sirens writing blog !!

siren • he/they • main is @chronophobica

[astrophobica]

It's not the first time Yugi's considered it since the ceremonial duel concluded, since his soul was cruelly shredded in two.

It'd be so easy to follow Atem into the afterlife. It's a thought that chases him everywhere like a second shadow, like how his yami used to cling to the heels of his boots and the dip of his throat. It lurks in the recesses of his bathroom, in the shine of the red crossing light, in the wind blowing across the school rooftop- it croons and sings to him, tantalizingly sweet and tender, that his other half would be waiting for him with outstretched arms. They would collapse into each other and melt away their frayed edges into one being again, and then everything would be okay.

That's was Yugi thinks, and he says it to Jounouchi when they're playing video games at his house. It's sudden, and out of the blue- he's thinking about it as he watches his character fall into a pit. "I wonder what Atem is doing," is what he says, and it's not quite the sentence he intended. His throat collapses.

"He's probably living it up as some rich dude," Jounouchi laughs, and Yugi nods and doesn't reply.

Jounouchi falters, then. "Yuug, you can talk to me, y'know? He was my friend too."

"I know," he says, and the lie digs a knife into his ribs.

How could he? How could he even begin to speak of the chasm eating him alive? Yugi is tired quicker than normal, and Jounouchi pulls him in to lean against him as he dozes off.

He dreams about gold eyes wrapped in darkness, and his sleep doesn't last long after that. "Jounouchi, I want to see him," he murmurs. His alarm clock reads at half past one in the morning, and Jounouchi is passed out snoring against him. "I want to see him," Yugi repeats, softly. "Would you hate me?"

Another snore answers him. His eyes hurt. His soul aches. It's bitter in his mouth as he gently extracts himself, and he thinks about how Jounouchi would react to finding his corpse.

He pokes and prods at his face in the mirror, trying to find Atem's features in his own, somehow. It doesn't work. He squints his eyes and pinches his eyebrows and deepens his voice, but it's still just Yugi Muto looking back at him, with squinty eyes and a pinched brow and a voice that cracks more than it speaks. He pokes some more before giving up and going back to bed, regret weighting his feet with lead.

[astrophobica]

It starts like this: a short boy gets his face punched bloody to protect him.

It never made sense to him, but when Jounouchi asks afterward, Yugi smiles and shrugs and says, simply, "it was the right thing to do." No other motives or ideals, just the right thing. A good thing, then, too, that Jounouchi was at the lowest point of his life in that moment.

Rock-bottom can mean many things, but for Katsuya Jounouchi it goes like this: a drunken father slinging homophobic slurs at him as Jounouchi slams the door shut behind him on the way out, a new school in a new district filled with snobbish students who took one look at his bleach-blonde hair and labeled him no good. They were right, of course- in his mind they were right. Well, who needs any of them, anyway?

His route takes him twenty minutes longer than usual if he wants to avoid the Rintama turf, and if that means scolding or detention, then so be it. He's late often, but he's never missed a class yet. That's gotta be some type of record for him, and he scoffs at the thought. The end of the day finds him packing up his things and ducking past the club recruiters. He counts his steps: twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two.

Somehow, fate must have decided two months was his cap- he's had it too good for too long, and that's why his nose is now bloody and he can't see past the red in his vision. That punk Ushio is saying something, and Jounouchi can make out the name "Yugi" somewhere in there.

Of course he made the assumption that kid was in on it. Why wouldn't he be? Nobody's ever had a reason to play nice, least of all some brat he made a habit of picking on.

Yugi Muto calls him his friend, and it goes like this: weaker guys never spoke up for him, and that's okay, because Jounouchi can handle himself. Honor didn't mean much to guys like Hirutani, and uneven fights were easier to win. And in the end, if you won, then you lived. But Yugi doesn't pick fights that are secured. Jounouchi finds out that pond water tastes like mud, ocean water tastes like salt, and that the water at the docks stings your eyes if you keep them open for too long.

So sure, he'd lay down his life for the little guy. No questions asked, because Yugi is Yugi, and Jounouchi's heart beats faster in his throat whenever his mind replays the firm "daisuke" he said that day. If someone like him could see something of worth in Jounouchi, he'd gladly do it with a smile on his face. It'd be easy, to die for him.

To live for him, then, is one of the hardest damn things he's ever done. It'd make Yugi sad, he thinks to himself before he gets into fights. It'd make his sweet face twist into that scary expression. He lets his cards do the fighting for him now, and winning somehow tastes sweeter this way.

[astrophobica]

Yugi Muto doesn't have problems! Not really, not compared to anyone else. Really, he's fine.

Don't worry about Yugi! He's very quick to assure anyone who asks. What kind of a person would he be, to treat anything he goes through as something terrible, as something worthy of being acknowledged when his friends are experiencing worse things every day?

Anzu works so hard during every spare hour, and she practices her craft just as hard, too. He did some digging and found a good cream to soothe her calluses. Out of the corner of his eye he'll spot her falling asleep in class. She was held at the receiving end of so many dangerous situations, but she still keeps her chin high. Yugi tells himself he doesn't feel envious of her resolve, because that would be callous. It's admiration, nothing more, and he tells himself that her lingering stares are reserved for him, only him, and that she isn't searching for a hint of someone else in the pinch of his eyebrows.

Jounouchi has a terrible father, and Yugi is happy to let him crash in his room at any time of day. He comes to him with bruises and bloodied noses, and Yugi will patch him up every time. "That must hurt," he says, and he doesn't press the subject. Even after everything they went through together, their battles and near-death experiences, Jounouchi still has to return to that house, and it's not fair. Yugi doesn't say anything, because despite it all Jounouchi loves his father.

Kaiba has tremendous burdens on his shoulders, what with an entire corporation on his back alongside raising Mokuba. He has demons that he refuses to acknowledge, but Yugi has pieced together enough- whispers of collars and whips, of chains and routines more akin to torture than childhood. Yugi doesn't understand those burdens- could never understand that type of pressure, even with the added responsibilities of the game shop now that his grandpa is starting to age. A small shop like theirs doesn't begin to compare.

Ryou was tormented endlessly by the ring spirit. His body was taken from him over, and over, and Yugi might have experienced that too, but it wasn't permanent. Atem learned how to treat him kindly, and so he doesn't know how to respond when Ryou talks to him. Ryou has a distant look in his eyes, now, and Yugi suspects it has something to do with the emptiness in his chest. But Yugi wasn't tormented, so he has no right to offer perspective.

Atem was separated from his people for three thousand years. He was alone in darkness, unable to rest or find true peace. Yugi wonders, selfishly, only for a moment, if he was ever able to offer that kind of solace in the mere blink of time they spent together. And Yugi doesn't let that thought linger, because if he does then he knows that the bitter feeling lodged in the base of his throat will twist into something ugly, something greedy and longing. And Yugi can't ask that of Atem- can't ask him to stay with him in his heart, not now, and not ever again now that he's gone.

No, Yugi doesn't feel any of those things. He's always been the firm shoulder to rely on, a steady rock in the streams of other people's lives. That's who he is, he tells himself, and if he isn't a person, if he doesn't have feelings or problems or anything of the sort, then maybe his eyelids will stop feeling so weighted each time he blinks.

[astrophobica]

first post

There isn't anything particularly different about tonight. Yugi followed Kaiba home again against his better judgement. Maybe he could blame the champagne, but with one sentence, impulsively whispered in the dark while entangled in Kaiba's sheets, Yugi has ruined everything.

"I'm in love with you."

Kaiba goes impossibly still next to him. His heart thuds in his chest, louder than a bass. How could he? How could he, knowing everything they had was tenuous at best? Yugi smiles bitterly to himself and lays out his options in his mind's eye, branching paths like a choice-laden dialogue tree.

He could leave. He could never speak to Kaiba again, quit his job, take over his grandpa's shop, and abandon everything he's worked on; leave Spherium to be forgotten as another game lost to development. He could force himself to forget Kaiba's striking eyes and his quick wit, the unforgiving bite of his voice and the challenge of his matches.

He could apologize. Pretend he said something else, ignore it, and keep this facade going, if only just for a while longer. Yugi's heart can take the hairline fractures, can splinter on and on until it breaks. He could become a shining replica of their lost love, where every crack becomes kintsugi until his entire self turns gold, until nothing of "Yugi" remains.

What, then, would become of him?

Who would care? Nobody wanted Yugi Muto, anyhow.

"-ugi. Are you listening to me?" Cold fingers touch his cheek, and he startles, suddenly registering Kaiba kneeling over him and watching him with concern.

That can't be right. Seto Kaiba doesn't care about Yugi Muto- only the pharaoh. The shadow game rules were clear from the start, and Yugi broke them them moment he said anything about love.

He pushes upright, and Kaiba retreats. "I should head back," Yugi says, feeling faint as he fumbles to get away, somewhere where those piercing blue eyes couldn't get to him anymore. "I need to get home. It's late."

"Yugi, did you hear anything I just said?"

"Yeah," he says distractedly, tugging on his clothes. He has to stop midway through buttoning his shirt, hand coming to clutch at the mattress as he sways. He can't go on like this. He can't. He's tarnishing faster than he can bear and the dialogue tree chokes his throat with every word. "Um, it's alright. I'll go. Sorry. I won't bother you again. I'll clear my office tomorrow- we can shelve Spherium. Yeah, shelve it. Keep all the files, and vault the whole project. I-"

Suddenly, Kaiba's hand snatches his wrist away from his shirt. "Yugi, what are you talking about?" he demands. His hair is sticking up all over the place- Yugi would be tempted to call him cute if not for the near murderous expression on his face.

"Kaiba, let go of me." He hopes the words come out level despite the way his lungs are crushing him.

"Shelve Spherium? After all the development work and money I've put into it? Are you insane?"

"Of course that's what you'd care about," he breathes. Typical- he doesn't know what he expected.

"You're the one who said it! Tell me one good reason why I'd shelve the project of the man who just said he loves me?" Kaiba's grip on his wrist tightens, and Yugi wishes he could melt away into the floor.

"It's the best solution," he says, and he tears his gaze away, unable to bear the heat of Kaiba's wrath. "It's the only solution."

"It is not," he snaps. "Use that brilliant mind of yours and think!"

"Kaiba, you're making no sens-"

"I wouldn't invest a single piece of my life into you if you didn't have any worth to me-"

"As the pharaoh's lookalike-" he interrupts-

"As yourself, Yugi!"

Yugi's head snaps up to look at him. Kaiba's face is flushed, chest heaving. The fog of the shadows are receding, leaving Kaiba- just Kaiba, holding onto Yugi like he's afraid he'll disappear if he lets go.

"Kaiba," he says slowly, hardly daring to hope, "do you mean that?"

"I don't say things I don't mean." He takes a breath. "It took a long time for me to see it. Embarrassingly long. Enough that I'm sure you'd love to make fun of me for it. I should've said something sooner."

"You're saying..."

"You don't need to bother with the act anymore, Yugi." Kaiba makes a frustrated noise. "Just come back here and sit down, and we can talk. It seems like this was overdue if you're going on about vaulting Spherium."

Something long-dormant in Yugi's chest gives a weak flutter. "Okay," he whispers, and Kaiba's shoulders relax as Yugi moves closer again. "Let's talk."

[astrophobica]

It's snowing outside, and Judai is smiling at him tentatively as snowflakes catch in his eyelashes. He's beautiful, and the chilly air has flushed his cheeks rouge.

"Hey," he says, and not for the first time when it comes to him, Johan is at a loss for words. "Can we come in?"

He moves aside, leaving room for Judai to squeeze past off the porch and into Johan's apartment, and he's still wearing his red school blazer, because of course he is. His hair is shaggier, but he's clean-shaven; Johan doesn't even know if he's capable of growing facial hair. What a stupid thing for him to be thinking about as Judai drops that jacket along with his heavy-duty backpack on the floor beside his shoes, because Judai is in his house, and Johan hasn't seen him in two years.

"Nice place," Judai says, as chipper as ever. "Your style's always been top-notch. Cool, is that Rainbow Dragon? Where'd you cop that?" he asks, pointing at a tapestry hung on the wall.

"Craft fair," Johan says. "Judai-"

"Wow, we'll have to go sometime! That's sick. We're beat, y'know, we walked the whole way here through the snow and it totally sucked. Worth it, though- we really wanted to see you, so-"

"Judai, you're in my house."

"...Yeah? I mean, we sure hope it's your house, it'd be kind of awkward if it were someone else's-"

"Judai," he repeats. "You're in my house."

Judai falters now, eyes flickering with uncertainty as he looks at Johan. "...Yeah."

"What are you doing here?"

"...We wanted to see you."

"It's been years since anyone's heard from you and you just show up?" His voice tremors despite himself. Rage? Disbelief? He doesn't know.

Judai takes a step closer. "We missed you," he says softly, earnestly, and Johan wants so desperately to be mad at him but he can't quite manage it- he's never been able to, not with that shy look on Judai's face. "Did you want to see us too?"

He wants to lie and say no. He wants to push Judai and his ever-shifting eyes out of his front door and out of his life. "More than anything," he says, and then Judai's fingers brush his cheek and suddenly Johan can't remember why he even ought to be upset in the first place.

"Good," Judai murmurs, "I'm glad."

His kisses are soft and chilly. Johan's hands trace over the same places that they did back on the hidden cove at Duel Academy, memorized patterns and routines that he thought he'd forget by now. But Johan wouldn't be able to forget someone like Judai even if he wanted to; he knows that now. No, for someone like Judai, that's an impossible request, and he never wants to let go.

-

The next day, just like that, Judai is gone. He didn't even stay for breakfast. Johan half-wonders if he imagined the whole thing. Wanderlust steals even the most potent of lovers, it seems, but Johan made sure to slip a spare key into Judai's pocket before he went.

Just in case Judai's lonely, he tells himself. Just in case.

[astrophobica]

There's been something weird about Yugi Muto, ever since day one.

For starters, he's always got that inscribed gold box with him. It's freaky- when Jounouchi stares at it for too long, he gets a headache and his vision starts swimming. He's always got it out, playing with the pieces inside, and it pisses him off. If he didn't have that stupid thing on the desk all the time, then maybe Jounouchi could look at him without feeling queasy. He's made it a bit of a silent game- how long can he stand looking at it during lecture before the teacher catches him or he wants to throw up? So far his record is twenty minutes.

Second, he's always been really short. Like a fifth grader, almost. It'd be cute if he were a girl, but he's not. And on top of that, he has this whiny little squeaky voice, as if he were some sort of mouse. If he were a mouse, then he'd be cute. But he's not a mouse nor a girl nor a fifth grader, so by all accounts Yugi Muto shouldn't be cute at all.

Third, his hair is all sorts of colors and sticks up like he's been electrocuted. Jounouchi overheard him say it's natural, but there's just no way that could be true. It's gotta be box dye and hair gel, and he's probably just lying to impress that Mazaki girl who's always hanging around him. That pisses Jounouchi off too- who even lies about something like that? His hair looks plenty stylish and pleasant to touch without making shit up about it.

It's stupid. Who does this Yugi kid think he is, anyway? If a punk like him ever got out into the streets he'd be dead in five seconds flat. Jounouchi can picture it: Hirutani would lay him out, teach him a real good lesson about being a weak little bastard. Those big round eyes of his would be crying for days if he experienced half of what Jounouchi had endured.

Really, Jounouchi's doing him a service by picking on him. Maybe then he'll grow a spine and stop being such a soft little wimp- and besides, Jounouchi's only having a bit of harmless fun. Yugi wouldn't last a day if he knew what real bullying was like- if he knew what happened in that fucking torture pit. It's fun to see what expressions he'll make, hear his high pitchy voice raise like an angry kitten. Especially today, when he made him jump like a kangaroo trying to get his stupid little nausea box back.

Jounouchi rolls over in bed. He can't get that brat's face out of his damn head and it's driving him up the wall. What's with him? He can't figure out what's got him hung up on this one specific guy. Whatever. He shoves his head under his pillow and tries to put it out of his head to fall asleep.

[astrophobica]

"You're early to rise, I see."

Bakura doesn't look back, his eyes glued to the soft pinks and golds of the horizon as the sun just barely starts its journey to crest. There are soft footsteps on the balcony behind him, and then the presence forms on his left: the pharaoh.

"The habit stayed with me, too," Atem says softly, and he uses their native language that feels soft and familiar to Bakura's ears. Stubbornly, he continues to ignore him. Not for any real reason; that feud ended when they were both revived, found by their other halves, and forced to make amends over crappy fast food. No, this is a matter of pride.

They stand together in silence, and after a minute Atem leans forward to cross his arms on the railing in a mirror of him. "The shadow RPG," he says. "You changed how things were. It didn't go like that at all, the first time."

"I don't know what you mean," Bakura mutters.

"Do you remember? How we were?" He feels a warm hand on his shoulder, and he flinches away, on instinct.

"Don't," he hisses. Atem's hand hovers in the air as he looks at him, uncertainly.

"You'd come to find me, every night," he murmurs. "You were going to kill me, that very first time. But you never did."

"Don't," Bakura repeats, but it sounds more like a plea this time. He can't stand it, the way Atem's looking at him with such tenderness. He always looked at him like that, even when Bakura's hands and teeth were stained with blood.

"And then Mahaad caught us, and he was furious and chased you out," he continues. "And you made his life so hard. Remember when you hid his headpiece? He was so distraught about looking presentable that he wouldn't show himself to me until he found it."

"I killed him."

"I know."

Atem holds his gaze, steadily, and Bakura's chest heaves with every breath. "He's dead because I killed him," he says again. "You should hate me. I hated you for so long and you didn't do half of what I've done to you."

"I did," he agrees. "But we've died since then too, and he's safe in Aaru now. He's happy. He said so when I saw him." Atem pauses. "He told me about how you cried, holding him."

"That wasn't- I- he-" Bakura takes a step back as Atem moves closer.

"Bakura," he says, and he flinches again when Atem's fingers cradle his cheek. "He asked me to tell you to forgive yourself."

"How?" His voice trembles, and he can't decide if he wants to lean into that warmth or rear away, if he wants to crumble exactly how he did that first night so long ago, or if he wants to leap over the balcony railing onto the nearest roof and run until his legs give out. "That's not- I don't deserve that."

"You were deserving enough to earn a second life." Atem searches his face, and Bakura hates how fragile he feels, suddenly. "You deserve to have peace in this one. It's been so long for us, Bakura. Rest."

Bakura is falling apart again, and despite the crisp morning air it could've been midnight on a humid Egyptian desert as a keen rips from his throat, and he surges forward to press their lips together like it's the last time he'll ever be allowed to. They press against each other fervently, and Bakura lets his hands curl into Atem's, their fingers slotting together just how he remembers.

He doesn't know how long they stand there locked in an embrace, but when Atem pulls away, Bakura notices absently how much shorter he really is. "It's okay," he says, and he gently presses away wet spots on Bakura's cheeks with his sleeve.

"Is it?" he can't help but ask, feeling like a petulant child.

"We'll try it again," Atem promises. "With no magic or bloodshed."

"We can still keep the games, though? I like Monster World."

This coaxes a laugh from him. "We'll play as many games as you want. Forever."

"Forever," Bakura echoes, and a small smile emerges despite himself. "That sounds nice."

slightly extended version on ao3

[astrophobica]

Yugi knows somewhere deep in his heart that what they have isn't real. He's aware, but when he's kissing Seto Kaiba at 1AM after sneaking out of yet another corporate party together, it doesn't seem to matter all that much.

It always ends the same, of course: Kaiba wakes up first, and Yugi wakes up to the smell of breakfast. Kaiba cordially invites him to stay and eat as Yugi tugs his jacket on, and he smiles and makes excuses as to why he has to leave. Kaiba isn't unkind to him.

No, that's not what the problem is. The falsehood lies in that "Yugi" is the name on Kaiba's lips, but that's only because that's the name he's used to.

Atem vanished seven years ago, and Yugi would say that he's fine with it. It's been long enough that he's okay now, he'd say. He's accepted it, and he's moved on. Kaiba would claim much the same, but when they're together there's an unspoken rule lingering in the air. They don't talk about it. That's the condition of this shadow game.

So they leave the lights off at night, and Yugi gels his bangs up and lowers his voice to a smooth, rich cadence. It was always his voice, after all- anything Atem did with it was within Yugi's capacity. He chooses not to most of the time, even when it'd be more comfortable on his vocal chords. It's easier not to think about it in the throes of passion, and so that's what Yugi does, and he's fine with it. As long as it's all fake, he's okay with it.

It's better than being alone, he tells himself when missing his friends becomes too much. Anzu has a thriving career in America now, and the time difference often means it's too early to call. Jonouchi is much the same- he's been travelling the dueling circuit, and it seems lately that he's in a different country every time they speak.

Kaiba's just being kind, he tells himself as he buttons up his shirt and washes the gel out of his bangs and doesn't look in the mirror until they hang comfortably in front of his face again. He's taking pity on Yugi, poor lonely Yugi, and isn't that kindness?

He can't quite convince himself of that today, not after the 10 pages of redlines on his Spherium product plans make their presence known on his work desk, scrawled in Kaiba's looping handwriting.

It'll all be worth it. Someday, when it's successful, it'll be worth it. Yugi inhales and breathes deeply, picking up the first page. One day Kaiba will see him, and him alone. Until then, he'll be fine with the way things are.

[shinayashipper]

Ouch. I don't know what you have in mind for this, but this sounds like a nice summary of a multi-chaptered rivalshipping slowburn angst-with-a-happy-ending fic rather than just a drabble 😂 it Hurts so Good, and while I can't consume too much of "Kaiba sees Atem in Yugi" stuff, I do love to explore on it. This is a nice view of Yugi's POV of it and it got me Thinking so much. It gives me: inspos. I love inspos.

I wonder how much longer will it take until Yugi can't handle it anymore! Haha! I wonder will Kaiba ever missed Yugi at all if they decided to "end" things- but what is there to miss when they both insists there's Nothing there? Or IS IT? 👀

Kaiba's POV and he will be so much more TORN about this all, LOL. They both fell. Kaiba fell Harder later. Haha.

Anyway thank you for the heartache (affectionate). I will think of this for the next few days

[astrophobica]

omg thank you for the kind words!! im not very good at completing fics (im trying to focus on my ryou centric epistolary first before i start anything new) but i write these as a way to get my brainworms out and inflict them on other people. im glad you like it :3

[astrophobica]

Yugi knows somewhere deep in his heart that what they have isn't real. He's aware, but when he's kissing Seto Kaiba at 1AM after sneaking out of yet another corporate party together, it doesn't seem to matter all that much.

It always ends the same, of course: Kaiba wakes up first, and Yugi wakes up to the smell of breakfast. Kaiba cordially invites him to stay and eat as Yugi tugs his jacket on, and he smiles and makes excuses as to why he has to leave. Kaiba isn't unkind to him.

No, that's not what the problem is. The falsehood lies in that "Yugi" is the name on Kaiba's lips, but that's only because that's the name he's used to.

Atem vanished seven years ago, and Yugi would say that he's fine with it. It's been long enough that he's okay now, he'd say. He's accepted it, and he's moved on. Kaiba would claim much the same, but when they're together there's an unspoken rule lingering in the air. They don't talk about it. That's the condition of this shadow game.

So they leave the lights off at night, and Yugi gels his bangs up and lowers his voice to a smooth, rich cadence. It was always his voice, after all- anything Atem did with it was within Yugi's capacity. He chooses not to most of the time, even when it'd be more comfortable on his vocal chords. It's easier not to think about it in the throes of passion, and so that's what Yugi does, and he's fine with it. As long as it's all fake, he's okay with it.

It's better than being alone, he tells himself when missing his friends becomes too much. Anzu has a thriving career in America now, and the time difference often means it's too early to call. Jonouchi is much the same- he's been travelling the dueling circuit, and it seems lately that he's in a different country every time they speak.

Kaiba's just being kind, he tells himself as he buttons up his shirt and washes the gel out of his bangs and doesn't look in the mirror until they hang comfortably in front of his face again. He's taking pity on Yugi, poor lonely Yugi, and isn't that kindness?

He can't quite convince himself of that today, not after the 10 pages of redlines on his Spherium product plans make their presence known on his work desk, scrawled in Kaiba's looping handwriting.

It'll all be worth it. Someday, when it's successful, it'll be worth it. Yugi inhales and breathes deeply, picking up the first page. One day Kaiba will see him, and him alone. Until then, he'll be fine with the way things are.

[astrophobica]

Yugi cries himself to sleep that night, the night before the Battle City finals. Yami doesn't look, not at first. He can sense it, even with his back turned, but Yugi doesn't know that. Yami hasn't told him about that detail. He can't tell him something like that, because if Yugi knew then he'd clam up even more than he has already.

It's only once his breathing evens out that Yami dares to glance back at him. His brows are pinched together, and not for the last time does Yami wish his hands could do anything to touch him while incorporeal. Even still, he touches his knuckles to Yugi's cheek, pets through his hair in an attempt to soothe him, somehow.

"Aibou," he breathes, wishing there was something more he could do. Something to save him. Anything to ease the ache in his chest.

But is it Yugi's ache, or his own?

...That's not a choice Yami's allowed to make. Anyone else, but not him.

He whispers three words into the silence. Yugi doesn't stir, so he says them again, selfishly. It'd make Yugi cry more if he heard, he thinks, and so he clamps his mouth shut against saying them a third time. He's not been granted a luxury that fine within this half-life. Yami's fingers pass through the stray hairs he's attempting to smooth down.

"I'm sorry," he says instead, "for not being brave enough to stay. Aibou, I'm sorry. Forgive me."

[astrophobica]

"Atem," Yugi says, the name unfamiliar in his mouth. It tastes like sunrise and sunset, like the moon and the stars. It tastes of somewhere both very far away and something deep within his soul, all at once.

"Atem," he says again.

"That's my name, aibou," he says with a soft, knowing smile, looking away from where he's slicing a tomato and turning his head back toward him. "What is it?"

"Nothing," and he's a little embarassed now that those blood-laced eyes are fixed on him. "I just like how it sounds. Atem. It suits you."

Atem's eyes crinkle at the corners, and Yugi's sure that those wrinkles will become permanent as the years pass. "I'm glad. I was worried it'd be something dull or unfitting."

"I would've liked any name you chose. But this one is nice."

He delicately touches Yugi's cheek, cradling him as something precious. Yugi tilts his head into the touch. "Atem," he repeats.

"Yugi," he murmurs back, and then leans over to kiss him.

[chronophobica]

He feels fingers on his chin, and his head is lifted to draw him into meeting Bakura’s gaze once more.

“Ryou,” he says, “tell me.”

It’s too much.

“You- you fucking idiot, you don’t- I didn’t think it would be this way! You’re supposed to be in here-” -and he pats his chest twice, three times, hard, hating every second that passes- “-not out off on your- that’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this is supposed to be at all! You’re supposed to be in here with me.” His throat twists and it’s painful, wringing out a helpless sob from his shoulders. “But you keep leaving and going far from me, again, and again, and I don’t know what more to do!”

Bakura stares at him in bewilderment. “I was- I was trying to be respectful of you-”

“And I’m telling you I don’t want your respect! I don’t need that from you now, after everything! I need- I need you,” he says, and he’s certain he looks like a wreck and not in the sexy way anymore. “So stop running away. You can’t- you can’t leave me again. You just can’t. Unless- unless you don’t even want me anymore-”

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he interrupts, and Ryou falls silent, hiccuping softly. “I wouldn’t have gone if you’d just-”

“Because that’s not how it works! You’re supposed to chase after me even when I tell you to stop, that’s what you always did! You take what you want and I tell you no and you do it anyway! I thought you’d- I thought you’d-”

“Landlord, what am I meant to do with you,” he says with a soft sigh, and Ryou melts into the way his thumb firmly strokes his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. Settle down. I was… I thought I was making amends to you by distancing myself. I thought you really did hate me.”

“How could I?”

“You said- You said I ruined you, I hurt you. Over and over. I think you hit your head somewhere along the way.”

“But you were there. Over and over, you were there. You ruined me- I didn’t know how to be alone anymore after you left! Why me? Was I just- just a body for you to use-”

“No,” he says, almost offended at the thought. “...You were the only one who ever felt right. In here,” and he touches Ryou’s hand, where he’s still holding it against his chest.

Ryou sniffles, and finally brings it to clumsily rub at his face with the heel of his palm. “Oh,” he says, and then Bakura leans forward to kiss him again.

“I think I do understand now,” he says softly when he pulls away, and Ryou startles and reaches for his shoulders as he moves to lay him back against the floor and- oh, Ryou had nearly forgotten about that. “Let me try it again.”

“No,” Ryou breathes, fingers curling into him. “You can’t.” Bakura’s eyes narrow, and his smile turns wicked at the corners.

“But it’s not really up to you, is it,” he says, and suddenly, the months of crushing pressure on Ryou’s lungs seems to ease for the first time, just a little bit.

[chronophobica]

"You said you wanted to stay with me forever, didn't you?" Yugi seizes Atem's wrist before he can turn away, and it stops him in place. He knows Atem would never refuse him, but that's just the issue.

"What I want isn't..."

"Atem," he interrupts. "Do you want to stay or not? I won't force you, but I need to know before you go through with this. Please. Please just tell me."

Atem isn't looking at him, but the shuddery breath that rocks through him is evident. "Yugi, I can't-"

"You can't? Or you won't let yourself?" he demands. Atem closes his eyes, so Yugi plows forward: "Atem, listen to me. The world is saved. There's nothing left for you to do, it's over. What do you want from here?"

"I want- I want to stay with you, I do. More than anything, aibou." His voice cracks at the admission, and his other hand comes up to cover his mouth.

"So then why can't you?"

"Ishizu said-"

"To hell with that! How do you know she's right?! You saw Kaiba overwrite her prediction just as well as I did back in Battle City." Atem's shoulders are shaking, and Yugi pulls him closer to wrap his arms around his back. Atem's forehead meets Yugi's shoulder as he trembles. "Why can't we do the same?"

"It's not the same, aibou," he says miserably. "I have responsibilities to my people, to my time- I've spent so long away from them. It's my duty as their king."

"You're just you, nothing more. When do you finally get to choose your fate for yourself?" He strokes his fingers through Atem's hair, feeling the fabric of his shoulder grow wet with tears. "Atem, if I asked you to stay, what would you say?"

"Of course," he replies instantly.

"I'll ask you again, then. What do you want?"

A long moment passes.

And finally Atem nods, curling his fingers into Yugi's shirt. "Aibou," he whispers, over and over like a prayer as he trembles and shakes. "I'll stay. I'll stay, I'll stay, I'll stay. I want to. I want to be with you. Is that okay?"

"More than just okay," Yugi tells him. "And I'll duel any Egyptian god who comes through from the afterlife trying to get you. They can't have you. I won't let them."

Atem nods, laughing wetly, and behind him the glowing gate to the afterlife begins to close.

[chronophobica]

Jou's been having a blast with the festival games. Yugi had opted to stay home, citing a migraine, but he practically shoved Kaiba out the door along with the rest of them, so he gingerly follows Jou around. He's been a surprisingly good sport about the whole affair, competing against Jou in the multiplayer games and even some of the singleplayer ones, and Jou finds that he doesn't actually mind spending time with Kaiba like this.

Kaiba lands another throw at one of the rigged booths, and he lights up like a little kid. Jou can't help it- he's staring a little bit, but how could he not? It's not often that Kaiba's not being an asshole for no reason. "Bet I could make that shot with my eyes closed," he taunts.

"In your dreams," Kaiba says back, but he's smiling with that competitive spirit in his eyes and Jou feels his face turn hot. He quickly drags his eyes toward the game before he can get carried away and sets about chucking the weighted balls at the targets, missing plenty of them in his rush. Kaiba snorts, then covers his mouth and turns away as the game host declares a loss. "What was that about a bet?"

"Joke's on you, I didn't bet nothing!"

"Double negative. I want something."

"Huh?" Jou pats his pockets, coming up empty. "I mean, I could give you a kiss," he jokes.

"Alright," Kaiba says unflinchingly.

"Wha- huh-" Jou doesn't get a chance to dwell on that as he hears Mokuba shouting from nearby. Kaiba turns his head to look as well, his relaxed demeanor slipping back into his usual rigid self.

[astrophobica]

Happy birthday! 🎉💜🎂

THANK YOUUU i got this notif yesterday and then fully lost track of it but I FOUND IT YAYYY <3

[chronophobica]

yugioh swap au where atem is a normal student who assembles the millennium puzzle and receives a ghost who deals with social situations for him (yugi)

[chronophobica]

So it's not like people don't like Atem, per se. He can just be a little bit... intense.

"Hey Atem, come play basketball with us!"

"Sure. What are we betting?"

"Betting...? It's just basketball..."

You see, when it comes to high-stakes and intense pressure, there's nobody better suited for the job. Anything less than life-or-death pressure, though? Not his forte. Most people aren't built for that type of lifestyle, so it tends to lead toward the type of situation Atem finds himself in now: fiddling with the pieces of the Millennium Puzzle in the classroom by himself.

It's not that Atem can't do low-stakes interactions. He just isn't willing to put himself through the agonies of daily mundanities, that's all. The ordinary droll of conversing about weather patterns and out of touch celebrities doesn't enthrall him the same way that a good gamble does, so he doesn't really have much on the relatability front. No, what Atem wants here is someone who is an equal to him.

Seto Kaiba has transferred into his class recently.

"What is that?" he asks Atem, and his eyes flicker upward from the gold puzzle.

"It's an ancient puzzle, passed down to me from my grandfather. It's said to house a dark spirit from millennia ago who possessed great power."

"Interesting," Kaiba says, and when Atem isn't paying attention, he pockets the centerpiece.

Now, if you've gotten this far, you know what happens. Everything occurs exactly the same: Atem comes across Kaiba being spoken to by Jonouchi. Kaiba is the only one who understands the gambler's mindset- every statement he makes to try and get out of the situation fails. Atem can't leave him there to fend for himself- but neither does he know how to step in. Jonouchi is well-liked by their classmates, and one wrong move here would make both Atem and Kaiba social pariahs.

Seto Kaiba kicks the gold centerpiece across the floor, and the puzzle sparks and glows- Yami Atem takes center stage.

Masterfully, he fends off each of Jonouchi's attempts to hang out after school, and in doing so provides Kaiba a chance to escape by reminding Jonouchi of the next day's exam. Jonouchi panics and darts off, having been reminded that he forgot to study, and so the day is saved.

Atem wakes up from a blackout, and in the end no lives were bet. Odd for him, but he's sure it won't be a normal thing from here on out.

[chronophobica]

the death-t equivalent is atem waking up from a full blackout to discover that yugi has given atem's time wizard to jonouchi as a peace offering AND set him up on a date with anzu that's happening in like 10 minutes so now he needs to A) figure out how the fuck to worm his way out of this date without making anzu think he's a complete asshat and B) Get His Fucking Card Back From That Blonde Himbo C) without setting off Honda's mental red flags so atem doesn't get beaten up and D) while avoiding Kaiba's texts about where he's at because if he gets dragged into a duel while on a date it's an immediate social OHKO

[chronophobica]

vote pompshipping here !!!!!

The wind on the rooftop is chilly; spring brings cherry blossom petals cascading across the grass. Miho only has eyes for the boy in front of her, though. Her prince in shining armor stands with his arms crossed, that charming glint in his eyes as he stares back at her. Lovingly, she tells herself. Obviously. How could anyone not like her? She has all the boys at this school wrapped around her finger. Anyone would kill to be in his place. “I really like you!” she exclaims, heart pounding. Surely he’d recognize how blessed he was to be on the receiving end of such a heartfelt confession from a girl as cute as she is. A goddess, really.

“Pass,” says Seto Kaiba.

“Huh? Wh- what?!” This is all wrong. Kaiba was supposed to be dazzled by her! Miho is the cutest girl at their school- everyone says so. “But- Kaiba, I said I-“

“I heard you the first time. Is that it?”

“That’s- that’s-!! How cruel!” she cries. “No way! Miho really likes you! How can you say something like that to me Kaiba!”

Of course, she’s had her eyes on him since the day he stepped foot into their class. Seto Kaiba is young, successful, handsome, and rich to boot! Any girl in her right mind would love to be with him. Luckily for him, she doesn’t give up easily. “Miho’s pretending you didn’t say that,” she huffs, graciously giving him a second chance. “Miho likes you, so go out with- HEY!!”

Kaiba has already turned, walking away with his briefcase at his side. “Kaiba-kun is so awful!” she exclaims tearily. “All you care about is stupid card games and Yugi-kun! Stupid Kaiba! Stupid, stupid, stupid-“

Kaiba halts dead in his tracks. He pivots sharply. “You’re friends with Yugi, aren’t you, Miho?”

“Huh?” She blinks, taken aback by his sudden shift.

“I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go out with you, provided you comply with my-“

“You mean it?!” Miho squeals, darting forward to throw herself at him and loop her arms around his. Kaiba full-body flinches away, but she remains glued to his side. “Oh Kaiba-kun, Miho knew you’d come around!!”

“Provided,” he grits out, “you comply with my requests.”

“Requests? What requests?” She’s gotten what she wanted, Miho supposes it’s only fair to hear him out.

“Firstly, you need to stop that this instant,” he says, yanking his arm out of her grip.

“But- but you’re Miho’s boyfriend now,” she wails. “Miho wants to hold your hand like a real couple!”

“That’s another thing. We’re not a real couple, understand me?” His eyes are steely. “This is a relationship of mutual benefit. I assume you just want access to my funds. Fine then. But in return, you have to let me in with your little group of pals.”

Not a real couple? No, this wasn’t what Miho pictured at all! “No, no, no!” she says heatedly, grabbing his hand again. “This is about Yugi-kun, again, isn’t it! You just care about that silly card game!”

“Duel Monsters,” Kaiba says testily. “And those are my terms. Take it or leave it.”

“Miho has terms too!” She pokes her finger in his chest. “Miho will let you hang out with us, but Kaiba-kun has to spend time with Miho like a real boyfriend sometimes!”

They glare at each other for a long moment, neither willing to back down. Then Kaiba sighs through his nose and turns his head to the side. “One hour a week. I’m busy running a company too.”

“One day,” she retorts.

“One and a half,” he counters.

“Half a day.”

“Two.”

“The evening?”

“I’ll give you three hours. Final offer.”

“Deal!” She beams, attaching herself back to his arm. “Come on, Kaiba-kun, Yugi-kun and everyone else are just about to go to lunch! You can come and eat with us, okay?” She drags him off toward the door to the roof, Kaiba in tow.

[astrophobica]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

new chapter dropped, they're playing card game in this one