilfies]

Do you know Parrotx2 (or at least know of him)?

- Ender

WIFIES: Against my will, yes. I know of him.

[ask-evilfies]

People? Like more clones, or… something else?

-“Squevil”

WIFIES: It's complicated. One of them is my aforementioned companion who... is quite persistent about staying. And the other...

[HE GOES QUIET FOR A MINUTE. ]

WIFIES: He's similar to a clone. Perhaps one that escaped while I wasn't looking. He somehow manages to be he more annoying of the two.