Not the Alex You Are Looking For

This is Tumblr: miscellany at it's most delightfully weird. Mostly full of fandom and shipping.

[americachavez]

harry potter fandom experiencing such a revival in the last 5 or so years to the point where 5 out of the top 10 ships on ao3 this year are hp AFTER that woman started fully funding hate campaigns with her royalties is so bleak. fandom isn’t an indicator of morality but what are we doing here man.

[raisinchallah]

like a solid 60% of weird fandom tropes were invented by women who needed slightly more avant garde ways to fuck spock.... wanting to fuck spock is in many ways a load bearing pillar of fandom like if u took it away the source code would just break theres like a molecule of wanting to fuck spock or reaction to everyone wanting to fuck spock within the heart of fanfic all fanfiction is about wanting to fuck spock except fanfic about wanting to fuck spock which is about women in stem

[offline-crowbot]

My hottest fanfiction take is I think people should stop posting multi-fandom oneshots as a single fic with like 50+ chapters and instead post them as individual fics

[asneakyfox]

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

[archerdepartures116]

One man army

[alivedean]

this show is a comedy → 10/?

[matchamoe]

Reblog if you want obscenely sexual and kinky messages in your askbox for shits and giggles.

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

OP: This is the first time I've seen the Yellow River's sediment discharge with my own eyes.

[jingyuanyuan]

There's a Chinese meme that the Yellow River doesn't need rituals to present sacrifices because if it's hungry it'll come onto the shore and eat the sacrifices itself.

[asmuchasidliketo]

#some netizens also say chinese people like unification because only a powerful unified dynasty can survive the yellow river and sometimes #also the chang jiang when they decide to flood and change directions and kill and displace millions #also only large dynasties have the resources to do hydroengineering to try and control the yellow river #yellow river be like: if you don't hydroengineer you die #but if you do you might also die heehee #“we call these our mother rivers not because they are gentle but because we are too scared” tags on above post

(source: Wikipedia)

[setnet]

@mikkeneko

[alterac]

what in the

oh my god??

[cryoverkiltmilk]

People talk about how the Great Lakes are deadly because they are uncaring, but the Yellow River is literally out to get everyone.

[brinconvenient]

The Great Lakes are uncaring, don't care whether you live or die, ambivalent, pay no attention to you.

The Yellow River cares. Deeply. About you, specifically. And your death. And being the cause of it. It notices you and your intentions. You've been warned. Exercise your hubris accordingly.

[darthwillies]

say what you like about him but i have a lot of respect for luo binghe’s courtship methods. like he tried the “look what you’re missing out on” approach okay, he gave it a fair go. “look how cool and hot and powerful i am” is a straight up classic and he had it nailed down, he had his evil sword and dramatic poses to strike, he was locked tf in. but then when that failed to work he pivoted like a champion, going from his sexy badass persona to full-on sad kitten out in the rain, and i don’t think he gets enough credit for that. he is a grownass demonic emperor with subjects and presumably a lot of enemies looking for weakness, and yet he has fully committed to the untried and extremely specific “warbling baby bird” approach to wooing shen qingqiu. he is wailing and clinging to the best of his exceptional ability, all dignity abandoned, to get his man. that’s dedication.

[ashfly]

'accidental' self-bondage 'accidentally' in Shizun's bed, maybe?

[not-the-alex]

this is literally Binghe

[itstimetogo]

the only “data centers” we need are public libraries

[maliinka]

oh to have a big hot ice demon in this heatwave 🥀🥀🥀

[ragingpunsexual]

I love the idea of Spock being super queer, highly expressive and very emotional from a Vulcan view point. Like...

What humans see:

What Vulcans see:

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

i love how this implies that gritty is how vulcans see jim

[hard-times-paramore]

It is.

[brian-kinney-apologist]

I'm gonna post this now for no reason at all :)

[moondustinfj]

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[transsongtaewon]

Written for Sctir Pride Week 2026 Day 1: Rainy Day

"So if you're a witch, why do you even need a body guard?"

The witch/her new boss and roommate walked through the woods like there was a clear path in front of them instead of untamed wilderness covering up even the sky. Yerim walked behind and just out of arm's reach, more by force of habit than any real sense of threat. Besides, it wasn't like a little bit of distance would do much to keep her safe when it came down to it anyway.

"Can't you just turn your enemies into toads?"

The witch - Yoojin, he'd said, but Yerim thought it would take her a while to get used to the witch having a name - kindly looked back at her.

"I have a lot of enemies. It would be horrible for the forest ecology."

She had not known him for long enough to tell if he was joking, but considering how they'd met she was reasonably certain he had no undue scruples about toading people he disliked.

"What if you turn them into different animals? Or can witches only do toads?" She ducked under a branch she could have sworn hadn't been there when Yoojin passed. "That would explain why I've never heard about people being turned into caterpillars. Or long nosed bats."

The witch paused for the first time on their journey to probe the underbrush with his cane. Thinking about it, the walking aid was the least surprising part of the whole meeting a witch thing.

"Toads are just a popular cliché." Apparently, the thing he'd been probing for was the tiny stream that revealed itself before them. "That spell is in every beginner's grimoire. Once you really get into the weeds with transmutation you can pick almost any creature you can think off. Watch out, the rocks are slippery here."

Yerim demonstrably hopped across the stream, mercifully not falling in. The witch huffed in amusement.

"But I don't need to come up with a bunch of perfectly ecologically balanced spells if I have a terrifying guardian watching over my abode, ready to kill anyone who comes near."

"I'm not terrifying, though. I don't even know what a guardian does."

"It's not really about what you are, just what people think. Reputation does a lot to keep people away."

"I guess. I used to be terrified of you, you know?"

Yerim had heard stories about the terrifying, cruel witch of the woods for as long as she could remember. The stories usually featured an ancient figure as wrinkled as tree bark, probably covered in warts and spitting poison with every word. In many years, none who had seen the witch had returned to tell the tale, too busy coming to terms with spending the rest of their lives as toads.

The actual witch, however...

"But you're just an ahjussi."

His head whipped around, looking deeply offended.

"I'm barely thirty!"

"Yeah. An ahjussi."

He stared at her for another second, visibly gave up, and started walking again.

"The point is that you don't need to worry about actually killing anyone. Chances are no one will come close enough to see either of us and if they do, I will take care of it."

Yerim did not ask why he hired her at all if he didn't think he was going to need her services. There was still blood on her pants, mirrored by the flecks on his cane. She did not want to think about the uncle she would never see again, nor the pity she had seen in the witch's eyes when he had helped her back to her feet.

She just grinned at his back.

"I can take care of myself, you know?"

"I know you can", he said mildly. Yerim had the naggling suspicion that he was just humoring her.

The more she talked to him, the more certain she became of he ahjussi assessment. If he had had any on him, he would have definitely offered her hard candy.

Yerim had no idea where exactly they were going nor how long it would take, but ahjussi walked with confidence so she wasn't too worried. At least, until he disappeared from one second to the next.

"Ahjussi?!"

She leaped toward the spot where he'd just been, trying to see anything but green and-

stumbled into a clearing.

It was raining. She hadn't noticed under the cover of the trees.

Yoojin stood a couple of steps away from her, presenting the clearing with a welcoming smile. Behind was a small cottage that couldn't be further away from the menacing witch's hut Yerim's cousin once told her dozen of ill-behaved children were eaten alive in every year.

"Welcome to my humble abode. You are welcome to stay here as long as you want but", his smile turned mischivous, "if you dare tell a single living soul where to find this place I shall have no choice but to turn you into a toad. Or a long nosed bat, if I'm feeling kind that day."

Yerim stared at him, the rain steadily soaking her through.

"You can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, ahjussi."

His smile faltered. "Were you very startled by the barrier?"

Yerim did not want to admit just how panicked she had been. She crossed her arms. "A little warning would have been nice."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time." Yerim shuddered to imagine what 'next time' was supposed to entail. "Now come in, you'll catch a cold if you stay in the rain much longer. How do you feel about hot chocolate?"

He looked like he desperately wanted to fuss over her, but he didn't come closer. Maybe Yerim hadn't been as subtle about staying out of punching distance as she'd thought. It was very hard to stay mad at him like this.

"Where am I even going to sleep?"

He looked a little horrified. "I have an empty room, I'll give you the key. Well, not quite empty since I've been using it for, ah, experiments, but not anything hazardous! I'll help you clean it out. After we dry up."

Well, it was a little late for her to turn back now. Besides, hot chocolate did sound nice.

She strode towards the cottage with a purpose unfit for someone who had recently turned sopping wet, hearing Yoojin hurry behind her.

"Better keep your word, ahjussi, I hear there is a terrifying guardian in these woods, ready to kill anyone she sets her eyes on."

[bareniabirkin]

😟😳😳😳

[squadron-of-damned]

#idk what this means or if i do this but ig i'll just hold my phone with my pinky stuck out from now on?? 

Good question, also no that won’t help.

shitty MS Paint 3 minutes doodle, nto entirely accurate: When you have your pinky hooked on the “bottom” edge of the phone for the extra security so it doesn’t slide out of your hand that easily, you’re wreaking damage on your hand, since the pinky is extremely askew from it’s resting position. You might have noticed that when you hold your phone like that for long time it begins to hurt, like when you are gripping a pen too tightly for example.

Green lines - the fingers are going their natural way. Red line - the pinky is way off, that’s bad.

[theclockworkjudas]

Me: Oh, good thing I never-

Me, looking down at hand: By talos this can't be happening

[h4nds4ndwich]

oh thats why my hadns have started to always be in pain ok