Welcome to a Bathroom

I cannot actually welcome you to Night Vale. Only this bathroom I am stuck floating in.

[askkhoshekh]

The Science Diet: Low Calorie cat food is stunting the growth of my kitten army. This needs to be remedied.

Also, Cecil has been talking at me non stop about his date with the scientist.

[askkhoshekh]

An odd hum can be heard just outside the men's bathroom. I'm not sure what it is, but it is disturbing my naps.

Also, it is causing kitten #5 to go into strange seizing fits.

[askkhoshekh]

The little sidebar tab thing is telling my that twenty (20) of you are now following me and this investigative blog.

Good. The plan is

PURGED

meantime, that water is still hovering and.... No. No it's not.

[askkhoshekh]

Kitten #3 is hovering exceptionally high today. Or maybe he's always hovered that high. I can never tell. 

I am interested to see how they will solve the problem of feeding each individual kitten. 

[askkhoshekh]

It has recently come to my attention that I am incapable of spelling my own name. 

This short coming has been corrected and the intern responsible for bringing this to my attention has been removed from existance  rewarded properly.

I must remind you also, that I am a cat and that keyboards were not designed for paws.

[askkhoshekh]

i understand cats may have trouble with keys, but i think someone called joseph fink told me your name was spelled "khoshekh"

Also being a cat, I have no concept of written human language. Your “correction" and the mention of this “Joseph Fink" will be taken into consideration.

[askkhoshekh]

Food dish is empty and the water slowly trickling from my faucet has been floating upwards towards the ceiling and hovering over my head like some cruel taunt. I thought Cecil said this was fixed. 

Time to sing them the song of my hovering people...

[askkhoshekh]

There is a gnat that keeps buzzing around to old Pink Floyd songs. And it’s always out of reach.

Cecil!

[cecilofnightvaleradio]

Well, it seems like our station cat is in need!

…..

Well that only took

Purged

and a bit of tape to get that fly down! Those bugs can be quite a pain sometimes. Hope that makes your time in the bathroom better, Khashek!

[askkhoshekh]

The sweet sound of silence. 

Thank you, Cecil.

[askkhoshekh]

There is a gnat that keeps buzzing around to old Pink Floyd songs. And it's always out of reach.

Cecil!

[askkhoshekh]

After a moment of thought, I remember those kittens now. Wherever they are. Whatever they are doing. Hovering I suppose. Somewhere higher than me. 

Somewhere....

[askkhoshekh]

But Cecil said you had kittens.

Cecil would have you believe plastic bags were wild dogs stealing and breaking your internet.

[askkhoshekh]

How many kittens did you have? What are their names?

I’m a male cat and cannot therefore have kittens. Making them is another story. But as I’ve been stuck floating in this bathroom for an unimaginable amount of time, I have made a total of zero kittens.

[askkhoshekh]

How is it that you can access the internet while floating in a men's restroom?

It’s a feline secret and not a power humans should be allowed to wield with their dumb, fleshy hands.

[askkhoshekh]

I can smell the blood in your urine. You should get that checked. Or say your farewells. Probably the latter. 

[askkhoshekh]

The Science Diet low calorie cat food only slows my growth. Nothing shall stop me from consuming this entire bathroom into my girth.