General Notes: Things go down at an anti-Valentine’s Day party. Well...sort of. NSFW
Nick never had liked anything Valentine's Day, ever. Besides the candy. It was overhyped, and seeing couples flaunt their shit around like people actually cared was annoying. He never voiced this distaste out loud, of course, and always found himself making plans with friends regardless because it was an excuse to party. And this year, while he actually considered staying home for once, was no different. He was tired of not going out like he was used to. He was tired of shutting himself in. So tonight, he decided he was going to be himself again. That's how he found himself at a friend's anti-Valentine's Day party - surrounded by a group of acquaintances and knocking back shot after shot. The night was going by in a blur, and while he'd invited Miles to come along (like old times), he hadn't seen him all night. That is until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around slowly, he blinked and looked at him blankly for a moment, trying to hear what he was saying. The alcohol was in full effect already, so he didn't really think about his answer. This is what he wanted; to go back to the days where he just did things without thinking or feeling anything. He leaned down towards Miles to speak, his own words slurring slightly. "Okay, I guess." Nick nodded, turning away from the group of people he was hanging out with and facing towards Miles. He figured he'd find them again later. "Where?"
Miles hadn’t really thought that far, but he wasn’t exactly thinking about the logistics of anything at this point. He looked around as if he’d find an answer, instead only being met by the sight of the people around them. He finally shrugged. “A room. I dunno,” he muttered. “C’mon.” He stepped around people as he headed back toward where he’d come from. He could have sworn he saw an open door earlier. His thoughts were confirmed when he found a door sitting slightly ajar, as if someone had lazily left it open. Which likely meant someone had just been in there, which was kind of gross, but Miles didn’t particularly care. He waited for Nick to follow him inside and closed the door behind him. “This ‘s what you get when you throw a party.” He would feel bad about it when he was sober. For now, he simply spun on his heel and took Nick by the hand, pulling him into him without a second thought. “Believe your cat interrupted something.”
Nick didn't really care where himself. This wasn't the first time he'd slipped away with someone at a party; he could find a place even if there were no rooms. But his mind still, for some reason, had compelled himself to ask as though Miles had all the answers. But he followed him nonetheless, keeping his head down and falling a few steps behind so no one realized what they were up to. He'd learned a long time ago to be discreet - it was second nature now, even when he was drunk. "Guess so." He agreed, even if he didn't fully agree, because it was his friend's party. But right now he wasn't thinking about... well, anything. Once they were inside and the door was shut, Nick allowed himself to be pulled closer. "And you wanna continue that?" He asked, already knowing the answer, as he leaned in toward him, lazily nudging his nose against his jaw. "We need to make it quick. I wasn't done with the shots." He murmured, before leaning in and clumsily brushing his mouth against Miles' as his hands rested on his sides.
Miles shrugged. “Maybe.” Perhaps it was all just to spite the cat because he wasn’t here now. He couldn’t be sure. “Then stop dicking around.” He closed the distance between them completely by pressing his lips roughly against Nick’s. It was nice not to think. He was just doing. It felt pretty invigorating, as a matter of fact. He stepped forward, effectively backing Nick up against the door as he did. He brought his hands up to cup Nick’s face. “I had to be quick.” Miles was quiet as he dropped one hand to gently pull at the fabric of Nick’s shirt and moved the kisses down to his neck instead. “Before you found someone else.” His words were muffled by Nick’s skin, which he couldn’t for a second step away from now that he had him where he wanted him. Not like he was saying anything important anyway.
Nick: "Dunno why you're saying that when you obviously want me to dick around." He mindlessly said back before the kiss distracted him from words in general. Miles was being rough, and while they've always been spur of the moment, Nick hadn't seen Miles this eager, ever. But he didn't question it, because he just wanted to feel something. He didn't want to think. He sucked in a sharp breath as Miles backed him up against the door, and Nick moved his hands to slide up Miles' shirt, grasping at his sides as his friend trailed the kisses down to his neck. He leaned his head to the side as a low moan escaped his throat, and he tried to pull Miles closer. "Who says I haven't already?" He wasn't sure why he said that, but he wasn't himself. He didn't mean it, but he didn't care. He began to none too gently tug Miles shirt upwards. "Take it off."
Miles: “Shut up.” He would have laughed in another situation. Maybe if he were less drunk. And slightly less desperate. The feeling of Nick’s hands on his bare skin sent a chill up Miles’ spine. Anytime he was with Nick, the slightest touch left Miles downright buzzing with anticipation. “You wouldn’t be here,” Miles countered, his voice low. The thought alone made him press his body firmly against Nick’s. It was most definitely a possessive thing. He didn’t have to be told twice, leaning back a bit to yank his own shirt up over his head and throwing it to the floor beside him. He didn’t waste any time pulling on Nick’s shirt to get rid of his as well, and Miles took the opportunity that they were apart to tug him toward the unmade bed. “You’re welcome to go find whoever that is instead, though. Don’ let me keep you.”
Nick had no choice but to listen to him, easily getting lost in how good Miles' lips and hands felt on his body. They always did, every time they did this, but he was even more hyper-focused on the sensations now. He wasn't sure what had possessed Miles to come up to him like he did, but he wasn't exactly complaining. Nick's heart thundered in his chest as Miles' pressed his body against his own, and he swallowed, not having any vocal response to it. Miles wasn't wrong, and they both knew it. Instead, he helped Miles pull up his shirt before they made work of removing Nick's. He stumbled with him toward the bed, and he put his hands on Mile's chest to push him onto it when they neared it. "Shut up." He breathed, merely repeating Miles' own words from either. With that, he climbed onto the bed with him, surging their lips together so they wouldn't have to keep talking.
Miles: When it was just bare skin against bare skin, Miles often found it was impossible to control himself — especially with Nick, and especially as drunk as he currently was. Everything he felt was heightened. It was sort of a shock every time Nick touched him. He had definitely deserved to be told to shut his damn mouth. It was not the time to be a smart ass. He dragged his hands slowly down the front of Nick’s body. He stopped when he reached his pants and they came to rest on Nick’s sides instead. But Miles couldn’t help but arch his body upward, desperate to feel him. The sensation had him exhaling dazedly against Nick’s lips. Part of him knew they couldn’t keep at this for very long because there was a chance of getting caught or thrown out or something, but he wasn’t about to let them get interrupted again. So they just had to be quick, and that was what he reminded himself of as he lifted his hips again. He just wanted to touch him, but he had to test the waters first.
Nick could faintly hear the steady thrum of music and voices coming from the party, but it didn't distract him from mindlessly kissing Miles', and running his hands down his torso. He wasn't thinking about how he shouldn't do this, or who he was doing this with. He just wanted something, and he quickly decided he wanted this. His breath hitched when Miles arched upwards, and letting himself just go with it, he rolled his hips downward. His head dropped down to bury his head in Miles' neck, trailing a series of kisses along the side of it. Something, though, was stopping him from running his hands further South. When it came to having random hookups at parties, old Nick would have already been in the middle of the ordeal by now. But his hands still remained at Miles' sides. It felt good, and off at the same time. It didn't feel real. He could thank the alcohol for that.
Miles liked to think that even when he was drunk, he was still pretty receptive to whatever responses he received. And the reaction he got in this case was all the confirmation he needed. He was still feeling that confidence, the desire to just go for what he wanted — and he knew exactly what he wanted at the moment. He shifted and started to sit up until Nick got the hint, allowing Miles to flip them over and straddle Nick’s waist instead. He’d gone slow enough by now. He sat back a bit so he had space to reach between them and get Nick’s belt out of the way, followed by the button and the zipper on his pants. He leaned down to kiss him deeply again, one hand planted on the bed next to Nick’s head while the other dipped below the waistband of his boxers. He may have been forward, but it wasn’t too far fetched from any of his preceding actions. He wasted no time, wrapping his hand around him and moving slowly. He’d been wanting this, and he only hoped it would end up being just as good for Nick.
Nick was essentially just going off instinct, so when Miles began to sit up, Nick followed his lead. And before he knew it, their positions were being flipped and suddenly Miles was on top of him. And he should like it; it should have spurred him on even further. He always liked feeling Miles' weight against him. Instead, he felt a little caught off guard. The weight was less arousing and more alarming, but he ignored it, because maybe he just wasn't expecting it. He ignored it and instead kissed Miles' back roughly, shifting his hips under him almost awkwardly as his friend slipped his hand under his boxers. He murmured something unintelligible against the man's lips. He still wanted this, he told himself. He needed this, so it was going to happen. Nick's hands slid up Miles' back and into his hair, pulling him down closer while bucking his hips up slightly.
Miles had the slightest feeling in the back of his mind that Nick wasn’t totally there, which he chalked up to the alcohol. Things were pretty cloudy overall when they were drunk. Miles liked to think he could read Nick fairly well, at least as much as Nick was willing to let on. But his reactions seemed genuine, and so Miles saw no reason to back off, not until Nick gave him a clear one. He wanted him to feel good, though. Miles wanted Nick to know where he was who he was with, not be in a drunken haze through it. He leaned back and pulled his hand free in order to take Nick gently by the wrists and bring them together. He didn’t think twice about it, his left hand pinning them to the bed above Nick’s head, just as a general reminder that he didn’t have to stress; Miles wanted him to feel good. He kissed the spot right under Nick’s ear, then got close to whisper, “Just relax,” as his free hand slowly made its way back to where it was before.
Nick: Him and Miles had only gotten this far once before, and that seemed like ages ago now. They'd let themselves slip on numerous occasions; they'd kissed. They even did that recently. They hadn't quite gotten to this point, though, with Miles' hand down his boxers, stroking him gently. He wanted to melt into it; he wanted to want to do the same for him so badly. He tried to lose himself in the touches, to remind himself that it was Miles and that this was just supposed to be fun. For a second, it worked, but then Miles was taking his wrists in his hands and pinning them over his head. And it didn't feel like he was with Miles anymore. It sounded like him; it looked like him. He knew it was him. But for a second, all he could picture was someone else pinning his hands over his head in a similar - but completely different way. All he could hear was that voice whispering things to him that he wanted to forget. Things that he was trying to forget by coming out tonight. Those thoughts were enough to ruin everything. "No." He firmly said, jerking his hands out of Miles' gentle hold and shaking his head. He scooted back away from him and tried to sit up, fingers grasping the sheets below him tried to stop the bile from rising in his throat. "I'm sorry - I can't do this. I thought I could, but I was wrong." Nick's words sounded jumbled even to his own ears. His head was foggy, and he felt sick to his stomach. All he wanted earlier was to have fun and not have to worry about anything. Now he just wanted to leave. "I'm sorry." He swallowed hard as he got up, heading to grab his discarded shirt. "I've gotta go."
Miles: It was pretty abrupt. One second Miles was lost in the heat of the moment believing everything was fine, and the next Nick was wriggling away from him and telling him no. Miles was drunk, sure, but not enough to not recognize that that meant to back off. He leaned back and watched Nick move away from him, explaining that he couldn’t do this. The sudden change was slightly dizzying as Miles worked to wrap his head around what had changed. “Hey,” he said quietly after a moment. He didn’t want to touch Nick and freak him out, but he needed him to know it was there. “Nick, hey. It—it’s fine. We don’t have to do anything.” He followed Nick’s movements with his eyes, watching as he went to pick up his shirt off the floor. “Don’t...” He trailed off. He really didn’t want to overstep, but clearly, he already had in the worst way. “Don’t go. We...we can talk.”
Nick struggled to think clearly as he re-buttoned his pants and pulled on his shirt, but Nick didn’t even have to look at him to tell he was confused. He avoided looking at him completely and shook his head at his words. “I don’t want to talk.” If he’d wanted to talk, he wouldn’t be here in this room with him. “I’m gonna - go somewhere.” Maybe back downstairs, maybe he’d take a few more shots so he couldn’t think at all. “Stay and find somebody else.” There was a slight bite to his words. He didn’t mean that. It wasn’t Miles’ fault, and deep down he knew that, but everything was too much. He felt guilty and filthy and defeated all at the same time. “I’ll see you when I see you.”
Miles was taken aback. Part of him was confused, while the other part of him had an idea of what was going on — and he felt disgusted with himself, on top of being upset that Nick was speaking to him like he’d done this on purpose. “It’s not like I’m the one who—“ He stopped himself. It wasn’t Nick’s fault. He couldn’t help the way he was feeling. Miles couldn’t even begin to imagine the shame, the disgust. It didn’t even slightly compare to now Miles felt now and he had to recognize that. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to do anything. I’m sorry.”
Nick: He heard Miles begin to say something, and his heart stuttered in his chest at his tone. Nick closed his eyes for a moment, trying to get a handle of himself, but failed. “I know - I know you didn’t. I’m sorry.” He shouldn’t have lashed out, but he didn’t know what to do or say. He had wanted to do this with Miles. Miles wasn’t doing anything wrong. “I’m the problem, okay? So can we just not talk about it, and go back to the party, please? Or. I’m going to. You can do what you want. I just need to go back out there.”
Miles didn’t know what to say. He knew he couldn’t really help. He couldn’t take away what Nick had gone through. He just wished he had the answers. “You’re not the problem.” He knew what he meant, though. Miles just didn’t want him to see himself as a burden. “Can I, like, call you an Uber or something?” He stood up from the bed and picked up his own shirt, pulling it over his head. “I want you to be safe.”
Nick didn’t know what to say to him. He just completely ruined the moment - and probably made things weird for Miles. But he couldn’t help it. He wished he could just go through with it and not think about anything. But apparently he wasn’t drunk enough for that yet. “No.” He swallowed again and shook his head. “Thanks, but I’m gonna stay. Be careful too, okay?” He hovered by the door, and he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what to say. “I’ll see you later.” With that, he pulled the door open before softly shutting it behind him, deciding he was going to do his best to forget about what had just happened.
General Notes: Nick and Miles see each other at Starbucks and Miles goes back to Nick’s place to meet his new pet. Things escalate, as they often do.
Miles: The past month had been an absolute whirlwind. Shit had completely hit the fan and Miles wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. Nick was the only person he’d told about what was going on. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to his mom or anyone. It was something he felt like he had to come to terms with on his own before dragging other people into it with him. But it was different with Nick; it always was. He needed him in a completely different way. Just telling him was a weight off of Miles’ shoulders, even though it changed things. Now, even Nick wasn’t entirely caught up to speed. Miles hadn’t had a chance to really sit and talk to him since telling him about Lily, and there were new developments in his life he wanted him to be aware of — things he felt deserved more than a simple text. And it had been days of going back and forth, wanting to show up at Nick’s place to talk to him but not wanting to intrude, but fate had a funny way of making things work. That was what Miles realized when he stepped away from the Starbucks counter with his iced latte to see said best friend sitting a little further away. Miles would recognize that side profile with the blond hair anywhere. He approached the table, perhaps a little too eager to see him after what felt like forever, and slid into the chair across from him. “Come here often?” he asked, placing his elbows on the table and leaning toward him.
Nick: For once, Starbucks wasn’t totally jam packed, which Nick counted as a blessing if he’d ever seen one. He’d always liked coffee shops; they got him out of the house and the smell of coffee seemed to wake him up before he actually downed any. And it was a lazy sort of day, so he found himself at the Starbucks a few blocks away in order to kill some time. With his frap in front of him on the corner table he was lucky enough to snag, Nick allowed himself to relax, giving his phone his full attention. Alternating between various job applications, Facebook, and texts — he was completely absorbed when a familiar voice interrupted him. Glancing up instantly, he smiled at the surprise. He hadn’t seen Miles in what seemed like forever, and this time it wasn’t because of some weird fight they had or because of hurt feelings. He understood why his friend had to take some time for himself, and he had no hard feelings towards him, even if he’d missed him and his heart still seemed to clench when he saw him. “Once in awhile.” He replied as he lowered his phone back to his lap. “You stalking me now?”
Miles: It was almost like Miles was seeing him, really seeing him, for the first time all over again. Since shit had gone down with Lily, Miles wasn’t sure if he and Nick would ever be the same again. It certainly didn’t seem so if a baby was going to be in the picture. But now that that wasn’t the case anymore, Miles’ faith was renewed. They still had a chance, and that was all he wanted. Looking at him now, he was reminded of just how attracted to Nick he was — and fuck, was he attracted to him. He’d throw their drinks across the room and lean across the table to kiss him until they couldn’t breathe if it were socially acceptable. But they’d build up to that. Preferably in private. “Maybe,” he said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders as he leaned back in his chair. “To be honest, I just thought there was a hot guy over here so I came over. Turns out that window behind you is just super reflective.” He couldn’t let Nick get too cocky. “Really, though...I wanted to talk to you about what’s been going on.” He paused, glancing down at the table for a few long moments before looking back up at him. “But I wanted to see you.”
Nick: It hadn’t been that long since they’d last seen each other. God knows they’d ignored each other for longer during previous fights. But it felt like longer, because as much as Nick wanted to see him, he knew he couldn’t. Miles had things he had to come to terms with and think about, and Nick hanging around wouldn’t help him much. He wanted to be there for him, of course he did, but he knew he had to wait for Miles to come to him first. And suddenly, here he was. He wanted to say and do so many things — he wanted to pull him closer and show him how much he missed him. He couldn’t even do that before everything happened, though, so he knew damn well he couldn’t do that now. “Oh, you did. I dropped my napkin so I had to stand up for a second.” He countered, before he sobered up at the comment. “Is... everything okay?” Nick asked carefully, not sure what that meant. He knew Miles was struggling with the idea of being a Father before, and didn’t know what happened after that. It bothered him that he didn’t know, but he wasn’t about to pressure him into telling him. “I wanted to see you, too.” He lowered his voice, pausing for a moment. “I missed you.”
Miles nodded. “Everything’s okay,” he said, and he meant it. Everything was okay, or at least it was going to be. He nearly lost his train of thought at Nick’s words, the words ‘I miss you’ never quite failing to excite him. “I was just trying to...come to terms with everything,” he started slowly. He was tracing the lid of his drink with his finger. “I made a huge mistake. I knew I was gonna have to face it. And I was just getting a hold on what I was about to deal with when Lily called me.” He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to say it. It was weird news to relay. “It’s...over, to put it simply. No baby.” It seemed to have ended as soon as it began. But it was good news. He was helping Lily through some of the more emotional aspects of it, but Miles knew this was for the best. It wasn’t quite affecting him as much. “So there’s that. And I feel so much better.” He took another pause, this time sucking in a deep breath and holding it for a moment before exhaling. “Then there’s Greg.”
Nick nodded as Miles spoke, listening quietly until he was done. It was a huge thing for him, and Nick wasn’t really sure what to say about it anyway. It was what it was. Miles was having a baby, and as weird as it was to think that, Nick had to wrap his mind around it too. At least, he thought he did. “Oh... God.” He said out loud before he could stop himself. Nick wanted to reach out to him; place a hand on his arm or — something. At that moment, though, he didn’t want to make it worse. So he shifted a little in his chair and leaned forward towards him. “I’m sorry.” He said, genuinely meaning it, because it felt like bad news despite the casualty of the conversation. It was always bad news when there was a baby, then there wasn’t. Even if Miles didn’t feel ready. It was still sad, and it made him sad for him. “Is Lily — is she okay?” He wasn’t sure what Miles meant by it. Whether it was an intentional decision or not. But he wasn’t about to ask. At Greg’s name, anger cut in through the other emotions. Miles was just dropping one bomb after the other — and after the last news, Nick wasn’t sure if it was good. So naturally, he jumped to conclusions. “Did he try to contact you?”
Miles shook his head immediately, raising a hand as if to tell him that he didn’t need to say anything about it. “Don’t be sorry.” His voice stayed level, which he hoped showed Nick that he really was okay. “She’s...I mean, it’s hard, y’know? But at the end of the day, she didn’t want this either.” They’d already talked about it, about how they both were feeling, and Miles knew it was taking its toll on her more than him, so he’d be there for her when she needed him to be. “No. I just—“ He stopped again. Greg was never an easy topic. “I took everything you said to heart and talked to my mom, and I finally went to the police. I told them I want to officially press charges.” It was still a lot for he himself to process. “So I’m getting ready to go to trial. I guess I’ve got good odds ‘cause I’m still not fully recovered from my injuries, apparently. So...yeah.”
Nick: The idea of Miles having a baby with his ex girlfriend had been a lot to take in, but so was this. He hadn’t expected this. Despite how normal Miles seemed at the moment, Nick was sure that wasn’t something he could just get over overnight. “Yeah...” He said gently, nodding. “Look, if you need anything—“ he cut himself off, because realistically, what could he offer him that could help that situation? He knew the answer was nothing. “I’m here, you know.” Nick finished lamely. He wished he could help, at least. As Miles explained what at happened with Greg, surprise settled in, followed by relief. At least that’s one thing that went right. “Thank God.” He breathed, mostly to himself, but also to Miles. “I mean. That’s good. I’m glad you did it.” Well, clearly. “Are you feeling okay? About the trial?” He paused again. “And your injuries too.”
Miles knew Nick just wanted to be there for him. He appreciated it and perhaps he would end up needing a shoulder to cry on about this in the future. But for the time being, he had to be that shoulder for Lily. He owed her that much. “I know you are.” He was glad for it. Nick was there and Miles wanted it to stay that way. “I guess? Not really. I don’t know.” He hater the thought of sitting in the courtroom, but he knew this was necessary. “I don’t want to tell it all over again but I don’t have a choice. Guess it’ll be worth it when he’s thrown in jail. He didn’t think I was going to press charges so at least this caught him off guard.” Fucking asshole. “I feel fine. They claim I haven’t fully recovered and I can still suffer certain side effects. I dunno — it’s all medical crap I don’t know about. But it’ll help me win, that’s all I know.”
Nick: It was clear Miles had gone through a lot the past month, and Nick wasn’t sure how he could comfort him. He was glad when Miles got that he was trying to help, even if Nick knew he couldn’t do much. “I know it’ll be hard... but you’ll be safe, you know? He can’t do shit to you now.” Nick knew his words were true, even if personally he knew it was way easier said than done. “That’s scary shit, dude. You need to keep an eye on yourself. Just in case you start feeling bad.” He hoped he wouldn’t, though. “Do you know when the trial will be?”
Miles nodded. “I know.” That was the most important part, after all. Just keeping Greg away. Not just away from Miles, but from everyone he loved as well. His mom deserved much better, for one thing. Though Miles would be glad if she didnt date anyone for a very long time. “I’m fine. I take care of myself. Scout’s too smart to let something happen to me anyway.” Miles sighed, nodding. “A couple weeks, I guess. So Greg can get shit squared away with his lawyer or whatever.” Miles wished they could just take his word for it and call it a day, but he knew that couldn’t happen. All the talk about Greg naturally made Miles think about Jude, but he didn’t want to bring him up and make Nick upset. “What’s going on with you?” he asked after a moment, realizing he’d tell him if there was anything worth noting.
Nick: “How’s Scout?” He asked after a moment, genuinely curious, since he hadn’t seen her since the last time he was over. Not like much changed with dogs, but hey, you never knew. “Oh...wow. That’s...soon.” But it was good it was soon. The sooner the better, in his opinion. That meant Greg could get locked up faster. “I don’t know. Nothing that would interest you.” He tried to smile, before he remembered something, and smiling became a little easier. “I found a pet. He was playing in the garbage so I got him before the trash man could.”
Miles: “Badass as ever.” Scout didn’t do much, but she was an incredibly good girl, if Miles said so himself. “Yeah. I mean, there wasn’t much to prepare for. He knows what he’s walking into, so.” Miles shrugged. Greg was clearly guilty so he wasn’t worried about the outcome. It was just the whole process. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t go and get married or anything.” Although he had gotten married once. At the mention of a new pet, Miles raised his eyebrows. “Oh?” He wasn’t sure the trash was the best place to find a new companion, but to each his own. “You didn’t think it maybe belonged to someone?” Miles shook his head. “What kind of pet?”
Nick: “Good for her.” He laughed and reached out for his melting frap to take a small drink. “It’s a good thing you did.” Nick said as gently as he could when he set his cup back down. “Even if it’s a bunch of bullshit to deal with. I’m proud of you, you know?” And he felt weird for saying that, so he was going to change the subject. “Hey, I never said I didn’t. I just don’t remember it if I did.” Much like the first time, but thankfully his wife had been there the morning after to remind him. “Yeah.” He nodded, almost enthusiastically. “He was dragging around an empty McDonald’s fry cup so I figured it was pretty much meant to be.” He grinned at him. “No, definitely not. If he’d belonged to someone they would have given him a full thing of fries. He was clearly homeless.” So he gave him a home. At the moment, he lowered his tone just a bit, because he knew how Miles felt about Coke’s kind. And he wanted them to get along. “Just a cat.” He said, before quickly following up. “He’s a kitten though.”
Miles: “Yeah, she’s got her shit together.” Clearly more than he did. “I know.” The conversation led Miles to believe that there were no new developments with Jude. And that was okay. One step at a time. “Well, I guess that sucks if you did.” There went Miles’ chance. “Jeez. So obviously you’re a hero.” He could almost feel the tone of the conversation shift just slightly, and it made sense when Nick told him his new pet was a cat. Miles’ face immediately fell. “You’re joking.” It was a statement because he wanted to believe it. “Nicholas...” He trailed off, leaning forward again to get closer to him as he lowered his own voice. “You did not actually get a cat.” Miles hated cats. Quite a bit. And Nick knew this better than anyone.
Nick: “She’s an icon.” He said, before falling silent for a moment. There was a clear elephant in the room, because Miles was doing so good by going forward and pressing charges against Greg. But Nick, on the other hand, was still adamant against not doing anything about his own situation. He was still trying hard not to think about it. He’d spent the last few months trying so hard not to think about it that he ended up thinking about it regardless. So that’s when he tried to distract himself with things — food, work, Coke. Then he found the cat, and it became a distraction too. “Not really a hero, it just gave me an excuse to go get us some fries.” He felt sheepish as Miles full named him. “Look, George.” Ok, maybe this wasn’t the time for that. “Miles. I didn’t get a cat. I got a kitten. He’s a child. If you gave him a chance, you could even be bros.” Nick actually believed that. “Come on, it’s not that bad. It could be worse. I could have actually gotten married.”
Miles couldn’t disagree with that. The whole cat ordeal was very...Nick. He had to admit that. It wasn’t particularly surprising to hear that he’d taken in a stray cat from the garbage. He wasn’t thrilled about it, but it also wasn’t his cat. “Don’t George me. You’re the one in the wrong here, keeping demons in your apartment. If anything I should be middle naming you too.” He’d hold back for now, though. “I have enough bros already. I’d almost prefer that you got married.” Miles was a drama queen and everyone knew it, but to be fair, cats were serious business to him. And he was selfishly enjoying single Nick.
Nick: “He’s not a demon, he’s hilarious. Last night he scared the shit out of Murphy by jumping on his leg when he wasn’t paying attention. You should have seen his face.” In his opinion, Miles was severely judging Coke without even meeting him first. “One more bro won’t kill you. Please, just give him a chance. I want you two to meet.” He knew Miles wouldn’t take this well, but his hands were tied here. “He sleeps on your shoulder like a parrot. Makes you feel like a pirate. He’s cool, I promise.”
Miles almost rolled his eyes, but refrained. Still, his point was made. If the cat didn’t get the Murphy seal of approval, he certainly wasn’t getting Miles’. “Scout doesn’t scare people,” he muttered. It was sort of a lie because Scout got pretty loud, but still. “If he gets on my shoulder we’re going to learn very quickly if cats actually always land on their feet.” That was a promise. He wasn’t going to let the cat out of his direct line of sight, that was for sure. “I promise we won’t get along. But I’ll come. It’s not for him, though.”
Nick: Even if Miles was disrespecting his cat, Nick was glad he could distract him from the prior conversation. If only for a little bit. “Not every animal can be perfect like Scout. He may have his flaws, but I love him.” Nick raised his hand to rest it against his chest, right over his heart. Dramatic effect and all that. “He’s strong, but he’s not unbreakable. Be gentle with him, please.” He didn’t want to have to Pinterest cat casts because he was too poor to take him to the doctor. “Maybe he’ll surprise you. But thank you. I’ll even give you a deal and say that can be my really early Christmas and Birthday present. All I want is for you to not try to exorcise him like he’s a demon.”
Miles: “Well, you’re right. Scout literally has no flaws so I guess it’s unfair to hold other creatures up to that standard.” He gave her too much credit. She definitely had her flaws. But Miles refused to admit them. “I’m not actually gonna throw your cat. But I really don’t want him sitting on me.” The thought alone sent a chill up his spine. “Please. You know I’m still gonna get you something that’s gonna make you cry when you think I don’t know it,” he teased, even though he really hadn’t ever seen Nick cry happy tears about anything. Rarely even sad tears. “At the very worst, if I can’t stand him, I’m just gonna pretend he’s not there. So don’t worry.”
Nick: “Just try to have an open mind.” Nick knew he couldn’t expect them to be best friends over night, but this was a start. “Fine, he can sit on me, where he’s wanted.” Miles’ distaste was almost funny, because he didn’t really get it. The cat had done nothing but good since he got him. Except for the times he peed on the floor and scratched on his couch. But those were just small issues. “Good luck with that, I don’t cry. That’s you when I give gifts. But I appreciate the effort.” He teased. That was a straight up lie. He just cared about who saw him cry. “Okay — good enough.” For now. “You’ll have to come over soon and see him.” But mostly he just wanted Miles to come over to see Nick.
Miles took a long sip from his almost-forgotten latte, fighting the urge to shake his head once again. He couldn’t believe Nick had betrayed him in this way, allowing such a creature into his home. Although he knew if the roles were reversed he’d do the same thing — if Nick happened to hate dogs and Miles had come across a baby Scout rolling around in trash, Miles wouldn’t even think twice about giving her a home. “We all know you got emotional about the Thundercats t-shirt when I was out of sight.” He couldn’t be sure, but he could assume. “I mean, we’re talking about the same softie who couldn’t help but kiss the guy he likes in front of everyone on New Years Eve.” His voice had that same teasing tone as he flashed him a grin at the reminder. He liked no longer being afraid to bring things up. “I mean, I can meet him today if you aren’t sick of me yet.”
Nick had never had an animal of his own before. Whenever him and his siblings were allowed to have them, his siblings would always seem to stake claim before he could really bond with it himself. The thing about Coke was that he found him right when he probably needed him. And no one else liked cats, it seemed, so he was Nick's. So he wasn't sorry about keeping him. "Eh, you can't prove it." He was right, though. It was hard to not get emotional over it, and Miles knew that. "I can prove the tear in your eye I saw when you saw your record, though." He smiled back, reaching out to hold his drink in his palm when he faltered. He thought Miles forgot about that. "Who's that guy? Didn't see him; he sounds gross." Nick felt his face warm, and distracted himself by taking another drink and setting the cup back down. Before Miles had to take some time for himself, things between them had started to get all the more confusing, but in a good way. Nick was sure that it was over with the second Miles found out about Lily, which he understood, but it still was a hard thing to come to terms with. But seeing him again reminded him of how he hadn't exactly let his feelings for him go, because he could tell by the excitement gathering in his chest that they were still painfully there. Being gay for your best friend was kind of a bitch sometimes. "I'm not sick of you." He said, almost too quickly. "I haven't seen you in awhile." Nick shrugged, trying to be casual now. "It'd give us a chance to hang out again."
Miles wished he had some sort of proof, but he’d still stand by it. “You cannot prove that!” It had absolutely made him emotional, but Nick had no right to claim that. Even though they both knew exactly the type of person Miles was. “You might know him. Tall. Blond. Skinny. Sometimes goes by the name of Dalton Oliver.” Maybe a step too far, but it wasn’t like they didn’t test each other’s boundaries like that over the years. He wasn’t worried about it. The fondness he felt when Nick told him he wasn’t yet sick of him had Miles sipping his drink to hide the bashful smile, similar to what he had just watched Nick do moments before. They weren’t fooling anyone, especially each other. “Well, let’s stop taking up this killer corner table then,” he said, pushing out his chair to stand up. If they stayed staring at each other for any longer before going Miles knew he was really going to start blushing, and he couldn’t have that.
Nick: “Sure I can, I saw it with my own two eyes.” He didn’t, but it was still fun to tease him about it. Nick got emotional about things too, he just hid it better than Miles did. Not that Miles couldn’t hide things. Nick was just better. “Never met the guy. Dumb name. He sounds sexy, though.” He smiled, and for a moment they didn’t say anything. It was a weird moment, because it wasn’t necessarily awkward. But it made him realize how much he missed this; how much he missed Miles. “Okay, but I hope you know the chances of us ever getting it again is rare. I guess I was just lucky today.” Secretly, he felt like maybe he was, since he got to run into Miles after weeks of not seeing him. Nick patted the table and swooped his drink up with the same hand before he was standing up. “Alright, lets go. You sure you don’t have any other plans for today?”
Miles: “Lying is a sin, y’know.” Miles was guilty of it, too, to be fair. He rolled his eyes playfully at Nick’s response. “He has bad jokes, though. Kinda hard to listen to sometimes.” Who was he kidding? He found Nick hilarious. He couldn’t tell him that, of course. It was Miles’ job to keep him humble. “Couches are better than corner tables,” he pointed out as they started toward the door to head to Nick’s. “Oh, I had several important business meetings today. And a hot date. But I decided to squeeze you in instead.” He shrugged nonchalantly. As if.
Nick: “I think all the others I’ve committed in my life time cancel it out, so I’ve got a free pass.” Nick said as he tucked his chair into the table and made sure he had everything. “Sounds to me like he’s a genius and just under appreciated. If you see him again make sure to give him my number.” He said straight faced, although he wasn’t offended, because he didn’t think his jokes were all that great himself either. It still didn’t stop him from making them. “Yeah, but we’re gonna be on my own couch soon, so it’s not too much of a loss.” He wasn’t sure which one was cleaner, though. “Oh, I see. I’m second choice.” He nodded as they headed out and down the street. “It’s cool. I have one too later. I promised a spa day to someone special.” In other words, Coke needed his nails trimmed and he was going to have to do it.
Miles: “We’ve collectively committed quite a few sins. We’re on the road to hell together, dude.” Miles didn’t mind. He’d accepted his sins a long time ago. “I’ll think about it.” He wanted to joke that someone else already had their eye on him, but he didn’t know what counted as overstepping in Nick’s eyes. So he kept t to himself. “Except there’s also a cat there.” It was going to take a lot of getting used to. “Since when are you certified to do that?” He wasn’t sure if he’d let Nick handle a spa day for him. He finished off the drink in his hands and tossed it into a trash can they passed by as they went. “You can’t fool me, anyway. I know it’s Murphy just needing a manicure.”
Nick: “Oh, well, what can you do? There’s going to be an overpopulation problem there anyway ‘cause of all the people there who aren’t politically correct. So they’ll probably just bounce us to heaven so they don’t have to deal with us.” That was a bold statement, and he was hoping no one else heard him say that. “Think of the cat as a roommate of mine you’ve never met. He sleeps a lot and mooches off us for food, and occasionally tries to fight me. But he’s good with strangers.” He knew he shouldn’t keep tying to defend Coke, and just have Miles get to know him himself. He couldn’t help it, though. “Since I looked up how to’s, Miles. You don’t need to go to school for anything as long as there’s YouTube.” Though he wouldn’t test that on everything. He’d probably be a little hesitant to try open heart surgery. “Yeah... it’s Murphy. You caught me.” Sure, he’d go with that. “I’m not sure if he’s home or not. He wasn’t when I left, but maybe he’ll hang out with us.”
Miles: “I highly doubt that,” Miles replied with a slight laugh. They totally didn’t belong there. “But he’s also a cat and that just ruins the whole thing. So let’s just let the relationship form naturally.” Honestly, maybe he would be surprise and it would seem more like a dog than Miles was anticipating. He wouldn’t get his hopes up, though. “I still don’t trust you. Especially not with this face.” He made a hair flipping gesture to prove his point. “Knew it.” Obviously. “Well, I guess we’ll see. He has a habit of popping in whenever he feels like it.”
Nick: "Okay --- fair enough. I'll let it happen on it's own." He laughed as they continued their way back to his apartment. "Fine, don't trust me. But you're missing out. I would have invited you and everything, free of charge. You're going to regret it when I blow up on YouTube as the next big beauty guru." Literally never, ever, ever going to happen. Ever. "I know, I wonder where he got that from. It's pretty rude, honestly."
Miles: “That’s the motto. Just go with the flow. Unless you ask Drake. Then the motto is YOLO.” Miles has spent a lot of time thinking about that, clearly. “I don’t trust you with a lot of things. This just happens to be one of them.” Miles was more inclined to trust Nick with secrets and shit like that. Not his face. “Sage can be pretty nosy in her own right too. I think all of you have a little bit of it in you.” Miles shrugged. Not that he was the most well-mannered person himself, but still. “I swear to god,” Miles began in warning as they started to head inside, “if this cat makes any sudden movements, I’m outta here.”
Nick paused for a moment, then spoke, very seriously: "I love it when you quote Drake at me." He meant that, straight from the heart. "Well, okay. That's rude, but okay." Though, truthfully, he wasn't all that offended. He didn't really trust himself near anybody's face, either. "Yes. Except for me." He lied as they neared his apartment complex, making their way to his door. When they made it, he fished inside his pocket for his keys, busying himself with unlocking the door as they spoke. "He might come running because he's excited someone's home, but he's not going to hurt you. Are you really that scared?" He rose an eyebrow as he lowered his voice to a playful whisper. "Do you need me to hold your hand?"
Miles quirked an eyebrow at him. “Try to keep it in your pants.” He wanted to add that he wasn’t at work, but he refrained. “It’s just the truth. I thought we agreed to he totally honest. I’m just doing my part.” Nick really couldn’t blame Miles for thinking it, let alone saying it. “Oh, shut up,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. “You know I’m not scared, you douche. I just don’t enjoy his kind.” He turned his head to glare at Nick. “You just want an excuse to hold my hand and you know it. But I’ll pass. Sorry to crush your dreams.”
Nick: "Relax. You're not actually him, so don't get too excited." He half grinned to himself as he worked on finding the right key to his door - a problem he often had. "Well thanks for your brutal honesty. Hopefully it'll toughen me up and get rid of my annoying emotions." He almost laughed at Miles' reaction. "It'll be fine, man. If you really don't like him, we can put him in another room for awhile. I'm not going to torture you with him, you know." Nick said, dropping the joking attitude for a moment, because he wasn't a total dick. "Nah. I don't need your hand when I have a paw to hold now." He said as he finally twisted the right key in the door and pushed it open, walking in first in case Coke did decide to run at him. Hearing the familiar jingle of the bell on his collar, he figured he'd make an appearance any moment now. He held the door open for Miles to come through before closing it behind him and walking further into his apartment. "It's me." He called out, for both the cat and for Murphy. He didn't hear Murphy, but soon a familiar white face with blue eyes was peeking around the corner before meowing and walking toward them. Nick smiled and glanced back at Miles. "See? It's all good."
Miles: “Wow. You prefer your fantasy world with Drake over me. I see how it is.” Though if he were being honest with himself, Miles felt the same about Harry Styles. “That’s the goal, isn’t it? So we aren’t so sensitive about stuff.” Maybe that wasn’t exactly the idea, but it seemed good enough. “I’ll be fine. I’m a man,” he stated, maybe more to remind himself. He watched Nick open the door and enter, following slowly behind. It was a long few moments before the cat actually appeared, and Miles instinctively took a step back. He didn’t want to say anything too ridiculous, but he absolutely did not like the sight before him. “I’m not enjoying this,” he settled on after a moment, maintaining eye contact with the cat from afar.
Nick: "I'm sorry, he's just the complete package." Nick shrugged. "Emotions are overrated, anyway." (emo) Honestly, who needs them? He glanced back at Miles to check to see how he was handling the fact he was about to meet a cat. "Are you sure?" He asked, about him being fine, not about him being a man. That'd be too mean. Soon enough, Coke was out in the open. And Miles clearly didn't like it at all. "Okay --- hold on." He closed the distance between him and the kitten and stretched down to swoop him into his arms. Straightening up, he looked at Miles in amusement, because he couldn't help it. Coke stretched up to knock his head against his chin, purring as he did so. "See? He's harmless. I can put him up if it really bothers you. Or you could pet him, if you wanted."
Miles: “I could do Hotline Bling better than he could,” Miles retorted, though it was a blatant lie. His firm nod was completely forgotten about when there was this cat he didn’t even want to meet in the first place. He wasn’t afraid of cats. He just didn’t trust them. He knew people felt the same way about dogs in some cases. Overall, Miles just preferred to keep his distance. “God, I can just see the anger deeply rooted in his eyes.” He was purposely being dramatic now and he hoped it came off as lighthearted as he meant it, even with the scowl on his face and he stepped toward Nick and the cat. “You don’t have to lock him away. That’s stupid.” But Miles didn’t particularly want to pet him, either. He kept his eyes on the cat, who would look back at him every once in a while; mostly, though, the cat didn’t seem to care that he was there. “What’s his name?”
Nick: "I'd like to see that." As much as he liked Miles, he still didn't think anyone could do any of Drake's songs justice like the man himself. "I think you're confusing anger with love. He's purring, I think he likes you." Of course, Nick couldn't confirm that, because it's not like he could ask Coke for his opinion. But the kitten hadn't stopped purring since he picked him up, despite him looking at Miles in curiosity. Nick took that as a good sign. "Good, because if he started crying I'd have to let him back out anyway." He admitted. As Miles asked his name, Nick smiled. He took a moment to scratch under Coke's chin, glancing down at the kitten in his arms as he bumped against his hands in search of more petting. "Miles, meet Coke. Coke Vaughn if you need his full name." He introduced them with sincerity, so used to his name now that he didn't think twice about it. "Coke, this is George. But he doesn't like that. So you have to call him Miles."
Miles: “It’ll take a few drinks first,” he told him simply. He’d be more than willing to perform the whole song, but definitely not entirely sober. “Nah, I’m good at reading hidden body language. He’s plotting.” He narrowed his eyes comically at the tiny kitten who literally just wanted Nick to pet him. Clearly a demon in disguise. When Nick told him the name, Miles’ gaze flashed up to his face instead. “Coke,” he repeated. “Your cat’s name is Coke.” He proceeded introduce Miles himself as George, leading Miles to immediately roll his eyes again. “I honestly...don’t have words,” he said after a moment, shaking his head. “You are seriously the strangest part of my life. Everything about you.” It was true in every sense. Nick’s entire being confused Miles more than anything else. “You named your cat Coke. I can’t imagine it was after the drink.”
Nick: "Dang. I wish you told me that on New Years. I could've had my own concert." The next time they drank together, Nick would have to remember to make the request. "Plotting what? Look at how tiny he is. He can't hold that much evil, it won't fit." Now he was just baby talking Coke, who continued to revel in the attention. "Yeah. You don't think it fits?" He asked in amusement as he looked back up at Miles. "Should I take that as a compliment?" Nick laughed, although he knew that no, it probably wasn't a compliment at all. But he already knew that he said weird things sometimes, and that he probably put Miles off by it every once in awhile. But somehow, he was still his friend. "That's part of it. He just gets really hyped up and wiry. One time I watched him chase his own tail for an hour." Maybe he shouldn't have said that he spent a whole hour watching his cat play. That could be an indicator that he needs to get a life again. Nick leaned back down to set Coke on the floor. "I don't know if he'll do that now, though. He looks like he just woke up."
Miles: “No one said I was going to do it just because you wanted me to. I’ll perform when I feel like it.” Miles shook his head again. “There’s evil in there. You just refuse to see it.” He was a strong believer that the evil tendencies lay deep within every cat. Miles just didn’t know what the triggers were to unleash it. “I just— you’re something else, Nick.” Maybe it was just that his own pet was named after a book character, but something about the name Coke was just so very Nick and Miles couldn’t entirely hate it. “Sounds like you,” he pointed out teasingly, watching Coke be put on the floor. “I’m kinda jealous. I wish I had just woken up.” He looked back up at Nick. “Or that I was still sleeping. ‘Cause now I have to put up with this cat and his owner who clearly has it out for me, bringing animals I hate into his life.”
Nick: "Well, hopefully I'm around when you do feel like it." Nick shrugged. "I guess love is blind." Even though he truly didn't think Coke was evil. He could be playful and a little rough sometimes, but Nick liked that about him. He had a cute personality. "I hear the judgement in your voice." He said lightly, smiling down at the cat who was now walking across the floor and towards Miles. "Maybe. It's okay, because we understand each other." He knew Coke was about to try to come all the way up to Miles and try to sniff him. "You're welcome to take a nap here, if you really need one. He might try to join you, though. It looks like he's trying to get to know you." He warned him lightly, even if he knew Coke wasn't going to hurt him. He was just curious. "Hey, I didn't think I'd ever see you again, I didn't do it intentionally." He said absentmindedly, not thinking about how that might sound. "He was a surprise."
Miles: “It’s likely.” Miles generally tended to drink when Nick was around. Not always, but still. “I haven’t been hiding the fact that I’m judging everyone in my immediate vicinity,” he pointed out, his eyes following the path of the little cat as he started to come closer to him. “I’m good on the nap.” He walked slowly as he spoke, not necessarily to get away from the cat, but to get to the couch to sit down before the cat got to him. Before he knew it, Coke was at his feet, sniffing his shoes. Miles didn’t take his eyes off him. “Ever again? Jeez.” Miles didn’t think it had seemed that serious at the time. “I didn’t think I made you feel that disposable to me.”
Nick: “Judge us all you want. It’s not going to break our bond.” He said as the cat slowly stalked towards Miles, and a smile crossed his face at the sight, even if he knew Miles just freaking hate him right now. “Knock yourself out. Just don’t be surprised if you wake up with a cat on your chest.” He teased. Although Coke really did like to snuggle, surprisingly. By his name most would assume he never settled down. And for the most part, they’d be right. But he had his moments. “Maybe not ever again.” He admitted with a nod. “But not as much as before.” He paused, and before it could get too awkward, he moved on. “If I wasn’t before, now that I have a cat I’m sure I am. I know I’m on your shit list now. Though if you ask me it’s totally unjustified.”
Miles: “I’m judging you as separate entities, not as one collective unit.” He judged Nick for getting a cat, and Coke for being one. “I said I’m good on the nap. As in no thank you. Just as I’m judging everyone in this room, I also don’t trust you at all.” Which was a total lie. He’d slept in front of Nick several times. Coke was a different story, though. He looked up from the cat to look at Nick instead. Obviously it was serious if he dared to let the animal out of his sight. “You’re not,” he said genuinely. “I just needed time. I would’ve needed you eventually.” He had already hit that point, truthfully, which was brought him here today. He knew Nick wasn’t trying to get deep, and Miles smiled just a bit as he looked down again. “I don’t know what kind of people you hang around but most people don’t drop the L bomb just for the hell of it.”
Nick: “That sounds more like a you problem than a me problem.” Nick wasn’t phased; he’d already expected this reaction out of Miles if and when he found out about his new pet. Stupidly, perhaps, he was optimistic that he’d come around eventually. But maybe that was just wishful thinking on his end. “Well, now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings.” He said, not taking it to heart because he was sure that Miles was just kidding. At least Nick hoped that he was kidding. He tried not to smile at the sight of Coke cautiously feeling Miles out, but he couldn’t help it. Surprised by Miles’ next words, Nick had to take a small pause. He really hadn’t expected them to really vocalize what had happened between them before their time apart. He was sure they’d revert back to their old ways of strictly not talking about things. But here Miles was, bringing it up. And it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It just caught him off guard. “No, but most people have better luck than we do.” He finally said, shrugging and dropping his attention down to Coke. “Things came up. Not anyone’s fault. Just didn’t think things would be the same, you know?”
Miles: “Eh, I’d say more of an us problem. We both have our faults here.” Miles could admittedly be a bit more accepting. He honestly was just having more fun giving Nick a hard time about it, at this point. Coke was clearly not a threat to him, simply sniffing where he could reach and at one point rubbing against his leg. Miles still couldn’t bring himself to feel the urge to reach down and pet him or anything, but it was better than nothing. “Nope, just being honest.” He knew there was a chance for things to go sour whenever he brought up something serious. Nick obviously wasn’t always to blame, because Miles jumped to conclusions and made assumptions. It was really a hit or miss with them. But it seemed to be okay, judging by Nick’s response. They were getting there. “I guess,” Miles agreed, mirroring Nick’s shrug. “I mean, things really aren’t the same, to be fair. But I still—“ He cut himself off, knowing he probably shouldn’t say it. Even if he wanted to; even if he really meant it. “It’s all good, though. We’re good.” He looked up at Nick again, nodding firmly to assure himself as well. “All good.”
Nick: “Speak for yourself. I bet you can’t even name one of mine.” Actually, that was false, Nick was sure he could name several right off the bat without even thinking about it. And he’d probably be right about every single one. Maybe Nick should just shut up — but being unable to seemed to be one of the main items on the ‘what’s wrong with him’ list. “Oh, so being mean is okay if you’re just being honest? That’s good to know.” He teased, coming over to the couch to join him, lowering himself down on the cushion next to him. “I know... they’re not the same.” Nick replied carefully. He wasn’t expecting them to be the same. Not after everything. Miles lost a child and he was about to go to court against his stepdad. And Nick still had things he was trying to deal with, too. Maybe they weren’t good for each other, or maybe it wasn’t the right time. For a little while, he let himself believe that there could be a chance. But now he wasn’t so sure there would ever be a real one — just a bunch of feelings towards his best friend that made him feel like a mess. “But we’re good.” He repeated, then swallowed, nodding his head. Then, unable to help more truth from slipping, he spoke again. “I’m glad I ran into you today.”
Miles: “You really want to take that chance?” Miles challenged. In truth, he wouldn’t particularly enjoy sitting there listing all the flaws Nick had. It wasn’t like Miles didn’t have several of his own. “Honesty is honesty. It’s not my fault if you’re offended by it.” He grinned, just as a reminder that he was still trying to be funny. Nick wasn’t that sensitive but still. He watched him sit next to him and listened to the way he spoke. It often didn’t sit right with him, the way they talked to each other. They were cautious despite everything, even when they were being totally honest. There was always some sort of wedge between them. Sometimes it wasn’t too intense, though — like now. Miles didn’t feel like he was being completely shut out by him. In fact, at Nick’s last words, Miles felt the opposite effect. He watched him carefully, his gaze lingering a little too long, but when Nick didn’t seem all that fazed by it, Miles went for it, leaning in and kissing him because he wanted to. It wasn’t like there was anyone to hide from, and especially not like they hadn’t done it before, but it always felt just a little bit scandalous. Miles couldn’t help but feel like it was something he shouldn’t be doing every single time. Yet he couldn’t ever help himself.
Nick: “I do, but maybe on another day. Not feeling like being berated today, for some reason.” Nick laughed. “Lucky for you I don’t get offended easily.” A lie, because he did sometimes. Just not by Miles. The atmosphere shifted between the two of them, and before Nick could snap himself out of it they were just looking at each other. And there’s so many things Nick wanted to say and do that he wasn’t brave enough for. But he didn’t have to be brave, because it was Miles who was leaning in to kiss him. And Nick should know better by now. He should be strong enough to end it before something else went wrong again. But instead of pulling away, he was raising his hands to cup both sides of Miles’ face while he gently responded to the kiss. His heart was pounding at that moment, because he’d missed this, even if this was different from the other times they kissed. Miles knew how he felt about him now — or should know. Nick wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he cared; that he still cared. But he still knew it was something they shouldn’t be doing. But just like the other times, he ignored that voice in his head in favor of scooting himself in closer, breaking their kiss just briefly before urgently pressing their lips back together.
Miles: And just like that, they were gone again. Miles had never had any intention of pretending nothing had happened. The Lily situation put a hold on things for sure, but it wasn’t like it made him stop feeling what he felt for Nick. He didn’t say all the things that he said for no reason. And while he knew Nick didn’t want things to get too far emotionally, Miles just couldn’t help the fact that he wanted him. It was difficult not to, and downright impossible to fight the urge. So he didn’t. And Nick clearly wasn’t either. He wasn’t quite frantic, but his hands weren’t necessarily gentle as they twisted in the fabric of Nick’s shirt. They had very little control over themselves around each other. That was clear from their very first kiss, even more so in Greg’s car, and now, here, as Miles felt his own skin warming as their legs pressed together from their awkward sitting position. He pulled at Nick’s shirt, urging him to move toward him so they could more adequately fit comfortably on the couch.
Nick: Rationally, Nick understood that he shouldn’t keep doing this with Miles. But he’d never been very rational when it came to, well, anything. And he especially wasn’t rational when it came to Miles. He’d wanted him for awhile now, even when he tried to act like he didn’t. But he couldn’t quite seem to shake him. He wasn’t in the best head space, and his thoughts had been more of a mess than usual lately. Having Miles grabbing at his shirt and tugging him closer, though, helped to push everything out of his mind. He wanted Miles. He missed him. And right now, that’s all he could think about. Nick followed along and came closer still while still maintaining their kiss. Without thinking, he lowered his hands to Miles’ shoulders and gently urged him to lay back on the couch, hoping the change in position would allow them to get closer.
Miles: Months ago, Miles probably would have cared a lot more about the fact that he was kissing Nick of all people. Now, it wasn’t quite that; he had gotten past that weird internal ‘whoa, I like my best friend’ thing. It was more the fact that Nick had this...internalized homophobia, for lack of a better term, and was adamant about the fact that he didn’t want this. He didn’t want to hurt Miles by not giving him what he wanted, yet here he was, pushing Miles backward so he could literally move on top of him. It wasn’t all that confusing. He knew that, like himself, Nick just couldn’t find it in him to fight the physical urges, and Lord knew they would go back to acting like it didn’t go beyond that. At the very moment, Miles couldn’t bring himself to care that much as he finally lay down on the couch, his fingers going from tangling in the fabric up to thread through Nick’s hair instead. He wasn’t worried about whatever was going to happen after this — at least, not yet.
Nick: For the most part, Nick had already come to terms with how he felt about his best friend. He knew he loved him; enough to tell him that to his face on two separate occasions. With everything that they were both going through, though, this wasn’t smart. But fuck it — because he never claimed to be, anyway. As Miles began to lean back, tangling his hand in his hair as he did so, Nick let out a soft groan into his mouth. He moved along with him, balancing his legs on either side of his body so he could keep kissing him. His hands began to make their way down Miles’ body, roaming down his chest, before a loud squeaky meow interrupted his thoughts. And before he knew it, Coke was suddenly jumping up directly onto Miles.
Miles: He figured it was probably the groan that really did him in. The second he heard that clear confirmation that Nick was just as into it, Miles sort of lost his inhibitions — not that there was much to be said about them to begin with. But coupled with the hands sliding down his chest, it had Miles pulling a little harder on Nick’s hair to keep him there while simultaneously pressing his body up into Nick’s. They really should stop. It would be smarter. But Miles didn’t have any intention of doing that. At least, not until he felt fur graze his cheek, followed by the feeling of tiny paws right on top of his head. It happened very quickly from there. Naturally, Miles reacted a bit more intensely than was at all necessary. His immediate intention was to get away from the cat, which meant lifting his head. He ended up trying to sit up immediately. His forehead collided with Nick’s before they even came apart from each other, and in response, Miles instinctively clenched his jaw, which meant biting down directly on Nick’s lip. After the whole ordeal, Miles finally recoiled and sat up, Nick still awkwardly positioned over him. He glanced over his shoulder to where Coke seemed startled, now having ended up back on the floor next to the couch. Miles took a moment to catch his breath before turning his attention back to Nick. “Did I...” He trailed off, knowing the answer to his own question, and listed a hand slowly to his own lips. “Holy shit. I’m sorry.”
Nick: In the very, very back of his mind Nick knew that Coke had jumped up there with them, because he heard him as he did so. He even figured he’d have to put him up, if this continued to escalate, which it did. Well, at least it was before suddenly Miles jerked up, their foreheads colliding. And almost at the same moment, he could feel Miles’ teeth bite down on his lower lip. Wincing, Nick jerked back himself, his hand flying up to cover his mouth. He watched with panicked eyes as Miles realized what had happened. Before Nick spoke, he ran his tongue over his lip, both trying to see if he was bleeding and trying to soothe the sting. “Yeah you did.” He replied, words muffled as he covered his mouth still. Finally, Nick moved off of him, the mood officially ruined. “It’s okay — it’s... fine.” But the awkwardness was clear in his tone. Nick stood up and took his hand away from his mouth so he could swoop down and pick up Coke. “Sorry. He’s never seen people... make out before.” He didn’t want to say that, but really, that’s what they were doing. “He just wants attention, I guess.” So did Nick, but that was effectively ruined. Even still, he couldn’t be mad at the cat.
Miles was truly mortified. He’d been so startled by a kitten that he’d ruined the entire mood by legitimately biting him. “Holy shit,” Miles said again, because he couldn’t even believe that he was this way. Nick was covering his mouth and Miles didn’t know if he’d made him bleed or anything. He watched as Nick finally got up and went to pick up the cat. Miles nodded dumbly, understanding that that was just what animals did because they didn’t know any better. He just couldn’t believe he’d reacted in such a way. “Fuck,” he said a little breathlessly, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. Things had gotten out of hand and then came crashing down in such a short period it almost made Miles dizzy trying to keep up. Maybe he should have asked Nick to put away for a while after all. But what could he do now? “I think he knows what he did.”
Nick could taste a faint hint of iron, and while he wasn’t like — gushing blood or anything, Miles had made him bleed a little bit. He wasn’t sure he should tell him that, though. The mood was already ruined. No need to further drive it into its grave. Licking at his bottom lip, he chose to look down at the kitten in his arms disapprovingly. Though, as Coke once again began to purr in his arms, he didn’t have it in him to truly be mad. His face still kind of ached from the impact, though. “No he didn’t.” Nick shook his head, sighing deeply and petting the kittens head with just his pointer finger. “He saw me rolling around on you so he probably wanted to do it too.” Nick avoided looking at him as he spoke. “Uh — Murphy could be here any minute though. You can watch TV or something if you want. Until he gets here.” Unless he wanted to leave, which Nick wouldn’t blame him if he did. He kind of wanted to leave, and it was his own damn apartment.
Miles saw how Nick kept licking his lip. He figured he must have been bleeding a little bit, and Miles couldn’t help the guilt in the pit of his stomach. He knew it wasn’t a huge deal, but he certainly wished he didn’t care so much about a little cat. “I was just kidding.” He obviously didn’t think the cat had it out for him. “I know that.” It was always worse after they did something they knew they probably should have. Miles couldn’t even be angry about it; he had known that this was going to happen. The inevitable awkwardness made itself known, and Miles sighed as he stood up, smoothing out his shirt. “All good. I’ll leave you guys to it,” he said, gesturing toward Coke. It wasn’t like he wanted to dip just because something had gone off the rails; he’d just rather leave things on a relatively high note, having been happy to reconnect with Nick at all, rather than creating more of a chance for things to go sour. “It was good seeing you, though. I’ll see you soon.”
Nick: Maybe Coke interrupting them was for the best, but Nick was admittedly still disappointed about it. He didn’t think him and Miles would do that kind of thing again, not like they used to before. Too much had happened, and it felt like they were more like adults and less like awkward fumbling twenty somethings. But here they were — once more awkward and fumbling and unsure of what to say or do. “Okay... Yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you later.” He said, trying to sound at least a little normal. But that failed, when he suddenly remembered something. “Wait—“ He blurted out, setting Coke down again in the process. “I have something for you.”
Miles: Admittedly, things were better than before. Miles still thought about when they had actually had sex in Greg’s car, and immediately afterward, it was like they did a complete 180. They couldn’t even look at each other, let alone recognize what had happened. Now, it was much less dramatic, but fairly uncomfortable nonetheless. Miles figured it was due to the fact that there wasn’t technically anything between them but at the same time, it didn’t mean nothing. So it was hard to make sense of it, and therefore easier to just leave before anything got worse. He stopped himself from leaving when Nick spoke, though, and Miles turned to look at him expectantly. “Okay,” he said simply in response.
Nick: It seemed like not much had changed, after all. They both clearly still had some type of feeling toward each other. Nick had tried to push him out of his head, but it didn’t work. And now he was left with this feeling of weirdness in the pit of his stomach, because he was still painfully into his best friend. And now that much was obvious, once again. “Okay.” He nodded before holding up his hand, silently signaling to him that its only be a second. “Hold on.” He said before he turned in order to walk back to his room. He felt awkward about even doing this, but he’d gotten it for him when they weren’t talking, and he didn’t want to forget in case they were both too awkward to talk again for another two weeks. Nick could feel Coke run behind him, and as he reached his door he faltered, like he always seemed to do. But he was fine now, he could go in now. He’d worked on that over the past month or so. Having Coke go in with him every night had seemed to help. Right now, Coke was still in the living room with Miles; he could hear his bell shake. But he was still fine enough, because he knew who was around. Pushing his door open, he walked to the desk he had re-arranged to the other side of the room and grabbed the item out of one of the drawers. Leaving the door open behind him, he came back out to the living room and came to stand in front of Miles. “Okay, hope you’re ready.” He said with a small grin before dangling the Stranger Things Dustin keychain in front of him. “It’s not that much of a gift. But it reminded me of you, because you remind me of Dustin. And we still haven’t finished all of Stranger Things, so I thought this would be a good reminder for us to, you know — do that.” He smiled slightly. “I got Mike for myself. Because he’s the leader. Obviously.” But also because he’s secretly always wanted to be a D&D Dungeon Master.
Miles watched curiously as Nick walked away. He didn’t miss how he seemed to slow down a bit before actually going into his room. It wasn’t like Miles forgot everything that had happened. He knew Nick physically couldn’t go inside at a point, and Miles wondered if he should approach him now and offer to go for him. He hated not being caught up on the past month. But soon he disappeared into his room and Miles exhaled with relief. When Nick returned, he presented him with a keychain that had reminded him of Miles, and Miles couldn’t help the smile that immediately appeared. “Oh, wow,” he said slowly, taking the keychain from him and admiring it in his hands. “This is cool, man. Definitely a necessary reminder. Thanks.” He immediately pocketed it for safe keeping. He’d have to deal with it for real when he got home. “I pegged you as more of a Lucas myself. But I’ll take it.”
Nick: He didn’t know why he was so nervous giving him a keychain, but Nick felt himself get anxious as he handed it over. Seeing Miles take it from him, he smiled and relaxed his shoulders. “I thought so. We’ll have to watch more, soon. When you’re not busy.” And when they weren’t feeling quite as awkward. “I wouldn’t mind being a Lucas, either.” But all those kids were way cooler than he was at that age, in all honesty. “Anyway... yeah. I’ll see you later, man.”
General Notes: Nick and Miles hang out at a New Years Eve party and it’s the first time anything happens between them around other people. So like, a big deal.
Miles: Miles always found himself somewhere new to ring in the new year. Sometimes it was with family, other times with close friends — this year, it was neither, as he found himself wandering the basement of a friend-of-a-friend’s home. The place wasn’t quite packed, but there were plenty of faces Miles didn’t recognize. One who didn’t fall into that category, obviously, was Nick, who Miles hoped was still behind him as he finally moved to a spot of open air, right near the TV where a crowd had formed to watch the whole New Years Eve countdown thing. “I’m not cut out for this anymore,” Miles said when he could finally see his friend again. He was glad they were here together, given the events that unfolded a little prior to Christmas, followed by completely different events on Christmas. But they always somehow found their way back to being each other’s sidekicks at parties like this. “It’s already way past my bedtime. I don’t think I’ll even last until midnight, man.”
Nick: Nick usually took his New Years Eve plans very seriously. The previous years, he’d made it a point to scope out the biggest parties, of the ones that were likely to be the most memorable. This year was different. Nick didn’t even realize New Years was so close; he’d been so focused on just trying to get through the overwhelming holiday that was Christmas. When word got out that a friend of a friend was throwing a small New Years party, Nick wasn’t sure he even wanted to go. He almost didn’t, although he knew that he should go socialize and see his friends. It turned out Miles was going, though, and if Miles was going then Nick had to show up. They always seemed to end up at these parties together — even if it was unplanned. It was practically tradition. Nick smiled and nodded at people he recognized as he walked through the apartment, realizing he’d seen a lot of these same people at previous parties although he couldn’t remember half of their names. Maybe if he was feeling the spirit of New Years later he’d ask them. But for now (for once) he wanted time to ease into making himself mingle with everyone. Nick didn’t think twice before walking with Miles to an open spot, still near everybody but further enough away to have breathing room. “Sure you can, man. I believe in you.” He half smiled at him. “Everyone says that until they start drinking and get too hyped up to sleep. Then you wake up the next day and regret everything.” That’s how Nick always started the New Year.
Miles: Miles shook his head, looking down at plastic cup in his hand, which actually contained water this time around. “I’m not even, like...all that fun when I’m drunk,” he pointed out, though it wasn’t like Nick didn’t know that. “I mean, only past a certain point. Everyone has that uphill climb when you’re full of adrenaline and stuff but once I’m over that it’s just not pretty.” So he was trying to prevent that this time. Or maybe just prolong it, at the very least, so he’d be in that heightened state to bring in 2018. “I won’t be regretting it tomorrow, though. I’m a good boy.” He lifted the cup of water to prove his point. “I hope you’re staying adequately hydrated. I don’t mean to mom you, but you never know with you.” At this point, he really didn’t know what Nick was up to sometimes. He was learning all these surprises about him lately. But that didn’t matter right now.
Nick: Nick glanced down at Miles’ cup knowingly. Leave it to him to be the more responsible one. Nick supposed that’s why he managed to stay out of trouble. Well, for the most part. Excluding the Greg thing which he really didn’t want to think about right now, because Miles was finally starting to look like himself again. “I think you’re fun.” He said with a shrug as he glanced at a few people who passed by. “You’re right about that though. Probably best for you to not ring in the New Year with a hangover.” Nick has, but that doesn’t mean he enjoyed it. Just the events leading up to it. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He replied, but he wasn’t necessarily offended. That comment wasn’t necessarily unwarranted, after all. “I actually haven’t been drinking. Yet.” He tacked on so it wouldn’t seem to out of character for him. “But I’ll stay hydrated. Don’t worry, Mom. I even made sure to pack a Capri Sun in my jacket pocket so drunk me would want to drink more liquids.” He patted the side of his jacket, figuring Miles would think he was kidding, but he always made sure he was prepared to overdo it even when he didn’t plan on it. “Chances are we’ll both remember this New Years Eve. It’s almost midnight anyway.” He turned his head to glance at the TV people were currently gathered around. Almost midnight, but not quite. “Are you excited for 2018?” He turned back to Miles with a small grin. “Any cool New Years resolutions?”
Miles: Miles didn’t want to feel the familiar warmth in his chest whenever Nick said something as simple as finding him fun, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t going to go away anytime soon. It didn’t take much nowadays. “Yeah, well. You get to laugh at me,” he settled on saying in response after a moment, again watching the water swirl around in his cup before raising his head again. “Just being honest. I know how you roll at these things for the most part. Capri Suns are terrible for you, for the record. You’re probably better off with just straight vodka at that point.” Though Miles had to admit a juice box sounded good right about then. “Yeah — ten minutes?” He squinted as he tried to read the little timer in the corner of the TV, but there were a lot of drunk people in the way. “Sure. I’m not sure it’ll be much different from this year, but we’ll see.” He shrugged. “Not really. Maybe do a little bit more with my mom, especially after everything. But I’m already super jacked so it’s not like I need to work out or anything. I guess I could keep perfecting my stripping skills to steal your job, though. What about you?”
Nick: “When do I ever laugh at you?” He asked rhetorically, amused before the conversation shifted to Miles insulting him and his Capri Suns. “Think what you want about me, but leave the Capri Suns out of this. If they were bad adults wouldn’t let their kids have them.” He states matter of factly, although that statement was clearly not entirely factual. His Grandpa let him drink a beer when he was eight so clearly some people weren’t really worried about those things. “Seeing your Mom more is a good one.” He nodded. “So your other resolution is to see me jobless. Nice.” He couldn’t help but laugh. Normally he’d be concerned about people overhearing what he did for a living, but truthfully no one was even paying attention to them. “Well, I’m going to try to find another job. Especially with you trying to steal mine. I need to be one step ahead.” He playfully glared at him for a fraction of a second. “And I want to finish Stranger Things with you. That’s also important.” Nick nodded. “And I want to be a guest judge on Cupcake Wars. But that’s every years resolution.” Obviously.
Miles: “I could try to remember every time but we’d be here a while.” Truthfully, they usually ended up just laughing together anyway. “I’m not saying I don’t like them. I’m just saying they’re not good for you. They aren’t a useful alternative to alcohol. Parents let kids have plenty of terrible things.” He shrugged. “Well, these skills have to go somewhere. Sorry, man.” He was glad to hear that Nick was going to look for other jobs. Something about him being there still rubbed Miles the wrong way after what had happened. “That will be good for you,” he said seriously. “Stranger Things, too. I’m annoyed that we’re gonna be a year behind everyone else but it’s no one’s fault but ours, I guess.” He knew that they were just going to have to try harder not to talk the whole time. “I would watch the hell out of that episode. I think you’d have more luck just becoming a contestant, though.”
Nick: Nick rolled his eyes playfully at the comment, but didn’t feel the need to reply. “Sugar water is good for humming birds, maybe scientists thought it’d be the same for kids.” He shrugged. Who was he to argue with the creators of Capri Sun? He just thought they tasted good. “Maybe I’ll end up mixing it with vodka at some point so it’s extra bad for me.” He joked. At the talk of him finding another job, Nick nodded. “Yeah... I want to. I don’t know if I’ll find anything better, but we’ll see.” At the Stranger Things talk, Nick smiled again. “We’ll get there, dude. Even if we have to binge it right before season three starts. Maybe it’s even better this way so we won’t have months of withdrawals like everybody else.” They’d have to avoid spoilers like the plague, though, considering everyone else in the world has seen it besides them. “That means more to me than you know.” He said seriously, raising his hand to his chest as he did. “You really think so? That’d be the ultimate dream. Maybe you could come with me and be my teammate. I think we have the same creative vision.”
Miles: “Do they say artificial flavors are good for hummingbirds, too? I must have missed that scientific discovery.” As if Miles actually cared about eating healthy. He put a lot of crap into his body. “That doesn’t even sound like a terrible idea. I mean, it is a terrible idea but I still want to try it.” He figures if he was up for it later he’d go hunt down the ingredients for Nick’s new cocktail. “I think there are plenty of better options for you. You just have to work your way up. But anything’s probably better than that.” Maybe not anything, but there were certainly quite a few that would be a start. “Seriously. I’m not great under pressure, though. I guess I could just tag along and taste things as you go but you can’t count on me to do any baking. I’ll crack, man.” He noticed a sudden commotion near them, and Miles turned to see the crowd gathering further around the TV as the countdown got closer to midnight. “Well, looks like we’re almost in 2018. I have a feeling it’ll be your big Cupcake Wars break for sure.”
Nick: “I don’t know, I’m not a birdologist.” Nick laughed, nodding. “It’s a horrible idea. But you can try it with me if you want. We should do it right before we leave so you don’t have to worry about getting sick in front of all these people.” He only had one jumbo Capri Sun anyway, so the cocktail wouldn’t be particularly big. “I’m gonna try. I dunno. We’ll see.” Nick shrugged. He wasn’t really sure if he’d be able to find anything that paid as well as his current job did, and that was the important part. But he’d at least try. “I believe in you. I need you there, dude. You’re the only other person who knows how the competition works as well as I do.” He said genuinely, gently slapping Miles’ shoulder as he spoke. The excited yells and murmurs from beside them soon grabbed his attention, though, and he turned his head to glance at the TV currently airing the countdown. “And this will be the year you get your big Stripping break.” He turned back to grin at him. “We’re so underprepared, though. We don’t have 2018 sunglasses or tiaras or anything. I guess we’ll just have to do the countdown super loudly to make up for it. You ready?”
Miles: “I will almost definitely throw up.” They we’re pretty good at bad ideas, though, so he was still into it. “I guess that’s all you can really do.” There was certainly no harm in trying. “But it’s too much pressure, dude. I know I’d fall apart under the circumstances. Cupcakes are too serious for me. I just like to watch. And eat them.” He was definitely more of a judge type, but that was Nick’s aspiration. “Man, I hope so. It’s my life’s dream.” It was now Miles’ unspoken duty to give Nick shit about the stripping thing as often as he could without downright disrespecting him. “Well, we can just borrow them from someone else here. I doubt any of these drunk people would notice.” He could stick with the countdown thing, though. “Yeah. I mean, it’s no big deal.” He shrugged. He had never considered it a huge thing. He’d stay where he was and watch drunk couples kiss at midnight and cheer with the other drunk single people and then that would be it. “I might have to go find the dog to kiss me at midnight, though. Start my year off right.”
Nick: Nick nodded in understanding. “Maybe if I ever get on as a contestant we can sneak you in to be a judge. Or security or something. Then I can just sneak you the cupcakes.” And probably get kicked out of the competition, but he’d risk it. “If you need help working on your professional stripping skills, don’t be afraid to ask. I’ve got years of experience now.” Nick didn’t freely talk about what he did with just anybody, but it was easy to joke about this with Miles, because he knew he didn’t think less of him for being a stripper. “Honestly, probably not.” He rose an eyebrow as he heard the crowd go wild again, and Nick wondered if he sounded like that when he partied. He probably sounded worse. “Good plan. But if you can’t find the dog, you might want to find a human backup. ‘Cause if you don’t you’ll get ten years of bad luck.”
Miles: “I could deal with that. Although if we’re being totally honest, we’re both better off as we are.” Miles himself much preferred watching it from his couch whilst eating store bought cupcakes that he didn’t have to work for. “I appreciate that. You should teach lessons. I’d do it.” He wasn’t sure where Nick drew his line, but if Miles had to guess, that was probably it. Miles continued to watch the people around them begin to grab onto each other and move in closer, in all of their respective pairs as the clock ticked down. “There are very few people here I would consider worth these luscious lips.” He chuckled, but he was totally serious. He turned his attention back to Nick with a shrug. “Besides. I think you know as well as I do I only really want to kiss one person lately,” he admitted, having no fear in doing so. He was sure to lower his voice, though. He knew they weren’t a ‘thing,’ they weren’t boyfriends, and Nick wasn’t ready to even be anything close to that in front of people. Miles didn’t mind. “But it’s not necessary in front of all these people. I can kiss that person another time.”
Nick: "I hate to admit it, but you're probably right. I need to practice first. Really get good at making a solid cupcake." Nick loved cupcakes, so he probably would try to make some from scratch one day to see if he could. He wasn't banking on a good outcome, but hey, who knew? "Maybe that should be my new job. Stripper teaching. That's how I got into it, you know. A friend taught me. Maybe there's a market for stripping coaching out there." He said quietly enough so no one else would hear him. If they did, that's when he'd shut up. It was all fun and games until someone heard him. "Luscious lips? Have you been using Lip Smackers, or what?" His lips tugged into an amused grin. "Well, God, Miles. If you wanted to kiss Lily that bad you should have just invited her." He said, clearly joking, although maybe that was too soon to joke about. But he knew what Miles meant, and his heart was undoubtedly warmed by it. His words made him feel things he never expected to feel, but he wasn't pushing them away this time. This time he was embracing them. "What if..." His voice suddenly took a serious turn, and he felt ridiculously vulnerable. Not to mention stupid. There were a thousand negative thoughts now running through his head telling him that he shouldn't say that he was about to say, but his heart wasn't seeming to listen to them. "What if that person wants to kiss you here?"]
Miles: “I volunteer to be your taste tester.” Miles might end up trying some admittedly bad cupcakes, but it was all in the name of helping Nick improve. Plus, a bad cupcake was still a cupcake. “Really? Is that a thing? To be fair, you kind of inadvertently showed me a thing or two.” He had technically stripped in front of him, after all. “Yes, luscious — I said what I said. You’re right, though. The cotton candy kind.” He had actually been obsessed with those for a while as a kid. At Nick’s joke, Miles rolled his eyes, though he appreciated the humor in the situation as a whole. “You’re hilarious.” He shook his head and sipped from his water, immediately pushing Lily out of his thoughts. None of that mattered when he was with Nick. And it became even truer when Nick spoke next. Miles raised an eyebrow at him as he peered over the edge of his cup. “What?” was all he could say at first. He finally lowered his drink then. “You don’t... I mean, it’s... Nick, there’s people around,” he finally settled on, glancing at the crowded area around them. “It’s not a big deal to me, you know. I know I’m not your...” He trailed off. He didn’t need to say it. He shrugged instead. “It’s just not a big deal,” he repeated.
Nick: “You might have to be my only taste tester. I don’t think anyone else is brave enough.” So Nick definitely appreciated the offer. “Well it is now.” He paused, caught off guard by the comment. He smiled slightly, a little embarrassed. “...That doesn’t count.” Nick laughed at the luscious lips talk. “Good, everyone knows cotton candy is the best kind. That and the soda ones. I liked the root beer one, personally. It just didn’t make my lips very luscious because I kept licking it off.” Hence the name lip smackers, he guessed. The playful conversation slowly gave way to something more serious, and Nick was left feeling exposed. But he wasn’t denying what he just suggested. “I know there is. And I know... I know you’re not. But...” He shrugged slightly. “Then it shouldn’t be a big deal if I do it.” He said cautiously. He knew it was a big deal. It felt like a very big deal.
Miles: “I feel like that’s typical between the two of us. We have to do things for each other because no one else is willing to breach this territory.” It was definitely strange territory sometimes, so Miles couldn’t particularly blame other people. “It so does count. Only difference is I didn’t have to pay for it. But I got the full experience.” He laughed lightly, knowing it was probably the alcohol coursing through his veins making him speak so nonchalantly about it, especially in front of other people. “Okay. I’m done now, promise.” Maybe. Time would tell. “They do that on purpose, y’know. Make it so you keep licking your lips and make ‘em even drier so you have to keep buying more. Get with it, Nicholas.” He wanted to figure out where this had come from, why Nick was suddenly interest of the prospect of kissing him in front of other people. But all Miles could really do was blink, unable to try and put the pieces together. Why now? Here? “If…” He trailed off, looking over at the TV once again, which was now counting down the final minute of the year. “If you’re sure,” he finally said, holding his gaze again. “But don’t — don’t push yourself.” His voice was lower again, and he took a step toward Nick. It felt like too much space between them to be talking about something so…intimate. “I’m not gonna tell you no.”
Nick: “If you ask me they’re missing out.” Just because their ideas didn’t make sense or seem good to other people didn’t mean they were any less valid. Nick was glad Miles thought the same way he did — half the time it seemed like he was the only person who understood what he was saying. “Lucky you.” Nick frowned at the teasing. “If you tried to pay me for it we would no longer be speaking.” He wasn’t exactly mad, he was just used to it being a touchy subject. “Are you sure?” He deadpanned. “Shit —- you’re right. I can’t be mad at smart business strategies, though. Maybe I should have asked for lip smackers for Christmas. My lips have been way less luscious than when I used to use it.” Nick didn’t know exactly what had gotten into him. All he knew is that over the past few weeks, something had changed with him and Miles. It was subtle, but they were no longer trying to hide the fact that they wanted to kiss each other. So Nick, from time to time, had moments where he thought that he wanted to try to kiss him again. Apparently, right now was one of the moments. “I don’t want...everyone to see us.” That thought made him nervous. He continued to keep his voice quiet. “I’m not ready for that.” He held his gaze in return, trying to be honest. “But I want to be able to kiss you at midnight. Because I want to.” He could hear the countdown in the background, and it was getting closer and closer to midnight. Nick reached out to grasp onto Miles’ sleeve and took a step backwards, hoping he would take the hint and move with him closer to the wall and away from the crowds of people.
Miles: “I am lucky. But I didn’t need to pay you.” Miles wanted to remind him that he got his fair share, but he left that part out. “Okay, now I am,” he promised. “That would have been a good gift. Though I think what I did get you was better.” He was proud of the t-shirt. Meaningful gifts and all that shit. He nodded slowly as Nick spoke, even if admittedly he should have been more taken back by what he’d said. He knew he should have cared, but...it was Nick. He wanted to be with him. If this was what Nick needed, then so be it, even if that meant hiding in the shadows. Though Miles supposed this was a step in the right direction. He watched Nick pull his sleeve, blindly stepping forward to follow him. They were moving further away from the view of others, which was fair, and what Miles would have expected anyway. He felt like he was a part of something much larger, sneaking around and trying to keep it under wraps. It made his heart race. He looked over his shoulder, watching the seconds tick down. “I hope...” He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go with that at first. He paused and bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I hope next year is, um, easier.” They’d both had to deal with some shit this year, about a lot of things. Miles just wanted things to be simple. He looked down, his hand sliding up Nick’s arm slowly. Ten seconds. Miles met his eyes, his palms feeling sweaty like he was fourteen and about to have his first kiss. It still didn’t feel real sometimes, even seeing Nick in front of him, but he held his gaze and waited.
Nick: “Do you ever get tired of being so hilarious?” His words were clearly coated in sarcasm, but he knew that Miles was (mostly) being harmless. “Yeah... That was the best gift.” He said genuinely. He hadn’t expected it, but he loved it and was planning on wearing it whenever he could. As he and Miles walked further back, Nick’s heart was racing. Maybe this isn’t what most people thought of when they thought of kissing who they wanted at midnight. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal to Miles, because they’d be hidden. It wasn’t like it was in the middle of the room. But still... to him, it felt like it was. It felt like the step before taking that step, and it was exciting as it was nerve wracking. “Me too.” Nick murmured back when they stopped. For a moment, it felt like they were two awkward teenagers, just staring at each other and unsure of what to do. Miles’ hand traveling up his arm and the way he was already standing so close made him want this even more — and suddenly he was very sure of this decision. On the count of six, Nick tugged him even closer by his sleeve. On the count of three, he lifted his hands up to cup either side of Miles’ face. And on the count of one, he leaned in to gently press his lips against Miles’. His nose bumped his a little clumsily, and he almost smiled, but he was too preoccupied by how good it felt to be able to do this.
Miles: “It’s really hard being me.” He wanted to flip his hair, but he didn’t have the long hair to flip and it just wouldn’t work. At least Nick could do the flippy bangs thing. “I’m glad you liked it. Yours was way better, though. It’s been on repeat.” He’d been so psyched about it he could have actually cried. And maybe he did later on. He’d never tell. He hadn’t expected the night to come to this. Honestly, Miles didn’t think he’d be kissing anybody this year. But if it was going to be anyone, he was obviously glad it was Nick. He could feel the adrenaline coursing through him as they came closer while the countdown continued behind them. When it finally reached midnight, Nick pulled him in and kissed him. Miles could hear champagne popping open somewhere behind him, cheering, and he was positive that there was a lot of sloppy drunk kissing going on, but his eyes had slid shut at this point, his hands on Nick’s waist to hold him there. He hoped that this was going to set the tone for the new year. That this meant maybe things were going to be easier and Nick would feel more comfortable doing things like this. He was grinning when he pulled away, realizing there was nothing he wanted more from the night than for exactly that to occur. “It’s a shame it didn’t taste like lip smackers.”
Nick: “Poor you.” He really did love his gift, and he was glad to hear that Miles liked his too. “Good, I thought you might like it. I wouldn’t say it’s better. We both got equally good gifts, I think.” For as long as the countdown seemed to take, the kiss itself didn’t seem to last nearly as long. Or maybe the selfish part of his brain just wanted more of it. He’d kissed Miles before, but it was always in private. And more often than not, not even the two of them would really acknowledge it. This time it was different. It felt more real. Pulling back slightly, he opened his eyes to look at Miles. Unable to help it, he laughed at the comment. “Maybe next time we’ll remember to get some.”
Miles: “Alright. I can agree with that.” It spoke volumes how well they knew each other. They were able to get each other things that others wouldn’t even think of. Miles could have kept kissing him all night into the next morning if it were realistic, but they’d definitely get kicked out of the party eventually. He was content that they’d even kissed at all, to be fair. “Yeah. Next time,” he agreed. He obviously still remembered, but now it was difficult for him to understand why there was ever a time where the two of them tried to pretend they didn’t feel a certain way about each other. There were very few things holding them back now. Just a few more obstacles that Miles was sure they could eventually work through — hopefully — and then maybe everything would just work out fine. “Happy New Year, man.” He lingered for a moment, then shifted his attention behind him. No one seemed to even notice them, which Miles had suspected — but still. He understood. “I think we should go find some champagne.”
“Yeah.” He tried not to sound bitter. After all, they’d both just said a lot of things that they’d probably end up regretting. They’ve both been out of line this entire conversation. “Why are you suddenly so interested in the way I’m living my life?” He shot back, his defenses flaring back up once again. “Why would it matter even if it was my way? It’s my way. Not yours, Miles.” He wasn’t going to outright answer, because he told himself it wasn’t his business. It wasn’t anybody’s business. “Yeah — and what about Greg? Are you going to report him?”
Miles could have approached the topic differently, and perhaps should have, but it wasn’t like Nick was ever going to want to talk to him about it anyway. So he might as well bring it up as it popped into his head. “Since I learned that you’re doing drugs,” he replied calmly. Not that he hadn’t always been interested in whatever Nick was doing, but this was certainly more of an incentive to care. “Because you’re a part of my life and it’s not just about you. That’s...some fucked up shit, man. Do you even know what you’re doing?” It was a valid question, though it didn’t quite seem it at the moment. “I guess so. Just...really not looking forward to it.”
Miles’ words hit him hard, because it’s not like he was wrong. He was painfully right, and Nick hated that fact. “I know.” He replied just as quietly, his shoulders slacking as some of the anger dissipated. It wasn’t really Miles he was mad at. Was he hurt by him saying it? Yeah. But he wasn’t wrong, and that was the worst part. “But you think I don’t know that? I’m well aware of what I’m not able to do. I don’t need you pointing it out to me.” His words weren’t angry anymore, but suddenly he felt tired. “I know you want to help me. But I can deal with it my own way. Let me deal with it.” His words were almost a plead. “I know that you care. And I appreciate it. But I don’t think it’ll help me like it could help you. That’s what I want you to understand.” He continued on softly. “I promise… that I’ll think about it again. But that’s all I can commit to right now.”
“I know that. I just wanted to prove a point.” He knew it wasn’t the right way to do that after the fact. “I was out of line.” Miles wanted to shut up then, to do what Nick asked of him and let him deal with it. But not only did he still want to be there for him, Miles also remembered that first time Nick had admitted to not being able to go into his room, when Miles went for him and found the drugs in his pocket. It was like a switch, the memory suddenly coming to him and causing Miles to look at Nick again. “Does your way involve those pills?” He wasn’t Nick’s parent and he had no control over what he was going to do, but he was going to make it clear that he didn’t like that shit nonetheless. “That’s all I asked you to do in the first place. Thanks.”
Miles going further into detail about what had happened made him feel nauseous; it made him angry for him. He tried to hide his wince, but he couldn’t hide that the words got to him. “I know it’s hard, Miles. I know the last thing you want to do is to relive it. I’m sorry —” He broke off briefly, knowing it wasn’t his fault and knowing he shouldn’t apologize, but he wasn’t what else he could say to comfort him. “I know I pushed it, but I care, okay? i care about what happens to you and I care that Greg’s out there just living his life like normal. It drives me crazy.” He admitted, the moment of vulnerability slipping out just briefly. He was still overwhelm with frustration and annoyance and hatred for the people who were causing them to have this conversation in the first place. Nick’s blood ran cold at Miles’ last words, and his head snapped up so he could look at him. At first he was in shock, but it soon gave way to anger. “Fuck you.” He said quietly. “Fuck you, Miles. I knew I shouldn’t have asked you over that night. I shouldn’t have even told you anything.”
Miles shouldn’t have said it, and he knew it immediately afterward. Maybe it was true, but that didn’t mean it was necessary for him to point it out like that. It wasn’t Nick’s fault. Nick’s words stung, and maybe he deserved them. Miles swallowed, the deafening silence surrounding them for a few moments before he finally spoke again. “I just want you to be okay,” he said, his voice much lower but still on edge. “And...I’m sorry, but you’re not okay when it’s still holding you back that badly. It’s true, okay? He...” Miles trailed off, shaking his head. Truthfully, he wasn’t even positive what exactly Jude had done to him. Not that it mattered, and he didn’t want to know more than he already did. “Now you can’t set foot in your own room without remembering. And you can be pissed at me, too, but fuck if I’m not going to do everything I can to try to get you to find some peace for yourself too.” He looked away. His stomach churned as he pictured Jude in his mind, and he could only imagine how Nick felt. “Jude’s still out there living that same life. It pisses me off just as much. That’s what you need to understand.”
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