WELCOME, PEASANTS, TO MY EVIL BLOG! FEATURING MY EVIL HUSBAND! AND OUR EVIL LIVES!
Oh! Uh—
... You're supposed to SMILE for the camera, Stone.
Sorry, Sir, I forgot. I'm a little caught off guard right now. You didn't warn me about, uh... any of this. Like, not about the camera, or that you were making a blog, or...
Stone...let's pretend the doctor explodes, sacrificing himself to save you and the earth in a completely hypothetical scenario, what would you do next?
That's a... weird and oddly specific question.
I guess I'd just have to kill the person responsible, everyone else, and then myself!
[There is a beep, signifying the beginning of an audio recording.]
“Hey! I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog! But, uh, you could probably guess that.”
“HEDGEHOG! I require more food! IMMEDIATELY!”
“... Aaaaand, uh, that's Eggman. Or Ivo. The retirement home workers want me to call him Ivo more so he stops remembering that he was a famous supervillain. But, I mean, come on! It feels too personal to call him that! I can't help that I slip up. A-And the staff does it on accident too, it isn't JUST me-”
“HEDGEHOGGGG!!!”
“Alright, alright!”
[There is the sound of rustling as the phone is moved. There are footsteps. Sonic is carrying the phone and walking.]
“... As I was saying. This, uh... whole thing probably doesn't make much sense to ya. Lemme explain what happened. Gimme a sec, I'll move to the kitchen to talk to you guys whilst I make the doc some lunch.”
[A door opens - presumably the door to the kitchen - and then it shuts. The phone is put down on the counter, and there is the sound of a fridge opening. Leftovers are put into the microwave, and there is a beep as they are reheated. There are footsteps as Sonic reapproaches the phone and picks it back up. The microwave hums in the background. Sonic takes a deep breath, and speaks quietly.]
“So. Eggman ended up developing dementia, and it's kinda taken over his life and... forced him to retire. Um- I should probably add that he's 80, and I'm 35 now. Anyways... He TRIED to keep going with his villain stuff and keep it hidden, but it got BAD, and eventually Orbot and Sage reached out to me. They couldn't take seein' him like this much longer, and we decided to quietly get him put into a retirement home. Honestly, bless the staff! I'm still shocked they agreed to take 'im! They're angels!”
“Right now, he's in a weird state. The way he acts is... inconsistent. Some days he's like Mr. Tinker and the sweetest guy ever! But sometimes he remembers his attitude and is real rude... Which is how he is today. And most days, honestly. But other days, he tries to take over the nursing home. And on the days where his memory is best, he'll remember we're enemies and just... straight-up try to kill me. And the staff, too. But those incidents are less frequent now, heh!”
“I'm kinda his main caretaker apart from the staff right now. It hurts Sage too much to see him like this, and she's also busy learning to manage Eggman Industries. She's under a lotta stress. Orbot and Cubot are scared to be around him because of his fits of aggression whenever he's near them, and Metal... doesn't want anything to do with him. Sometimes my friends come and help out, but they're pretty uncomfortable around him, so it's mostly just me. But you'll get to see 'em too!”
[The microwave beeps loudly, signifying the food is done.]
(Muffled, from another room): “YAY! LUNCHIES FOR ME-SIES!”
“Yep! Lunchies for you-sies!”
“Alright guys, gotta go. Feel free to send us asks! Both me 'n the big guy can answer 'em. Well, I mean, he'll TRY to answer 'em. He'll do his best. It depends on the question! And the day.”
Agent Stone! From one barista to another, what are your best tips for lattes and crafting other specialty coffees? I want to learn to make coffees as beautiful as yours!
I'd recommend using different types of milk from multiple different businesses. Everyone does it different! The best Austrian goat milk comes from farmers who follow my book.
You're not allowed to become TOO good at making lattes, though. I'm NOT losing my job.
I did, in fact, try to strangle someone over the cake. This is VERY accurate to how our wedding went. Except for all the, uh, "non-classic" characters (our wedding only had Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Metal Sonic, and a bunch of badniks - and our Sonic didn't bother to dress up, just put on a tie because 'he hates pants'), BUT if they were in our world, it would've gone pretty much EXACTLY like this. Great work!!!
Agreed. And- Wait, hold on. You tried to strangle someone over the cake???
W-Well—! They were taking too long! I got panicky!
Aww...! That's... actually kinda sweet of you, Doctor. Shows you care.
Psh. Only you would find a murder attempt sweet. Freak.
how's eggman treating you stone? :] and love your Christmas outfits!
He's been treating me very well. And I've done the same to him. Oh, and thanks. The Christmas outfits were fun, even though we ended up covered in glitter for a while... Turns out adding glitter to items that aren't intended to have glitter on them is a bad idea. It got in my hair. And his moustache.
