Ask away, I'm sure my many fans have questions for me. @asktheritochampion - Tumblr Blog

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#i cannot beleive I have to make this plz stop sending revali death theats and requests for nudes you heathens #revali #age of calamity #breath of the wild #legends of zelda #tears of the kingdom #also every time one of you sends a transphobic question I make Revali even more uber-trans so just shut up

*stabs*

#that ones on him #revali #breath of the wild #age of calamity #tears of the kingdom #legends of zelda #yigaclan

“Hey, "Great" Revali! Just wanted to let you know that while you're busy preening your feathers and playing with your little bow, the magnificent Yiga Clan is out here achieving actual greatness. Your "Gale" is nothing compared to the sheer, earth-shattering power of Master Kohga! We see right through that arrogant attitude. Why don't you try fighting a real leader instead of just squawking from your perch?”

Glory to Master Kohga.

— Yiga #21

Aww, aren't you just precious? New, are we? I take it your new colleagues didn't inform you that approaching and insulting a Champion is perhaps not a particularily clever move.

I'll have you know, I've yet to see anything but pathetic tomfoolery from your so called leader thus far.

If he was a real leader, he'd actually come out of his cowardly little hidey hole and fight me himself rather than sending kids to do his dirty work. I'd dispense of him any day of the week if he would actually show himself.

Now, I left my bow at the roost, so this is about to get a touch messy. Before I turn uou into a fine paste with my talons, do you have a mother or father for me to send condolences to?

#revali #breath of the wild #age of calamity #tears of the kingdom #legends of zelda #rito #rito village #master kohga #yigaclan

Has this experience put you off the idea of having kids sone day yet?

Not at all, in fact, this experience is only showing me what a excellent parent I shall be some day.

Look, I've even created an impressive nest for the infant. I'm rather good at this I think.

Despite all of the crying and poop and vomit.....this actually isn't so bad.

#revali #link #breath of the wild #age of calamity #tears of the kingdom #legends of zelda

askhealermipha

Is is calling? Oh-

Mipha! Can you hear me?

Hey, don't touch that with your sticky little fingers-

Mipha, I have a....predicament. Do you know anything about Hylian babies?

... Revali...

Where did and why do you have a Hylian infant?

Where's Link? She'd have experience as well.

asktheritochampion

I know it sounds odd, but this IS Link. We're in quite a predicament...

Do you know how to feed these things? I tried to regurgitating some apple but she wouldn't take it. Mammals drink milk right - do you know any milkable females?

askhealermipha

Oh boy...

Well of course she didn't take it, she's not a Rito. And at her current size, she doesn't need milk all that often, however she can only have small amounts of water.

Regarding food, anything you can mash up she can eat. Fruits, vegetables, even meat. Avoid nuts and honey.

And please never say the phrase "milkable females" again.

asktheritochampion

All regurgitating involves is the mashing of food! We Rito don't even have saliva to add to it, it just goes in, gets mashed by the gizzard, and comes back out - it's entirely hygienic and safe!

How else would you have me mash up foods? With a mallet or something???

What's wrong with my phrasing? I thought it was a very polite and to the point way of asking.

....Ugh, stop smearing your sticky fingers- ack no, don't lick it you don't know where it's been-

Hylia's good graces. I need you to figure out how I can turn her back to normal. I'd do it myself but I rather have my wings full at the moment...

#kissing the screen hi mipha #stinky ipad baby #link #mipha #revali

Damn I didn't know male ritos could have mammal kids. Who's the other half?

Have you never heard of adoption? Lots of people have children not biologically their own.

My relationship are none of your buisiness.

Don't ever talk to me or my son ever again.

#his babey now #revali #link #breath of the wild #age of calamity #tears of the kingdom #legends of zelda

asktheritochampion

BIRD !

...

The... chief is happy you and your... questionable... partner are back together... and... she seems better since... she was really worried ...that's uh... cause the chief's busy... so she sent me... she found it better than texting... for some reasons...

...

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT I CAN BE NICE SOMETIMES !!

--- @askurbosasbodyguard

................thank.......you.....?

..........

Please uh.....pass along my gratitude.

Uh.......could you.......kindly put me down now?

Do you.........want to come in for coffee or something before you return?

askurbosasbodyguard

...

....

Do you have like....... alcohol ?

....

please...

asktheritochampion

................................

......Yes.

Do you prefer wine or whisky?

We also have gin, beer, vodka, and traditional Rito honey mead. There's glasses in the cabinet. Do you want to have a sporting drinking contest??

askurbosasbodyguard

AHAH FUCK YEAH !!

GIMME THAT !

Pff you want me to choose ?! Pathetic !

Oh and you really think YOU can beat me in a drinking contest ?? Tch go on TRY

asktheritochampion

Probably not, Rito have a low tolerance. But we also love a hearty, good natured challenge.

I just learned how to make margaritas the other day, do you want one?

People constantly treat me like some kid, it's nice to have someone willing to participate in regular, adult things with me.

askurbosasbodyguard

JUST GIVE ME EVERYTHING YES !

I mean honestly *hic* you kinda act like a kid ya know ? I *hic* so like OBVIOUSLY people will *hic* treat you like one ! Like uh... when I first saw you before the calamity *hic* I really thought that they just hired a random 10 year old *hic*

***

yOu kNoW ???? i aCtUaLlY DoNt hAtE YoU dUdE ! LiKe yEaH YoU HaVe a rEaLlY BiG AsS EgO BuT LiKe yOu'rE CoOl aS FuCk mAn ! tHoSe sHiT YoU'Re dOiNg wItH YoUr bOw? MaN ThAt's cOoL As hElL ! BuT DoNt tElL HiM ThAt oK ! I DoNt … wAnT HiM To kNoW I AcTuAlLy kInDa lIkE HiM 'K ?

asktheritochampion

I'm NOT ten!!! I was seventeen when I fought in the Calamity! I'm EIGHTEEN now - a hundred and eighteen if you -hic- if you count the spirit time.

Ugh I just. How does one 'act' like an adult? I 'm fully fledged! I've been trying - I work so hard all the time, but everyone still thinks I behave like a child. I don't get it. It's like....it's.....it feels like everyone knows some secret rule that I don't know. It makes me feel like I'm broken somehow. I just want to....I just want to know what I have to do to make people see me as mature. I fought and died in a hideous war, is that not enough to make me a man yet?

-hic- You....you really think I'm cool? I always thought you hated me. ...well, thank you. I've been uh.....I've been doubting myself recently. I lost a fight and...I don't know, it's been messing with me. But that makes me feel a little better. At least someone is still impressed by my skills even if they're not the best there is...

You're not so bad yourself. I was doubtful when we met because you seemed like a brute, but you seem to make Urbosa.....really happy. She's...-hic- such a good person, I'm really glad she has someone who loves her so much, and can be there for her. She deserves that.

Huh- ah!!!!

Speak of the devil!!!! Urbosa is here!!!!! Now it's a real party!

Come and sit down - I shall -hic- I'll make you a margarita.....once I find uh- once I get my bearings back. The world is spinning a tad.

How have you been? I missed you! It's sooooo nice to see you again! We were JUST talking about you!

#dom't kill him I swear this is NOT happening at the same time as babygate #he would never leave a baby unattended and get drunk hrsrtdgh #RIP Jasper #longpost #revali #urbosa #jasper

WHY ARE THERE THREE OF YOU NOW?!!!?!!!!!

I SHAN'T LET YOU TAKE MY B- I MEAN THIS BABY! STAY BACK!

#TOO MANY RAPHICAS #SCREAM #revali #link #raphica

REVALI. PLEASE READ A CHILDCARE MANNUAL.

No need, I've taken care of tons of chicks before. This can't be that different, and any new elements - well, I can wing it.

See, I've just mastered 'diapering'!

#good job bud #he's trying #revali #breath of the wild #age of calamity #tears of the kingdom #legends of zelda #link

Do you feel bonita?

#waterboard the poopy baby #somebody call child protective services #a refreshing bath #revali #link #breath of the wild #age of calamity #tears of the kingdom #legends of zelda

asktheritochampion

HELP YOUR BF GOT TURNED INTO A BABY

........Oh pluck me, that's what this thing is?

I never realised that baby Hylians were so weird and gross looking. Their eyes and fingers are so tiny....eww. Infant Rito are far cuter.

....

I suppose I better find you some clothing or a blanket or something.

askautisticlink

Wheh- Wheh- abuh... *sad baby noises*

asktheritochampion

Ugh, come now, don't get fussy on me. I'll get you all turned back in a jiffy, don't you worry.

Right- warmth- you don't have feathers. I probably ought to get you one of those diaper things too since Hylians don't produce mucus sacks. What do baby Hylians eat again? Some kind of bodily milk right? I wonder if I can find a fertile mother Hylian to milk.... how do you even milk them? Is it similar to goats? I don't even know any Hylian females. Would Gerudo work? Do you think Urbosa is milk-able? Ugh, gross to even consider. Mammals are so strange.

Whatever. I'll figure it out. You just....sit tight for now.

askautisticlink

Appa! Appa pbbbt- hehe pbbbbbbbbt-

asktheritochampion

Oh right! Hylians can eat mashed up things like apples - you tried to kill me with some when this affliction happened to me!

I can do that! Here - I even have an apple on me...

I have the most manly gizzard in the village, I'll have this a nice, warm pulp for you in under twenty minutes. You just sit tight, apple paste is on the way.

askautisticlink

Wheh- Wheh- Mm-mmm bleh *very much grossed out*

asktheritochampion

Ugh, so fussy. Well what DO you want to eat? We could get you some protein?

.....

....W.......hyyyy do my wings suddenly feel slimy?

#link #revali #this poor baby is not receiving the best care.....

asktheritochampion

*sneaks up behind you and pours some glitter on your head*

...

Heh. Wondering why I'm not killing you right now?

I saw you coming a mile away.

We share a roost, and a hammock. All this glitter will take months to fully come out of my feathers, if it EVER does.

Only one of us has sensory issues. Who's the real one suffering here? I can live with looking like a shimmering shooting star as I fly by, but can you handle having itchy undergarments for the rest of your life?

Oh? Do you hear that?

It's the consequences of your own actions. Heheheh. Happy pride month 💖