âI messed up.â Jimin x reader
Pairing: idol!Jimin Park x reader
Summary: After he makes a mistake during a concert, youâre determined to find Jimin and give him the comfort you know heâll need. However, various obstacles may not permit that.
Genres: Angst(?), hurt comfort, fluff
A/N: Based off of that video after the concert in Chile of Jimin backstage. Even though that happened years ago, it still broke my heart đ naturally, I had to make a fic to cope with it. Hope you enjoy!
âPlease, just let me see him. Itâs really important.â I beg, my voice wavering. Heat is rushing through my body, and despite the cool night air, I feel sweat breaking out across the back of my neck.
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âOnly members and staff are allowed to pass through these doors. Unless you have an id, you will not be permitted inside the venue.â the guard repeats, staring steadily back at me. My hands clench around the leather strap of my bag, a jolt of pure adrenaline shooting through me.
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âYou donât understand what Iâm trying to say. Â I donât have my id on me, but I have the online verification that Iâm permitted to have backstage access. If you would just-â
âUnless you have a physical copy of identification, I donât have the authority to let you inside.â he echos, and I see frustration spark in the back of his eyes.
I canât keep this up. I realize, staring back at the guard. Something between dread and panic rises up from my chest and into my throat, slowly sealing it together with sticky fingers. Air is starting to escape, threatening to come out in choked bursts.
My mind flashes back to only about ten minutes before. I was in the crowd the whole concert, able to nab some tickets as soon as Jimin broke the news that they were going to go on tour. Even though Iâm his girlfriend, I didnât want to use that relationship to get better seats. After all, I get to see him most days. Other fans deserved a chance to see them all up close. No, the main goal of going to the concert was to support Jimin, to support them all.
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The night was running smoothly. Then, near the end of the concert, it was time for Jiminâs solo performance. As always, it was beautiful. Despite being with him for about two years now, I never fail to be amazed by the emotion heâs able to bring to the stage, the deep feeling heâs able to convey solely by the change of his voice.
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But then, something happened. Â Minor mistakes that you couldâve missed even if you glanced away for a moment. I could tell you, because that was the very thing that happened to me. However, I was close enough to be able to see his expression after he was finished performing. That deep regret in his eyes. Nothing like the glowing satisfaction I can usually see after heâs completed his part.
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And I could tell just by the look on his face that he was much more upest than he was letting on, that as soon as he was out of the eyes of the audience, he would break down.
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Just the thought of Jimin sitting backstage, left in the darkness with the weight of his mistakes is enough to make my heart miss a beat. But to think that heâll probably be alone back there without the support of any of the other boys terrifies me. Not because he canât handle himself, but rather because I know just how hard he is on himself. How much he allows his insecurities and doubts to overtake his thoughts, his tendency to knock himself down due to the smallest mistakes. Even though I know Jimin is more than capable of taking care of himself, I know that he also needs all the support he can get right now.
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âMaâam?â the man says.
Quickly, I clear my throat, forcing it to open again, to allow the crisp air to flow back down and into my lungs. If I want to have any chance of seeing Jimin, I need to get myself together. I glance over his shoulder at two other guards, one on either side of the double metal doors. No, Iâm not going to pull a stunt and rush them. As much as the idea of having a main character moment and pushing past security just to throw my arms around Jimin, I still have enough willpower (and sense) to know that if I do that, Iâll only get myself into trouble.
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âIâm going to have to ask you to leave.â
My breath hitches and I feel as if my entire body has been pulled taut, like a rubber band stretched well beyond its limit. No no no no. This canât be happening. I canât believe that I left my wallet in the hotel room. My mind races, through all the possibilities, trying desperately to find reason. Even if I were to drive back and get it, it would take two hours round trip. Jimin would be long gone, maybe feeling better but still upset. The thought fills me with dread, but it may be what ends up happening. If only I-
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Just then, the door behind us creaks open. The security guard casts an at a first cursory glance over his shoulder but then does a double-take, twisting his body all the way around.
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Fear rising in my chest, I crane my neck to see whoâs just opened the door. Did they call more guards to escort me off the property? That would be an absolute disaster. I can already see the headlines, flashing one after the other in my head.
But then a soft, feminine voice speaks. âExcuse me, have any of you seen a young woman around the premises? Mid-twenties, long-â
âYes, sheâs right here.â the guard in front of me says, gripping my forearm with an iron grasp and turning towards me.
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Itâs when he moves that I can see the woman at the door. Her small figure is backlit by the light streaming through inside the building, but yet I can still make out some of her features. Short black hair, a gentle brow, a light blue jacket over a cream-colored turtleneck. She certainly doesnât look like a part of the security team, so then why is she here?
âShe rang for some of the staff at the back room, but we were busy with preparing for them going on-stage that I didnât realize someone had requested access. Her id was processed, so we knew that she hadnât broken in. By the time I had realized, she was already gone.â the woman finishes, gazing at me, taking in my features. Probably comparing my face to the mental image of the picture on my card.
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The security guard sighs, but his grip on my forearm doesnât loosen. âAre you positive itâs her?â
âWell, let me see her id. You do have it, donât you?â the staff member asks, her gaze turning back to me.
âYes,â I say, my mind slow to catch up, still unsure of whether I should be relieved or weary. âYes, I have a digital copy on my phone.â
I move to take a step forward, and the security guard releases me. As I walk towards the woman, I hear his footsteps following close behind, probably to make sure I donât try anything. At this point, I donât care, Iâm just reveling at the fact that I might be able to see Jimin after all. If itâs not too late, that is.
I pull up the verification on my phone, and after an uncomfortably long minute of crosschecking my appearance and asking me various questions, the woman gives a curt nod at the guards and gestures for me to come inside. I donât even give a second glance to the men outside, Iâm so overwhelmed with relief that I nearly trip over the door jam on my way inside.
âYouâre Jiminâs girlfriend, no?â the woman asks, shutting and locking the door behind us.
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âThatâs me,â I say, then add. âThank you so much, if you hadnât came-â
The woman waves me off, Â already beginning to walk down the dimly lit hallway. âIt was nothing. I was the one that didnât check the ringer earlier.â she says, and I follow quickly behind, down the hall, past various doors and posters on the wall. Other than the advertisements pasted on the walls, the corridor isnât decorated. It must be a staff-only entrance.
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Moments later, we arrive at a black door, and the woman pulls out a key ring. âHeâs backstage. Go quickly, the performance is almost over but he may leave soon.â She props open the door, and with a final thank you, I move past her, eager to finally get to see Jimin.
I squint, my eyes adjusting to the dark room. What are first only blurry silhouettes morph into clothing racks, shelves, and more members of the staff running around, getting their various jobs done. As quickly as I can, I slip into the crowd and move through the back room. Music blares through the walls, shaking the floor and making my eardrums ring. It sounds like some of the members are still singing.
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Where is he? But just when I feel frustration beginning to set in, I catch a glimpse of someone sitting on the floor next to one of the clothing racks. My heart gives a little jump in my chest, and as I move closer, I realize that it is in fact Jimin. He sits with his legs crossed, elbows resting on his knees. His face is buried in his hands, back hunched, eyes cast downwards. Staff members rush around, but none of them are paying much attention to him, all too preoccupied with their own tasks.
I ignore the pain in my heart and move over to him quickly. He doesnât raise his head, not being able to hear me over the music and loud noises of the concert. So I squat down next to him, gently tapping one of his shoulders.
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âHey,â I murmur, and Jiminâs head snaps up in surprise. His face is inches from mine when he raises it, so close that I can feel his breath fanning across my face. His eyes are wide as he takes me in, and itâs when heâs gazing at me so intently that I see the shiny tears glistening at the edges of his eyes. His nose, red from being rubbed at, almost seems to glow in the dim light.
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âY/N, you came.â he breathes, his voice shaky. He clears it and tries again, his eyebrows pinching together in frustration.
âOf course I did,â I respond softly. I allow my hand to travel up towards his forehead, where I push his blond hair out of his eyes. His dark eyes follow the movement, tracking the progression of my fingers but not really there.
I nudge his shoulder again. His eyes flick back to my face, and weâre silent for a moment.
âI messed up.â he says, his eyebrows upturning at the corners, his hands clenching in his lap. The hitch of his breath is just audible over all the other noises, most likely because Iâm so close.
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âWhat do you mean?â I ask, holding his gaze. Patient. Waiting.
Jimin shakes his head, breathing out a heavy sigh. âMy⊠my voice cracked. And the microphone kept falling off my ear,â he responds, running his hand up by his right ear before dropping it back into his lap. His lips turn down at the sides and he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, willing himself not to cry.
âHey. Itâs alright-â I start, wrapping my hand around his clasped ones. He glances back up at me, unshed tears brimming at his eye line. I squeeze his hands comfortingly. âThat was only two parts. Iâm sure that most people didnât even notice. And plus,â I pause, collecting my thoughts. The sounds from the concert are making it hard to think. âEven if you did mess up, it doesnât define you. That was only two very small parts out of the whole concert tonight. Just being out there with ARMY, I could tell how happy people were that you seven even showed up. Do you know how much joy you bring everyone by just being there?â I ask, and a small, shy smile makes the corners of his mouth twitch. Thatâs it. âIf anything, your mistakes show that youâre human. Because really, who wouldâve thought that someone as hot as you could be?â
At this, a little laugh escapes Jimin, and he tilts his head back to the side, his eyes scrunching up as he smiles. The sound alone makes my heart melt, and I find myself grinning as I move to sit down next to him, our shoulders pressed together.
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As soon as heâs stopped laughing, I turn my head to give him a loving glance. Â âJust relax. You put in your best effort tonight, and you succeeded in making everyone happy. You deserve to go easy on yourself now, alright?â
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He gazes back at me. The tears are still there, but now he smiles. âAll right, Y/N.â I smile back. Jimin only keeps eye contact with me for a moment longer before resting his head on my shoulder. His soft hair tickles the nape of my neck as he shifts closer, and I wrap my arm around his back, leaning into his touch. As I hold him, I feel the tension in his muscles slowly leave, his breaths lengthening. Itâs a soothing sound, more calming than any white noise.
Itâs as we sit there, watching the staff milling around us that a warm feeling flickers inside my chest, spreading across my body and up to my cheeks. The emotions Iâm experiencing now are so different from what I was experiencing only minutes earlier outside with the security guards. Now, with Jimin next to me and a smile on his face, I canât help but feel that the world is at peace.
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When heâs happy, Iâm happy. No simpler, no more complicated. Â
