I've actually been having these thoughts not just at 1 am , but for a couple months . Like everyone who lives life , I lost a lot of people close to me . I'm not necessarily saying death , but I've lost a lot of people who decided to walk out of my life . Although this is a normal thing that happens , never have I had so many people leave me in such a small amount of time . Although I am one to usually be open minded about giving people second chances , I think I'm no longer going to provide that for people who have walked out of my life . Why do they deserve it ? My first semester of college I have learned that you might be really close to someone , but a lot of that can change really quickly . It sucks , but you just have to realise that not every friendship you have is meant to last . I've lost a lot of people in the course of six months , mostly all for the same reason : nothing . That's right , for no good reason , the people I once loved just simply decided to leave without a reason , without a proper goodbye . Usually , those are the ones that hurt the most - the people who walk out of your life without a goodbye , or valid reason to leave ... I mean , maybe there is a proper reason . Just sucks that they won't tell you that reason . The part that sucks the most is that while I'm writing this , there is not one single person in my thoughts at this moment , but multiple people who have done this to me . To say it doesn't affect me would be a lie because honestly , I put 100% into the friendships I had and currently do have because no one deserves half a friendship or 75% of a friendship or even 99% . Everybody deserves 100% in a friendship . It's kinda like unreciprocated love . Friendship is like a relationship and if a friendship isn't built on trust , love , and honesty it's fake . I've never consciously given someone fake friendship . I've made mistakes , but I own up to them . The biggest mistake I've done that I'm constantly reminded by the ones I love is that I give people another chance when they don't deserve it . That's why I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop making an effort with people , especially with those who don't appreciate my friendship . I could go begging to people asking them why they left my life , asking what I could do in order for us to be friends , but what's the point ? They left my life for a reason , whatever that reason may be , I respect it . Although I respect the reason , I don't have to respect the person because they clearly don't respect me . If they did , they wouldn't hurt me the way they did . I know the exact people who are there for me , the people who deserve my 100% of a friendship and I know that I'm equally deserving of their friendship . If people want to explain themselves , I'm willing to listen but frankly , I'm tired of being hurt so asking for friendship in return is too much to ask considering the pain I have been through . I never thought I would get to this point , but you have to get hurt until you can't take anymore and you have to make the decisions that aren't best for the other person , but that are best for yourself .
gummygunk
vaporwave
theartofmadeline
