ISIS: Malory Archer

My name is Malory Archer, head of ISIS spy agency. And I'm married....well, technically

[askmaloryarcher]

What is it about Trudy Beekman that gets under your skin?

I can't just let her go around thinking she's the best thing since whiskey when there's so much evidence to the contrary, can I?

[askmaloryarcher]

Well being married sure as hell hasn't stopped you from openly flirting with other men, now has it?

How nice of you to assume to know mine and Ron's terms to our marriage

[askmaloryarcher]

Do you have a favourite comic book villain? If so, who and why?

I'm busy running a spy agency, do you think I have time to be reading comics? That being said, I quite enjoy how Lex Luthor throws his weight around

[askmaloryarcher]

When Hemingway wasn't grabbing your tits, what was your drink of choice at Harry's bar?

Any darker liquor, really. Clear liquor is for people on diets with no sense of taste

[askmaloryarcher]

This is coming from another woman but I found you extremely sexy. ;)

While I appreciate the compliment, I'd like you to keep in mind that I am a married woman

[askmaloryarcher]

Since you're drunk almost all the time I'd hate to meet you when you're sober

I wouldn't say I'm drunk all the time. Just most of the time after 11am because my employees are insufferable

[askmaloryarcher]

With all your money and resources how come you haven't decided to retire?

Because there's more to life than money and resources, like showing that witch Trudy Beekman that I'm more active than she is

[mumblingeediot]

Archer

[askmaloryarcher]

PAM! That was a very private moment! How dare you?!

[askcyrilfiggis-blog]

Now you know how I feel!

[askmaloryarcher]

Nobody cares what you think, Cyril

[askdockrieger-deactivated201506]

I need a new intern.

[julianlikethecalendar-deactivat]

Hourly rate? Also, I’d very much not like to die.

[askdockrieger-deactivated201506]

…Since when do interns get paid? Also I will not promise anything.

[askmaloryarcher]

ISIS does not pay our interns. The prestige of being able to put that you worked for a spy agency should be enough to satisfy you

[mumblingeediot]

Archer

[askmaloryarcher]

PAM! That was a very private moment! How dare you?!

[askmaloryarcher]

Who the beneficiary on your ISIS life insurance?

If I were to die, all my assets would revery to Mr. Nunya, who lives on 87 Business St. Nunya on Business. Think about that, you dolt

[askbarrydylan-blog]

I’ll be coming by ISIS to steal all of Malory’s Absinthe because apparently every else is sold out!!

[askmaloryarcher]

You're implying that Katya would even let you. Your leash is tighter than a nun, you pathetic cyborg

[matildazq]

[askbarrydylan-blog]

Is that Scatterbrain Jane?

[askmaloryarcher]

I really don't know why I gave him his own office. He only uses it to cheat on Lana, anyway

[askcheryltunt]

askmaloryarcher replied to your link: Archer is back so now I am nothing to Malory

Oh please. You were never anything to me in the first place

I get that a lot.

[askmaloryarcher]

Why am I not surprised?

[askmaloryarcher]

Memo

To All ISIS Staff:

Due to the assumption made by a certain scientist that he's even allowed to send memos:

Pam is responsible for the smell. Isn't she always?

I will be implementing finger print scanners on the break room fridge, much like the ones I have installed on the main level. Dr. Krieger will not be allowed to open the fridge

You better not be, you idiot

Don't you know the first two rules, you dunce?

If there's any money, I want a cut. Call it rent.

Those brownies better not be laced with anything. If they are, you can say goodbye to any bonuses for the next few years

If anyone else would like to bring something to the bake sale, make sure it's clean. Also, brownies are already taken, so think of something else

[askdockrieger-deactivated201506]

Accoding to this counter thing here…I have 93 people who are reading this right now.

Having looked up the popularity clause on this ‘website’ and according to Pam I should be at the level to be receiving copious amounts of nudity from my loyal followers daily.

Well, then.

Begin.

[askcyrilfiggis-blog]

Isn’t the fact you totally violated my privacy in the way of pictures enough for you?

[askmaloryarcher]

Oh please, even the North Koreans know about your “private” life

[askcyrilfiggis-blog]

That is just uncalled for!

[askmaloryarcher]

What I just can't understand is how you even have that much sex. I mean how can that many women be attracted to you? I understand what you and I did was in the heat of the moment, but still

[askmaloryarcher]

CHERYL

WHY THE HELL IS THERE COFFEE ON MY DESK? You know I never touch the stuff. Get it away from me

[askdockrieger-deactivated201506]

IT WAS A GIFT! I SUCCESSFULLY BRED A COW THAT LACTATES COFFEE AND I WANTED TO SURPRISE YOU!

[askcyrilfiggis-blog]

….oh god please tell me I didn’t just drink cow coffee.

[askmaloryarcher]

Krieger, if your gun mods weren’t so effective, you’d be out on the streets. Keep your experiments away from my office!

[askdockrieger-deactivated201506]

In that case you might not want to use my gin scented hand sanitizer or the funnel that turns water into scotch. I’ll be by to pick them up shortly…

[askmaloryarcher]

Already tried the funnel. The scotch tasted like cat piss

[askdockrieger-deactivated201506]

Good cat piss or bad cat piss?

[askmaloryarcher]

Rancid cat piss that's been sitting in the sun for three days