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lmao gay

Is this really still a thing in the year of our Lord 2020?

Then again, I guess we got the plague back, so why not.

enjoy the free hug?

You fool, there is no free hug, there are only sneak attacks.

#And if Spooks taught me anything the Russians are behind those

I was scrolling though the questions and I came across one about you and a work experince girl, whats the matter not into younger girls. I mean she was over the age limmit sooooo?

You evidently never had to talk with her. I’m pretty sure I could find somebody with bigger tits who knows when to shut up.

#And that's what love is all about.

Thatcher's funeral tomorrow, as a government representative, are you required to attend?

Thank you for your interesting question.

The answer is no, no I’m not. When she was PM she wanted to cut DoSAC and, in general, hated our office with a passion, referring to it as a waste of time, money and energy. I’m pretty sure that having the two ministers for DoSAC standing next to her tomb would be seen as insensitive, though deliciously ironic, so we have been asked to abstain from taking part in the funeral.

#It doesn't help that I had to promise my family that I would do a couple of things for them if I were to attend her funeral #you don't want to know what I'd have to do #let's just say that the Anglican Church as a whole would consider me persona non grata

Admit it, my mac was better than whatever the hell you were doing. :). Amanda wants to know why you're a shouty man obsessed with musicals. We went through your CDs after you passed out.

I don’t remember any mac, only a confusing mix of tastes as I tried to pass out in a comfortable position. As for why I’m what I am, the answer might be ‘because that’s what I am’. What kind of question is ‘why are you like that’? Stephen Sondheim kidnapped me when I was four and I managed to escape only thanks to my heartwrenching rendition of Pirate Jenny. There. Also, ‘obsessed’ is kind of a strong word, considering I did not build my life and career around musicals but merely happen to have the DVD of my favourite musicals.

Omg stop cooking. You're like my brothers trying to feed themselves/experiment/blow shit up. Wait til we get there, I can make pretty good Mac n cheese, due to years of parental neglect and lots of television. And, I'd expect your parents to like whoever you like.

If my relatives liked whoever I like they wouldn't bitterly mock every single LibDem politician that appears on telly. And don't you worry, as the italian exchange student used to say "it's not really 4am pasta if the sauce can't power a car for thirty miles".

Great! We'll stop at tescoes. Cheesy or red? I think cheese... Cheese is good. Has your family met Adam?

Cheese it’s good if it isn’t submerged in oil, as it is right now in whatever I’m trying to cook. If everything goes well, though, the tomatoes and apples will save it somehow. And why the hell would I ever introduce my family to Adam? Apart from the fact that they’d hate him so much it’d be amazing, of course.

#Posh LibDem not Labour former Editor for the Daily Mail #ooooh they'd hate him instantly #'you have the delicate hands of a man who hasn't done a single day of honest work in his fucking life'

Hay my girlfriend and I just got kicked outa the pub, we're coming over. She likes footie cos of her four brothers and she doesn't believe we work together, much as you'd like to believe we don't. I figured we'd get along brilliant.

Is this whole thing going to require we talk and stuff? Because yesterday my relatives had a celebratory barbeque that went on from noon to ten in the evening and that revolved mostly around haggis and whisky, then I went back to London and noticed that Adam's flat was closer to the station than my flat and decided to crash there only he was going out in that moment and I decided to follow him and there was alcohol and then we got in his flat but there was still alcohol and stuff and alcohol and now I'm home trying to find a way to cleanse myself from all that alcohol that doesn't involve throwing up. And that way is 2am pasta with whatever's in my fridge and pantry in this moment. And there seems to be spicy sauce and apples and tomatoes and cheese. And chocolate. And potatoes. And vegetables!

you sir, you put the devil in me

And that, in a nutshell, is why I’m saving up for a vasectomy.

#Call it Caitrin if it's a girl and Julian if it's a boy #yes Julian. He's gotta realize he disappointed me by not being a girl #so that he'll spend all his time trying to make up for it and not being a fucking nuisance

If you were a Pokemon what one would you be?

Sorry, give me a second to get over the fact that I’m feeling ridiculously overjoyed for still getting a popular reference.

#Possibly an electric pokémon?#I'm sorry I wasn't into their target demographic when they appeared

You have received a free hug

Not for long, I’ve heard Peter and his Tory friends discuss about taxing forms of affections. Significant stares will soon enough count as owning a second house.

#Because the Tories haven't really won until we're all dour and sour

bored entertain me

I can tell you the time I introduced my girlfriend of the time to my parents. Mum and the girl were chatting politely over some famous actor of the time getting married and my father would interject with the most sarcastic “oh joy” I’ve ever heard in my life. The best part was when they were talking about wedding dresses and my father wondered aloud why women need family and friends to find a dress.

“It’s because in that way they can bond with family and friends,” my girlfriend of the time said with the broadest smile ever.

I cannot fully describe the amount of scorn in my father’s eyes as he stared at her, but the dismissive way he told her “will you be quiet” as he went back to read his newspaper will always get a little smile out of me.

#Laughing at somebody telling your girlfriend to be quiet is not a good way to keep said girlfriend #still. Could be worse.#You could be spending your life with a woman who finds celebrities' personal life a worthy subject for a conversation

Is it true about what people are saying about you and that work experience girl, because If it is one part of me is like "AWW YES WAY TO HIT THAT PLAYER *fist bump*. But the other part of me is like "you sick son of a bitch she's 17"

The legal age is sixteen. Get your facts straight. Also, eeew, the thought is making me sick. Christ, imagine the endless pillow talk...

#Also she's apparently twenty?

like or hate Maggie we all can agree on on thing. She's caught in a trap and she cant walk out, get the triva?

Until she finds the haunted mirror Jeremy Kyle uses to come into our dimension every morning, at least.

#I don't even care that much about Thatcher #this is all hate through osmosis

Still, we have to admire her though.

Yes, you go tell that to my family...

So, Maggie Thatcher died today. Bearing in mind (of course) that we shouldn't speak ill of the dead lest they should come back and drag us to hell- what are your thoughts on the news?

It was either this or the Mrs Thatcher song. This one wins because my family and I sing it every Christmas.

#Oh we love you Mrs Thatcher with the prices rising high #and the work is getting awful scarce we're losing that's no lie #now you say that you don't want to stay- you've been here long enough #if I were a taxidermist I would tell you to get stuffed

Ugh, you're making me google on a sunday. Yes, everything is clear as mud. Have you crashed at Adam's lately?

Très bien. Watch that movie. Maybe with your girlfriend. You know how french people are- so romantic.

Anyway- yes. Why?

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