a breath of fresh air...

A sassy delica who appreciates fashion, music, photography, and more. Explore what is emblazoned in her mind. Twitter: @atanahsayah

[atanahsayah]

2019

Another year - another end of year reflective post:

Overall, I have to say the year has been positive - it’s been good. I managed to travel to a few new countries, changed my job once again to something better and slightly more paid, and there wasn’t any “exceptional” drama. No severe  health issues or traumas, or anything too out of the ordinary to handle.

I traveled:

Prague (for work)

Italy (for fun!)

Lebanon (for fun!)

Paris (for work)

Egypt (for work)

Seychelles (for fun!)

My travels this year were really amazing.

The year brought together a new group of friends that I spent a lot of time with. Overall we did get close... it was positive vibes... good energy and laughs but towards the end of the year the group kind of broke up on its own. The vibe changed and there were a lot of complexities and weirdness there. Looking back I don't have regrets. I don't feel like I wasted my year, but I am disappointed that things have changed between us and it's just not the same drama free group that I once went to for a change of mood and laughter. I fell for one of the guys in our group and of all the things that happened this year, I'd say that was the waste. It would have been much better now knowing the outcome, to just be friends. I didn't need to get myself wrapped up in all that bullshit. But I only have myself to blame for that. Things started to surface that just showed me how much of a kid this guy was and I was just not feeling it. I lost complete interest.

Besides this, I ended up meeting another guy who formed another group and so far it has been positive. I fell for him as well but I'm trying to remove my feelings. It's clear that he wants nothing more than a friendship. He is an extroverted guy with a ton of friends and I'm just one of the many. I'll leave it at that and see where 2020 takes me on that front.

This year brought some proximity with family. A close cousin of mine who haven't spoken to for years came back into my life. Family and my mom particularly got involved to make a reunion happen. We lost touch since 2013 for a really silly reason and hadn't spoken. Then she got engaged end of 2018 and it was unspeakable that I wasn't invited to the ceremony. By the time of her wedding in March 2019, we were speaking again and fixed our relationship, just like that.

In 2019 I also changed my job. I left a company that made me miserable. It destroyed my confidence on a daily basis not only in my skills in the job itself but in my looks and appearance. Everyone walked around in head to toe designer clothes, bags and shoes, veneers done, botox done, fillers, full makeup and hair done daily, you get the picture. I felt so uncomfortable being there. I hated the bullying culture and the environment. So I made a decision to look elsewhere and moved onto something a little slower paced and I'm excelling at the job. My confidence is reeling back and I feel my work brings value.

I got to see Eminem in concert this year. A true rap legend. I also attended a few comedy show events. I went to the beach and beach clubs almost every weekend. I was the tannest I've ever been. I started embracing my curly hair, got a very short haircut due torl the Brazilian Blowout treatment I did that permanently straightened my hair.

One of my very best friends had a change of date this year. Things finally worked with the guy she wanted to marry for five years. This was a beautiful time and gave everyone hope. That love wins.

Alright that's it folks.

This year brought a lot of growth, as it always does. 3 months into 2020 and I'm not feeling very optimistic about what's to come. It has already been a dramatic start to the year and I really can't predict how this will all play out. Until next year, peace out.

[atanahsayah]

Every single tremble of his voice.

[hellish-daddy]

“The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to no longer want it”

— Anonymous (via neckkiss)

[jumex]

due to not wanting to. I will not be

[atanahsayah]

Why you treat me so bad? I like my loving like that. Keeps me running right back. Keeps me running right back. Why you do me this way. Maybe cuz that’s making me stay.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

It’s easy to make your relationships more complicated than they are. Here are twelve simple reminders to help you keep them on course.

1. All successful relationships require some work. – They don’t just happen, or maintain themselves. They exist and thrive when the parties involved take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their minds and hearts. Open communication and honesty is the key.

2. Most of the time you get what you put in. – If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. It’s a simple practice that works.

3. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. – Never force someone to make a space in their life for you. If they know your worth, they will create time and space for you.

4. There is a purpose for everyone you meet. – Some will test you; some will teach you; some will threaten you; some will use you. Others will heal you, and help you see your strengths, and help you to discover your authentic self.

5. We all change, and that’s okay. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

6. You are in full control of your own happiness. – If your relationship with yourself isn’t working, don’t expect your other relationships to be any different. Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own. And you have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else.

7. Forgiving others helps YOU. – Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

8. You can’t change people; they can only change themselves. – Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example. If there’s a specific behavior someone you love has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows what you need them to do.

9. Heated arguments are a waste of time. – The less time you spend arguing with the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you. And if you happen to find yourself arguing with someone you love, don’t let your anger get the best of you. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss the situation.

10. You are better off without some people. – When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you. If someone continuously mistreats you or pushes you in the wrong direction, have enough respect for yourself to walk away from them. It may hurt for a little while, but it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok, and far better off in the long run.

11. Small gestures of kindness go a long way. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get.

12. Even the best relationships don’t last forever. – People don’t live forever. Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you. You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.

Source: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/02/08/12-relationship-truths-we-often-forget/

[yourbigsisnissi]

i want people to feel like talking to me is like a warm hug.

[hellish-daddy]

“The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to no longer want it”

— Anonymous (via neckkiss)

[smoke-white]

“Do not lower your standards, you deserve good things.”

— Unknown (via cwote)

[atanahsayah]

I Feel Like I’m Drowning

- My life’s ok, just when you’re not around me.

[atanahsayah]

2018

What can I say about 2018? It was a positive year - maybe even one of the better ones. Looking back from a broad perspective, my last year consisted of a lot of friendships and deeper relationships that I am proud of. I worked on a lot of these friendships, I secured new ones, and rekindled old ones. I put effort. And people have put effort back in me. People have made me feel loved. People have shown me that they do like my company and I am important in their lives. This has made me trust more and be vulnerable with others. I've been more open for the first time in years with people I never thought I could be open with.

And these relationships have kept me really busy this year. I managed to fill my time with friends more than anything. So much so that sometimes, or actually most times I can’t stand being alone because I want to be around others. I want to be out of the house, go out, socialize, engage in activities, try out new places or meet new people. When I’m home, I’d invite people over my house so I can build on relationships even further. My alone time was always filled. I know it’s not a good thing to rely on others to keep you happy. And I know I am avoiding the real world because I am not facing them head on. I now cannot tolerate being alone. That quiet home I walk into every night can sometimes be really depressing. Sure I need to recharge at times, but if I can do so without at least another person in my vicinity, someone that if they were just around, even if we're not talking will give me some comfort. It has been struggle of mine being solo and I'm still not quite sure how to deal with this.

This year brought me a few travels which taught me several things about myself and has tested me. I’ve also changed my job - the first time in 3 years. I took a risk and moved to something bigger, and now 10 months into the position, I can look back and see that even my “work” personality has grown. I have a voice. I am not tolerating anymore bullshit. I'll only respect you if you respect me back. Otherwise I really don't care. I don't need to prove anything to anyone anymore.

16 days into 2019 and I’ve already turned 30. A milestone year. And yet I don’t feel any different. I didn't wake up on the 11th of January feeling brighter or wiser. But when I look back at the last decade, I’m basically a different person. Even looking back at 5 years ago, or 2 years ago, I can say that I am a new woman. Sure my core is the same, but truly I have learned and reshaped who I am to the person I am today.

I’m still nowhere near perfect, but I value who I am. I know I am worthy and I know I deserve to be happy. So what’s in store for me in 2019? I’m not quite sure, but I do know that being the wiser, more open and vulnerable lady I am today will hopefully catapult me to greater experiences, positive people, and more warmth and love around me. That’s all I really want. 

[atanahsayah]

This song!!! Wow.

How am I just discovering this just now? 

[braedroll]

In your friendships/relationships, I think it’s important to ask the other person how they like to be comforted. Much like the love languages, everyone responds differently to certain actions during times of stress. Some may like advice or words of affirmation while others may need a hug or someone to just nod and listen. Asking them how they want to be comforted shows that you care about them and want them to feel acknowledged when they’re upset.

[atanahsayah]

[atanahsayah]

2017

Another year has come and gone and I can truly say it was a good year. I’m pleased with how things went down. Besides the fact that I have merely stopped blogging. Every year comes around and I end up aching to write this post of reflection, even if I haven’t been too active expressing myself here.

As I mentioned, this year has been good. Looking back, it has been the year of relationships. I started off the year rekindling relationships, developing them into better friendships, and making new ones that will hopefully continue in 2018.

Some of the highlights and lessons I’ve learned in 2017 - in no particular order:

- Traveling makes me happy! Personal traveling that is. Not work traveling.

Lebanon - but I did learn that traveling with a couple is DRAMA.

Qatar 

Bahrain - but this traveling foursome was AWESOME

Jordan

London - watched Matilda, The Book of Mormon shows

- Turned Blonde and it suits me! Also got hair extensions and I love them!

- I conquered my fear of riding a roller coaster

- I have been to 3 weddings for old friends (high school & ex-Ogily colleague friends) and 2 more weddings for close friends (Dina & Nadeem)

- My high school bestie Zara visited me

- I have been more comfortable singing publicly than I ever was

- I invested in my BED

- Smart TVs are amazing

- I did two spa days with my girls (ex-Yahoo colleagues & my slores)

- Halloween was another fun night with a different social circle

- I put on one of the best work events of my life - Scents & Stories!

- Ed Sheeran concert was fab

- Friendships have come full circle by the end of the year

- Road trips are too fun!

Although in the bigger picture, not much has changed. I feel like this year was pretty much drama-free and in fact filled with a lot of love, friendships, bonding, personal relationship development, and dabbling into various social circles. I’ve gotten out of my comfort zone in more ways than one, celebrating people that i love in their weddings and bridal showers - meeting new people and establishing relationships that will continue, and being at peace with being “alone” as far as my love life goes due to the fact that I have a lot of other close bonds that have kept me busy.

This year, I also had stability in my health. My family. My job. My home. These are some blessings I definitely don’t take for granted.

I know I’m destined for more this year and I’m hoping to explore it and even have a go at different opportunities.

So 2018, I am so ready for you.

[chrissongzzz]

[king-emare]

FACTS

[eearth-deactivated20180601]

Don’t settle for nice, for pleasant, for familiar. Keep looking until you find something that really moves you, that resonates with your core. And I mean this for people, for interests, for hobbies, for your possessions, clothes, music, books, art. Everything. Curate every aspect of your life, as much as you can. It’s in the things that deeply inspire us that we find ourselves. Surround yourself with truth, and you’ll have built yourself a heaven.