Ask Zayn Horan

I'm Zayn. I'm married to Niall. I disappeared for four month. Now I'm back and hoping to not loose my husband and 4 kids.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I didn’t mean it to sound like he was a whore. I didn’t know how far along he was. He’s been seen a lot with Harry so I had no was to know if he had moved. “I didn’t mean it like that Niall.” I felt frustrated. I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. “I didn’t know Niall. How could I?” There was the tears.

[asknhoran-blog]

"I know you didn’t mean to make it out to sound like you were saying I was a whore, Zayn I haven’t seen you in four months and you’re lucky I’m not screaming at you right now." I say to him honestly, "Kaitlynn has changed a lot Zayn, all of them have, and for three of the four of them it was growing up. Lana and Mazia can crawl, Theo you can actually talk to now and he hasn’t had as many problems as he has in the past, four months can change a lot Zayn." 

[askzaynhoran]

"You think that doesn't hurt me? You think this is what I wanted for my life?" I was struggling to control my anger. "I fucking love you and these kids more than I love myself. I didn't mean for what happened to go like it did." Did he not want me? He didn't act like my Niall. The Niall who loved me so much. I felt like an outsider.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

"I’m sorry." I shook my head and looked at my lap as everything registered. "Wait… So you aren’t with him? The baby is mine?" I felt a sliver of joy. "Ni, I screwed up. I’m sorry. I can’t change it. I can promise that’s never going to happen again though. Not a day went by that I didn’t cry over you not being in my arms and me in yours."

[asknhoran-blog]

"Who’s baby would it be if it wasn’t yours? I haven’t gone and slept around, I don’t do that. You’ve been gone for four months, the baby is four months along, it kind of adds up Zayn. It’s a boy if you were curious to know," I say to him in a shaky tone. 

[askzaynhoran]

I didn't mean it to sound like he was a whore. I didn't know how far along he was. He's been seen a lot with Harry so I had no was to know if he had moved. "I didn't mean it like that Niall." I felt frustrated. I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. "I didn't know Niall. How could I?" There was the tears.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I nodded, “I tried to contact you as soon as I was healthy enough. I couldn’t reach you. I tried.” I knew it wouldn’t be good enough for him. “I’m sorry. I never stopped trying. Through grief counseling, getting healed, going home to find you gone… I looked. I kept looking through getting a job and a little flat. Then I caught photos of you with Harry.”

[asknhoran-blog]

"I was there a month and then left, I didn’t have anyone to help me with the kids, my health was going down and to top it off I found out I was pregnant," I tell him quietly, "and don’t think I’m with Harry and I just left you, because I’m not dating Harry, and he even knows that, he is pretty much here to help me with the kids, and help me with things. Kat doesn’t like him and she keeps asking where you are Zayn and I can’t tell her anything because I didn’t know where you were and I didn’t want to tell her you just walked out on us just like all the other people I’ve been with."

[askzaynhoran]

"I'm sorry." I shook my head and looked at my lap as everything registered. "Wait... So you aren't with him? The baby is mine?" I felt a sliver of joy. "Ni, I screwed up. I'm sorry. I can't change it. I can promise that's never going to happen again though. Not a day went by that I didn't cry over you not being in my arms and me in yours."

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I had more to my story. This was the hard part. “We rushed and ha me tested to see if I was a match to donate things to keep her alive. I was and I was rushed to donate right away. I donated blood, bone marrow, platelets and a small part of my liver.” My eyes watered. “She was gone before I could finish recovering 3 weeks later.”

[asknhoran-blog]

I felt sorry that he had lost his sister, but I still didn’t feel like it was fair that Zayn didn’t even bother telling me where he was. “Well, I’m sorry you lost your sister Zayn, things happen for a reason and it was just time to go, she’s in a better place now at least, and she isn’t in pain.” I still wasn’t good at comforting people. And It being Zayn it was harder. 

[askzaynhoran]

I nodded, "I tried to contact you as soon as I was healthy enough. I couldn't reach you. I tried." I knew it wouldn't be good enough for him. "I'm sorry. I never stopped trying. Through grief counseling, getting healed, going home to find you gone... I looked. I kept looking through getting a job and a little flat. Then I caught photos of you with Harry."

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I follow Niall and sit down near him. “Niall, I’m just gonna cut right to it. I was wrong for leaving high and dry. I didn’t and still don’t think I had much of a choice.” I lick my lips and swallow hard. “That day I asked for alone time in LA I went and saw my mum. It was going to be a little meeting to see if things could be fixed between us now that my dad is passed. I ended up finding out Safaa was really sick.”

[asknhoran-blog]

I didn’t really say anything, I wanted him to explain himself before I said anything. It was bad that his little sister was really sick, but he could have at least called me saying he wasn’t going to come home. I was in London for a month before a I left so it wasn’t like I was here for a week then moved. 

[askzaynhoran]

I had more to my story. This was the hard part. "We rushed and ha me tested to see if I was a match to donate things to keep her alive. I was and I was rushed to donate right away. I donated blood, bone marrow, platelets and a small part of my liver." My eyes watered. "She was gone before I could finish recovering 3 weeks later."

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I looked up at Niall and smiled at first. It dropped quickly though. “Can we talk now?” I asked afraid. I stood and kept my eyes on him. “I’ve waited three months.”

[asknhoran-blog]

I nod, “yeah, lets talk in the livingroom, I can trust Theo to stay in here by himself,” I say leaving the room and going out to the livingroom and sitting down on the couch. 

[askzaynhoran]

I follow Niall and sit down near him. "Niall, I'm just gonna cut right to it. I was wrong for leaving high and dry. I didn't and still don't think I had much of a choice." I lick my lips and swallow hard. "That day I asked for alone time in LA I went and saw my mum. It was going to be a little meeting to see if things could be fixed between us now that my dad is passed. I ended up finding out Safaa was really sick."

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I wanted to be a fly on that wall in the kitchen but I went with Theo and focus on him. I was happy to find he still had a room full of cars. He showed me each thing in his room, naming all of his stuff including the closet door. “This is great Theo. Da made sure you had a very cool room.” I grinned as I was handed a red race car.

[asknhoran-blog]

I called my mum and told her to bring the girls home since I chose to not stay at the concert, I wasn’t going to tell her why, or tell her that Zayn was here again. After I finished talking to my mum I headed to Theo’s room where Theo seemed content and was playing and Zayn was watching over him. 

[askzaynhoran]

I looked up at Niall and smiled at first. It dropped quickly though. "Can we talk now?" I asked afraid. I stood and kept my eyes on him. "I've waited three months."

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I followed carefully. I felt nervous and yet so excited but still scared. Had he moved on? Was the baby inside him Harry’s? Did he want me still? I helped Niall get Theo from the car when we got to his place. It was the perfect size, just big enough for them all to he comfortable. “It’s cute.” I complimented going inside. I traced my finger over the little faces in a frame on the wall. Just the four kids from our LA trip. The trip where things changed. I missed my girls, all three. I had missed Theo too but here he was in my arms. Most of all I had missed my husband. “Niall… I’m sorry. This is all my fault.” Wether it was or wasn’t, I was taking the full blame.

[asknhoran-blog]

I shrug, “I need to call my mum, she has the girls,” I say setting down the bags. “Theo, why don’t you go show daddy your room, he probably wants to see it,” I say to the three year old who giggles and squrims to get out of Zayn’s arms just so he can show Zayn his room. “I’ma call my mum then we can talk, play with Theo for a bit okay?” I say to Zayn leaving into the kitchen to call my mum. 

[askzaynhoran]

I wanted to be a fly on that wall in the kitchen but I went with Theo and focus on him. I was happy to find he still had a room full of cars. He showed me each thing in his room, naming all of his stuff including the closet door. "This is great Theo. Da made sure you had a very cool room." I grinned as I was handed a red race car.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I nodded and watched him pack. “I drove, I can follow you.” I said going outside. “You have to go with Da now. I’ll be just behind you.” I told Theo hoping he wouldn’t freak out.

[asknhoran-blog]

Zayn handed Theo over to me and he frowned and pouted slightly but didn’t freak out, “okay sounds good,” I went to my car and put Theo into his car seat and put my bags back there with him. I made sure he was all set before I got into the drivers seat and starting off to the flat. 

[askzaynhoran]

I followed carefully. I felt nervous and yet so excited but still scared. Had he moved on? Was the baby inside him Harry's? Did he want me still? I helped Niall get Theo from the car when we got to his place. It was the perfect size, just big enough for them all to he comfortable. "It's cute." I complimented going inside. I traced my finger over the little faces in a frame on the wall. Just the four kids from our LA trip. The trip where things changed. I missed my girls, all three. I had missed Theo too but here he was in my arms. Most of all I had missed my husband. "Niall... I'm sorry. This is all my fault." Wether it was or wasn't, I was taking the full blame.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

"Whatever makes you the most comfortable." I told him. "I’m here for you, not him." I nodded at Harry and moved around the table towards him. "I’ll follow you." I eyed Harry once more then started to follow Niall nervously. He looked incredibly. I just wanted to touch him and hold him.

[asknhoran-blog]

"It isn’t like you’re a stranger," I say to him going and getting my stuff I had brought with, "we’ll go to mine, no one will other us there." I took the headphones Theo had and put them in my bag, 

[askzaynhoran]

I nodded and watched him pack. "I drove, I can follow you." I said going outside. "You have to go with Da now. I'll be just behind you." I told Theo hoping he wouldn't freak out.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

"Niall, moved countries…" I trailed off noticing everyone watching closely. "Can we do this privately?" I asked then kissed Theo’s cheek. "Obviously we have a lot to discuss." I eyed Harry for a moment. Then I looked at Niall hopeful. I was dying to know more about the small bump beneath his shirt. I’d been away four months… That meant it was mine right? "Please?"

[asknhoran-blog]

I nodded, “yeah,” Theo wouldn’t be to dispaointed to miss the concert, he had already been to about a million of them. “Do you want to come to mine or where do you want to talk?” I ask Zayn not caring where we talked really, I just wanted to talk. 

[askzaynhoran]

"Whatever makes you the most comfortable." I told him. "I'm here for you, not him." I nodded at Harry and moved around the table towards him. "I'll follow you." I eyed Harry once more then started to follow Niall nervously. He looked incredibly. I just wanted to touch him and hold him.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

The second I heard that squeal I knew who it was. My little boy. “Theo!” I bent down as he reach me, crawling under a table instead of going around it. I hit my knees and threw my arms around him, near tears. “Oh my Theo! Lil Craic, you aren’t so little anymore!”

I heard Niall’s voice and looked up. From my view I still couldn’t see his stomach. “Ni,” I grin big. For a while I thought I’d never see him again. “I’ve been trying to reach you for three months.” I told him as I stood holding Theo. That’s when I saw his tummy and my eyes went wide.

[asknhoran-blog]

“Well I moved countries so I had to get a new number, but I didn’t know that you were trying to contact me,” I say to him trying to ignore the fact that he was looking at my stomach.

[askzaynhoran]

"Niall, moved countries..." I trailed off noticing everyone watching closely. "Can we do this privately?" I asked then kissed Theo's cheek. "Obviously we have a lot to discuss." I eyed Harry for a moment. Then I looked at Niall hopeful. I was dying to know more about the small bump beneath his shirt. I'd been away four months... That meant it was mine right? "Please?"

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

The second I heard that squeal I knew who it was. My little boy. “Theo!” I bent down as he reach me, crawling under a table instead of going around it. I hit my knees and threw my arms around him, near tears. “Oh my Theo! Lil Craic, you aren’t so little anymore!”

[asknhoran-blog]

I couldn’t help but smile when I saw Zayn hugging Theo. I stood next to Harry and looked at Harry, “did you invite him here?” I ask him curious, Harry just shook his head in response. 

[askzaynhoran]

I heard Niall's voice and looked up. From my view I still couldn't see his stomach. "Ni," I grin big. For a while I thought I'd never see him again. "I've been trying to reach you for three months." I told him as I stood holding Theo. That's when I saw his tummy and my eyes went wide.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been trying to contact him for three months. I don’t have to explain the fourth month to you.” I said harshly. “Now where is he? You can’t keep him from me!”

[asknhoran-blog]

I watched Theo look at Zayn for a minute before he ran over to Zayn squealing. I got up and went after Theo not wanting him to get hurt. 

[askzaynhoran]

The second I heard that squeal I knew who it was. My little boy. "Theo!" I bent down as he reach me, crawling under a table instead of going around it. I hit my knees and threw my arms around him, near tears. "Oh my Theo! Lil Craic, you aren't so little anymore!"

[askzaynhoran]

This face isn't fooling me. He isn't innocent. I can see past all the lies.

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

"Niall Horan you shit." I growl softly so his security team nearby wouldn’t hear. "The guy you’ve been keeping away from me? The one I’ve been trying to contact for three months?" His clueless act wasn’t impressing me.

[asknhoran-blog]

"Actually, its been four months, since hes four months pregnant," Harry said with a smile, "I haven’t been keeping him from you, his mum has." I set Theo on the ground who is becoming to squirmy for me to hold onto. I wasn’t sure if Theo would go to Zayn or not. 

[askzaynhoran]

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been trying to contact him for three months. I don’t have to explain the fourth month to you.” I said harshly. “Now where is he? You can’t keep him from me!” I never heard the pregnant part./p>

[asknhoran-blog]

[askzaynhoran]

I felt out of place. No way would I ever show up to this type of concert normally. I had a good reason to be here however. I could see my target, his cheesy grin and fake personality. It dug under my skin. “Hello,” he finally greeted me when it was my turn. I only had one thing to ask, “Where the fuck is my husband?”

[asknhoran-blog]

Harry gave a look to the man, “um, I don’t think I know where your husband is? Did you come here with him and lose him or something?” Harry asked him. I didn’t look at who Harry was talking to till Theo squealed. When I saw who Harry was talking to I felt like I was going to be sick, four months of being gone and he just shows up at a concert he was at, how did he even know where I would be? 

[askzaynhoran]

"Niall Horan you shit." I growl softly so his security team nearby wouldn't hear. "The guy you've been keeping away from me? The one I've been trying to contact for three months?" His clueless act wasn't impressing me.