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[atdeathsgrip]

I just broke up with my first girlfriend via text because I had to swallow an anxiety attack when trying to do it in person.

I’m a sack of shit, I know. I just could leave her in a one sided relationship when she deserves so much better.

[atdeathsgrip]

Realizing the anxiety and trouble with eating I’ve been having these past few months might be attributed to a pattern of disordered eating and/or an unhealthy relationship with food.

[persephon3schild]

that shit never ends

[atdeathsgrip]

Scraped my ankle the other day. Struggling to not relapse since. Why do such minuscule things trigger me?

[atdeathsgrip]

I’m wearing shorts for the first time in a long while today.I feel very anxious, my scars are showing and I really don’t have the energy to deal with questions. But it is also fucking summer and I am tired of wearing yoga pants and joggers.

[atdeathsgrip]

Before I went and got a personal journal, I made some entries on some leaves and let them drift off in the river.

[atdeathsgrip]

Been working on some self care and journaling this week. I've went hiking at 8 different locations this week, got fresh fruit for myself (locally grown), cancelled some meetings, and bought two journals (one for cool plants I find on my hikes, and a personal one for really anything).

[atdeathsgrip]

Happy fucking birthday. I don’t want to be here. My heart is so heavy and I just want to cry.

[atdeathsgrip]

After 10 mins of rest in my car while on midodrine again

[atdeathsgrip]

Started taking midodrine again- all I’ve done today is wake up and drive 77-126 bpm within a few minutes? Fucking crazy.

[atdeathsgrip]

Took this on a hike the other day, I’m kind of proud of how I look in this.

[atdeathsgrip]

Having a breakdown rn- but at least I work again tomorrow?

[atdeathsgrip]

If only my manager knew how much he effects my well-being. If it weren’t for him, and my job/coworkers. I don’t think I’d be standing here today.

I’ll just being crying my eyes out bc of my depression, and thinking about the times he’s joked around with me- or even just unknowingly comforted me. I almost had a panic attack my first time working during OT season- I went to ask him where something was for an order and he pulled me aside and said “we don’t expect you to know where everything is, you are okay”. I hate that this is purely a seasonal job. I don’t know what I’d do without someone like him in my life (in an entirely platonic way).

[atdeathsgrip]

Sleepwear got me feeling confident. I’ve lost 30 lbs since we’ve started working with mums at our gh. I feel amazing, but also lonely.

My mom won’t stop talking about how fat she is, but she is skinnier than I am. It really makes me pissed tf off. I’m just a kid, why should I have to deal with this?

I promise you one thing though. I will never- in my life be like my mom.

[atdeathsgrip]

Heyyo,

I’m new to this side of the internet- but I do have a question for others who are chronically I’ll with some form of Orthostatic intolerance:

- have you faced a misdiagnosis regarding your specified OI (ex: possibly misdiagnosed with Ortho. hypotension, but really have POTS, visa versa), if so- how were you able to obtain a correct diagnosis, and what was the process of receiving that diagnosis?

When I was diagnosed with chronic Orthostatic hypotension, my doctors ran EKGs, ultrasounds, and tracked my heart rate. BUT, when I would have a heightened bpm (especially during episodes), they ignored that. **note: the last flare that I had with my watch on, I had a resting rate of 140bpm(I had been sitting for about 10 minutes at a time**

I’ve tried to have them reevaluate me- but they feel content with the answers and say that regardless there is nothing I can do other than up my sodium and iron intake.

I feel discontent and wish that they would at least help me understand where the discrepancies between my symptoms and varying conditions are. But maybe I just need to cool it?

[cuntess-carmilla]

Not that many people talk about this but one of the symptoms of an orthostatic intolerance flare (POTS, orthostatic hypotension, etc) is getting exacerbated feelings of anxiety/depression. Another thing that’s not too talked about although it’s widely known is that orthostatic intolerance flares are common during menstruation.

Which means that potsies and other OI buddies who menstruate get an almost guaranteed monthly flare even if we keep up to our treatments, and that we’re very likely to get a very bad anxiety/depressive episode during or right before our periods.

This is because of the obvious fact that when we menstruate we’re losing a ton of blood which is something that would affect anyone, but especially someone with orthostatic intolerance, anemia, hypotension, and other cardiovascular disorders of the sort. Then there’s too the fact that there’s a rupture in uterine tissue which must be repaired and that requires a lot of energy from the body, which isn’t exactly something we have to spare on a good day, much less when we’re dealing with a days long hemorrhage.

If you’re someone whose orthostatic intolerance is a comorbidity from EDS, you’re also very likely to have a heavier flow (aka you’re losing more blood than you would if you didn’t have a connective tissue disorder) because our organ tissue and blood vessels are very easy to tear, which then too means they require more effort from our bodies to repair than we would if our connective tissue was normal.

It’s hell in here but please don’t, um… Despair TOO much. If it’s That time of the month and you’re getting sudden intense feelings of dread it’s literally just your body screaming at you and it should get better if you take extra meassures to treat your orthostatic intolerance. I love you, babes. :(

[atdeathsgrip]

For safe keeping

[atdeathsgrip]

Hello again dear old friend. I can’t say that I’ve missed you in this time of relapse.