Ask the Minions!

Your friendly neighborhood minions, churning out that sweet sweet tech to keep MI6 agents from, like, dying. When we aren't saving the world, we're trying to get our boss laid. Ask us anything! (But don't tell Q.)

[askqbranch]

I know all. In that case, are you 100% positive that 007 will do a satisfsctory job of protecting the overlord?

no one is bulletproof, but he has pretty sharp protective instincts. we’ve seen them in action. if there’s anyone we’d like q to go home with, it’s definitely one of the kill-three-men-with-their-bare-hands 00s. anyway, he knows what’ll happen if he deliberately puts Q in harm’s way.

[askqbranch]

Dear Minions, are you aware of what happened in Austria? Or has it fallen onto me to act as a seer?

wait, how do YOU know what happened in austria? 

(yes, of course we do)

[askqbranch]

how has Q not found this blog yet?

well, he’s not exactly looking, for one thing. doesn’t suspect us one bit. and he doesn’t have a tumblr, either - we scoured the net for it. also, of course, we might have done some minor hacking on q’s end to give him a very particular virtual blind spot. 

we’re playing a dangerous game.

[askqbranch]

You mentioned movie nights....I'm quite curious what sorts of movies you minions like to watch together.

we’re a bunch of nerds, the lot of us, so there’s a lot of sci-fi. but we also have classic film nights, or a good rom-com here and there. love actually is a yearly staple, as is rocky horror picture show on halloween. we also like a bit of telly show binging. it’s practically a job requirement that you’re willing to watch star trek.

[askqbranch]

so what made you minions decide to get bond and Q together in the first place?

they’re so clearly into each other, for one thing. since a certain incident that rhymes with blyfall. and at first we were wary of 007′s flirtatious advances - after all, he does flirt with everyone. and we’re pretty protective of our illustrious leader. 

but after a lot of careful observation and debate, we’ve decided he’s an acceptable match. the looks and the sexual prowess, for one thing, but he and Q also seem to be on the same wavelength where wit is concerned. and he’s very protective. we will bless the union if they ever bloody get around to it. 

[askqbranch]

What is the most scandalous thing that ever happened in Q branch?

hard to say. the double-ohs smack of scandal with everything they do, for sure. but one time someone left a corrosive chemical on terry’s spare trousers. don’t ask why his spare trousers were anywhere near extremely dangerous chemicals.

[askqbranch]

Well, I have faith in your ingenuity and survival instincts, dear minions. Don't get on the Overlord's bad side.

thank you! we do this out of love. 

[askqbranch]

But he'd be well shagged and in a vaguely healthy and steady relationship. You'd think he'd be mellow and show mercy.

that’s assuming he found out AFTER the mission was successful. we maintain that we’re doing this for his own good, but he might not see it that way without seeing the, ahem, results.

[askqbranch]

Course not, darlings. I was just wondering if Q would spam everyone's computer or glare coldly.

both? he’d probably lecture us until he was hoarse, infect all our computers with the malware usually reserved for cyber-terrorists, and then god knows what else. rent us out to accounting and HR? we shudder at the possibilities.

[askqbranch]

What do you suppose darling Q would do if he ever found out about this terribly charming plan?

he can’t fire all of us!

(well, he technically could. but he probably wouldn’t. we just try not to think about that eventuality.)

[askqbranch]

Does the branch as a whole have a favorite interaction between Q and 007? And are they both as dreamy up close as they seem?

oh, they so are. 007 is kind of terrifying to a lot of us? we’re still getting used to him prowling around Q Branch like he owns the place. but many of us can attest to the fact that the full power of his focused charm on you is dizzying. and as previously stated, Q is everyone’s type. 

there are a lot of noteworthy moments between the two of them - really, it’s like a rom com playing out right in the center of our office! one of the most notable was when 007 returned from a mission in Marrakech where [REDACTED] had caused an explosion in [REDACTED]. he was all sooty and his clothes were torn (still pretty hot) and he just strolled into Q Branch, casual as you please, and placed his pristine gun and radio on the table. completely unscathed somehow. 

swoon. what better way into our own hearts?

Q was gobsmacked. and of course, Bond looked smug as hell. finally Q managed a “good work, double-oh-seven,” but if you had felt the tension in that room...phew.

[askqbranch]

Is Q a good boss?

one of the best. Q works us very hard (he holds us to the same high standard that he holds himself) but he makes it a good work environment. very tolerant, a lot of room for creativity when coming up with new tech. we love him, obviously. which is why we’ve pledged to him as our overlord and why we want to help him get horizontal.

[askqbranch]

Kind of a basic plan, lads. I did expect more from MI6's best and brightest.

everyone’s a critic. look, they really only need a few little pushes. what else would you have us do, clever anon?

[askqbranch]

so what exactly does your master plan entail?

we’re loathe to give it all away at once. Right now it involves steering Bond towards Q’s office as often as possible, and steering other people away. the exposure method, hm? 

but Q is endlessly stubborn, so the next phase is a bit more complex. it involves a series of burner phones used to text anonymous suggestions to Bond, such as “Q likes the chocolate croissants from the bakery on the corner” or “back off today - he’s in a terrible mood.” 

[askqbranch]

FMK: 007, Q, and Moneypenny

this ask is meant to be a collective, so this is the result of a branch-wide poll

marry eve, obviously. that’s everyone’s dream. and though it’s weird to say it, most of us eventually admitted that we’d shag Q. it’s weird to say out loud. so we suppose we’d kill Bond - it was bound to happen eventually. you should have seen the havoc he caused in [REDACTED]!

[askqbranch]

I have a feeling it might be amusing to get to plot getting the over-lord laid with the blue eye beast.

we’re having a great time. we’re doing it for Q, of course, but what’s the harm in taking a little enjoyment for ourselves? he’ll thank us one day.

[askqbranch]

Oh my. Does Q not know about this blog you minions have going?

Q doesn’t have any inkling about our branch-wide get him laid initiative, so we definitely wouldn’t be talking about it on here if he knew about it. you wouldn’t tell him, would you?