fairyland

I rode along side 'till you LOST me there in the o.p.e.n road till the ( h.o.n.e.y. ) spread itself so t.h.i.n. ASPEN HAMILTON ✖ 30

[aspenxhamilton]

aspen hamilton | thirty | doctor 

BASICS.

Date of Birth: December 12, 1991 Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius Place of Birth: Vancouver Gender: cis-female Sexual Orientation: heterosexual Relationship Status: single Language(s) Spoken: English, French, Japanese  Hobbies: ice skating, playing piano, swimming, hiking, volunteering Neighborhood: Kitsilano Time in Vancouver: Until 18 and she left for school, has been back for 5ish months

BIOGRAPHY.

Trigger warnings: cancer

Born to a teenage mother, Aspen was the child that no one really wanted nor could take care of. After struggling to raise her as a single mother, barely a child herself, Aspen was given up with the hope that she would be given to another family who was more deserving of her. A family who could give her the life that a child ought to have. At three, just as she had started to recognize and remember her mother, Aspen found herself separated from the woman. For another year, she would live in an orphanage, growing up with other children who had either lost their parents, or whose parents abandoned them. Aspen, she had a mix of both. An absent father and an abandoned mother.

Good fortune shone on her when she turned five. She was old enough to know that the parents who would be taking her home were not her birth parents. They were just the ones who would raise her from here on out. Henry and Ryan were the sweetest dads that she could have asked for, and yet Aspen was cautious at first. After all, what guarantee was there that these parents wouldn’t also abandon her? It took her some time to warm up to them as she was unfamiliar with the sense of normalcy that came with having two parents who split the responsibility of looking after her. So used to taking care of herself, she was almost uncomfortable when she got presents at Christmas or a new backpack without having to specifically ask for it.

But they truly were the best parents she could have asked for and it was hard for her to not grow attached to them. Eventually, her walls came down and she accepted that they were not going to abandon her. This was her family now and she was grateful that they had taken her in, giving her the life that many others had not been as fortunate to receive. She worked hard in school as if to repay her debt to Henry and Ryan through her success (though her young mind didn’t understand the feeling as such). They had taken a chance on her (and she had been given an opportunity to be more than before) and she would not let them down.

At thirteen she declared that she was going to become a doctor and years later, that is exactly what she did. She left Vancouver for the States, pursuing undergrad and then medical school there. In med school, she met Varun who she thought was her soulmate. They were together for almost four years when he proposed. Engaged and pursuing a career that she had always dreamt of, Aspen truly couldn’t have asked for anything more from life. Yet naturally, as things seemed to always go with her, happiness never lasted too long. Things couldn’t be too perfect.

She got a call from Ryan one night, thinking it was going to be a conversation about the floral arrangements at their wedding. Instead, it was a diagnosis. Multiple myeloma. Somehow everything around her seemed to come crashing down. Weeks and months were spent away from her home in the states and accompanying Henry to doctors appointments. She would spend nights scouring his reports, talking to everyone she knew about what could improve his odds of fighting this. Though Varun was with her, she could feel herself pulling away from him. She tried her hardest to make it work but she keep having this feeling like things were all getting out of control. She felt like one day she would wake up and realize all that she had around her was just a dream. It was in one of those spirals, when she learned that Henry’s condition was worsening that she left for good. Ring on the table, a letter of apology, she dropped everything to be with her family back at home.

[aspenxhamilton]

With: @gcldenhq​ At: The Chief Hiking Trail—Saturday, 9 AM

Aspen decided going between work and home was getting too boring. The occasionally pit stop at random bars around town was also getting tiring, seeing as Aspen had never been one to drink so frequently. Instead, she decided this weekend that she finally had off, rather than just rotting away on her couch, would be spent in the wild. Getting away from everything and just focusing on strenuous but doable physical activity was the type of reset she needed in her life. Maybe views and fresh air would imbue some positivity back into her. Driving outside the city, she made her way to the park that she had gone to frequently as a child. While Henry was never one for nature, Ryan was their resident outdoorsman.

Pulling into the parking lot, she circled around a few times to try and find a spot or someone who was leaving. When she saw a couple getting into a car, she tried to bring the car around to snag it before one of the other vultures got to it. But at the last moment, she saw someone else swoop in and steal her spot. She had half a mind to tell them off but another opened up a ways down and Aspen knew better than to waste time. After parking and getting her stuff out, she walked by the car to find its owner a few steps ahead. “Hey,” she called out, speeding a little to catch up. When she realized it was none other than Greyson, she changed what she had initially intended to tell the stranger. “You stole my parking spot.”

[aspenxhamilton]

( alice cheung​ )

Alice knew better than to test her luck by throwing something in the air like that. Things came back full circle and she didn’t want to see just how good she’d be in the woods. But there was one thing Aspen was right about and that was that if she had one person to pick, she’d likely pick Aspen for more reasons than her ability to bring all the necessities. “I also think that I could have a great chance at taking you if it came down to one or the other needing to go down a cannibal route.” Again with her jokes. “I’m kidding, but the snacks and essentials are a valid point. I’d need to make a more thorough list of pros and cons but you’re a good contender.” 

As they pulled up at the rink, the brunette smiled wide at her friend as memories rushed back. “It hasn’t and the inside hasn’t changed at all.” She was even willing to bet that their names were still scribbled into that one seat but she hadn’t went as far as to check. “It’s all hours for three hours so I suggest we get in and use to to the full advantage.” It would give them ample time to skate around to their hearts content and then take a few breaks on the bleachers to eat and enjoy the food they’d brought. “I had them put aside some skates in our sizes.” They wouldn’t be as great as their own but she didn’t want to give away the surprise by having Aspen bring an old pair of skates… that was if she even had some. As for herself, Alice had thrown away the only pair she had a long time ago.

➢ ➢ ➢

“Oh you don’t want to test me Alice. You know when the gauntlet is thrown, I can get really rowdy.” Though she feigned seriousness, amusement tugged her lips up quickly. In some ways, Alice’s company was what she needed in her life at this moment. It brought her out of the pity party she was throwing for herself at her place otherwise. The person she was right now, that was not the Aspen Hamilton of just a year ago. She never thought of herself to be so weak as to allow for an illness and a breakup to bring her down. If she could fight against all odds to get herself through all the obstacles life threw at her, why should this be any different? It forced her to consider whether she really had been thrown that many challenges to begin with. Or was her life cushy since her adoption? Hard work was involved but maybe she wasn’t as strong as she thought. Just lucky. Being on the ice would distract her from those thoughts, from her own questions of herself. “Well if you have a list and need to have a show-down, let me know. I’m ready to take on whoever. We can run our own mini Vancouver Survivor.”

Getting out of the car quickly, she wasn’t even upset that they wouldn’t be able to use their own skates. She had gone frequently when she was in New York, a way to stay connected to the sport that she had loved when she was a child. One that she had pursued competitively for a little bit, even if she hadn’t given it all the time it needed. “You won’t hear any objections from me. Let’s go.” Entering the familiar rink, nostalgia washed over her as she thought of the many open skates she attended as a kid just learning or when the two would practice together for hours trying to perfect routines and spins. Tightening her skates quickly, she couldn’t help the smile on her. “You know, if only all surprises were like this, I might not hate them so much.”  

[aspenxhamilton]

( everly de santis​ )

Everly knew Aspen was likely teasing, but the idea of someone cementing themselves in that way to her life sent a small bubble of panic through her chest. Not that she wouldn’t love it, but more that she didn’t believe it- even tho Aspen logically was one of her oldest friends. Lately, it just felt unrealistic to believe anything would last. As if she were setting herself up for failure of some kind by allowing the fanciful notion to dance through her mind. Still, regardless of her screaming insecurity Everly tossed back a deep gulp of her wine and shrugged, “I have closet space.” She offered against her own discomfort, with the thought that if she had a reason to come back, maybe she wouldn’t leave. Then like the masochist she was, Evie wondered if her fiance had thought the same thing she Evie left behind more than half her shit when she called off the wedding for the final time, for real. “I can cook.” She commented it was one of her mother’s insistent life skills she had imparted on Eve and her sister. Everly hated it so much that she was terrible on purpose, at least until Eden was getting praised for it, then Everly worked as hard as she could to be good and still was never as praised or as good as Eden, so now she only cooked when she was feeling morose. Which was often- she enjoyed the break in wallowing. If only for a night. “It’s not entirely selfless.” Not much Everly could be attributed to any sort of selflessness, but more so a needy, desperate desire to be seen in some small way, and Aspen had proved to be not only one of her oldest but one of her best and brightest. She smiled fondly at the woman and siped her wine while her mind tumbled into their comfortable past with warm remembrance. “Your company keeps me from falling into bed with strangers, so maybe it’s a little self-preservation, but mostly I enjoy your doting company.” She smiled and clinked her glass against Aspen’s. Her nose wrinkled, just a fun time “And a little self sabotage.” She clarified though she didn’t need Aspen’s help ruining everything good that ever showed up. “What about you?” Her brows rose suggestively, alluding to exactly what she was asking.

➢ ➢ ➢

For most of her life, Aspen had lived with others. Whether that was in the orphanage where she would share a room with a few kids, at home with her family, or once she pursued higher education. There was maybe one year in between that she finally had her own place before her and Varun decided to move in together. So when the majority of her life was spent in the company of others—and when she had a crippling fear of abandonment—it was only natural that her current living situation put her a little on edge. Of course she could have moved back home, she could have chosen to stay with her dads. But she decided against it for two reasons. First, she already knew they worried for her and she didn’t want to deal with them walking on eggshells around her. Second, work brought her back at crazy hours—as did her new hobby of drinking. She did not want to be a disturbance. “Maybe one day I’ll make use of it.” She responded, for the time being attempting to get used to freedom ( if that was what this could be called ).

“I’m trying to learn. I’ve been taking lessons.” Because with Aspen, everything had to be structured and given to her in digestible and easy to follow steps. She didn’t want to go according to feel or just wing it. Precision was necessary in every aspect of life, down to even basic life skills. “But next time I’ll announce my presence and bring only the drinks. You can provide the meal.”  Aspen would be lying if part of Evie’s justification didn’t extend to her as well. In some ways, the two found themselves in a similar boat. Of course, her friend was dealing with a lot—the death of a loved one, especially a twin, was devastating. She was already crumbling under just the possibility of losing a family member. She couldn’t imagine going through it. But their destructive behaviors, though manifesting in somewhat different ways, reflected the mess their lives were in. If New York had been their highlight reel, this phase felt like it belonged in the outtakes.

“To good company and self-restraint,” Aspen clinked her glass and took a sip before placing it back down. “Self-sabotage. So, no one that looks too sweet. Duly noted.”  She flipped through the various profiles with interest only because it wasn’t about her. “My self-sabotage is at the bottom of this bottle and in eating an entire cheesecake.”

[aspenxhamilton]

( minnie phan​ )

status : open / ( @vancitystarters​​ ) location : outside cobblestones rare and vintage books

☁️ ⠀  ⠀ ⠀  ⠀ ───────────  minnie was usually restless but especially on her days off. she wasn’t use to the quiet that came along with having your own apartment. growing up, her bedroom was usually shared with about three other kids lost to the system and the houses were far from quiet. even the alone time she did find wandering the streets until the sun went down was accompanied by the sound of traffic, heels on concrete, and the dings of bicycle bells as they sped past her. living on her own brought the kind of solace she had no idea what to do with. even with an apartment as small as hers, and walls just as thing, having the air conditioner kicking on and off serving as her primary source of uproar city disrupted what was suppose to be peaceful to her. so just as she always had, she took to the streets; searching for the comfort that could be found in a busy neighborhood. no matter how her surroundings changed, the noise stayed the same.

with her backpack strapped comfortably to her back she found herself at a place she frequented: cobblestones rare and vintage books. it was rare how often she actually bought anything, but she enjoyed browsing the shelves nonetheless. however, she never could just walk directly inside the store whenever she made it there. as usual she made a detour through the alley at the side of it to greet the furry friends who had come to anticipate her arrival. “ i’m late, i’m late i know. sorry. you wouldn’t believe the traffic. ” she spoke in response to their whines while they rubbed against her backpack as it reached the floor. the body walking beside her didn’t go unnoticed and she reached a hand out to stop them before they could get any further. “ hold on there speedy, quick question since you clearly like them fast…─── ” she started pulling out two canned food options that she couldn’t decide on just yet. “ do you think these guys deserve chicken or salmon tonight ? maybe dry food ? i have a bag in my bag, i’m just…─── so indecisive y’know ? ”

➢ ➢ ➢

Aspen had never been a voracious reader. She had definitely devoured books as a child—for school. She learned how to get through dense material quickly for med school. But most days when she went back home, if she wasn’t exhausted enough to fully pass out, the young doctor would flip through her recommended shows on Netflix or Hulu and pick something to watch. Or she would go back to any of her old classics. Yet for the past few days, the television bored her an she consumed too much caffeine during the day for the nights to be easy. Which was why she decided to pick up a new hobby. Reading. This time to put herself to sleep. Perusing the shelves mindlessly with one bag with take-out sushi, Aspen’s sole goal was to identify a book that spoke to her the least. Something that screamed so boring that the first few words would put her to sleep. It would take her a century to get through this book and that was its very purpose. Finding something on the history of coffee tables—a subject she never really bothered to get behind—she paid at the register.

On her way out, she tried her best to balance the two bags she had with her slipping purse. Her other hand thumbed through her phone, trying to call an Uber to take her back home. Her feet could carry her no further. In between the rushed exit, an arm jutted out to stop her. She nearly dropped everything in her hands from the surprise and looked down to find an all too familiar face along with her two furry friends. Looking between the two cans in confusion, Aspen just pointed at the chicken. Just her luck, in the process her own food bag tore, sending her salmon and tuna rolls to the ground to her dismay and the cats’ pleasure. “Maybe I should have said salmon.” A heavy sigh fell from her lips, though at least someone was enjoying her meal rather than it going to waste. 

[aspenxhamilton]

( noor khalaf​ )

Noor laughed softly at Aspen’s reaction and shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t get how some people are able to do it all the time. I guess you adjust and learn to sleep during the day, but running errands must be a nightmare.” She didn’t mind working different hours and not having the structure of  a nine-to-five, but Noor was a creature of habit and needed some sort of stability in her life. As much as she enjoyed the fact that no day was the same at the emergency department, there were similarities to every shift. It was comforting in a way. “Oh? Well, try and remember to make time for yourself, even if you choose to stay in the city. Summers can be rough.” In a way she definitely understood why Aspen considered spending the entire summer working, she had definitely thought about doing so in the past. “I’m not sure. I think some of my dad’s family is visiting. He hasn’t seen any of them in years.” While beyond family-oriented, the thought of hosting aunts, uncles, or cousins at her place was certainly on the more demanding side of things. “Ah, yes. A stuffed elephant. Just your standard, grey elephant.” It didn’t take long for the barista to pull out the missing item in question. “Oh, thank God. I really thought Mr. Elephant was gone forever.”

➢ ➢ ➢

“At this point I’m convinced they are all vampires. Like medical science be damned, they are eternal being that need no food, water or sleep. Have you seen Dr. Novak? I swear I haven’t seen the man leave the hospital ever. I come in the morning, he’s there. I come out at night, he’s still there!” Aspen was quite the workaholic herself—especially since now that she both simultaneously had nothing to work on and needed a distraction from her emotions. But some of the doctors she saw were just next level. “Maybe the less cynical explanation is they love their job but I don’t know, my money’s on the supernatural being theory.” Her lack of caffeine and pure exhaustion fueled rant over, she nodded. Noor was right of course. She would need to take care of herself and she suspected sooner or later, she would need to take time off to be with family. Her dad had been telling her something about wanting to go see the world at some point. At the mention of Noor’s family her attention was back on the woman. “And how do you feel about that? Family visits can be interesting, especially when they are infrequent visitors.” She had her fair share of stories about crazy holidays with relatives. Aspen broke into a smile when she saw that the famed Mr. Elephant had been found. “What a relief,” she added, moving slightly to the side to give other customers access to the register. The splotches and visible wear and tear explained her friend’s desperate attempts at finding the stuffed animal. It was clearly very valuable and dearly loved by its young owner.

[aspenxhamilton]

With: @siggixchristensen​ At: Siggi’s place—Saturday, 3:30 PM 

If there was one thing that Aspen was good at, it was self-betterment. She always strived to be the best version of herself and that meant identifying weaknesses and addressing them. Rather than address the weakness in spirit that seemed to be too hard to tackle right away, she focused her attention on the next hardest thing. Mastering the art of cooking. It was a skill that had constantly evaded her and she had usually relied on others and takeout. It wasn’t that she couldn’t make anything. But if other people could say they had a specialty dish, Aspen didn’t have the confidence to even claim that. Which was precisely why she sought out first cooking classes and now pretty much one-on-one tutoring. Because if she was going to learn, she was going to learn to perfection. With a bag full of the groceries she was instructed to pick up, Aspen showed up at the kitchen ready to practice. “Before you ask, I got a little extra of everything just in case the first few trials don’t end up going too well. I also brought you some pastries to keep you occupied while I prepare you dinner.” Setting the bag down on the counter, she turned her attention to Siggi. “The one thing I’m confident in is my knife skills and presentation. So it might not taste the best but the onions will be perfect and it will look delicious.” 

[aspenxhamilton]

( luke santoro​ )

“Same, actually.”   He snorts at her comment. It was weird how ten years ago felt both too close and an eternity ago. It had been around that time that he got caught in mess after mess, landing at the same bar they were at, having to work his ass off to pay a debt.   “You better not make me bring up that loss last season to Vegas. We just got you as a new client.”   He throws in about the Canucks — if Luke’s honest, that game was still engraved in his mind because he cared for the team way too much now.

Chuckling, he crosses his arms in front of his chest, resting his hip against the counter as he focused on her.   “I’ll say, you look way too nervous for this gathering you having tonight. What’s got you so worried?”   It’s mainly curiosity and the flow of the conversation that makes him ask. Nothing about his disposition made her feel obliged to answer if she didn’t want to.   “And usually the save me eyes work, but I’m not about to pass on the offer of a secret signal. You got any ideas what it should be?”

➢ ➢ ➢

She laughed when he revealed his past looked much like her own. It seemed most spent a better part of their lives in a state of drunken stupor. A rite of passage. A decade ago she both felt every decision she made was monumental and felt as though she had all the time in the world. Things didn’t really change now, but she was trying her best to see things from a different perspective. She feigned a shocked expression at the mention of the Canucks’ loss before shaking her head. “See, I can totally understand now why you were kicked out of this bar for so long. Years later and you still haven’t learned that we don’t talk about these things.”

Of course he noted her nerves. Aspen had hardly been good at hiding her emotions before. And her entire demeanor screamed get me out ( her words even more ). “You know these get to know you work gatherings. Too many questions that you can’t really dodge and then the more you do, the weirder it gets. I’m probably getting into my head about it but I just wish I could skip the small talk and get to the we’re tight phase.” Yet to do that, she had to divulge details about herself which was precisely what she didn’t want to do. “Well here I thought I’d start coughing violently on my drink,” she suggested, mostly joking. “But I can do that while flashing ‘save me’ eyes.” 

[aspenxhamilton]

( alice cheung​ )

“I’ll have to think about doing that next time.” Alice said with a laugh, but the truth was, she felt that she’d lose that battle. Aspen could take her even without her eyesight. She was better at dodging questions, at least until they got to the arena she’d rented out. Grabbing her coat and waiting by the door, Alice leaned upon it. It was a big ask of her friend, and while she couldn’t return the control, she could at least give her the time to collect whatever she needed to make herself feel a little better about the situation at hand. 

“Bring five if that’s what makes you comfortable. You never know, the car might break down by the side of the road and we’ll get lost in the forest so those packs might come in handy.” She said with a wink as she finally took a seat. Maybe she should have given her a little warning when she mentioned the flint but amusement had settled in and she already knew she had gone too far to stop now. Rising when she was ready, alice lead her out to the car and began driving down the route. “I’m not kidnapping you so you can try to relax and enjoy yourself. It’s going to be fun, I promise.” Luckily for them, they weren’t too far from the small arena they had both spent countless hours in trying to practice their choreography. After a short drive, she pulled in and gave her a smile. “You’re lucky I haven’t blind folded you but I was scared that would send you straight into a panic attack.”

➢ ➢ ➢

“It was a joke!” She clarified quickly, just in case Alice got any ideas. She knew better than to give her suggestions that were dangerous. After all, what if she decided to actually follow through. Aspen already hated surprises—she could not handle being truly kidnapped with nothing to go off of. Grabbing a few more bars, waving them in her friend’s face before tossing them into her bag, she headed out the door quickly. Before she actually did start to reach for other necessities in case the car broke down. “You know, you joke but just know if you were ever stranded on an island and had to only take one person, pick me. I bring with me all the survival essentials.”

“Okay, I’m relaxing now.” Settling in, Aspen did in fact relax a little bit when they began to drive down the familiar streets. Being with Alice, though years later, still brought her a sense of peace and belonging. It was something she felt had been missing ever since she came back to Vancouver. She was partially to blame, not trying her hardest to make a place for herself in the city she once called home. When Aspen was content being a visitor, why would anyone welcome her back? Recognizing the rink as soon as they pulled into the parking lot, she couldn’t help but smile. “Wow, this hasn’t changed at all.” The memories flooded back to her of the two of them spending hours together trying to perfect their spins or their jumps. “Thank you,” she said, finally turning to her friend who seemed to diagnose just what she needed without Aspen even mentioning it. She quickly got out of the car, walking towards the arena with her backpack. 

[aspenxhamilton]

( declan noor​ )

“yes, in hindsight, black probably would have been better” he agreed with a chuckle, his hand pulling at his shirt slightly in an attempt to dry the stain. looking up, declan’s hand reached for the tissue on offering, knowing it probably wouldn’t do very much. “thank you,” he tried to dab the red to no avail. “oh well, if it adds character; i’ll wear it with pride” he stated with a grin, hands going away from stain. 

declan let out a rare genuine laugh. “you drive a hard bargain,” he teased, leaning against the bar that she now sat at. “but deal.” making eye contact with the bartender who had just finished serving others, he leaned closer towards the woman. “what was that strawberry concoction? or were you after something else? perhaps something more stain friendly?”

➢ ➢ ➢

Despite the drink fiasco, Aspen couldn’t deny that she was still having a fine evening. Truth be told, somehow her drink ending up on her distracted her from the messy emotions that drove her to the bar in the first place. The company didn’t hurt either. And while maybe she had coerced her way into getting a free drink ( and company ), Aspen couldn’t have been bothered to care in the moment. When he leaned in to ask what she wanted, she suppressed a laugh.

“Are you asking in case you spill another? Anymore and we might be playing Holi with drinks.” A festival she had enjoyed many times in the past. Catching herself before her mind wandered down memory lane, she kept her attention on the man beside her and the drink she had yet to get. “A daiquiri. But I’m open to being surprised if you have a better suggestion for me. Now that it’s not my tab.” With an easy smile, she continued. “I’m Aspen by the way. I don’t usually let strangers get my drinks but I guess this is a special circumstance.” 

[aspenxhamilton]

( arthur graham​ )

He has never been one that drinks to forget, but he was certainly one that worked to forget. It was proven to be one of a hellish week and yet he welcomed it with open arms, the more work the merrier! Talk of a lunatic, he figures it would be best if he went out to clear up his mind - someone as organised as him ought to time everything perfectly in order to finish the day in time to enjoy a night at a bar and still be okay the next day, so he’s there a bit early, but his plan works with and against him simultaneously - he ends up having too much time to drink and the more intoxicated the more time seemed to conceal with everything else around him until it became another thing he couldn’t care less about. 

Arthur would reserve the tables for the couples and friends, someone alone like him would easily find a spot by the counter and so he’s there, sitting alone, transparent for a few hours which felt nothing but relaxing. He usually keeps it to himself, and apart from a few peeks from over his shoulder at flashy things that get his attention like mobile phones, he isn’t one to stick his nose in anyone’s business - but a woman sitting next to him is looking at a picture with the same face he’s looked at one of him and Amara, the woman that broke his heart, and even though it was wrong of him to follow that story and wanting to get to know more, he finds the perfect moment to do so when she’s about to grab his drink. “That would be mine, thank you.” A smirk paints his lips but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, still he has a friendly approach. “Let me guess, buried in old memories?”

➢ ➢ ➢

Aspen likely seemed like a sad sap, sitting at the bar staring at a photo. She wasn’t usually sentimental and she wasn’t usually so nostalgic. She prided herself in control. Her whole life she believed that she was the one in control of her emotions ( even if in reality it was very much the other way around ). So when she had left Varun, it was with the thought that she was doing it for his good, for both of their goods. It was not the time for her to be thinking about herself. She had thought about herself for far too long and right now, she knew that selfishness wasn’t what anyone in her life needed. So why was it that when she decided to be selfless, when she decided to sacrifice, she couldn’t seem to convince herself of that?

“I’m so sorry,” she muttered when the drink went to its rightful owner. If she could, she would have buried herself in embarrassment, both for the mishap and for the follow-up question. “That obvious huh? Are you asking from experience? Or did my almost taking your drink in desperation to get drunk gave it away?” There was a touch of humor to try and cover up her absolute mortification. Aspen did not like being caught in a vulnerable state, but it was hard to deny when her cards were on the table. She stuffed the photo away. “But there’s no point wallowing in the past, right?” After all, it wasn’t like she could change things now, nor was she sure she had the courage to try. Taking a glass that she confirmed with the bartender was hers, she turned her attention to the stranger who had seen through her.

[aspenxhamilton]

( imran sayed​ )

( @aspenxhamilton​ ) 

location : ??? / vancouver general hospital  time : evening 

The Vancouver General Hospital was less of a building than it was an entire high-rise: imposing to the average person, but especially draining to the workers who needed to constantly run around its wide-spanning premises. To Imran particularly, it was both physically and mentally draining; the last time he’d worked here, he was closer to thirty than forty, and given that his shifts were concentrated on a single hospital wing, he had no great need to learn the ins and outs of the establishment.

Not this time, however. His legs physically strained as he walked what seemed to be the ninety-ninth flight of stairs he’d encountered that day, the elevator to bring him to the cafeteria floor suddenly closed for maintenance purposes. He’d made a detour through the service stairs and began to walk multiple floors down, eventually making it to the second floor—but, as he opened the doors—finding himself landing in an entirely different pavilion. Surrounded with throngs of people, and not the strange comfort of cafeteria food, he conceded that he’d failed an umpteenth time around.

Imran closed the doors and exhaled deeply, deliberating internally whether to go back from which he came or to take this route. Turning his head around, he found himself locking eyes with a familiar face. “Well, it’s never too late for exercise,” the doctor reasoned with a chuckle, “and we doctors have to keep ourselves fit, don’t we?” He was almost grateful for his white coat to hide the sheen of sweat that had built up along his dress shirt, but it did little to curb his embarrassment—after all, this was not the first time she’d seen him like this.

➢ ➢ ➢

Moving to new places was never easy for Aspen. She was the type of person who, after establishing roots, tried her best to stay put in one place. She didn’t like having to reestablish connections or build new ones when she didn’t already have a baseline of comfort. It was what kept her from moving too far away from New York though Varun had once asked her if she wanted to try and move closer to the West Coast. And despite having him, she was still slightly worried about having to rebuild from the ground up. Which kept them stationed in New York. Ironic that when he asked to move, she had said no and then one day decided for herself that she would leave without even asking him.

Arriving at Vancouver, though it was far from a new place to her, it had been over a decade since she had been in the town. Some friends remained; others had gone off to do other things. While figuring out people was hard, figuring out buildings was a little less intimidating. The last time she remembered being in Vancouver General was when she had been rushed to the emergency room after falling from a zipline. She promised herself that day one, to never to zipline again and two, if she came back, it would be to work there. Both of those promises to herself held true.  

Running into the familiar face, she both empathized and couldn’t help but laugh at his state. “After my fifth coffee and granola bar for the day, I think I’m far from healthy. But exercise is the least we can manage.” Imran was one of the few friendly faces in this hospital, one of the few people that Aspen got along with after they both struggled to find their way in this hospital. “Are you hunting for the cafeteria too?” She questioned, not fully sure how to get there herself since she too always used the elevators which were now under repair.  

[aspenxhamilton]

( freya de la gardie​ )

— status: closed || @aspenxhamilton​ — where: city brew pub

          Her hands were moving at fast speed, yet she didn’t miss a thing nor made a mess. During these two years of working here she had learned to work quickly and precisely. In fact Freya didn’t even have to think much about it, she had good enough muscle memory already, and quite quickly a cocktail was made, looking as good as in all the aesthetic pictures on the internet. “One Tequila Sunrise, here you go!” she beamed placing the cocktail in front of a customer, before turning to a young woman, who Freya noticed had just come to the counter. “Hi and welcome! What can I get you tonight?” she asked offering her a wide smile. The woman seemed a little familiar, but she couldn't’ quite place it and frankly she didn’t have time to think about it, not while busy at work anyway.

➢ ➢ ➢

It had been a long week and Aspen once again found herself sitting alone at the bar, not really planning on getting more than one drink but finding it easier to do so than asking someone else to meet her. Her plans had fallen through when she realized that there were very few people in this city that she really knew anymore. So if the handful that she did have were busy, well she was forced to sit at the bar by herself. She had almost decided to drop the plans but what was she going to do going home early? Though it took her time, Aspen recognized the need to put herself out there a bit more, open herself up to more people. This was where she was planning to be now. She couldn’t keep treating Vancouver as temporary. “What’s your most popular drink?” She asked, deciding she might as well be adventurous that day. She was out already, so might as well make the most of it.

[aspenxhamilton]

( ej cummings​ )

On the brink of losing his cool, he let out an exasperated sigh and tried to explain the situation to the attendant for the ninth time. “No ma’am I don’t have another payment. Not sure why this one isn’t working but as I said, if you allow me to leave and come back, with my coffee I’ll take care of bill plus leave a generous tip, I swear. Shouldn’t be a big deal when all you’re gonna do is pitch it anyway, right? Plus it’s not like you won’t see me again, I come here almost every day! Am I making sense? Why is she looking at me like we’re proofing a math theorem?!” He demanded of the stranger who been unfortunate enough to overhear the whole exchange ​

➢ ➢ ➢

Focused on her phone, she didn’t realize that the line hadn’t moved at all in a few minutes. Her eyes scanned the latest reports, trying to figure out whether or not the treatments were helping, trying to parse the tiny text on the tiny screen. Her laptop had died just as she planned to get some work done. Attention drawn away from her email, she listened into the conversation between the patron before her and the barista who refused to serve him a drink before he paid. Figuring it was probably a five dollar coffee when compared to the time it would take for him to go and come back, Aspen just offered to pay instead by putting down a twenty. “I’ll pay for his drink and take a latte to go. Thanks.” Taking her change, she motioned for the other to follow her down. “The card reader has been acting weird all weekend. Yesterday they were handing out free drinks. The fact that they aren’t anymore must mean the machine will be broken for a while.”

[aspenxhamilton]

( alice cheung​ )

Alice had been in contact with an old coach of hers who still worked at the arena she’d taken lessons at as a child. After mentioning that she would love to rent out the arena for a night, she’d went her way without a second thought to any of it being taken seriously. At least until a few weeks went by and she received a text message asking if she wanted an open spot. Of course, she jumped on the opportunity and knew that there was only one person she wanted to bring along. “Where’s the fun in that? You’ll be fine with that. Bring your jacket and boots, of course, we’re leaving the house to get to where we’re going.” 

Giving her a hug, she followed into the kitchen and nodded her head at the mention of hot chocolate. An idea she hadn’t thought of. “Hot chocolate is a great idea. We’ll need it. For survival, of course.” Her eyes rolled at the dramatics of Aspen, who within time, had kind of become a little sister to her. “I’ve got snacks and even some warm to keep us wine so we’re all set otherwise.” She’d already texted their skate size to the coach who’d taken them out for her. “Get dressed. We’ve got to head out soon.” Especially if they wanted to use all the time allotted to them. 

➢ ➢ ➢

“Honestly, it would have been easier for you to toss a burlap sack over my head and just kidnap me. You know I’m going to keep asking questions.” It was no surprise that Aspen was a bit of a control freak, something that Alice would know very well. When they were children, she had brought out a little notebook with her 10 year plan on it and showed it to her older friend, claiming that she had mapped out everything in her life. She hadn’t really deviated much from that original outline though thinking back, Aspen realized what a insufferable child she had been. She wasn’t sure how Alice had put up with her constantly trying to both impress her and one-up her. Things were settled now and the childhood reverence was the only thing that remained—no more of the petty competitiveness. Rather she was grateful to have her back in her life now that she was back for good. Alice made her feel as though she could be that kid again, having her 10 year plan all worked out.

Wrapping her arm around her, she shuffled around the kitchen quickly to pack the hot chocolate along with a few other snacks ( just in case they really were going into the wilderness ). Of course Alice had already thought of that and Aspen decided against the additional packets of trail mix. “I’m bringing just two for good measure. When you don’t tell me anything, I prepare for everything. You’re lucky I’m not trying to bring flint.” Rushing past her, she ran into her bedroom to get changed. “I’ll be out in a minute.” And true to form, she was done changing in lightning speed. “Okay, ready, lets go!” She exclaimed, excited to be getting out of the house even if she was nervous about what this surprise entailed.

[aspenxhamilton]

( nima abbasi​ )

The driving force behind Nima’s podcast Who Are You? was the abandonment she’d always felt. Something she was sure had settled into her DNA before she was fully grown in the womb. Maybe that was because of the mystery of her father and the fact that her mother never had a clear story to share with her. There were always slight differences and variations each time Nima asked.

It was an AncestryDNA test that told her she was half Iranian, and knowing that her mother and therefore herself are of black and Native Choctaw heritage— it was clear this other unknown part of her was from the man she’d never met. For twenty-five years now she’s carried around his DNA and still doesn’t know his name. So many times she wondered how much she looked like someone else, like part of some other family— a whole one— and was dying to know what bits of his personality or traits and ticks she had that matched this man out there somewhere in the world. 

Starting her quest for answers years ago opened Nima up to the fact that there were so many people out there missing parts of themselves, and were dying for answers. Who Are You? took off and she hasn’t looked back since.

The contact from Aspen hadn’t been a surprise as Nima received many of the same inquiries, but through correspondence the two built a connection and bond that went beyond Nima thinking she had an episode of her show.

When she rolled into Roxy Burger, stomach gnawing away at itself, she looked around until she saw the lone woman and headed to sit across from Aspen. “Hey, sorry I’m a few minutes late, I hit some traffic crossing town,” she said breezily with a smile as she set her bag down beside her and settled in.

“I’m starving, do you wanna get some appetizers too?”

➢ ➢ ➢

Courage had always been something Aspen projected, not possessed. She liked to act as though she had everything under control and that she was never vulnerable, but the truth was, Aspen was full of doubts and full of fears. It had taken her over a year to grow to trust her dads precisely because she was too scared to trust them not to leave her behind. Though she had been ambitious, it had taken a lot of convincing for her to choose to go to New York rather than McGill when it came time for college. Each step of the way in her journey, though outwardly appearing to be calculated and predetermined, took a great deal of motivational pep talks.

Her initial contact with Nima had been no different and truth be told, it had been somewhat of an accident. The email was written and what was meant to be saved as a draft ended up in her sent folder rather than the drafts. In retrospect she was grateful that the unintentional contact had been created however because it gave her a person who was positive and encouraging. It was the exact type of person that Aspen needed in her life to quell some of her own concerns and fears. Even when she didn’t vocalize them, hearing the ways in which Nima reasoned resonated with Aspen. As though she were speaking to Aspen’s inner voice. 

“No you’re fine. I just ordered us both a coffee.” There was never a time in the day that Aspen didn’t need a hit of caffeine. Flipping through the menu, she nodded at the suggestion. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in ages.” She didn’t know precisely when the last time she had gotten something as simple as a burger was. These days she was surviving solely on frozen meals and granola bars. As a doctor she should have been taking better care of her health but worrying about others left her little time to worry about her own. “The chili cheese fries are calling to me.”

[aspenxhamilton]

( everly de santis​ )

She raises a perfectly manicured brow, takes out wine glasses, and makes a point to pour Aspen’s to the very rim. “You might need a straw.” She quips and sips her glass, “I’m not too keen on facing the consequences of my actions.” Pulling out a chair at her breakfast nook Everly takes a container over and stabs into with chopsticks. “I feel like you could handle a bottle of wine. You’re a tough one- it could go a variety of ways.” Everly stabbed at the food and savored a larger bite. “Drinking on an empty stomach is purely from a financial standpoint. You get drunk much faster and need to drink less. It’s just financially responsible.” Everly skipped plates and pushed a second chair out with the tip of her toes, gesturing for Aspen to sit with a brief smile; she hid behind a wine glass. “I love that you come bringing food and drinks.” She commented, feeling a small amount of solace bloom in her chest whenever Aspen came around. Tho she had left Brooklyn behind, her fiance, her friends, her future Aspen had been something that, for reasons, all her own had followed. Evie was selfishly thankful that her friend’s life had fallen apart- that she had kinship she could relate to more than taking out and wine, Aspen was one of those rarities that persisted through the ups downs, canceled weddings, and trauma. Everly knew these things were what made a lifelong friend, and she wondered if there had been only smooth sailing, weddings, bliss, and happiness if she’d have grown as close to Aspen as she was now. It was a thought she didn’t want to ponder for long, so she sat up and opened her tinder app, “I’m bad at this dating thing.” She frowns, “Wanna swipe on a few for me, like a little dating roulette?”

➢ ➢ ➢

Aspen watched with mild concern as her glass was filled to the brim. When she first moved back to town, it was not unlike her to drink more than half a bottle of wine on her own just to dull a little bit of what she was feeling at the time. It wasn’t a coping mechanism so much as it was a way to acclimate to a complete overhaul in her life. Since, she had tried her best to cut back because while she had never been much of a drinker, coming back home seemed to be changing that. She felt like she was falling backwards. “I should start leaving clothes at your place for nights you decide we should be financially responsible,” she joked while taking a seat.  

“It’s because I can’t be bothered to cook.” Not to mention that she didn’t really know how to. It had been one of the few things that she didn’t know how to do that Aspen always felt she ought to. “And I appreciate you always loaning me your company.” Because if she were to go home and sit alone at her dining table, there would have been a good chance the whole bottle would have been downed. She was getting better with moderating her time and emotions ( she was sure she hadn’t been like this before ). But there were still nights that felt especially lonely and when she didn’t have the heart to go see Ryan and Henry.  Taking the phone from her friend, as if on cue to disrupt her thoughts about her own loneliness, she looked through the profiles of eligible singles in the area. “You know I love swiping when it’s not my evenings on the line,” she laughed. “We’re just looking for a fun time right?” She clarified, quirking a brow before deciding on whether to nix the current prospect.