@askwadethepoolofdead
Wade enters Doreen's house, no energy to do a grand, wacky entrance. One of his arms is growing back actively, his suit is beat to hell and back, and his mask is torn up so bad only a third of his face is covered. "Sorry I'm late... my rented car exploded," he mumbles, tired and sore. "I'm also fully sober because of how much I had to heal, so the cancers are kicking my ass..."
Nancy who had opened the door looks properly horrified.
“Holy shit my guy… DOREEN!” She calls into the house.
“Yeah?!” Doreen asks bounding out of the kitchen.
“Oh gosh! Nance- can you go make sure nothing boils over?” Doreen asks.
“Uh-huh…” Nancy nods. Quickly leaving the room.
“What the heck happened to you Wade?!” Doreen asks. Taking his good hand and leading him into the nearest bedroom. Making him take a seat on the bed as she grabs a quick med kit.
“How can I help? I’ve got some extra strong pain meds here…”
"Like I told Nancy, my rented car blew up and healing purged the drugs from my system so now the cancers are kicking my ass too," he sighs like an old, achy man as he sits. "Strong medication would help, anything to take the edge off... everything hurts," he mumbles, reaching for a loose panel of leather over his ribs and ripping the seems more, giving himself more room to breathe while his ribs and lungs heal. "Now what I didn't tell your friend is that the car blew up because I got scared by something on the road, swerved, and drove directly into a light post..."
Doreen grabs some water so he can take the pills. “Four is the max I take. And I think my healing is almost as fast as yours. These are super strength. Doctor doom made em for me.” She says handing him four pills.
“And I have tried em before. Now you take these and I’ll get you something more comfy to wear.” She says heading to the closet to pull out a box.
“Do I need to cut you out of that? It seems pretty stuck with the blood and stuff.” She frowns. Rummaging for the clothes.
He takes the pills without the water and then downs the water like the explosion dehydrated every cell in his body. "Ya might... it fused to my skin in some spots, though, from the heat, might be a good idea to go to the bathroom and have me stand in the tub so blood doesn't get anywhere that's hard to clean," he mumbles.
"Not even a little curious about what scared me? Most people assume I have no fears, since I've literally flirted with Death before"
“I’m a bit preoccupied with my hurt friend.” Doreen replies.
“Yeah. Let’s go to the bathroom.” She replies. “Also lady death is objectively hot. So…” she shrugs.
“But yeah I am curious. What scared you?” She asks leading the way to the bathroom.
"She is, and she knows it and it's cruel," Wade chuckles but immediately hisses in pain, holding bis ribs as he stands up to follow her. "A... baby cow..." he mumbles sheepishly, as if it wasn't the baby cow being randomly on the road that scared him but the mere fact it was a cow that did him in
“Well I mean if I were hot I’d probably be a bit cruel too.” Doreen reasons. As she helps him inti the tip and starts testing the running water.
“A calf? A calf scared you?” She asks arching a brow.
"You are hot," he mumbles.
"I have bovinophobia, alright? Fucking terrified of cattle, it's why I don't venture out into farm country much," he groans, his cheeks red
Doreen freezes before blushing and looking over at him.
“Huh-Well I’m terrified of Dogs. I don’t know if it’s the squirrel part of me. Or the Doreen part of me. Any dog any breed.” She admits. “Makes living anywhere pretty difficult. And I LIKE em. They just freak me out.” She says turning the shower head onto a gentle setting.
“Do you wanna sit down? Might be more comfortable.”
"Well... you never know, could have been some traumatic incident, or watching a squirrel get chased and making the connection with your own tail when you were little. Mine... is entirely irrational... I freaked out at picture books as a kid if there was a cow... I couldn't have anything with cow print, or any toys that were cows, I would scream and hide for days... there's no possible trauma to connect to my fear, it's entirely irrational"
“Fear is always irrational. That doesn’t mean it’s any less valid!” Doreen replies. “Are you going to sit?” She asks.
"It totally does if its stupid, like who else do you know is so afraid of cows they'll crash a car over seeing one?"
He nods, "yeah, gimme a minute, not all my joints are actually in socket yet." He manages to get seated after a little bit, popping what sounded like 3 joints back into place just from lowering himself
“It’s not stupid. Sometimes brains are just a bit funky.” Doreen replies. “Everyone’s a little different. Your fear doesn’t take away from how amazing you are. Though next time I invite you to my house. I’ll drive you. Okay?” Doreen says gently as she starts to work on his face mask first. Careful not to drown him with the water, Getting that off. And then working on his chest. With a gentle touch.
He relaxes under the warm water, finding it soothing even through what's left of his suit. "Thanks... you really are the best of us, Doreen..."
He pulls a pocket knife from his belt and holds it up for her, still folded. "Incase ya need it"
“I got my med kit scissors!” Doreen replies. “Much safer. Though I could use my teeth in a pinch. That’s obviously not appropriate in this situation.” She smiles blushing a bit.
“Hey it’s no problem. I just want to make sure you feel safe and comfortable in my house! I’d be a pretty bad host if I didn’t.”
"It's leather and Kevlar and other durable materials, what are med kit scissors gonna do?" Wade chuckles.
"You go above and beyond anything my best friend has ever even done for me every time I see you, Doreen, you're more than a good host. You're like the nicest Canadian in thw world, you balance out all of me and Logan's war crimes combined"
“Well that’s debatable. I’m not sure anyone could balance out Logan. And believe me I have tried… this knife won’t get through the Kevlar either.” She sighs.
“Okay. I’m gunna do something. Try not to make it weird.” She blushes. “Hold this for me.” She hands him the shower head before climbing into the tub with him.
And using her teeth and fingers to start chewing him out of his suit. She’s straddling him in the bathtub. She occasionally takes the shower head and uses it to gently detach bits of the suit.
“So how’s work been lately?” She asks awkwardly.
He relaxes even more, but not from the relief of the suit being removed. "You smell like a cozy little family dinner miraculously open for Thanksgiving..." he mumbles. "Oh, hey, there's the pain meds," he laughs as the medication kicks in.
"Work's been fine, got less child clients this year than last"
Her tail wags happily. “I have been cooking since five this morning. Oh good!”
“That’s wonderful to hear. I hope that means there’s less terrible things being done to kids. But even I’m not that naive.” She says as she continues to work her way down his chest.
“Uh- okay so I didn’t fully think this through… we could try some soap or oil for the pants part… cuz- well yeah…” she blushes.
At this point eh door opens.
“Doreen do you need me to-“ Nancy’s eyes widen in horror. She freezes in the doorframe.
Doreen freezes too. Going bright red.
Wade, always a dork even in the worst circumstances, covers his chest like a woman exposed, "Nancy, knock next time, my suit is partially fused to my skin right now from the explosion." His tone is so much less miserable sounding now that the medication has kicked in but he still doesn't sound like his normal, peppy, sarcastic self
Nancy blinks. Then smirks at Doreen. “So obviously the only logical option was taking it off with your teeth?”
Doreen shrinks a bit. “It’s Kevlar.”
“Okay… I got the food. You kids have fun.” She says closing the door.
Doreen covers her face with her hands. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry.” She exclaims.
Wade chuckles, "it's fine, Al would have made much worse jokes... and comments about me covering my chest because apparently she's memorized the sounds of my various dramatic behaviors she calls unnecessary"
Doreen giggles. “Well she’s blind! It is unnecessary.” She replies.
“Anyways… should I get you some oil or do you wanna try with soap first? Cuz I’m gunna give you some privacy…” she says clambering out of the tub.
"I mean, yeah, but it's, like, a gut reaction of funny. Im a guy, I don't really need to cover my chest at all."
"I'll try with the soap, if nothing else I'll smell a little better than subaru au flambe," he shrugs