where you never knew you'd go

atera // resistance informant // 33 // if you're paralyzed by the voice in your head, it's the standing still that should be scaring you instead

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe laughed and held up his hands in a fake surrender. “ you’re right, you’re right, “ he said with a wide grin. “ i’ll be good from now on. scout’s honor. “ to really drive the point home, he crossed his heart over his chest. sometimes he didn’t catch how dark his humor got but he’d work on it. at least for tonight anyway. it was shaping up to be a perfect one, and he didn’t want to ruin it with his dumb jokes.

Atera laughed, “Oh shut up, you were never a scout,” she joked but still nodded when he crossed his heart. It was the thought that counted, even if she was going to rib him about it. 

Still, she leaned into it all and tried to enjoy the night, grinning a little at this whole thing, like the giddiness seemed to come in waves.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

stars, poe thought she was so cute. seeing her smile was the reason he did pretty much anything. she didn’t realize how much she meant to him, that much was obvious. “ oh thank god, “ he said dramatically. “ i think i might cease to exist if you decided to cancel. “ ok maybe he was being a tad dramatic, but he wasn’t dumb. he knew atera was likely the best thing that’s ever happened to him. so he felt like his dramatics were valid.

Atera laughed, dramatic, him and his droid, what was she gonna do? Probably love them both enough to power a star system. “What’d we say about you keeling over?” She said, poking his forearm. Sure, allusions to death were something they couldn’t avoid, between her darker than void humor and his pilot quips, they were supposed to avoid it at least a little tonight. 

[auddie00]

Alia Shawkat as Dory Sief

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe chuckled and shook his head. “ no, never. if you stop, then i know something’s really wrong with you, “ he said with a grin as he took her hand once they were settled. he liked holding her hand - it was like an anchor that kept him in the moment. instead of letting his mind drift away to other things, problems that could wait until the morning.

“ well, no one’s perfect terbear, “ he said.  “ but you’re pretty damn close. and you don’t have to thank me. it’s part of the boyfriend package, “ he teased.

Atera was fairly certain she went pink, and definitely scrunched up her nose. “Oh hush you,” she said. She wasn’t close, she had no idea what he was talking about, all she knew was how to be in the right place at the right time. This was something she was figuring out every time they did something together. For example this was all one big experiment in “how to go on a date” and so far it was going better than she expected.

“Well, in that case I guess I’ll keep my subscription.” She said, softly squeezing his hand.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe chuckled and nodded his head. “ i don’t think i’ve ever seen a more spoiled little droid, “ he mused. it was honestly kind of amusing. bb-8 might technically be his astromech, but it felt like everyone in the resistance loved him. poe wasn’t really any better if he was totally honest.

“ hey, i’m not that indecisive, “ he chuckled as they walked up to the stand. he ordered wraps and drinks for both of them. the normalcy of the moment wasn’t lost on him, and he tried to take it in as much as he could. he wanted to live in this moment where he was just a guy, on a date with his girlfriend. they could go back to being soldiers tomorrow.

Atera laughed, “oh can you blame me?” She said. Just because they were dating didn’t mean she was going to stop taking cracks at him. He sometimes made it that too easy.  But smiled as he bought them both food and they settled at a table trying to enjoy the evening they had. She offered up her hand on top of the table and squeezed his once. 

“Thanks for this,” she said softly. “I know, I don’t have to but it’s still... feels like I should. I’m imperfect with this and you’ve been the best.” She said with a grin.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe laughed and shook his head at the memory. “ remind me to take beebs in for an extra tune up this week as a token of my appreciation, “ he said with a smile. the little droid meddled a lot but in this case, it ended up being a good thing. the force did work in mysterious ways - in this instance, it was a little round orange and white astromech.

“Oh he’ll love the spoiling, lend him to Ket for the day and he’ll be snuggled out for a week,” she said. They were approaching Ronto’s way over dressed but she imagined that was kind of the charm of it all. Nothing about them being normal on a planet that sure as hell wasn’t normal. 

“So, you know what you're getting or am I gonna have to stall for you?” She asked, nudging him a little while still being tucked into his side. She liked finally being able to joke around without having to worry about what she said, she hadn’t been able to for years before joining the Resistance, always worried that someone might try to put another bottle in her shoulder.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe smiled and nodded. he never felt as seen as he did when he was around atera. it was like their two souls combined into one. throughout all their travels, he was glad they found each other. he might’ve been on bad terms with the force, but he was glad it brought atera to him. at least it wasn’t all bad. “ good, because you’re stuck with me i’m afraid, “ he chuckled, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

Atera preened at the affection, leaning into him a little bit more as she did. Poe really just bring out the fact that she’d been deprived of anything resembling positive affection her entire life. Stars, thank the force for him. “Yeah, I’ve been stuck with you since your droid rolled into my life.” She said, knocking her hip against him. Honestly she wouldn’t trade him for anything. Nothing, he was hers  to some extent and that was all that she needed.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe took her hand, and locked their fingers together. he held on as they weaved through the crowd until finally they were out on the street. he didn’t drop her hand, instead, he opted to walk closely by her side. it was a nice night out. poe chuckled at her question. “ i think it’s just us, terbear. maybe if our circumstances were different... “ he started, trailing off with a sigh. he didn’t need to tell her the unfortunate circumstances of their lives. she knew it first hand. “ sucks for you really. i’m usually an amazing date, “ he laughed, trying to lighten the mood again.

Ateras squeezed his hand as they walked along. “I know,” she said softly. She wished that they had met in a time without war, but being thankful that he was in her life at all. “I’m sure you are, but I’m not about to trade you for anyone else.” She said. Poe Dameron was about the only good thing that she had gotten out of this whole planet. She kept herself close to him as they continued walking.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe tipped his head back and laughed. he wasn’t laughing at her, of course. but more so at the inane irony of the situation they had found themselves in. they couldn’t even make a normal date work. but that was the beauty of the two of them, he supposed. “ come on, ter, “ he said, standing up and holding his hand out to her. “ ronto’s sound amazing. “ he dropped a couple credits on the table for wasting the waitress’ time before the headed out.

Atera grinned and stood up and grabbed his hand and walked out with him. She was really just happy to be with him and not running for her life. She squeezed his hand and chuckled. “I can’t tell if we’re bad at this, or if this is just how we were going to end up doing because of course, it’s us.” She said with a chuckle. 

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe gave her that signature smile of his. he never felt more himself as he did when he was around atera. maybe that was why they worked so well. he didn’t have to try to be anything - ace pilot, resistance general, rebel legacy, etc. he just hoped she felt the same way about their relationship as he did. it was natural and easy in a way that most things in his life had not been.

“ i’m beginning to think this was a bad idea, “ poe said with a chuckle. “ this menu is bigger than a novel. too many choices. “

“Oh thank stars I thought it was just me,” she said with a chuckle. “I couldn't tell if it was the “emaciated child who doesn’t eat regularly” or the “resistance member who’s used to just the bare minimum” thing.” She said as she looked over at Poe with a sigh. “Wanna bail and just get Ronto’s?” She asked, appreciating the gesture, but also knowing that this was way too out of either of their wheelhouse. 

Maybe in another timeline, when they weren’t a general and a former hobo.

[kovnynir]

yeah, fuck that. remind him never to die again. demir was so fucking sick of waking up in the woods, he was so sick of feeling like every nerve was a supernova in the most horrific way possible, he was just sick of it all. he wanted to stay dead, or stay alive. either would be fine, but for fuck’s sake!! make up your mind!! 

he sat up and shakily ran a hand through his hair. no. no. no. he couldn’t think -- he refused to think -- about what just happened to him. he couldn’t do it. he dragged himself up and rushed into town, went straight to the bar. 

he couldn’t do this. he couldn’t survive again, everything was agony. and sure that was probably his fault for not giving himself any time, but he didn’t want it. the moment he actually gave himself space to breathe, he’d burst.

❝ p-please, a shot of anything, anything strong, ❞ he croaked to the bartender, trying to not look so... like he felt.

once the glass was in front of him, he threw it back and set the glass on the bar, letting the burning liquid hold his attention instead of the rest of the burning. he put some credits down to pay and took a step or two back from the bar, running straight into someone carrying drinks. the drinks spilled, the person growled, and demir just looked weak. 

well. he supposed it’s what he deserved. he ducked the first punch and before he knew it, it was a full-scale bar fight as the chain reactions of violence took their hold of the establishment. part of demir was pleased -- at least he didn’t have to think.

[atera-maydla]

he laughed. ❝ i definitely won’t. i could never. i’ve got... quite a bit on my plate as it stands, i don’t need to meddle with your happiness. ❞ demir was a mess but he would never betray such things. it just wouldn’t be right. ❝ seems like a good guy, i trust i won’t have to beat any lessons into his head. though, if i do, just let me know -- i’ll be happy to teach any lesson needed. ❞

“Oh if he fucks up, I’ll call either his moms and have them beat the shit out of him. Then you’ll get your punches.” She said. “But I doubt you’ll have to worry about that. I may be bad at this, but I’m a quick study, and we were friends before we tried the whole dating thing. So... y’know, we’re good.”

Atera did her best to make her understanding of the relationship aspect of her dynamic be an ease of transition, which could be worse. 

[kovnynir]

yeah, fuck that. remind him never to die again. demir was so fucking sick of waking up in the woods, he was so sick of feeling like every nerve was a supernova in the most horrific way possible, he was just sick of it all. he wanted to stay dead, or stay alive. either would be fine, but for fuck’s sake!! make up your mind!! 

he sat up and shakily ran a hand through his hair. no. no. no. he couldn’t think -- he refused to think -- about what just happened to him. he couldn’t do it. he dragged himself up and rushed into town, went straight to the bar. 

he couldn’t do this. he couldn’t survive again, everything was agony. and sure that was probably his fault for not giving himself any time, but he didn’t want it. the moment he actually gave himself space to breathe, he’d burst.

❝ p-please, a shot of anything, anything strong, ❞ he croaked to the bartender, trying to not look so... like he felt.

once the glass was in front of him, he threw it back and set the glass on the bar, letting the burning liquid hold his attention instead of the rest of the burning. he put some credits down to pay and took a step or two back from the bar, running straight into someone carrying drinks. the drinks spilled, the person growled, and demir just looked weak. 

well. he supposed it’s what he deserved. he ducked the first punch and before he knew it, it was a full-scale bar fight as the chain reactions of violence took their hold of the establishment. part of demir was pleased -- at least he didn’t have to think.

[atera-maydla]

he smirked a little. ❝ poe, yeah? ❞ he clarified.  ❝ that’s good, i’m happy for you. you two are good. you’re... certainly lucky. and he’s definitely lucky to be with you. ❞ it was no secret that poe was fucking hot and demir was a fucking whore that absolutely would jump at the chance, but he’d never be so disrespectful towards atera. he had standards, dammit!

Atera nodded once, “Yeah,” it still felt weird to consider Poe Dameron her boyfriend, but she was slowly but surely getting more used to it. And talking about it with her brother was still a new sensation. “Thanks, though uhhh... please don’t. I know you won’t but please don’t.” She asked with a chuckle. 

[kovnynir]

yeah, fuck that. remind him never to die again. demir was so fucking sick of waking up in the woods, he was so sick of feeling like every nerve was a supernova in the most horrific way possible, he was just sick of it all. he wanted to stay dead, or stay alive. either would be fine, but for fuck’s sake!! make up your mind!! 

he sat up and shakily ran a hand through his hair. no. no. no. he couldn’t think -- he refused to think -- about what just happened to him. he couldn’t do it. he dragged himself up and rushed into town, went straight to the bar. 

he couldn’t do this. he couldn’t survive again, everything was agony. and sure that was probably his fault for not giving himself any time, but he didn’t want it. the moment he actually gave himself space to breathe, he’d burst.

❝ p-please, a shot of anything, anything strong, ❞ he croaked to the bartender, trying to not look so... like he felt.

once the glass was in front of him, he threw it back and set the glass on the bar, letting the burning liquid hold his attention instead of the rest of the burning. he put some credits down to pay and took a step or two back from the bar, running straight into someone carrying drinks. the drinks spilled, the person growled, and demir just looked weak. 

well. he supposed it’s what he deserved. he ducked the first punch and before he knew it, it was a full-scale bar fight as the chain reactions of violence took their hold of the establishment. part of demir was pleased -- at least he didn’t have to think.

[atera-maydla]

he nodded a little. okay, at least he wasn’t keeping her from anything actually important. they started walking towards the scarlet together. demir was unsure of what to talk about, but there was a question that was on the back of his mind for a bit. ❝ anything happen while i was gone? ❞ he hoped not. his bigger question was who else died, but he didn’t want to ask that directly in case the answer was more painful than he thought.  

“I don’t think so, finally got to go on kind of a real date with my boyfriend which was nice.” She said as she walked with him, hands shoved into her pockets. “I’ve mostly been stuck at my desk and working on what I can.” She could ignore the trooper revolt for now, no need to overload him yet.

[kovnynir]

yeah, fuck that. remind him never to die again. demir was so fucking sick of waking up in the woods, he was so sick of feeling like every nerve was a supernova in the most horrific way possible, he was just sick of it all. he wanted to stay dead, or stay alive. either would be fine, but for fuck’s sake!! make up your mind!! 

he sat up and shakily ran a hand through his hair. no. no. no. he couldn’t think -- he refused to think -- about what just happened to him. he couldn’t do it. he dragged himself up and rushed into town, went straight to the bar. 

he couldn’t do this. he couldn’t survive again, everything was agony. and sure that was probably his fault for not giving himself any time, but he didn’t want it. the moment he actually gave himself space to breathe, he’d burst.

❝ p-please, a shot of anything, anything strong, ❞ he croaked to the bartender, trying to not look so... like he felt.

once the glass was in front of him, he threw it back and set the glass on the bar, letting the burning liquid hold his attention instead of the rest of the burning. he put some credits down to pay and took a step or two back from the bar, running straight into someone carrying drinks. the drinks spilled, the person growled, and demir just looked weak. 

well. he supposed it’s what he deserved. he ducked the first punch and before he knew it, it was a full-scale bar fight as the chain reactions of violence took their hold of the establishment. part of demir was pleased -- at least he didn’t have to think.

[atera-maydla]

demir nodded a little. he knew it was irrational to be so afraid of his own family, but he couldn’t help it. it seemed like all he knew how to do was disappoint them. ❝ thank you, ❞ he said. ❝ you’re not like -- obligated to stay with me, ❞ he added after a few moments. ❝ you probably got more important stuff to worry about than me. ❞ demir gave a weak chuckle and rubbed the back of his head. he felt foolish for the help and support he’d gotten thus far -- he certainly didn’t deserve it. 

Atera shook her head. “Nah, I was off for the night. Leia claims I’ve taken too many night shifts and that if I worked tonight she’d yell.” She said, shivering slightly. “And it’s less of an angry yell and more in line of Fenn’s disappointment speech with a motherly edge and I... don’t need that.” She joked. “I was just planning on drinking, maybe if it was slow playing sabaac with Gray or Thalia, but walking into a bar fight and helping you is way more important.” She said.

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

poe hummed and nodded his head. “ it’s a little scary how many friends you have, “ he chuckled. “ you put me in a very tough position, ‘terbear, “ he added. change the subject, he thought to himself. talk less about the probability of him in the medbay. talk more about... nothing. hell, they deserved a night of talking about nothing.

“ well , y’know. mama raised a gentleman, “ he added with a laugh and a wink.

Atera chuckled, “I know she did,” it was the half the reason she fell for him originally. She had so rarely experienced genuine kindness that when Poe Dameron walked into her life with a cute droid and smiles and a sense of actually caring whether she lived or died, falling for him became a “when” not an “if”. 

She still didn’t know what the hell she was going to get, honestly Atera was bad about food, restricted and limited when she was young, so used to surviving off the bare minimum that when given the opportunity to splurge she had no where to start.

[kovnynir]

yeah, fuck that. remind him never to die again. demir was so fucking sick of waking up in the woods, he was so sick of feeling like every nerve was a supernova in the most horrific way possible, he was just sick of it all. he wanted to stay dead, or stay alive. either would be fine, but for fuck’s sake!! make up your mind!! 

he sat up and shakily ran a hand through his hair. no. no. no. he couldn’t think -- he refused to think -- about what just happened to him. he couldn’t do it. he dragged himself up and rushed into town, went straight to the bar. 

he couldn’t do this. he couldn’t survive again, everything was agony. and sure that was probably his fault for not giving himself any time, but he didn’t want it. the moment he actually gave himself space to breathe, he’d burst.

❝ p-please, a shot of anything, anything strong, ❞ he croaked to the bartender, trying to not look so... like he felt.

once the glass was in front of him, he threw it back and set the glass on the bar, letting the burning liquid hold his attention instead of the rest of the burning. he put some credits down to pay and took a step or two back from the bar, running straight into someone carrying drinks. the drinks spilled, the person growled, and demir just looked weak. 

well. he supposed it’s what he deserved. he ducked the first punch and before he knew it, it was a full-scale bar fight as the chain reactions of violence took their hold of the establishment. part of demir was pleased -- at least he didn’t have to think.

[atera-maydla]

demir wanted to cave in, taking atera down with him, but he stood his ground and didn’t move. he was grateful to hear it, though of course he couldn’t fully trust it. it was just one of those things where no matter how much a person promised they’d say, demir knew it was always possible that they’d change their mind. but for the time being, he could accept and hold onto the thought that maybe he wouldn’t have to go through that feeling again. he could find some peace with that.

❝ ok- good. good. ❞ hopefully that remained true for a while. he finally pulled away, putting his hands through his hair to try and calm himself down a little. he cleared his throat and nodded. ❝ i- um. i still think the scarlet is best. i don’t think i can handle more. ❞

Atera nodded as they separated. “Okay, yeah, that’s fine. I’ll walk you there. Just comm me when you’re ready and I’ll hold your hand when you face Doran and the others, if you want.” She said, trying to give him a soft smile meant to reassure him. “I’ll help you get you checked in, and then if you still want me to stay I can, or if you wanna see one of the girls, or whatever. I’ll support ya.” She just wanted to fucking do right by her brother just for once in her fucking life. 

[ofpilotisms]

there was no denying things had been hard lately. it seemed like they were thrown for a loop at every turn. poe had learned to appreciate the quiet times, and to take advantage of them. which was how he found himself sauntering up to ayers’s tent, dressed in nicer clothes than usual and his hair freshly done. “ ‘tera! “ he called out, not wanting to just barge in in case she wasn’t ready. poe had owed her a real date for a long time now, and he was finally going to amend that while he had the opportunity. “ you ready to go? “ // @atera-maydla

[atera-maydla]

“ you’d have to take me kicking and screaming, “ he said, half-joking but also a tinge of seriousness. he wasn’t the biggest fan of the med bay. he got too restless for it. not to mention, he spent way too much time there. he’d be happy to never see the inside of med-bay again. “ you’re exactly right. even if it is for one night. so get whatever you want, it’s on me tonight, “ he said with a chuckle.

“Oh I think for me, Kix would make a house call.” She said. But she was quick to shake her head of the idea of Poe in a med bay out of her head. No upsetting thoughts, not tonight, not when they were supposed to be getting a fucking break from all that shit. Pretending that they both weren’t resistance fighters, just two people on their first proper date after at least a year or two of pining like madmen. At least, she’d been pining.

“Oh how kind of you,” she said with a laugh as she kept looking at the menu.