Assistant Meiger

I don't know why I'm an assistant. // Status: Active   icon by @thatonedumbassgirl 

[tracing-rivers]

Me, at my character whom I created, whose dialogues I write, whose actions I decide, whose development and personality are completely under my control: Why are you such a bitch

[assistant-jump]

@assistant-meiger

[musing-achievements]

↖️Achievement: I don’t get Hangovers anymore

🏆This Muse…Drinks too much…

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’d disagree if you were in my shoes.”

[assistant-meiger]

“If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t put penises in Clef’s shotgun.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“This is the first time I’ve done it, I was running out of ideas of what replace his shotgun shells with.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…… Remind me why I should cut you down again?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Because you need my signature on your paychecks?”

[assistant-meiger]

“….” He sighed and gave a resigned laugh. “Right. Anyways. I think I can pull you down, I probably cut enough off.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

Adrian ripped both his arms free and fell to the floor along with an avalanche of dust and ceiling tiles.

[assistant-meiger]

“…. If you would’ve waited like two seconds I could caught you.” He waved the dust away from his face.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Eh. Same result in the end!”

[scp-4050-d-ask-away]

Joe walks by and sees the cut tape hanging from the ceiling. “Adrian got taped to the ceiling again by Clef, didn’t he. When will he learn.” He said with dry sarcasm.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“When Ben stops being a closet weeaboo.”

[assistant-meiger]

“I’m just gonna take a shot in the dark and say that that’s gonna be never.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’d disagree if you were in my shoes.”

[assistant-meiger]

“If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t put penises in Clef’s shotgun.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“This is the first time I’ve done it, I was running out of ideas of what replace his shotgun shells with.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…… Remind me why I should cut you down again?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Because you need my signature on your paychecks?”

[assistant-meiger]

“….” He sighed and gave a resigned laugh. “Right. Anyways. I think I can pull you down, I probably cut enough off.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

Adrian ripped both his arms free and fell to the floor along with an avalanche of dust and ceiling tiles.

[assistant-meiger]

“…. If you would’ve waited like two seconds I could caught you.” He waved the dust away from his face.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Eh. Same result in the end!”

[assistant-meiger]

“One would’ve probably hurt a lot less.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’d disagree if you were in my shoes.”

[assistant-meiger]

“If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t put penises in Clef’s shotgun.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“This is the first time I’ve done it, I was running out of ideas of what replace his shotgun shells with.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…… Remind me why I should cut you down again?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Because you need my signature on your paychecks?”

[assistant-meiger]

“….” He sighed and gave a resigned laugh. “Right. Anyways. I think I can pull you down, I probably cut enough off.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

Adrian ripped both his arms free and fell to the floor along with an avalanche of dust and ceiling tiles.

[assistant-meiger]

“.... If you would’ve waited like two seconds I could caught you.” He waved the dust away from his face.

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’d disagree if you were in my shoes.”

[assistant-meiger]

“If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t put penises in Clef’s shotgun.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“This is the first time I’ve done it, I was running out of ideas of what replace his shotgun shells with.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…… Remind me why I should cut you down again?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Because you need my signature on your paychecks?”

[assistant-meiger]

“....” He sighed and gave a resigned laugh. “Right. Anyways. I think I can pull you down, I probably cut enough off.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’d disagree if you were in my shoes.”

[assistant-meiger]

“If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t put penises in Clef’s shotgun.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“This is the first time I’ve done it, I was running out of ideas of what replace his shotgun shells with.”

[assistant-meiger]

“...... Remind me why I should cut you down again?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’d disagree if you were in my shoes.”

[assistant-meiger]

“If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t put penises in Clef’s shotgun.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“…. I should just leave you up here.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Oh come on! How often do you see someone shout “PENIS SHOTGUN”?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Once is too much.” He sighed and just kept cutting him down. “I’ll try to catch you when this thing gives way.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You know those cute little plastic penises you can buy online? I replaced the buckshot in his shotgun with those.”

[assistant-meiger]

“.... I should just leave you up here.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“…. I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I did but that’s besides the point.”

[assistant-meiger]

He grabbed a chair. “That is so the point.” Climbing up, he pulled the knife out of his belt and started to try and cut him down.

[assistant-meiger]

“Hi. Clef duct taped me to the ceiling again.”

“.... I kinda feel like you probably deserved it.” Lance snickered.

[assistant-meiger]

Italicize everything that your muse fears

Bold anything your muse dislikes

Do both to anything your muse is afraid, yet enjoys

Lance Meiger

Romantic feelings | Close relationships | Death | The dark | Spiders | The unknown | Water | Heights | Intimate actions | Cuddling | Friendship | Allies | Betrayal | Emotions | Themselves | Being alone | Cramped places | Their body | Getting close to others | Fire | Alcohol | Their past | Intrusive thoughts | Family | Blood | Numbness | Social interaction | Meat | Sex | Unrequited love Guardian

Romantic feelings | Close relationships | Death | The dark | Spiders | The unknown | Water | Heights | Intimate actions | Cuddling | Friendship | Allies | Betrayal | Emotions | Themselves | Being alone | Cramped places | Their body | Getting close to others | Fire | Alcohol | Their past | Intrusive thoughts | Family | Blood | Numbness | Social interaction | Meat | Sex | Unrequited love

Zero

Romantic feelings | Close relationships | Death | The dark | Spiders | The unknown | Water | Heights | Intimate actions | Cuddling | Friendship | Allies | Betrayal | Emotions | Themselves | Being alone | Cramped places | Their body | Getting close to others | Fire | Alcohol | Their past | Intrusive thoughts | Family | Blood | Numbness | Social interaction | Meat | Sex | Unrequited love

Star

Romantic feelings | Close relationships | Death | The dark | Spiders | The unknown | Water | Heights | Intimate actions | Cuddling | Friendship | Allies | Betrayal | Emotions | Themselves | Being alone | Cramped places | Their body | Getting close to others | Fire | Alcohol | Their past | Intrusive thoughts | Family | Blood | Numbness | Social interaction | Meat | Sex | Unrequited love

tagged by @askthescp-4050-instances

and i cant tag anyone bc you tagged everyone i would

[splattermemes-deactivated202007]

lgbt+ wedding starters

In honor of the end of pride month ! Some can fit into other categories. Enjoy and feel free to make any changes. More wedding starters: x.

gay bride

“I don’t want to wear a dress.”

“We’re just two gals being pals.”

“Is it bad luck for us to see each other or is that just a heterosexual thing?”

“That’s my WIFE! I can’t wait to say that.”

“My great aunt saw you and asked me who my friend is.”

gay groom

“At least no one refused to bake our wedding cake.”

“I feel like this should be rainbow.”

“Our outfits can’t match!”

“What do you mean ‘flamboyant’?”

“Are you going to say ‘I love you’? Because that’s gay.”

nonbinary spouse-to-be

“I need to find a way to look as androgynous as possible.”

“Can we skip the whole ‘husband and wife’ thing?”

“I don’t mind wearing a suit/dress, but I REFUSE to have such a tacky centerpiece.”

“No, I’m supposed to lead. Because you can’t dance.”

“Fuck what the guests think.”

bi/pan/poly spouse-to-be

“I could’ve married literally anyone, but I chose you.”

“Hey, I picked a side. Your BACKSIDE! Hey-o.”

“I think two of my exes are hooking up in the back.”

“I’m so happy I can tell you how much I love you in front of everyone.”

“I know I’m not closeted anymore but can all of these people leave? This is embarrassing.”

misc.

“I’ve slept with everyone in this room.”

“I’m here, I’m queer…I need a beer…”

“Love wins.”

“See, I came. I’m a good ally.”

“This is the best wedding I’ve ever been to!”

[assistant-jump]

@assistant-meiger i know they already are but omg this is cute

[inboxmyrp-blog]

Drop me a character name and I’ll reveal my muse’s heart...

VISUAL ATTRACTIVENESS: 💗💗💗💗💗 (purely aesthetic appreciation of looks)

FRIENDSHIP LEVEL: 💗💗💗💗💗 (how close a friend they consider them)

SEXUAL DESIRE: 💗💗💗💗💗 (wanting to have sex with them)

ROMANTIC INTENT: 💗💗💗💗💗 (hoping for a romantic relationship)

💔 Non-existent 💗 Very low 💗💗 A little 💗💗💗 Hopeful 💗💗💗💗 High 💗💗💗💗💗 Maximum

[assistant-meiger]

I have a new reason to hate Tom. He likes the book Twilight.

“……. Judging by how much you hate that book…. I’m glad I’ve never read it.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I haven’t either and I’m not going to.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Even if you get tied to a chair and forced to listen to the audiobook?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I’d use a cyanide capsule before they even finish the first paragraph.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Aight…. Is it like sewn into your mouth or something?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“No. Fake tooth like the spies during the Cold War. You’d be amazed with the amount of effort I have to go through accounting for everything just to make sure it doesn’t go off unless in want it to because of how often I get in a crazy adventure or some other bullshit that risks me chipping teeth.”

[assistant-meiger]

“That makes more sense and less painful. And considering how often you get into trouble, I’d almost count it a miracle it didn’t go off.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“72 doctorates, two of which are polymer and materials engineering. It’s actually remarkably hard to use so it kind of defeats the purpose. I’m thinking of getting it removed and replaced with the original tooth honestly!”

[assistant-meiger]

“So it’s extra crunchy to the point of being uncrunchable?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Sort of, it just crumbles with a very specific amount of force. No more, no less.”

[assistant-meiger]

“A very specific amount of crunch. So if it breaks on accident you just die?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Not really likely, it’s a specific amount of force needed to be applied that’s pretty intentional to accomplish. Regardless! How’s life?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Considering that that this conversation is the most interesting thing to happen all well, I’ll let you take a guess.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Fair enough. If you haven’t noticed the recent upping in security it’s because I figured out how to do something.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Should I be concerned as to what you have figured out how to do?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You should be concerned with many things about me but this isn’t one of them.” Adrian replied taking out his phone. “You see this little pain in the ass protein model? It’s something that’s taken me forever to figure out how to fix just so Tali can have kids. With that being said, she‘s testing it on herself.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Is that safe? Will she be okay?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“All the research says yes but I’m still praying for good luck despite being borderline atheist.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Well…. Good luck then…. Hope nothing terrible happens… Hope the research is right…”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I hope so too. You want to go get food?”

[assistant-meiger]

He quick checked his watch. “Yea sure. Why not?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You’re checking your watch? Odd…”

[assistant-meiger]

"I was trying to figure out how long it's been since the last time I ate. Everything's been so hectic lately I've been forgetting."

[assistant-meiger]

I have a new reason to hate Tom. He likes the book Twilight.

“……. Judging by how much you hate that book…. I’m glad I’ve never read it.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I haven’t either and I’m not going to.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Even if you get tied to a chair and forced to listen to the audiobook?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I’d use a cyanide capsule before they even finish the first paragraph.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Aight…. Is it like sewn into your mouth or something?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“No. Fake tooth like the spies during the Cold War. You’d be amazed with the amount of effort I have to go through accounting for everything just to make sure it doesn’t go off unless in want it to because of how often I get in a crazy adventure or some other bullshit that risks me chipping teeth.”

[assistant-meiger]

“That makes more sense and less painful. And considering how often you get into trouble, I’d almost count it a miracle it didn’t go off.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“72 doctorates, two of which are polymer and materials engineering. It’s actually remarkably hard to use so it kind of defeats the purpose. I’m thinking of getting it removed and replaced with the original tooth honestly!”

[assistant-meiger]

“So it’s extra crunchy to the point of being uncrunchable?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Sort of, it just crumbles with a very specific amount of force. No more, no less.”

[assistant-meiger]

“A very specific amount of crunch. So if it breaks on accident you just die?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Not really likely, it’s a specific amount of force needed to be applied that’s pretty intentional to accomplish. Regardless! How’s life?”

[assistant-meiger]

“Considering that that this conversation is the most interesting thing to happen all well, I’ll let you take a guess.”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“Fair enough. If you haven’t noticed the recent upping in security it’s because I figured out how to do something.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Should I be concerned as to what you have figured out how to do?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“You should be concerned with many things about me but this isn’t one of them.” Adrian replied taking out his phone. “You see this little pain in the ass protein model? It’s something that’s taken me forever to figure out how to fix just so Tali can have kids. With that being said, she‘s testing it on herself.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Is that safe? Will she be okay?”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“All the research says yes but I’m still praying for good luck despite being borderline atheist.”

[assistant-meiger]

“Well…. Good luck then…. Hope nothing terrible happens… Hope the research is right…”

[askthescp-4050-instances]

“I hope so too. You want to go get food?”

[assistant-meiger]

He quick checked his watch. "Yea sure. Why not?"