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Chaotic Bestiary: Keketar
CR 17
Chaotic Neutral Large Outsider
Pathfinder Bestiary 2, pg. 215
The âleadersâ of the Protean race, the serpents at the very top, Keketar serve as priests and prophets of chaos and the greatest guardians of the Maelstrom. The Keketar lead whole swarms (called âChorusesâ) of Proteans in excursions into the Prime Material Plane to further the goal of returning all creation to primal chaos, through means both direct and subtle. As subtle as they can get, anyway, being 18-foot long chaos snakes.
Perhaps right away, one of the most impressive abilities the Keketar possesses is Reshape Reality, an ability it can use only once per day. It mimics the effects of a Mirage Arcana spell (side note: thatâs one of my favorite spell names in existence), allowing the Keketar to summon an entirely new 320 foot battlefield overtop the current one, but with an important twist: Itâs no mirage. What the Keketar conjures is real, or at least semi-real, to the point that people who make their save or who can otherwise see through illusions still canât see all the way through the reshaped reality; a labyrinth of stone may be easier to break through, a jungle of tangling trees might be slightly easier to navigate, and the sudden sea of lava might not be quite as hot, but all the hazards and impediments the Keketar conjures still pack a punch⊠And itâs even worse for the people who canât see through the illusion, since then all the Keketarâs conjurations operate in full capacity. Those walls of stone are solid rock. This jungle reaches and clutches. This lava burns, and burns hot.
With an everlasting Freedom of Movement on itself, a Keketar is encouraged to summon the most obnoxious terrain hazards it can to tie up its foes and keep them from fleeing its chaotic sermons. If they still donât want to listen and attempt to teleport away to avoid the reshaped reality, anyone teleporting either into or away from a 30ft bubble around the Keketar must make another save or be trapped in their Spatial Riptide, part of them held here and part of them held there, trapping them in time for 1d3 rounds as all of their various bits and bobs catch up with one another. With its own Greater Teleport usable at will, 1d3 rounds is usually enough to allow the priestly serpent to catch up with someone trying to escape a sermon.
Should someone try to stand and fight against a Keketar, though, and prove to be especially resistant to wishing to hear about the good word of chaos, the priests bring their powerful offensive magic to bear. Once per day, they may cast Disintegrate, Prismatic Spray, and Prismatic Sphere, all three of which can instantly take out a whole gang of stubborn targetsâor one especially stubborn target, in Disintegrateâs caseâand bring the survivors to their knees, Prismatic Sphere is especially useful for getting some valuable one-on-one time with either another Protean or someone the Keketar just wants to talk to in private. Or savage in private. That happens, too. Those teeth arenât just for chattering away, capable of dealing 4d8+9 damage per chomp. Likewise, those claws arenât just for gesticulating about the wonders of the Maelstrom, both of them slashing for 2d6+9 damage. The tail, however, is just for giving full-body hugs! Provided the receiver can survive the initial 2d8+4 damage and the following 1d8+9 constriction damage each round.
In addition to being nasty in their own right, the claws and bite of the Keketar cause a Warpwave to surge through the target, making melee with them even worse⊠Or more hilarious, if youâre lucky enough to end up getting healed by it. Keketar would take such events in stride, and possibly even become convinced that the maelstrom of Limbo wishes to spare the target from its wrath. Keeping in mind that these creatures are priests of chaos attempting to convert others is important for a DM trying to craft an enjoyable experience, especially considering how thoroughly day-ruining a Keketarâs spell-likes can be.
You can read more about them here.
Spiritual Spotlight: Narriseminek, the Crownless
Chaotic Neutral Protean Cantor of Ascendance, Keketars, and Revelations
Domains: Chaos, Knowledge, Liberation, Madness Subdomains*: Protean, Education, Self-Realization, Truth
Concordance of Rivals, pg. 14
Obedience: Surround yourself in a burning circle of flames at least 5 feet out from where you stand, chanting prayers until the flames burn down to coals or smoke from any source harms you. Benefit: Gain a +4 sacred bonus on saves against fire-based spells and attacks.
(*IMPORTANT NOTE: The Subdomains are my best guess; Subdomains are not listed in Concordance of Rivals)
Hope you remember to bring oil and tinderboxes! And remember to practice fire safety, because this Obedience is a real good way to burn down an entire house. Or forest. Thereâs also the worrying detail that this Obedience requires you to wait until the fires burn down to the coals, suggesting that a ring of oil or grease will NOT, in fact, satisfy the conditions of the ritual. Thatâs a real chin-scratcher to me, and though my Rules-Fu may be weak, I can see how a more exacting DM might force their players to jump through hoops (or into them as the case may be). Do you have to lug around wood or paper and burn it? Can âsmoke from any sourceâ come from a cigarette or stick of incense you have nearby? Does the Obedience end early if a freak gust blows ash into your face? Questions, questions.
Also donât ignore the fact that standing in a ring of fire while chanting ominously is incredibly suspicious and you probably shouldnât do it in a location someone can barge into, especially a Good someone. Or a Paladin someone. Or a Devil-hunter someone. In fact, itâs really hard to do this Obedience regularly without seeming like you might soon plot to sacrifice babies, so you might want to warn your party ahead of time that no, you donât worship Asmodeus, you worship a different flaming serpent! ⊠Wait, Asmodeus isnât a serpent in Pathfinder, scratch that last line.
As for the benefit, nothing we havenât seen before. Nothing special, nothing grand. Fire is the most common damage type, so this ability WILL come up often and itâll save you a lot of HP, and for that it has my applause. Itâs just not exciting in any other way. Iâm a little concerned that it doesnât say âfire-based spells and abilities,â but âattacks,â but that could just be me being picky about language and wording. It comes in handy when dealing with fae, but it makes me paranoid everywhere else!
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Spiritual Spotlight: Ydajisk, the Mother of Tongues
Chaotic Neutral Protean Cantor of Language Evolution, Lost Words, and Slang
Domains: Chaos, Knowledge, Rune, Trickery Subdomains*: Protean, Thought, Language, Innuendo
Concordance of Rivals, pg. 21
Obedience: Recite, copy, or graffiti a text in a dead or self-created language in a public place, regardless of whether any others understand the meaning, and provide no translation. Benefit: Gain a +4 sacred bonus on saving throws against language-based effects.
(*IMPORTANT NOTE: The Subdomains are my best guess; Subdomains are not listed in Concordance of Rivals)
A step above Ssilaâs Obedience in that, while it requires your act to be seen publicly, you can still stealth it by simply using graffiti in a public place so youâre not as likely to be arrested or seen as a menace.
Canon dead languages in Pathfinder include Ancient Osirion, Azlanti, and the ever-popular Thassilonian (the language of the Runelords), by the way, and studying any of those three languages is an automatic +1 to your characterâs Cool Points if you manage to work it into their character concept. A DM may make it a little more difficult for you to acquire them, as dead languages are difficult to resurrect with mere points in Linguistics, but you can just cheat and have it be part of your characterâs backstory. Anything can happen in your backstory!
You can also go the route of just making up a language. It has to be consistent, but you donât have to go all out and present your DM with a journal filled with runes that help them decipher what youâve written; you can just say itâs being consistent! And itâs yet another way to get Cool Points for your character, having them write journals or a diary in their own unbreakable code. Ydajisk requires their followers to deliberately not provide a translation for anything they create, leaving others to puzzle over the strange sounds coming out of this personâs mouth or wonder if the new paint all over city hall is an occult symbol or harmless vandalism. Itâs also a pretty easy Obedience to hide, if you donât want people knowing who you work for, since you can get away with translating an existing document into another language. Itâll make you look eccentric, but in a charming way.
The benefit is, sadly, rather poor. Many of the most dangerous spells in existence donât rely on language, and this spell really only protects you from the seldom-seen Litany spells. It DOES work on Suggestion, though, which is commonly used and devastating if used right, but all in all this benefit is too narrow to matter in 99% of cases.
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Monster Spotlight: Voidworms
CR 2
Chaotic Neutral Tiny Outsider
Pathfinder Bestiary 2, pg. 217
Living wisps of chaos, Voidworms hail from the Maelstrom of Limbo, in which they swim and fly like a combination of bird and fish. Though they actually possess the Protean subtype, other Proteans become offended when one asserts the Voidworms are actual true Proteans themselves⊠much like how a human would be insulted if you compared them to a chimp. Despite this, Voidworms are truly intelligent beings living life in the moment, but they possess the terrible problem of having nonexistent attention spans, and a grasp of cause and effect so poor that they donât consider the past to be real, which is an adorable dollop of Alien Brain Weirdness that I enjoy, even if it does make these little buggers irritating sometimes.
Should a Chaotic Neutral caster of 7th level or greater have the patience (or similar chaotic disposition) to deal with their quirks, though, Voidworms make for one of the better Familiars in Pathfinder. Theyâre certainly one of the most resilient assistants one could have, being immune to Acid and having 10 Resistance to Electricity and Sonic and having Fast Healing 2 constantly restoring them. With a 50ft fly speed and an eternal Freedom of Movement effect on them, enemies trying to capture the slippery little buggers will find it next to impossible.. And a clever caster who has managed to wrangle their wormy friendâs attention span can have it make use of its Change Shape power to polymorph into a tiny animal and play pretend, letting an enemy capture them for a short time before they return to their normal form and slip right out of any restraints.
Also, Voidworms snapping out of their altered form gain the effects of a Heal spell, regaining 30 hitpoints and sliding out from underneath all impairing conditions, an ability so powerful theyâre only able to do it once per day. They can remain in their altered shape indefinitely, waiting for an opportune moment to reveal themselves, though this will frustrate both them and their caster immensely if it goes on for too long. They want to ACT, not SIT AROUND and WAIT! Fittingly enough, the spell-likes at their disposal are perfect for causing the kinds of chaos a chaotic caster will want.
Ghost Sound, Dancing Lights, and Prestidigitation all at-will are staples of a good illusionistâs toolkit to create distractions and provide good quality-of-life improvements. They also have Blur available for casting on themselves 3/day to make harming them go from âfrustratingâ to ânot worth the effortâ and, capping it all off, Obscuring Mist 3/day, which is always a great spell to have for providing a team cover or shrouding a sight-reliant enemy in a cloak of clouds to keep their abilities from bodyslamming your team.
All in all, a fantastic familiar! If you can put up with their wild nature and inability to understand consequences, of course, but then again thatâs something a lot of parties may have experience with anyway.
You can read more about them here.
Spiritual Spotlight: Ssilaâmeshnik the Colorless Lord
Chaotic Neutral Protean Cantor of Fate, Freedom, and Paradox
Domains: Chaos, Knowledge, Liberation, Trickery Subdomains*: Protean, Memory, Freedom, Innuendo
Concordance of Rivals, pg. 17
Obedience: Ritually bleach your hair and whisper prayers in Protean song for an hour, naked, in public view. Benefit: Gain a +4 sacred bonus on saving throws versus the spells, spell-like abilities, and supernatural abilities of creatures with the Lawful subtype.
(*IMPORTANT NOTE: The Subdomains are my best guess; Subdomains are not listed in Concordance of Rivals)
While this one doesnât have the same awkwardness as Arshea, the Green Mother, or Lymnieris, it has a completely different form of awkwardness in that you have to do your worship in the public eye. Whereas most Obediences can be done behind closed doors, Ssila demands that you perform their ritual where people can see you, which may see you fined or even jailed depending on public decency laws. One could take âpublicâ to just mean âamong other peopleâ and thus walk around in the nude among your party members, or in a communal bath hall, or in a restroom somewhere. Your weirdness could possibly be gotten used to among your party, but everywhere else? Hope you like dirty looks and people walking up to you with handcuffs and a warrant. The faith of the Colorless Lord is not for people with shame.
Also, this Obedience requires you to know the Protean language. Not much of an impediment considering learning new languages is as easy as plonking a single point in Linguistics. Bleaching your hair may be the more difficult portion of this Obedience, because what if youâre bald? Or a hairless race? Does Ssila accept bleaching of the skin or scales? That might be painful, actually. I hope it doesnât have to be a chemical bleaching either, because then casters can use Prestidigitation to slowly âpaintâ themselves white with the spellâactually that sounds really cool, just tracing a finger over yourself or trailing a hand through your hair and turning everything you touch white. I hope thatâs an option!
Hell of a benefit, too, giving you almost a full suite of protection from Lawful creatures. Unfortunately it may not come up, as very few worldly creatures have the Lawful subtype, meaning youâll have to battle Outsiders before this little benefit is useful. Depending on your campaign, you may not see this benefit used at all, which is a damn shame and something you really donât want to see, but thankfully the Boons granted by the Colorless Lord more than make up for what may be a blank benefitâŠ
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While 2es art has been pretty stellar for the most part I gotta say Iâm not a huge fan of how much whimsy has been sucked out of the Proteans, who now look significantly more predatory and draconic than their 1e forms, trading their fanciful colors away for way more teeth and claws. These are cool monster designs, but theyâve lost a lot of what makes them Protean. It scrapes a little too uncomfortably close to Good And Beautiful Humanoid Law vs Evil Reptilian Alien Monster Chaos for my tastes.
The only one I feel is a specific upgrade is the Imentesh (blue with the bright red feathers), though I wish it still kept the goofy bird beak of its 1e incarnation.
An Introduction to 3DH
Welcome fellow planeswalkers, to this first post of mine: an introduction to the variant Commander style, 3DH.
3DH is a format played primarily on MTGO, though one would likely be able to translate it into paper with some difficulty. The main difference for 3DH is in the name, that the total cost of the deck, including the commander but excluding basic lands, has to be equal to or less than 3 tix. The official site that is used for determining prices is Goatbots, as they are both friendly and willing to provide a snapshot of the price data to be used in the 3DH deck building spreadsheet.
While the idea of such a sharp budget restriction may seem unappealing, due to the nature of MTGOâs economy, some cards that cost hundreds of dollars in paper can be purchased for the equivalent of pennies digitally. For those of you wondering about how new cards released are priced and when, the official prices are set in 3 month seasons between each release of a Standard-legal set, with the new prices being locked in around 2 weeks after the release on MTGO to allow them to settle.
Those who are interested in learning more, or finding a community to play games of 3DH with should check out the Discord server run by Jeremy Noell, one of the 4 current hosts of Commander Versus produced by Star City Games, where the most recent rules and information about the 3DH format can be found. https://discord.gg/GFr3rye
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Curious if anyone would be interested in character commissions done by me? I want to make an official post but I need more examples and, heh, donât know that anyone would want my art. Iâm also considering works for a Redbubble accountâŠ
Iâd love to draw OCs, tabletop characters, fan characters, etc. because I love them so very much!! Tabletop roleplaying games are my favorite! These are some examples of detailed line-arts (WIP) and simple loose color sketches. I love doing detailed art, and am 100% ok with NSFWâŠ
Reblog if you have read fan fiction better than some published books
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I reblog this every single time that it crosses my dash.
Screaming I need a judge like I need an adult.
Oh gosh, that feel so hard. Iâm the closest thing my EDH group has to a judge and I really needed a judge the last time we played for one guy in particular. *shudders*
Come tell me your edh story's!
Fill my ask box or reblog this!
So I was playing my Ezuri, Claw of Progress deck against my friend the other day. I cast whirler rogue after receiving a ton of experience counters from an avenger of zendikar. As I said it, my friend responded with âWhat the fuck is a whirler rogue?!â He picked up the card and was like âok, whatever.â Over the course of the next two turns I used whirler rogue to make massive dudes unblockable and crushed him. After the game there was a long silence, then my friend screamed out âWHAT THE FUCK IS A WHIRLER ROGUE?!!!!!â This is now a running joke response to anything confusing that happens in our games.
That seems like a fun card for the deck I might have to give it a try.
I almost never win any matches at my commander league, due to my opponents playing the highest-tier decks they can make, whereas I make what is available to a McDonaldâs fry cook. However, due to the points system we have for the league that rewards you for doing certain objectives (like having ten tokens out, saving your ass, starting a turn with one life), Iâm always second. One day I was the first person to die, but I racked up so many objective points (Meren with Avenger of Zendikar for tokens, and I used Phyrexian Plaguelord to save myself from defeat enough times for more points) that I still came in second for points, even if I was supposed to lose.
Of course, there was that one time I had 12 tokens out, gave them all to Bloodspore Thirnax, put Avenger back out, and then played Mikaeus. I then played Mycoloth, sacrificed twelve tokens, sacrificed Avenger, who came back, so I sacrificed the other twelve tokens, and then sacrificed Avenger again, bringing me to 26 sacrifices, which put him at 42 +1/+1 counters. Then Thirnax gave him 12 more, making him have 54 +1/+1 counters. Each turn I was making 54 13/13 tokens.
then a guy played cyclonic rift because he hates fun
Cyclonic rift is the bane of any meren decks existence. Iâd rather my creatures die lol. But that wounds like an amazing and impressive deck.
i was playing mono black sheoldred, and i comboed out on a wurmcoil/nim deathmantle/ashnods altar build and attacked each player with 1,000,000,000 wurm tokens. then this dude plays mirror match. and gets 1,000,000,000 wurm tokens. both of our life totals go through the roof and then i make 8,000,000,000,000,000,000 more tokens. fun times :D
Have I mentioned that wurmcoil is my favourite card. Iâd love to create that many wurms. Maybe I should put a wurmcoil in my omnath deck lol. Maybe not.
The best story I had was when a mate of mine played a match of EDH with a deck he borrowed from the (and Iâm borrowing analogies) Maccasâs Fry cook of our group. In one match he cast Jokulhaups 3 times, activated Karnâs Ultimate, then cast Jokulhaups again. Effectively needing us to start the game again 5 times. It took way too long, that match.
To many resets for this guy
Once, in my Meren deck, I managed to ult a Liliana, Defiant Necromancer against a Roon player. I then killed his board with Attrition, so at the end of the turn everything came back to my side. I then locked him out with his own stonehorn dignitary, by sacrificing it every turn. Good times.
i was playing an old build of my jor kadeen deck, which had norin to help proc myr generator and purphoros. so its down to me and the trostani player, and im just barely surviving each turn, while slowly whittling him down with norin. so finally, i draw a martial coup. Now at this point I have like, 30 accessible mana. so i swing out, everything getting blocked. he thinks he has the game, since i no longer have blockers. and then i tapped out. one of the players who had been stomped out looks over my shoulder, audibly gasps, and starts to shake his head. and thats how i won the game off of a ridiculously massive martial coup.
Thatâll do the job.
This is in the days before Mizzix and her like, I was running a Melek, Izzet Paragon Spellslinger style deck. My buddy was running a non-combo Prossh deck and had a Lord of Extinction on the field with nearly our entire libraries in our yards. I had no creatures and only 6ish cards in my library and nothing in my grip. Ripped Epic Experiment of the top, dumped all my mana and hit Rite of Replication plus Insurrection.Â
Dream Banlist
A friend asked me what my dream banlist would be, and I thought Iâd share it here to get some feedback.
Dream Bannings
I think the format would be healthier if the following cards were banned:
The existence of this card is pretty much the only thing keeping Painterâs Servant banned. Painterâs Servant is a more fun and interesting card, so Iâd rather it be legal than a card whose sole function is to prevent people from playing the game. I especially hate that it hoses decks with fewer colors; monocolor decks are already at a huge disadvantage in this format and shouldnât have to deal with this card.
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While I agree with most of this, I see a few issues.
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Do you see a lot of complaints about the legal reanimation engines? I havenât seen people clamoring to ban Corpse Dance or whatever, so even though Recurring Nightmare would be stronger than whatâs currently legal, that doesnât necessarily mean it would be too strong for the format.
I think the closest to recurring nightmare we have right now is coffin queen and most people donât even know that exists
you literally say âit can just be countered nbdâ to recurring nightmare which is literally the case for all of these? Prophet was degenerate and I loved it but I cannot see it being unbanned Consecrated Sphynx being banned honestly is pretty fair Wheres the Deadeye on dream banlist? Craterhoof is a bit of a dick but honestly with the removal of Tooth and Nail and Survival of the Fittest it could stay imo. Iona I disagree with banning but if it meant painters servant being playable id be significantly more fine with it
if recurring nightmare resolves you have guaranteed unstoppable instant speed reanimation. But itâs fine because it can be countered? Then why ban anything?
Additionally, world fire has too many ways to break it. such as literally any oblivion ring effect + creature.
Corpse Dance exists and is as hard or harder to stop than Recurring Nightmare. Besides, when you compare Recurring Nightmare with everything else on the banlist (or with the cards I suggest banning), youâll see that itâs not in the same league. Craterhoof and Tooth and Nail win the game with almost no set up, whereas Recurring Nightmare is a solid engine but you have to have good ETB/dies triggers on your creatures; it does nothing on its own.
Sure, itâs not as broken as some things on the list, but thatâs not really an effective argument against it being banned. Craterhoof is extremely broken, but that doesnât mean that things less broken shouldnât be banned.
Also, âit does nothing on its ownâ? Ok, sure, if you look at the worst possible scenario, itâs not that good. Craterhoof Behemoth is just a 6/6 haste trampler for eight mana âon its ownâ, yet you and many others feel it should be banned. Itâs the potential of the card that matters, not what it can do if everything has gone to hell.
âItâs a strong cardâ is also not an effective argument for banning it. You have to show that it either produces resources too easily, prevents others from playing, or makes winning too easy, and I donât think Nightmare does any of those things; itâs categorically different from every other card on the banlist. The problem I have with Hoof is that although there are some situations where itâs bad, the good situations are way to easy to set up. Like, if you have a Rec Sage, a Wood Elves, two mana dorks and three Saprolings, Craterhoof will give you the power to kill everyone at the table, and the only way to stop it is to either have a counterspell or to wipe so frequently that Green doesnât have the opportunity to amass even the shittiest of weenies. Craterhoof just scales so fast that thereâs hardly any situation where itâs just âokayâ; the metric for a âbadâ Craterhoof is killing only a single player (which is still, uh, really good). In contrast, there are plenty of situations where Recurring Nightmare is just âokayâ: looping Nekrataal effects or whatever. There are only a handful of cards that are really oppressive with it (Gray Merchant and Kokusho), but the number is so small that youâre edging into strong synergy/combo territory, in which case, who cares? Black has other two-card combos that actually go infinite, instead of requiring you to keep pumping mana into them.
Plus, Recurring Nightmare is significantly more vulnerable to counterspells than most of the other cards, seeing as you have to cast it multiple times in order to gain value from it, while most of the others only have one opportunity to be countered.