The Transylvanians

We're all sharing this blog...we only have one phone Also largely inactive…run by @brightyor

[askthetransylvanians]

We! Are the Transylvanians. Say welcome to us. Thank you! We are here to answer any of your questions. It has come to our attention that certain someones are tarnishing the name of the great planet of Transylvania in the galaxy of Transsexual...so...we're here to fix that we guess.

Whatever! We are THE authority on Transylvanian life, so ask away please.

[askthetransylvanians]

hi so what are your names?

Transylvanian #1, Transylvanian #2, Transylvanian #3, and so forth. Not in any particular order. Mostly we’re a unit.

[askthetransylvanians]

Are you aware that the queen is on this app?

Unfortunately we’re aware of everything the queen does.

[askthetransylvanians]

What do you lot think of Farley?

I personally think he’s a conniving, snivelling, pathetic wretch of a man!

Sending my best!

- @askmagenta

Hello there Magenta! It’s been a while. Honestly, we’ve not been so active on here as to meet this Farley. Of course, we are well aware of his dealings in relation to Denton television…but we apologize. We have no real opinion on him….

Much love to you too, Magenta! We miss you dearly.

Oh! And congratulations on the baby!

[askthetransylvanians]

Question, what are Transylvainian marriage/proposal customs like?

- TOTALLY NOT @askfarleyflavorsfabulousfastfood

Usually the amount of love you have for the person correlates to the amount of groveling. So like if you reaaaaallyyyy want it you just gotta go PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

[askthetransylvanians]

We may be largely inactive now but just know that we are always here. Lurking. Watching.

[askthetransylvanians]

Hey all you cool cats remember to drink water I’ve heard constant fucking is fairly dehydrating

-Hydration anon

This made us giggle. Thanks hydration anon. We’re pretty certain we’re heavily bolstering the electrolyte industry here on earth.

[askmagenta]

What if Colombia got u pregnant?

Given her anatomy, I don’t believe that this is possible, anonymous.

However, stranger things have been known to occur.

@askthetransylvanians any insight?

[askthetransylvanians]

We’re feeling pretty done with the pregnancy stuff…but maybe. Wdk 🤷‍♀️

[askthetransylvanians]

hey guys did you know— *gnome runs past me giggling* wait wtf??? Did you guys see that????

Don't do this while we're high.

[askthetransylvanians]

What music are you guys bumpin tonight

We've been really into Kesha recently. We like taking turns model walking to JOYRIDE

[askthetransylvanians]

can't you just take the laser away from riff raff? I really don't feel safe knowing he has a weapon at all times

How do you think we feel? He's the one with the laser.

[askriffraff]

hi mr raff i have a question can you get pregnant (hypothetical) im just curious if you're capable of carrying a child (hypothetical btw)

First of all I’d like to inform you that my given name is ‘Riff Raff’.

‘Raff’ is not in fact my surname, anonymous.

As for your enquiry, @askthetransylvanians seem to think that conception is indeed possible should I be willing to try hard enough.

I am unsure of whether this is indeed physically achievable as I have not performed the necessary scientific research required to draw such a conclusion.. Nor do I intend to without significant compensation.

[askthetransylvanians]

Think? Riff Raff we know. Also *you* don’t have to try hard enough. Of course, your consent is completely necessary, but it’s the impregnator who puts in most of the work. However, we get it.

[askthetransylvanians]

Sometimes I pull up your profile picture and just zoom in and stare at Riff Raff’s face for a while because he’s just so fucking sickly looking and it amuses me.

We don't need to know that information!

[askthetransylvanians]

I LOVE YOU GUYS OH MY GYATT ???

We've been thinking about getting group BBLs...what does everyone think?

[askthetransylvanians]

Why don’t you guys stage an intervention for Riff Raff? There are so many of you. He’s just one guy.

A very scary guy whom we made the mistake of giving a laser to....

[askriffraff]

I’m so incredibly hungover that I believe I may actually perish, and Columbia has been dancing in those horrendously loud shoes since around six in the morning.

[askthetransylvanians]

Well maybe that’s your fault…try noise cancelling headphones? Rehab?

[askthetransylvanians]

We hope you see us less as an ask blog and more as an evil presence irradiating every aspect of your life.