Life through my eyes

[asmaac]

[asmaac]

Social awkwardness

You’d think that passed a certain age, you wouldn’t have to go through more social challenges and awkwardness, that you would have it all figured out by then. After all, you’ve been a human for a quarter of a decade (maybe a tiger or a bird in another life, but mostly human in this one :p) and you must have understood human behavior right? WRONG!

The truth is, what you actually know is what surrounds you. You may have become the expert on social behavior in your own town, region or even country but once you are put on a different environment, you lose all your references. Unless you are kind of an eternal traveler/ sociologist prodigy who made it his life mission to explain social behavior around the world. In which case, enlighten me please!

Like any self improvement area, sociability gets harder as we grow older! In fact, as you grow, you think more about your actions. Thus, you act less! You begin to ask yourself questions like: Would I be accepted in this group or in that circle of friends…? Is it “OK” to go towards people, ask them questions…? How do I even break the ice and go beyond the standard small talk?

Don’t look to me for answers I don’t have them and I don’t think that Google has them either! I say try to smile, engage and get interested in others. The one thing I have learned about people in general is that they love to talk about themselves. So listen and keep in mind that everyone feels awkward and insecure around others. Maybe not with the same intensity or in the same kinds of situations but we all do feel uncomfortable in at least some social situations.

At the end of the day, it can be worth it to make the effort. There are so many life stories out there, go listen to them :)

[asmaac]

Daddy’s little girl

[asmaac]

I had a daddy once

I had a daddy once, now I have to live my life knowing that I’ll always be without him. Daddy, your loss is the hardest thing I am going through in my life.

I am facing every day, trying to find the courage not to break down in front of people (you know, not to make them uncomfortable). Because, let’s face it, I had my time to cry and nobody wants to hear about it anymore.

Well I am sorry daddy, I don’t mean to make this about my tragedy... again! :p. Actually, I consider myself the luckiest person on earth for having had the chance to have a man like you as a dad...as long as I did.

Daddy you are the best man I’ve ever known. You were too pure to survive in this world I guess.

They say that a daddy’s girl will always look for a man like him to marry. And that this is all well and good as long as the man to replace is a worthy role model. I guess they didn’t think about what a trouble it would be if the daddy is a too perfect man to replace.

I am writing this, afraid that the words I will put to describe you wouldn’t do you justice. I even hate talking about you to people that never met you, because they will think that I am being subjective when I would say that you were perfect. But the actual truth is, I am not and you were!

I have always loved you more than standard daddy love. I have loved and admired you as a human being. You made me love Arabic, you made me love our home town, you basically made me love everything you introduced to me.

You sure had your flaws but your heart is (I’m sorry, “was”) so full of innocence that it made those flaws look cute!

I don’t think that anybody in this world knew the meaning of “benti” (my daughter) as much as you did. It would always make me shiver to remember you pronounce it.

I was so blessed to have had the friends I had who stood by me when you passed. I am grateful to you girls for being there and for putting up with my crazy emotions.

I am so blessed to still have my mommy and my family and I selfishly hope that they will live for a long long time.

[asmaac]

Just relax...

[asmaac]

When life doesn’t go our way...

We all learn (at a very early age) that things in life don’t necessarily go our way. More than that, the moments of joy and fulfillment are as intense as they are rare.

As humans, when most aspects of our lives go perfectly but one, we tend to focus on that one. It is surely due to survival instinct, as we focus our energy to eliminate “danger”. But is this really healthy?

It is indisputably not healthy when it drives us to a certain level of frustration! In fact, there is a fine line between continuous improvement and putting a stick on our own wheels! In order to achieve our goals in life, we need to find balance and be able to put things on perspective.

Another (unspoken) aspect of this problem is others. We all want to look like we have it all together even if it’s not the case (it can never be). It gives us a certain satisfaction to be perfect in other people’s eyes. The key word here is comparison!

So what I think to be a solution here is to go easy on ourselves: 

- Take the time to appreciate your success, 

- Be proud of what you’ve achieved til now (and don’t tell me you didn’t achieve anything because if you are still alive, you must have done something right!),

- Show mercy and compassion towards yourself... I can’t quite get why one can be the most thoughtful person and yet manage to forget to treat himself with kindness...

- Also, if you are feeling extra brave, believe in yourself and never (I mean never) try to be somebody else!

[asmaac]

[asmaac]

What’s religion got to do with it?

Death is tragic enough on its own, let alone when it is caused by a blood bath show for the world to see. As if our lives aren’t complicated enough, they want to exterminate every innocent soul in this world and label us as criminals. Who is “they”? I really don’t know and I couldn’t care less! I just know that I wish them

(لهم عذاب في الحياة الدنيا. و لعذاب الآخرة أشق. (سورة  الرعد

Some people love religion, some people don’t, some believe there is more to life than one can see and some prefer to live in a 100% rational way... I think that spirituality and faith help guide a person’s soul towards purity, but we sure do not need the Coran to tell us that killing innocents for no good reason is bad. At least I hope that I live in a world where that is a given!!

If you are a pathologically psychopathic crazy person that wants to find reasons to assassinate people, go see a doctor but please stay far far away from the Coran. It has been harmed enough. If God wants to exterminate “infidels”, He will do so Himself. The thing is if Islam didn’t exist, it would have been for another “fake reason”.

(إنما يتذكر أولوا الألباب. (سورة الرعد

Watch Dexter! He says that his dark passenger was born from a tragedy that happened to him, he doesn’t look for reasons where there are none and he kills criminals... Or you know what? I have a better idea: Kill yourself maybe?!

Is terror your way to prove that you exist? Are you so desperate that you accept a role of a killer just to have a role in this world? Don’t you have any guilt left in your heart? any shame?

I have come to know that not all people are smart, but I guess I didn’t know that there is this high a level of stupidity. It’s basic instincts not to exterminate your own race, isn’t it?! I don’t see animals exploding anywhere near each other! (I am sorry animals that I compare you to such savages).

I stand here, in pain for the victims and their families, for Muslims and for Arabs around the world, wishing the hate away and hoping for a world where logic overrules craziness.

Like my father always said: “!العجب”

[asmaac]

Be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise

George Whitman, Owner of Shakespeare & Company

[asmaac]

Shakespeare and Company: The best goddamn address in Paris!

[asmaac]

Inspired for greatness

It is about finding the motivation and the will to give more than 100% at what you do in order to achieve your goals.

After some years of struggle (school + unemployment) comes a moment of relief also called underemployment when you have somewhere to go in the morning, a salary and a slavery job to do (well, you still haven’t learned enough to earn the trust of your masters and have glorifying responsibilities)

The question I come to ask myself is: am I enough? Do I have what it takes to make it in this world? I mean I know I would somehow survive, but what about making a contribution, having a word to say and telling the world that you were there and achieved something (”Get over yourself no one cares” - Says a voice inside my head)

What is successful thinking? What are the qualities required to move from good to great? Don’t you wish there was a manual for this? Sure you can google “how can I succeed at work” and articles like “the 20 people skills you need to succeed at work” by Forbes magazine or “5 ways to succeed at work by enjoying your life every day” by Entrepreneurs.com would pop out. Yet everybody knows it is no walk in the park to actually persevere and make it to the end of those simple tips!

In fact, in life we get distracted, we lose sight of our long term goals and simply get lazy.

We all want to be creative, original, indispensable ... but who wants the headaches and hard work that comes with it. Too bad! It is a full package: take it all or leave it all!

I recently listened to a book called “Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn: Life’s greatest lessons are gained from our losses” (it’s a heck of a long name). It is a good book about working through our mistakes and failures to build a great life where we live as the best versions of ourselves. Although these kind of books, talks... are a bit idealistic and may lead us to get frustrated as we cannot follow the perfect path of life they promote, I find them to be the perfect little push we need every now and then when we’re on a downward.

Bottom line is, all you can do is try harder every time, keep hoping for hope is the fuel of life and smile ;)

[asmaac]

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

Albert Einstein

[asmaac]

[asmaac]

The right to happiness...or at least the search for it!

It is known that the American Constitution or Declaration of Independence (or whatever dreamy institution they have) emphasizes the phrase: "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness".

To the point, I think it is our birth right to look for happiness. But sadly, we tend to get busy with meaningless everyday life matters (work, money, time...).

I happen to have noticed this aspect of life lately. Am I early or late? Who can say! The fact is, crazy as it seems, we are easily driven to neglect happiness while looking for it: we end up looking for its shadow! This happens when we define happiness wrongly and superficially.

I have made the vow, in my “Letter to 2014″, to be happy in 2015. So, what is happiness and how to attain it?

I am definitely not an expert on the matter, nor am I known for my unconditioned positivity. However, I will try to give my point of view and where I am at in this moment in my quest for happiness. Here is the thing:

The devil is in the details, and so is happiness! I am talking about the details of everyday life. In order to be happy, we tend to consider the big picture in our lives and aim to realize our biggest dreams and fantasies (again work, money...) which is good! However, since such things often take long to happen, we can not afford to sit around and wait years in order to have that feeling. What if it does not happen? Or worse, what if it does but it still isn't enough to make us happy!

I personally do not want to take that risk! What I have decided then is that I am going to find happiness in smaller and more attainable goals, and life offers a large spectrum of these. For me, the simple fact of trying a new thing, reading a good book/ going to the library (it sounds dorky I know!) or even buying new sheets can make my day. Knowing that, I feel that I have the power over life!

Happiness isn't supposed to be hard-work, yet we managed to make it like that. I guess that it's human nature to appreciate things that are hard to get! Well, life is hard as it is. A little pleasure now and then doesn't harm anyone, it just makes the journey to those dreams that much more exciting!

[asmaac]

[asmaac]

Letter to 2014

Hello 2015, it is with joy and excitement that I am opening your doors. But first, I need you to let me use these first hours of yours to express my feelings and thoughts to your friend and neighbour 2014!

It was an emotional year. Filled with good and bad emotions (mostly bad…) so, how do I begin with you crazy 2014?

At first, you were influenced by residues left by 2013. You started out hard on me. It had been months that I was looking for a job in vain… In January 2014, I was already lost, sad and a little hopeless. Me (being me) I put on my big girl pants and I walked through hell with a little bit of a smile. I am not good at seeing the bright side though so, in doubt, I just go forward. [Songs like I won’t give up, I was here or I will survive are my fuel and take all their meaning with me]

I continued teaching (that I have started in 2013), hoping in a selfish way that helping others will make the world lean towards me and offer me my chance to live. I have also studied in this year because (again me being me) I can’t stay inactive nor disconnected with studies.

After that, you dragged me down. But this particular event is not specific to you 2014, since it happens every single year, mostly more than once a year. You must have guessed what I am talking about by now… without starting with painful useless details (since it is not entirely about me) it is the usual “xxx” story. I had to stop teaching for a while, move in with my brother for some days, weeks or months and continue living…

By May, I was down! Really down. I was desperate and you had me doubt in my capacities, my future and myself. Nothing was right, nothing was going my way and negativity had the best of me. And I was thinking: “I am doing well considering”. I was very vulnerable and expected more than comprehension from others. You know what? I unconsciously blamed everybody for what was happening to me! Insane huh!

But as the pain lingered, relief came as a lightening. I was moaning but little did I know, I was supposed to go to Paris. Yes Paris, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I was accepted in a Master’s program and my life had changed! I moved out from my mom’s, left home and started a new life. For the last four months of you, everything was new. I have been challenged in all levels (from studies to faith, I have questioned everything that I had taken for granted all my life) and have learned more things than I could imagine.

You know what 2014? At the end of the day, you are just a year like any other. You are time passing by as I am living my life. Yet, you taught me that I am in control of my feelings but not of the events of my life (as I am a control freak, that was difficult). Nobody is to blame for them though, not even me. Life happens and we are passing through it. Good things like bad things should not affect that much how we feel.

Most importantly, I learned that I should never ever question God’s Will. He knows better, so all I have to do is work, do my best and let Him choose for me because like my mama always said:

“الخير في ما اختاره الله”

So 2015 be ready, for I have decided that every day of you will be a happy day filled with dancing, loving, sharing and all good things.