Here are all of our current members! Feel free to send a message to any of them!
Henry Fleming: A veteran of the Civil War, this man is the patriot to end all patriots. After running away from a battle, he sought to redeem himself and rid himself of his cowardly reputation by receiving a war injury, or a “red badge of courage”, as he put it. While he amazingly fought through the war without getting so much as a scratch, he nevertheless redeemed himself by showing great courage on the battlefield, and it was this valor that made him be selected for S.T.E.A.M. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
John Henry: An old buddy of Henry’s, John fought alongside him in the war. After the war was over, John went back to his humble life as a “steel-driving man”. But when a steam-powered hammer showed up one day to replace him under the premise that it could do his job better than he could, John challenged the device to prove that man was better than machine. John utterly beat the steam-powered hammer in the ensuing competition, but nearly at the cost of his own life! He worked himself to the brink of death, but his life was saved by doctors, who had to replace parts of his body with robotics to act as his life support. So now John is partly made up of the very machinery he almost died to prove he was better than! Oh, how cruelly ironic! On the positive side, his robotic arm now allows him to swing a much bigger hammer.
Lion: This hulking beast claims to have once been cowardly, but I don’t see any trace of that in him at all! How cowardly can you be when you literally launch yourself directly into enemies on the battlefield?! He supposedly gained this unbelievable (and somewhat idiotic) courage after a journey through a faraway land with Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Dorothy, so the four of them are good friends.
Tiger Lily: This stubborn girl refuses to reveal anything about her origins, only than that she is “much older” than her childlike appearance lets on. Indeed, although she has the face of a young girl, she has the mind and maturity of an adult woman. It’s almost as if her mind developed over the years while her body did not... But I digress. Wherever she came from, she is an invaluable asset to S.T.E.A.M., as her medical expertise on the battlefield is second to none. She can come off as a bit cold and distant at first, but as long as you never land on the subject of her past, you should be able to get along well with her.
Tom Sawyer: A troublemaking-no-gooder turned slightly-less-troublemaking-somewhat-gooder, he is the youngest member of S.T.E.A.M. Some might say it’s “irresponsible” and “reprehensible” to recruit a child as a soldier, but hey, it was his choice of community service. The pranks and hinjinks he once pulled to terrorize innocent civilians were repurposed to terrorize the alien menace. It’s all a matter of who you’re harming that determines how good you are!
Queequeg: This warrior was set to become the chief of his home island, but he chose to leave his home behind to explore the world instead. His incredible skills with a harpoon led him to be recruited by the whaling ship Pequod. At some point, he also apparently got good with using explosive robotic penguins... yeah, I don’t know, either. Either way, whether it’s with a harpoon or mechanical flightless birds, Queequeg’s accuracy is deadly. He also is apparently a cannibal, but uh, since that doesn’t relate to his prowess on the battlefield, we... tend to look the other way on that.
Scarecrow: Another member of the party of four friends, this strawman was once distraught that he didn’t have a brain. Personally, I’d be more concerned if there was a brain in that pumpkin head of his! Fortunately, he found out that he has a brain purely in the figurative sense. Thank goodness. Anyway, this living decoy can be a bit clueless, but he always has the best intentions. And who better to recruit as a soldier to drive off unwanted pests than a scarecrow?
Randolph Carter: Yours truly! Thanks to a discovery I made in the Necronomicon, I have been able to construct a machine that allows me to communicate through time! My studies began many years ago, when I received a new lease on life after an incident with a silver key that let my live my life over again. My life has since been full of many more weird tales and run-ins with what the ignorant might call “the occult”, and so I have dedicated my life to studying these strange things. That’s why when the aliens attacked, I was recruited as S.T.E.A.M.’s expert on the creatures. My findings helped discover the dietary habits of the creatures, which allowed me to concoct bait for them to help the team out (trust me, you do not want to know what they eat). I feel as though I know so much about the aliens now, it’s as if there’s an alien’s mind inside my own! Haha, as if that could happen...
The Fox: A very atrractiv-uh, er, effective sniper from Mexico, this woman is quite the enigma. Her past and her motivations are a mystery, and she likes to keep it that way. I wonder what “fox” is in Spanish...
Califia: The warrior queen of the island of California (no relation to the state), an island of women warriors, where gold is plentiful and griffins are native wildlife. She once used those griffins effectively in battle, but uh, since they’re trained to kill men, she didn’t bring any with her to S.T.E.A.M. It’s for the best. That’s not to say that she isn’t a fierce warrior that can’t hold her own in battle by herself.
Tin Man: This man-machine was just a humble woodcutter before his... incident. It’s better you don’t know. Despite this leaving him a cyborg, he still has the kind heart of a man. He once underwent a journey to find the heart he thought he was missing, only to find that it was within him all along. Aww, how touching.
Dorothy Gale: After a tornado ripped through her little town in Kansas, Dorothy was swept away to the magical land of Oz, where she met Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Man. The four underwent a journey to see the land’s “Wonderful Wizard”, who turned out to be a giant fraud. Nevertheless, Dorothy was still happy. This girl really just emanates good feelings and makes everyone she sees happy. Between you and me, I think I’ve seen Tom blush a bit around her...
Marth, Ike, Robin, and Lucina: Noble warriors from the past, who have traveled through time in order to join our forces. I’m not quite sure how they arrived at our time period, but Robin says it was something called “amiibo” that brought them here. I must conduct further research on this “amiibo”...
And that’s it! All of our current members! Whew, you would not believe how long that took to type in the telegraph. My finger feels like it’s going to fall off...
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
blakekathryn
areudirty
yousharknotpass